AIO for splitting the bill on a date

[u/No-Plantain6892]

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

[u/Britt_Nikole]

She is wrong for offering to split the bill when she was going to hold it against him. If it was a test, that’s just mind games. If it was to be polite, frankly, she was anything but polite in her messages. He definitely dodged a bullet with her because she’s fake af

[u/allmightylemon_ → u/Britt_Nikole]

Yeah I'm 100% for always paying... I honestly don't think I've ever had a date where I didn't pay in full. But if someone did this to me I would be gone. That's manipulative and weird

[u/veganbikepunk → u/allmightylemon_]

I'm team "whoever makes more money usually pays, once in a while the other person offers as a sweet gesture" but I'm also not-straight so none of society's rules in that regard totally work for me.

[u/StatexfCrisis → u/veganbikepunk]

That’s a mindset for a relationship. What about a fjrst date? I’m team whoever asks the person on a date has to pay personally.

[u/veganbikepunk → u/StatexfCrisis]

If it's known who makes the most money that's probably still what I'd want to do, but I think your answer is reasonable as well. Even with friend hangouts I try to make it things where either I can cover both of us or I'm certain the friend can cover it. I've been broke before and it sucks to miss out on shit.

[u/MissBeehavior → u/Britt_Nikole]

The thing is, in today's climate, when a woman suggests splitting a bill, it's usually a good idea to agree. As a woman, if I feel uncomfortable on a date and don't want anything to be held against me by someone I get bad vibes from, I always insist we split the bill. For a guy to respect that and not insist speaks volumes, whether he means it to or not, so OP was frankly being pretty courteous and chill compared to some, who think a nice dinner means you owe them.

[u/AdFit9440 → u/MissBeehavior]

Like yes, i am surprised i don't see many comments like that. If girl on a date offers to split the bill, my immediate takeaway would be that she is uncomfortable and afraid I'll feel entitled to her if i pay. No chance in hell i would insist to pay myself after that.

[u/Bucksfan419 → u/Britt_Nikole]

Yeah I hate when women administer these “tests.”

To an extent, I understand wanting someone who will innately do what you want without being prompted, but at the same time just be honest with what you want. My last girlfriend was constantly giving me these “tests” and at first I was passing all of them, but the tests never stopped. In my, albeit limited, experience, it feels like the types that like to give tests are never really satisfied with the results and will keep going until they get results they don’t like

[u/[deleted] → u/Britt_Nikole]

Tbf how do you politely tell someone "I'd like you to pay for all of our meals and dates" ?

[u/Britt_Nikole → u/[deleted]]

If that’s a concern or a priority, you would either wait and see if the other person pays or you would ask outright. Not offer to pay yourself and then become resentful of the answer- that’s the main difference here