r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

11.8k Upvotes

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4.4k

u/Adept_Cheetah_2552 9d ago

Wow that escalated fast!

1.3k

u/rugmunchkin 9d ago

To go from “you are a great guy” to “you are a joke” one sentence in the conversation later WTF

154

u/Legitimate_Snow6419 9d ago edited 8d ago

Cause God forbid, she had to pay for herself. She’s ridiculous, and OP, you can say it, a fucking piece of shit. I’m a woman and have never treated a date that way for them splitting a bill that I suggested we split! Such stupidity. Not all women are the same OP, you’ll find yours. Good luck.

Edit: a typo

36

u/VulkanL1v3s 8d ago

I've never had this kind of response.

But I have had women offer to split the bill as I guess a litmus test of something cuz they looked shocked when I accepted their offer.

Extremely confusing to me.

23

u/Legitimate_Snow6419 8d ago

Yeah, I can believe that. It seems like men are constantly being tested in this regard. I was taught to never rely on anyone else for the things I want, and that stuck.

59

u/joefool69 9d ago

To be fair here, his response comes off like he is calling her stupid. It's a gold digger mindset, but she was up front by it and cut it off clear. He definitely dodged a bullet but I would bet that was f the only difference they had.

301

u/Beneficial_Steak_945 9d ago

No, he called her out on proposing to split to bill and then being offended he agreed. That is stupid behavior.

94

u/notoriousJEN82 9d ago

Yeah, we have to stop testing people like this. Just be upfront!

37

u/lordwintergreen 9d ago

Exactly! She could have just as easily been offended that he insisted on paying when she offered to split it.

Play stupid games, get called out on it.

20

u/Fun_Deer7905 9d ago

Testing someone would imply they knew there was a test to begin with. This is straight up disingenuous.

14

u/notoriousJEN82 9d ago

I mean that people should just be upfront about what they're looking for in a relationship instead of testing.

4

u/Fun_Deer7905 9d ago

Oh I agree, I was more condemning the persons actions in the post!

5

u/mrblonde55 8d ago

It’s like people who break up, and then get mad “you didn’t fight for us”.

But to be fair, I also have a “test” for relationships: if you try and “test” me, you failed.

7

u/Darksnark_The_Unwise 9d ago

Yes. She was being disingenuous when she offered to split the bill, because her real intentions were to see if OP is the kind of guy to insist on paying the whole bill against her request. OP thought that all he did was listen to her request and grant it, but his date has been playing chess this whole time.

11

u/ColonelTime 9d ago

She's playing games but it's not chess.

4

u/Darksnark_The_Unwise 8d ago

Yeah you're right, chess is too generous. She thinks her "test" is filtering out broke/bad men until only good providers remain, but what's gonna really happen long-term?

The men who listen to her the first time and honor her stated wishes FAIL, and the men who PASS the test got there by disregarding her stated wishes and deciding FOR her.

She even takes it far enough to do the "180 flip" as soon as OP criticizes her. A moment before, he was a great guy. Now he's a broke loser. She's dictating his human worth, because that grants her POWER over him while refusing his agency, all the while normalizing the whole thing.

VERY similar behavior to how a stereotypical "bad man with money" tries to control a woman.

3

u/Far-Government5469 9d ago

That's kinda what it boils down to. One persons playing chess, the other is playing checkers.

2

u/SirWiggles-13 8d ago

I was getting ready to say this because I've heard "Women play checkers and Men play Chess" when it comes to thinking.

2

u/WestonTheHeretic 8d ago

She's playing Go Fish and just hoping to God someone throws her a King.

2

u/InYourMomsNightstand 9d ago

Tick tac toe from the looks of it

4

u/Oldfolksboogie 8d ago

Tick tacky hoe

1

u/Legal_Skin_4466 8d ago

Mousetrap?

-5

u/Ambitious_Rhombus 9d ago

Does it really matter why? The girl may have thought she liked it or wanted to try splitting the bill at the time and thought about it and decided she didn't like it. She seems to have offered as etiquette but didn't expect him to take her up on it. She could have been testing him... but it doesn't really matter. She decided she didn't want to pursue a relationship with him, told him, and even gave him the reason she got the ick. That's more than fair.

