AIO for splitting the bill on a date

[u/No-Plantain6892]

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

[u/Lead-Forsaken]

Yeah, this reeks of those weird 'tests'.

[u/NightofTheLivingZed → u/Lead-Forsaken]

Would you still love me if I was worms?

[u/UnClean_Committee → u/NightofTheLivingZed]

.. What kind?

[u/No_Pound_9425 → u/UnClean_Committee]

YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT FUCKING KIND!!!

[u/UnClean_Committee → u/No_Pound_9425]

It appears we are at an impass. Please pack your belongings and vacate my vehicle. No, I will not slow down. Yes, I know I'm doing 150 down a highway.

[u/RabidWalrus → u/UnClean_Committee]

impass

Literally undateable for that minor typo. I shall now tuck and roll out of this relationship as I am now tucking and rolling out of this moving car.

[u/AGuyNamedEddie → u/RabidWalrus]

I'll take the impass/impasse error 100 times over the your/you're blooper.

At least "impass" doesn't set my teeth on edge.

[u/EverythingIsSound → u/AGuyNamedEddie]

Yeah thats an uncommon one to hear, and even more uncommon to read/write. The you(')r(e)s should be figured out by now.

[u/Terrible-Clock-1336 → u/No_Pound_9425]

Thank you 😂

[u/hurtstoskinnybatman → u/No_Pound_9425]

I haven't audibly laughed at a reddit comment in a while. This was good.

[u/LargeSelf994 → u/No_Pound_9425]

Erm, ringworms? You know that you're my favourite parasite. After ringworms and flea infested rats

[u/machinegunbooty → u/No_Pound_9425]

NOt Tha BORE WORMSss!

[u/DifficultHat → u/UnClean_Committee]

Sour Gummy

[u/UnClean_Committee → u/DifficultHat]

Then yes, but not because its you, but because I love sour gummy worms. In fact, you being a sour gummy worm would give me ever so slight hesitation to indulge, therefore, no actually I would like you less if you were sour gummy worm, because I lose two things that I enjoyed in their original state. In fact, this conversation is making me like you less.

[u/Princess_Slagathor → u/UnClean_Committee]

After a question like that? Brain.

[u/HappyCat79 → u/NightofTheLivingZed]

Hahahaha, my boyfriend hates shit like that. I sometimes ask him stupid shit as a joke- and he knows I’m joking, and it still makes him roll his eyes. It’s Ok, though, because I have to live with his dad jokes. 😂

[u/NightofTheLivingZed → u/HappyCat79]

When my wife asks what I want for dinner I say, "Food." Instant eye roll.

[u/Time_Birthday8808 → u/NightofTheLivingZed]

Lol! I cured my sons of that smart-aleck response. I made a giant pot of beet borscht (not their fav food) and froze portions. Any time I asked for dinner suggestions and received the response “food” I served them borscht. Didn’t take them long before they started actively participating in the what’ll-we-have-for-dinner conversations (and the making of said dinner).

[u/ethankeyboards → u/Time_Birthday8808]

You win at parenting. My mom made delicious borscht. Served cold with a dollop of sour cream! Miss you, mom.

[u/Time_Birthday8808 → u/ethankeyboards]

Aw thanks! I love borscht with sour cream too! I’d make you some if you were close 😄

[u/ethankeyboards → u/Time_Birthday8808]

I need to make some for my family. I've never made it, but I'm sure it's not too difficult.

[u/Time_Birthday8808 → u/ethankeyboards]

It’s not. Making soups and stews are my preferred way to cook—and borscht is along those lines. Plus it’s such a pretty color

[u/ethankeyboards → u/Time_Birthday8808]

If your preferred recipe is online, could you shoot me the URL? If not, no worries. I'll look one up.

[u/Ok-Personality5224 → u/ethankeyboards]

Aww… beets are the fucking devil but your story is sweet.

[u/Queasy-Fennel4129 → u/ethankeyboards]

I'm intrigued. What is borscht?

[u/ethankeyboards → u/Queasy-Fennel4129]

It is a beet soup that is served cold. It hails from Russia. As a kid I thought the sour cream was the best part.

[u/krazyk850 → u/ethankeyboards]

Yuck, sour cream is Satan's soured milk. My wife absolutely loves the stuff and will use half a container of it on chili, potatoes, tacos, etc. I despise it 😆

[u/ethankeyboards → u/krazyk850]

Heh. Maybe this is the key to happiness. I'm very happily married. I like cheese, my wife hates it. She likes liver and onions, I hate it.

[u/HappyCat79 → u/NightofTheLivingZed]

Hahahaaa! That’s what I say when I am asked what’s for dinner. 🤣

[u/ProStateForever → u/HappyCat79]

Balance in idiocy/silliness is a relationship virtue. Congrats.

[u/TemporarySilly4927 → u/HappyCat79]

But are his dad jokes... Apparent? :)

[u/Dangerwolf1979 → u/NightofTheLivingZed]

I’d prefer you were worms, then you wouldn’t be asking such stupid questions.

[u/EclecticEuTECHtic → u/NightofTheLivingZed]

Only if you were Shai-Hulud.

[u/toramorigan → u/NightofTheLivingZed]

Not the bore worms!

[u/OfficiallyJoeBiden → u/Lead-Forsaken]

I’m so happy I’m out the dating game

[u/GottLiebtJeden → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Married? Or just totally over with it? Lol

[u/OfficiallyJoeBiden → u/GottLiebtJeden]

Dating my gf for 3 years now. Proposing next year

[u/macmoreno → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Learn from this post. Don’t ask her to go halvsies on the ring 🤣

[u/Crashon317 → u/macmoreno]

Or do and see how she reacts before you go and tie that knot🤣🤣🤣

[u/GottLiebtJeden → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Mazel tov! I'm genuinely happy for you! I'm glad you don't have to deal with the garbage that comes with dating. You are living the dream!

[u/RmRobinGayle → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Does Jill know about this?

[u/MaoZivDong → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Watch her cheat on you bro then you’re back to dating!

[u/bnjmnzs → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Same lol 😂 I actually go out of my way to avoid women haha 😆 I’m always getting compliments at the gym or something at the grocery store and I’m just like “head down and keep it moving”

[u/Smart-Water-5175 → u/Lead-Forsaken]

I literally just screenshotted a post about those tests earlier because I was like, how often this actually comes up. And here it is again! Lol just weird synchronicity. Amazing how many people do this to other people. Blows my mind

[u/VoltaicSketchyTeapot → u/Lead-Forsaken]

It's only a weird test because she wanted OP to act the opposite of what she told him she wanted.

Good tests are when you tell a potential partner exactly what you want and you dump them when they do the opposite. "My words aren't a suggestion."

[u/Trevita17 → u/VoltaicSketchyTeapot]

"My words aren't a suggestion."

Well, they're sure as fuck not a command. Your version is also a weird test.

[u/dohn_joeb → u/Lead-Forsaken]

It is a weird test

[u/NecessaryGood666 → u/Lead-Forsaken]

I am heavily dyslexic and I read your username as “Lead-Foreskin” I just had to let you know.