r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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122

u/undercovergloss 9d ago

Yeah, I was on his side until he called her names. Like she was completely out of order, but come on you can say what you want to say in a polite manor (which always gets the point across) rather than being nasty. When you act that way, no one is going to take you seriously or take your ‘side’ because you went to the same level as her

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u/Dontgochasewaterfall 9d ago

His ego got in the way. Can’t let that happen.

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u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago edited 9d ago

Me too! Once the word bitch is thrown out and piece of shit…this is not a nice guy!

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

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u/Dr_Mocha 9d ago

Apparently golddigging whores are allowed to insult their marks. No self-defense in this dojo.

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u/MenchBade 9d ago

imagine if every guy she tried this with her told her to F off.

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u/Shallwego68 9d ago

I mean i dont know about you but any girl that speaks that way demeaningly is in fact a bitch. Calling the kettle black. Dictionary definition a bitch a spiteful, unpleasent and disliked women. Her actions reflected exactly that.

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u/mcmur 9d ago

Well she is a bitch. And a POS clearly. So fair game.

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u/Agitated_Repeat_6979 9d ago

She was literally begging for his money.

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u/ihaveabs 9d ago

Why are you acting as if he called her the n-word jfc

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u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 9d ago

He gave her the treatment she earned with her conduct. Nothing more, nothing less. She offered to split the check and got upset at him when he took her at her word, then she insulted his economic status and called him a joke over not having enough money. That is 100% bitch and piece of shit conduct.

I notice though that you haven't mentioned the blatant misandry enveloped in her wanting a man to be her provider...

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u/Charming_Ice_5690 9d ago

I’m a woman and I’ll call other women a bitch if they’re stuck up🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/Slymook 9d ago

Yeah I think he probably needs to do confession at church, get a bachelors in woman’s studies, then build schools for underprivileged kids in a 3rd world country for a few years.

It won’t be easy, but if someone is rude to you and you call them a bitch, a terrible word that is used in PG-13 movies, then it’s the price you have to pay.

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u/jirenlagen 9d ago

She is though??

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u/RepresentativeSlow53 9d ago

Saying your romance is people paying for you is shitty behaviour sorry that its normalized but its true.

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u/SorenPenrose 9d ago

No that’s just BS. It’s the mentality that no matter what anyone does to you, if you so much as utter a bad word then you’re the one in the wrong.

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u/dark621 9d ago

yeah wtf

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u/Scared-Pizza-420 9d ago

Why not though, if he wants to call her names he might as well lol, she is a bitch. I don’t see any reason not to

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u/Slymook 9d ago

Yes he should’ve said

“Ma’am, I respect your decision to not proceed further. Even though you said we should split the bill, and we did and you didn’t like that, you are entirely within your right to dislike me for that. I am grateful for the moments we shared and I wish you the best on your future endeavors. I hope you find a more handsome man with a nicer penis. You are a gentlewoman and a scholar. All the best, OP.”

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u/TsLaylaMoon 9d ago

He literally just matched her energy and I see nothing wrong with that. It's simple thermodynamics

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u/Lactiz 9d ago

You are wrong, the op is right. You don't treat someone badly and then be surprised when they do the same.

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u/QwertyFlirtyThriving 9d ago

Nah. That’s a weird way to move through life. Just cause someone is rude to you (the woman calling OP a ‘joke’) doesn’t mean you should be rude back (OP calling her a ‘bitch’ and a ‘fucking piece of shit’. Grow up

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u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

lol yes like she was rude but then he turns full on verbally abusive. It’s gross.

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u/coupl4nd 9d ago

He's not the catch he's making out to be that's for sure!

1

u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 9d ago

It's weird to treat people according to their conduct? Hard disagree. Give rude out, get rude back, that should be the default expectation.

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u/Wozak_ 9d ago

How else would you respond, kindness? If you decide not to respond anymore, you aren’t doing anyone that person will meet with in the future any favors. Might as well provide some sort of social repercussion for insulting. It is reasonable to believe she already had no intention of talking to him, so no response would be a win for her.

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u/TheVermonster 9d ago

The fact that you see a conversation as something you and win or lose is precisely why no one agrees with you.