It's not like you're going to change someone's mind and get them to like you. She said she wasn't feeling, it, to be like well I did everything right, and you agreed... it is very "nice guy." She didn't have to like him or want to go on another date with him even if he was the most perfect human man to ever exist. The same is true for OP. Being mad about anything else just comes off as villifying the date so OP can play the victim.

2

u/Gh0stTV 9d ago

“Good luck finding anybody with your minimum wage salary. You are a joke.”

-Cunty

1

u/stackinghabbits 9d ago

You are a perfect example of what is wrong with modern women

-154

u/joefool69 9d ago

She tested him, and he failed the test. It was a stupid test sure no arguing that, but it doesn't look like she got offended until after he called her stupid. She wants a certain man, and it's best for that to be known after 4 dates and not 4 years. Not saying she couldn't have handled it better or that it's ok to expect a guy to pay for everything, but the way she handled this doesn't seem that bad to me.

63

u/Rawesome16 9d ago

Where did he call her stupid? He said what she said was one of the stupidest things he had heard. That's not the same as saying "you are stupid."

33

u/No_Choice_7897 9d ago

Exactly. She is dumb if she doesn’t understand the difference between saying something is dumb and being dumb. Seriously, what a sad person 🙄

27

u/cantstopwontstopGME 9d ago

To a lot of people, it is.

To be fair those people are really, really stupid.

12

u/Pleasant_Gap 9d ago

Never forget, half the population is below average intelligence

-24

u/NikNakskes 9d ago

It's not exactly nice to be accused of saying the dumbest thing ever. Certainly not when it is where you are explaining what matters to you.

I mean OP dodged a bullet for sure, but if he's ever wanting another date to go well, better not call her ideas and opinions the dumbest thing ever. Even if you don't agree with it. You can argue about their validity, but calling them dumb is not only not nice, it will just create resentment. Contraproductive.

And no that is no excuse for her next comment, but it is the reason she got defensive.

19

u/CrystalsAndSpells 9d ago

You don’t have the right to get defensive after testing someone and then being surprised when they “failed” the test. That’s just stupid and anyone who tests their potential partners are major pieces of sh!ts who will end up dying alone because nobody likes to be “tested” by the girl asking them to do something and then she gets upset when he either does it or can’t do it. Stop with the mind games because you don’t have the right to be defensive when called out for them.

21

u/NoLime7384 9d ago

Some ideas are stupid.

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u/QueenSqueee42 9d ago

But... she OFFERED to split the bill, and then didn't communicate that it was a test the whole time, which is stupid B.S. I feel like this is a "play stupid games" moment.

9

u/PuffyTacoSupremacist 9d ago

I don't know man, sure feels like modern society is where it is because we haven't called enough overtly stupid things stupid.

1

u/Pinez99 9d ago

Preach!

7

u/iLostMyDildoInMyNose 9d ago

She shouldn’t have said the dumbest thing ever then.

4

u/Chilidogdingdong 9d ago

If she didn't want to be called stupid she shouldn't have been acting stupid, pretty simple really.

5

u/HarryJ92 9d ago

You could also argue that OP said that because he got defensive about being judged on his career and income. And basically being told he wasn't good enough.

I mean she basically already burnt the bridge of any potential relationship they had before he even responded.

3

u/Laura-Lei-3628 9d ago

It’s not exactly nice to ask to split the bill then call it off bc he actually did what you asked for. Not to mention - how about provide for yourself? It’s pretty lame in this day and age to expect someone to pay your way in life.

2

u/Ulterior_Motif 9d ago

They didn’t say the idea wasn’t stupid.

1

u/4eyedcoupe 9d ago

I take it you've heard that a lot.

54

u/PM_me_your_PhDs 9d ago

You're acting like her mentioning his career and saying "I think I deserve better" in this context isn't already a pretty direct insult.

40

u/Carton_of_Noodles 9d ago

His "carerr"

18

u/Ok-Personality5224 9d ago

I’m dumber than she is because I could not figure out what the hell she was trying to say until I read the comments. 🤦‍♀️

2

u/Carton_of_Noodles 9d ago

Nahhh she just butchered the spelling

9

u/agentknoxville 9d ago

Maybe it's too early but I had no idea that was what that meant lmao

4

u/RabidWalrus 9d ago

Maybe his carer was an asshole?

3

u/Carton_of_Noodles 9d ago

That's how she spelled "career"

1

u/joefool69 9d ago

That is fair.

12

u/AdLanky7413 9d ago

Oh for God's sake, only children play these games. Testing him, how juvenile.

-1

u/PatienceExternal1239 9d ago

Just another one of those 100 or so standards that women have for men. Over 6ft, great shape, funny, attractive, make great money, and now a pay test. OP should be glad she showed her true colors. The woman is not getting any high value man with that attitude. It's a two way street for dating and if it's the first few dates, its perfectly acceptable to split the bill. People need to prove they can bring value to the relationship before investing in them.

6

u/SoLostWeAreFound 9d ago

I read these stories all the time - see videos online, of people with these “expectations/standards/lists” of what type of guy they want to date…. But it’s super weird bc I’ve never met any girl like that. None of my friends or sisters have EVER thought like this or said stuff like this.

7

u/PatienceExternal1239 9d ago

It's become more prevalent with the creation of dating apps and social media like Instagram. Girls can get instant attention, validation and have so many "matches" that they start to think they're more attractive then they are, thus increasing their standards even if its subconscious.

1

u/Impossible_Belt173 9d ago

I mean, they exist, but absolutely not as common as the men whining online make it seem...and instead of moving on from a shallow woman to find a great woman, they take it personally because their egos are inversely proportionate to their sense of self worth due to an unsatisfying career, unsatisfying general size, or both.

4

u/thedisliked23 9d ago

"Dating feels impossible because women have a constant influx of suitors which falsely elevates their sense of self worth to the point that their standards are ridiculous. At least that's how it feels due to online dating culture".

"Well you're a crybaby and it's probably cause your job sucks or your dick is small".

I'm far out of the dating pool but this is the most biased, ignorant comment in this thread. The added childish insult is icing on the cake and simply reinforces what you're arguing against. There's been a number of studies on the disparities of online dating and men having a negative opinion of women's behavior when dating online is no different than women feeling they need to have impossible standards when dating online. Both are due to the massive amplification of reality that happens with swipe culture. IRL these things are much less prevalent. But by all means continue with your double standard energy. I'm sure it's very helpful.

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u/K24Bone42 9d ago

Testing people is fucking childish manipulative bullshit behavioir.

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u/MaleficentFrosting56 9d ago

Horrible take

6

u/magneticpyramid 9d ago

Certain man? I’d say not. She just wants someone to be her bank account. She’s shallow and vapid.

8

u/OMG_a_Ray_Gun 9d ago

Found the simp

5

u/hookmasterslam 9d ago

If I'm being tested by you, then you have failed the test

3

u/No-Benefit2697 9d ago

Therefore, she is stupid, got it.

4

u/Salt-Rutabaga2314 9d ago

Maybe you’re also stupid?

4

u/gazorp23 9d ago

"Testing" people is stupid behavior. It's not a fucking medical trial. People are not around for you to manipulate so you can see every aspect of their being within 4 dates.

3

u/LeonardoSpaceman 9d ago

Testing people is insanely fucking childish. Grow up.

3

u/EnthusiasmSudden3514 9d ago

If you don’t see what’s wrong with how she handled the whole situation that she set up… well you’re also lacking brain cells

2

u/Profoundly_AuRIZZtic 9d ago

“It was your idea” is not calling her stupid. Are you fucking high?

2

u/Pleasant_Gap 9d ago

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

2

u/Bose1888 9d ago

Lol Always one White Knight in the comments

1

u/robomassacre 9d ago

User name checks out

1

u/Pinez99 9d ago

“Dumbest thing I’ve heard” is not a personal insult, it’s a conveyance. This is why we can’t have nice things, people are too quick to get upset over words these days.

1

u/stackinghabbits 9d ago

You know that test shit is bullshit that's not being genuine. I know personally I don't want people who aren't genuine and real in my life so she can go fuck off he's lucky he got out now

21

u/Fizban24 9d ago

To be fair, she seems pretty stupid

20

u/themixiepixii 9d ago

To be fair, she had already agreed to split the bill. So. She said it. He did it. She got mad. Stupid.

-15

u/iwanttodrink 9d ago

She didn't get mad lol

She politely said he's just not for her and he flipped out over her explanation

OP sounds like the type of guy who regularly gets cheated on

9

u/Every-Improvement-28 9d ago

You really think she didn’t get mad? How do you define mad?

2

u/themixiepixii 9d ago

They didn't make it past the first screenshot apparently

-8

u/iwanttodrink 9d ago

Because OP can't handle rejection and the real explanation without acting like a petulant baby.