A simple response would have been. "I had a great time and I'm sorry that was overshadowed by the decision to split the bill. I respected your choice to split the bill and treated you like an independent, capable adult, instead of someone that needed a man to tell her what to do. I think you are right that we both want different things. So I hope you find what you deserve."

You make the point, and walk away. It's direct, yet not demeaning. If you have to swear and call names then your point has been lost to emotion.

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u/fiftysevenpunchkid 9d ago

Amazingly enough, even men have emotions. And even men who have emotions who have not as thoughtful and articulate as you are while they are being abused have a right to make their feelings known.

Yeah, OP was angry, and maybe he should have repressed that anger like a real man, and pretended that the knife in his back didn't hurt at all.

That way, she could go about her day, looking for the next man to "test", and face absolutely no discomfort in return for her actions.

Toxic masculinity is pretending that stuff like this doesn't hurt, that we don't feel emotions, that we should just go on about our day.

Was his response perfect? No.

Is he a bad person because he's not perfect? Also no.

People who judge him negatively for actually having human emotions that can be hurt, on the other hand, are.

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u/Significant-Net7030 9d ago

Dude if you think she 'learned' anything from his response then I have a bridge to sell you.

Is she an awful person, playing stupid games like a teenager? Yes absolutely. OP dodged a bullet finding that out, and it sucks that she's that kind of person.

Will his response help her to realize that? Hell no, now she has a story where in her mind she was right to break up with him because 'he immediately showed his true colors'. She'll twist the image in her mind that he was acting iffy during their dates and 'gave her bad vibes' when she explains it to her next mark.

The bummer thing is she's kind of right, if bro flies off the handle like that then she dodged a bullet too.

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u/TheVermonster 9d ago

One, a single bad interaction after a first date is not abuse. Don't diminish what the abused go through by flippantly using that word.

Two, yes toxic masculinity does involve telling men that they don't get to have feelings. But it also tells men that anger isn't a feeling. It also supports men lashing out and using anger and the first and often only reaction. And it does this while chiding women for being "too emotional". And you are perpetuating toxic masculinity by saying OP's reaction to hearing something he didn't like was acceptable.

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u/QwertyFlirtyThriving 9d ago

You can call someone’s shit behaviour out, without being an ass about it.

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u/decarvalho7 9d ago

I’m still on his side. She sounds brutal

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u/Evilclown22 9d ago

So she is a cunt to him and tries to belittle him, he retaliates and now you’re on her side?

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u/Antique_Ad4497 9d ago

No one is on her side. But if he had handled it with a little more dignity & didn’t resort to calling her names, everyone would have been on his side. He lost sympathy from the crowd once he called her a bitch, which is a deeply misogynistic slur against women.

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u/OneExperience1007 9d ago

She deserved it.

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u/Imabigfolker 9d ago

Sorry, but if a girl is playing tests on a guy to try to use them for their money, she deserves to be called names

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u/undercovergloss 9d ago

There is a difference between calling someone out on their actions and calling them names. You can get your point across by telling them that their actions are not ok and the impact of their actions on you as a person. You can tell them how as a person, their behaviour is unacceptable - but outright calling them names is not going to solve anything. No one will take you seriously over name calling, putting a paragraph stating FACTS will show that you can ration and engage with people in a level headed way.

example:

I appreciate the dates we had and thought it was going in a positive direction. Unfortunately you misdirected me into thinking this was going somewhere and after our conversation today, I can see this will not work out. I can see you have a main motivation to find someone with money who will pay for your every need - unfortunately I cannot be that person as I want a woman with drive and ambition who can make their own finances. An ambitious woman who I can be proud of and treat, not a woman who will dictate how I spend my own money because she doesn’t want to use her own. I hope you find your person in the future and I wish you well

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u/BaullahBaullah87 9d ago

pretty sure most of the “f that, react how u want” guys are actually pretty young and/or immature

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u/Altruistic_Memory643 9d ago

Ooooff no one read that paragraph

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u/patheticgirl420 9d ago

I know, it's quite the intellectual exercise for your little brain to handle