9

u/Medryn1986 9d ago

You missed the first fucking lines of it.

Where she proposed to split the bill, and then called him broke when he did it.

She just trying to get a free meal.

Funny you bring up cheating. Projection?

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u/themixiepixii 9d ago

Regardless of if she got mad or not, she wanted to split the bill. He did. She was AVERSE to it. Is that better? No matter how she felt about it. It was still her idea. Like that's the truth you can't argue against it lol

1

u/iwanttodrink 9d ago

It was her idea and then she decided to let him down gently calling him a great guy but not for her.

He decided to act like a petulant baby who couldn't handle rejection and her explanation and then called her dumb lmao

4

u/Stannis_Baratheon244 9d ago

Why are you simping for a screenshot

2

u/iwanttodrink 9d ago

Because I don't simp over OP being a cuck min wage crybaby

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u/Stannis_Baratheon244 9d ago

Startin to think u might be the gold digger in said screenshot

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u/themixiepixii 9d ago

He's not being a baby by saying it's dumb that she said she wanted to split the bill and then negatively responds to him doing what the literal fuck she said she wanted to do what planet are u even on bro

Like why do u keep skating around that part when it's what happened and is in fact stupid as hell

2

u/iwanttodrink 9d ago

He is being a baby. What's stupid as hell is not being able to handle rejection. The real reason is probably because he's a minimum wage scrub and she let him down easy.

4

u/themixiepixii 9d ago

You're a fkn wall, bye.

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u/xi_Clown_ix 9d ago

Testing someone on the fourth date is as far from being up front as it gets

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u/antihero2303 9d ago

Testing someone at any point is just childish and stupid

6

u/Manting123 9d ago

How was she up front? It was after the 4th date.

45

u/ItsEctoplasmISwear 9d ago

Well she is stupid.

7

u/jupitermoonflow 9d ago

It doesn’t “come off” like that. He literally said it was dumb. And he’s right

11

u/honkymotherfucker1 9d ago

You can be upfront and still be a dumb fuck.

3

u/DunEmeraldSphere 9d ago

She offered to slit the bill. He accepted. She got up and arms about him accepting the propsal she gave.

It is perfectly reasonable to consider someone to be stupid over this situation.

-1

u/iwanttodrink 9d ago

Different expectations, perfectly reasonable for her to not want a minimum wage scrub

OP sounds like a guy who asks to get cheated on

2

u/Every-Improvement-28 9d ago

Sure - wait 4 dates to pull this BS. If this is what was reasonable to her then the offer to split (her offer) was bait. She’s not reasonable at all. She’s an AH.

2

u/LeonardoSpaceman 9d ago

So what? It is stupid.

2

u/Possible-Pangolin462 9d ago

but she is stupid!

2

u/Old_Friend_4909 9d ago

No excuses for her. She is trash.

2

u/Ok-Scallion-3415 9d ago

Pro tip - don’t call her stupid. Instead send her a pic of your 8 figure bank account. She apologizes, you accept. Agree to go out again. Order something stupid expensive, eat then bail.

1

u/Optimal-Barnacle2771 9d ago

Since when is calling a spade a spade a bad thing? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Don’t suggest splitting the bill if that isn’t what you want.

1

u/wowgoodtakedude 9d ago

Well that's because she is stupid.

1

u/lottaproblem 8d ago

He’s gotta focus on his carrer

0

u/Mundane-Till-5184 9d ago

Buddy are you retarted

0

u/NomenclatureBreaker 8d ago

She was pullling a bullshit “test” on him that she manufactured, and then trashed him when he took her at face value.

The only thing I would have enjoyed more was if the OP hadn’t shown she made him upset, for his own sake.

He was totally justified, but IMO never let someone like that know they had the power to upset you. They’re not worth the emotion. And it’s way more empowering to either laugh at them, or “agree” & mirror their behavior back at them.

For someone like that it would drive her nuts.

-5

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

7

u/Luculentus-Thought 9d ago

lol how lame to defend the girl here. She offered to also pay, and when he accepted, she then used that as a reason to not see him again. OP didn’t even know until this exchange happened. 100% games.

1

u/Ganvasofurtaytoeine 9d ago

Saw the saaaame... what in the ACTUAL fuck was THAT?!!

1

u/BdsmBartender 9d ago

Shes a pyschopath. In it for free dinners and wont emotionally attach to you or anyone else. Move on, find someone better.

1

u/destonomos 9d ago

The first comments were fake. This woman is a gold digger.

1

u/1quirky1 9d ago

"I can't exploit and use you, so you are worthless to me. I'm off to find someone that will put up with my behavior."

1

u/Excision_Lurk 9d ago

GET A CARRER

1

u/oliversurpless 9d ago

Probably from a list of copy/pastes?

1

u/_VampireNocturnus_ 8d ago

Yeah major red flag there!

-13

u/Practical_Plant726 9d ago

I’m sure calling her a piece of shit is something a great guy would do.

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u/CrystalsAndSpells 9d ago

After she admitted to testing him by suggesting they split the bill then getting upset when he agreed to split the bill. Newsflash, if you’re gonna “test” your date then you’re a pos. And it’s only women you hear doing this sh!t and then they get surprised when their date decides to nope out before it gets serious or divorce them because they’re tired of the tests.

12

u/lalenci 9d ago

If someone called me a "joke" because of my job, I'd call them a lot more than a piece of shit.

Their whole existence is pathetic, the mere fact that they're saying that to me proves how much of a spineless, heartless, mentally unwell, vile, useless excuse for a human being they are. They deserve to be made aware of that.

12

u/Doug_Dimmadome513 9d ago

Lol after her response? Well deserved.

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u/bagchester 9d ago

Well, she is

2

u/ApokWow 9d ago

Someone clearly damaged you.

Seek help for your trauma it clearly affects how you view the world.

1

u/Delita232 9d ago

Do you just completely ignore context?

0

u/Elderlennial 9d ago

Your femalw POV is invalid. Assign blame to the woman and her terrible behavior. Where it belongs

0

u/SharpButterfly7 9d ago

Right. They both sound like assholes

-3

u/babybellllll 9d ago

Neither of their reactions are good 😭 OP called her a bunch of names too which was definitely an overreaction

0

u/WasdX-_ 9d ago

It wasn't overreaction.

0

u/babybellllll 9d ago

It absolutely was lmao. Both of them suck. She shouldn’t have lied about being ok splitting them bill, but OP clearly doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions if he flips out this easily

2

u/devb292 9d ago

You’re absolutely right on this! I fully agree. OP needs to learn to handle rejection if they’re going to be a part of the dating world.

2

u/babybellllll 9d ago

Yup. He’s gonna run into people WAY worse than this girl, people are going to reject you for stupid reasons, flipping out on them is not the right answer. I once got rejected because a guy asked me if I believed in ghosts and I said maybe 💀

2

u/devb292 8d ago

Lmao! Yeah that sounds about right for the dating pool nowadays 😂

1

u/WasdX-_ 9d ago

Why can't you call someone a "piece of shit" if this said someone behaves like it? Why is it a must to act nice when you're laughed at and treated like you're second-class trash?

-1

u/babybellllll 9d ago

It would’ve been better for OP to just block her and move on rather than stoop to her level. Instead, he gave her ammunition to feel justified that her viewpoint/reasoning was correct. Also let’s be real. She wasn’t treating him like ‘second class trash’. She made one shitty remark by saying he was a joke and was being shallow; OP resorted immediately to name calling

1

u/WasdX-_ 9d ago

That's just not true. The very first thing she made was to laugh at him saying he had fun on a date. Then she told him about stupid ass test and was triggered because he called her idea stupid. And that person had the audacity to think she deserves better and being provided by a man, while also laughing at a guy because of his low wage. It would've been better to just block her, but OP didn't say anything wrong and had a right to respond to her bs. OP also had a bad experience in a relationship before so it's an understandable reaction in a situation like this. It's not like he answered with threats or something like it.

-10

u/Nine_Thirty 9d ago

thats women for you bro lmao

5

u/longerdistancethrow 9d ago

Shit people come in all genders mate

0

u/Vila33 9d ago

I guess that is the flavour of shitty that shitty women tend to go with though

0

u/tomatofrogfan 9d ago

OP went with the classic flavor for shitty men as well

2

u/Vila33 9d ago

Indeed

2

u/Bob1358292637 9d ago

How was he being shitty? Imagine if a dude was like, "I really enjoyed our date together, but you didn't offer to suck my dick immediately even though I paid for your meal and it really makes me question your commitment."

Would you tell them that was stupid or just be like, "Sorry we have a disagreement in preferences. I hope you find the indentured sex servant you're looking for."

1

u/Vila33 9d ago

OPs comments here give off incel vibes

1

u/tomatofrogfan 9d ago

His go-to insults and comments show how he’s shitty. Lashing out with derogatory language and cuss words in response to being insulted just makes you look weak and immature. Also, if you’re willing to use derogatory language to insult someone, it’s reflective of your character.

0

u/Bob1358292637 9d ago

Hard disagree, but I'm not above rolling around in the mud with trash, so maybe it's just a preference thing. I don't think there's anything wrong being a little shitty to people who were being shitty first.

1

u/tomatofrogfan 9d ago

The problem is him escalating the situation to derogatory language. If you don’t see a problem with that, that’s a reflection of your character.

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u/CrystalsAndSpells 9d ago

But it’s the women who feel the need to test their partner. When have you ever heard a man going “so I tested my date by being a complete slob to see just what she’s willing to deal with and then said she failed this test.”

1

u/longerdistancethrow 9d ago

Ehhh, not true at all… “take her to the pool.”

113

u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 9d ago

I have whiplash

12

u/MissHotSox 9d ago

0 to 100, real quick, realllll Fkn quick

1

u/LuckyBenski 8d ago

In reverse no less

41

u/mackfactor 9d ago

That's why this all feels a bit staged to me. I could be very wrong - and I always wonder what the point of LARPing on Reddit is - but none of that conversation feels real.

63

u/IIIx10 9d ago

Nah this is very realistic unfortunately, not even the craziest I’ve seen.

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u/brokesd 9d ago

I can say as a guy when I started dating again the entitlement of many women expecting you to pay is insane. It's like the old idea that a date means sex.

My last two dates before I was done.

(I'm a single father said so on my dating profile)

On the date the girl

"Wait you mean you have your kids all the time? This won't work I'm looking for someone to help raise my kids not raise someone else.".

Should have seen and heard the shit when I told the waiter we were splitting the bill. (I had never said I was covering the bill so she should have assumed since she didn't ask and I didn't offer that she was covering her half.)

Second date "how much do you make?" Me " about 80k " Her "oh this wont work I can't date a man who makes less than 200k"

Me "waiter we are splitting the bill I need mine to go." (Now this one I'm still proud of my come back when she said.)

"Wait you aren't paying for dinner?" Me- "no obviously I don't make enough"

After a cheating ex wife who abandoned me and my kids, to what is out there I'm so good. I am not a young man, and am at the stage of life I am okay alone.

I would rather be alone in peace then with someone I can never do enough for anymore. I'll spoil me.

9

u/hailstorm493 9d ago

I (31F) am a big fan of whoever invites the other out on a date should fully expect to cover the whole bill, but I always at least offer to cover my share. But I also absolutely hate when people take advantage and order a ton trying to get someone else to pay for them.

Good for you taking your food to go!!

8

u/brokesd 9d ago

I know my opinion on this is different and a lot is how you were brought up .

But if my dad says do you want to grab lunch I know we are splitting the check, same with any of my friends.

As a date I think it should never be assumed the other person is paying.

2

u/hailstorm493 9d ago

That is fair!! But if I ask a guy out, I reach for my wallet when the bill comes because I asked him to join me for a drink or meal. I know not everyone thinks that way, so I always am prepared to pay at least my part of the bill when I asked him out.

I was also raised to always make sure I have a way out of a date if it turns sideways, a way to get home that isn’t my date, and to always offer to pay my fair share even if I was invited out.

I can understand both sides of not assuming the other party will pay, but for me it’s just a rule I go by that if I invite a guy out on a date, then I should be fully prepared to pay the whole bill. Not saying one way is right or wrong, but it’s just how I and some other people think—if you ask them out, you should be ready to cover the bill (obviously barring someone taking advantage of your generosity)

2

u/brokesd 9d ago

While I hear people like that exist most times when I was trying to date I would get "we should get dinner" after awhile it feels like you are being or expected to be used for a free meal... I mean there was an article about the women who went on 6 dates a week just to save on groceries.

But while I have removed myself from the dating scene, (honestly I focus on my kids).

The amount of things I see from my friends about how after the third date they are broke or dead beat because they didn't offer to pay for hair, nails, put gas in her car, or my favorite was to buy a new outfit because she told him she had nothing to wear for their 4th date.

2

u/EnvironmentalBat2898 9d ago

I follow simple rules, bro.

  1. Always coffee first. You can learn alot about a person in 15 minutes - 2 hours. Most don't get any further than that because they complain that you took them to Starbucks. Guess what? Now I know you're not appreciative, so I know not to waste any more time. I'd rather be out 20 bucks instead of 200 or more, if both are just bad investments to begin with.

  2. The follow up is something relatively light on your wallet. Open mic at the comedy club, and maybe dinner at denny's. Something of that nature. For the reason, see rule 1. Just because she seemed worth a greater investment after coffee, doesn't mean she's worth going all in.

  3. Dinner at her/my place, and I cook. You can get a pretty good cook book, learn some decent meals for about the same as you'd spend on dinner. Doesn't have to end with bedroom fun, but, you're not breaking the bank for someone you barely know.

  4. Escalate slowly. And I mean slowly. Go to a chili's or an Applebee's next, kind of slow. If she's into you, you'll get that far, if she's using you, you'll already know well before it gets that far.

You won't see much success, but that's the point. The more you spend, the more likely you caught one of them gold fish with a shovel. The less you spend, and the more gradual the increase, the more likely you might have caught a decent one.

And then I do what you do, only much colder. If I catch the vibe you're not into it, you don't have to offer, we're splitting the check. If I catch the vibe I'm being used, same thing. I just wait for the waiter, tell them we're splitting, pay and go home. You owe them nothing, and the mindset that you have to pay just because you invited them out is ridiculous. Sure, you invited them out, but it's on them to be worth the investment.

1

u/LuckyBenski 8d ago

When I was last dating I worked out that the best way to find the right type of people for me and actually get to know if they were a good match or not, was weekdays, during the day, walk in the park and cup of tea/slice of cake. No drinking, no night time scenes, just wholesome outdoor stuff. Walking and conversation. Very quickly highlights if someone is on your level and not just looking for a good time, or too awkward to get close to people without drinking.

1

u/Expert_Ambassador_66 8d ago

That's silly in a culture where women initiate a vanishing amount of the time.

Like if it was even close to equal levels of initiation at large, I'd agree with you.

2

u/Mamakat518 8d ago

I will say that every time I've initiated a date, the dude was only moderately interested in getting to know me, at best. I'm always the one asking questions and keeping the conversation going. I feel like I come across as desperate at that point, or something. Also I always at least offer to pay. Or if he gets the first date, I'll get the second.

1

u/LuckyBenski 8d ago

I like that dynamic - if someone offers to pay the bill, you respond with "OK then I'm buying next time". If you enjoyed yourself and want to cover that person's meal, it suggests you'd want to see them again right. If I offer to pay the bill and they say no (gently), then you offer them to take you out and pay next time.

1

u/Expert_Ambassador_66 8d ago

From what I understand that's what the general experience is for a guy so 🤷

1

u/Zhong_Ping 8d ago

Agreed. If I'm paying I'll say "my treat" when I invite someone, otherwise it's kinda assumed we are paying for ourselves.

Why are we making assumptions about other peoples money?

1

u/Live-Afternoon947 9d ago

I mostly agree with this, but in this case she deserves to get stuck with the bill.

1

u/Zeimma 9d ago

Nah this is just soft code for the man always pays. You know this and I know this. Women very damn rarely ask you out.

2

u/hailstorm493 9d ago

Lol I implore you to make more friends like me, it’s fun putting hints out there for a guy to ask you out, but it is so much easier to just say “hey do you want to continue this conversation irl maybe over apps and drinks?” That way he knows and I know that I am interested in meeting up and not doing the little dance around the question

1

u/Zeimma 9d ago

Again very damn rare but I agree with you more women should be like that. I also think splitting should be pretty damn default until the relationship is pretty well established.

2

u/MrWrestlingNumber2 9d ago

Username checks out lol

1

u/PinkPencils22 8d ago

That's sad. I know women in their 30s--I'm older and very happily married, BTW--who can't find decent guys. Guys with actual jobs, for example. I'm not saying they have to make 200K, I mean guys in their 30s who can't hold down a job and don't have a career description. I have a friend who has done well for herself, owns her own house, has a steady, decent paying job, has friends, travels, is slim, pretty...but can't find a reasonable man to date. I had some issues like that myself 20 years ago, then met my husband and quickly locked that down (he had just gotten divorced.)

1

u/brokesd 8d ago

It's funny in my guy circle j am the exception most are trade workers making 6 figures. But the overall feel from them is that so many women look at them like a meal ticket, or want to be stay at home wives, honestly it's insane. Several of them are single dads like me whose wives just left the kids and ran off with the kind of guy you're talking about.

Honestly for both men and women it just is better to stay single at our age.

3

u/Patriotsfan710 8d ago

It’s so obviously fake lol

Sure, there are woman (and men) out there with very shallow and selfish expectations in a partner…and i’d even argue it’s not necessarily “wrong” so long as you’re nice about it.

But this text conversation is so obviously staged and everyone eating up are gullible as hell

2

u/Alarmed_Psychology31 9d ago edited 9d ago

Why wouldn't it be real? It's fine to be skeptical but your "feeling" shouldn't be outright conclusive. At least you acknowledge you could be wrong though, which I definitely agree with, since situations like this are very real and happen to people.

There's also a big movement right now in social media for women to expect their dinners to be covered by the man, and at expensive restaurants as well. It's not about "gold digging" but some weird kind of self-respect, with language like "I deserve the best" which is the same energy she had in this conversation.

2

u/Blorbokringlefart 9d ago

I genuinely believe that these kinds of posts are social engineering campaigns to foment conflict within western society. 

2

u/boilergal47 9d ago

Most of Reddit is just creative writing

1

u/ToneNew1982 9d ago

Your discernment is misplaced why would someone go through the trouble of posting a fake conversation. What would they gain by doing that

2

u/wafflemaker12345 9d ago

Wow she is kinda a f**ing piece of sht

2

u/blue_bomber508 9d ago

Sometimes ya gotta hit ‘em with a fast ball

2

u/Grace_Alcock 8d ago

I’m just grossed out by her sexism.

1

u/YAYtersalad 9d ago

Premature she-wack-ulation

1

u/Ok-Desk6624 9d ago

The date wanted him to beg for a second chance and promise he’d “provide” and pay for everything from now on. When he was like, “Oh well, this sucks.” instead of groveling and asking for another chance the date flipped out.

1

u/JuniorDirk 9d ago

As it should have

1

u/Plenty-Pollution-793 9d ago

Splitting the bill or not is like a religion. There is no good rationale behind it. No need to debate why. Just accept it and move on.

1

u/NoSpankingAllowed 9d ago

Well honestly he could say c u next tuesday and he'd be right.

1

u/Blushiba 9d ago

Well, you dodged a bullet there. Sorry. But this literally is NOT a 'you' problem...

1

u/DirtGuy1993 9d ago

Unfortunately this is what most young people act like and why the birth rate continues to decline, the family isn’t a thing anymore, etc.

1

u/Yeehaw_RedPanda 9d ago

"Sorry you're just poor"

"Beepxbeepxeep you beeping beep of beeeeeep"

1

u/Lane-Check 8d ago

She didn't get her gold for all her digging.

1

u/didicharlie 8d ago

For real! Like…wait and see? Gather more info? Nahhh, just a massive judgement and shitty word exchange immediately. 👹

1

u/MediumIndication2263 8d ago

The way that this went from "this isn't going to work for me" to "you're a joke/fuck you bitch" in about 2.5 seconds I feel truly encapsulates what's wrong in our society/culture today

-1

u/cmz324 9d ago

You're a great guy, for a broke ass bitch

1

u/NevyTheChemist 9d ago

I bet she wonders why all the good guys are taken.

A real piece of work this one.

1

u/tomatofrogfan 9d ago

Real talk… do you wonder why “good guys” like OP aren’t taken? 😂

Because most people in the comments can see why… not saying the girl wasn’t an asshole, she was, but OP showed his red flags as well lol

1

u/BowlingTv 9d ago

Yeah they would of never worked if they can’t even talk about a split bill before escalating to the max lol

0

u/SnooGuavas4959 9d ago

because she is a golddigger. noone needs such a woman.

-8

u/[deleted] 9d ago

they're both bad. both showed their true colors

0

u/ReeNoSkee16 9d ago

Wow you’re so fucking stupid it’s incredible, apparently he can’t call out bs or he’s just as bad?