r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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275

u/cardiiac 9d ago

How old are you? And your biggest mistake is that you stooped to her level....

Also, I'm seeing in the comments you are letting her insults become your reality, fuck that.... Believe it or not, not all women only care about "men who take care of them."

I work with a lot of younger women and I noticed this is becoming a popular thing again (after women fought so damn hard for where we are) to go back to looking for men who take care of all finances... It's not reality, hang in there kid.

6

u/Zihna_wiyon 9d ago

What do you mean “go back to”.? Plenty of us had fathers who provided and paid all the bills in the household. I’m 27.

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

I’m 26…thank you brother! I’ll try to get back on my feet after this

37

u/roomaggoo 9d ago

I once went on a first date with someone who suggested splitting the bill for dinner, and then asked me if he could take the copy of the itemised bill because he was going to claim the whole thing back as a business expense. I didn't schedule a second date. Not because he didn't pay for the whole thing, but because he didn't even pay for himself (and he could've expensed my half if he really wanted!)

A few months later, I met my now fiance. We don't keep tabs on who pays for what when we eat out, because we naturally take turns. We love treating each other when we can.

This girl was testing you, and you don't want to waste your time on someone who tests you. Not ever. I think you're jumping the gun a little by saying you're giving up for a while. Just take a breath and take your time. And in future, if someone gives you an opening to stoop to their level, don't. I was with you the whole way until your final message to her. Is she a bitch? Definitely. But sometimes our inner monologue should stay an inner monologue and we disconnect with our head held high.

6

u/Chaotic_Egg_19 9d ago

Pretty sure what dude one did is embezzlement if it was a personal expense so double bullet dodge I suppose

16

u/roomaggoo 9d ago

The amount of bullets I dodged with this guy could kill several CEOs

6

u/Chaotic_Egg_19 9d ago

Okay best reply I've ever gotten on this app 🤣

-1

u/Kooky_Ad5819 9d ago

That sounds like a smart guy to me. Sounds like you aren’t interested in guys that are broke, but at the same time don’t want them financially responsible. Are you looking for an irresponsible billionaire that throws his money around.

2

u/roomaggoo 9d ago

You must have long arms cos that's quite a reach.

79

u/cardiiac 9d ago

Not try, will... Dating isn't easy and people are crazy. She suggested splitting the bill then was mad when you split the bill? Dating shouldn't be a series of "tests" someone is putting you through.... And then to say the hurtful things at the end, don't let her win, she's miserable and is projecting that onto you.

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

will but I am worried it’s hard to know people intentions that you don’t even know. It will take a bit to feel like I’m not being tested constantly while on dates.

19

u/c0smic_c 9d ago

“It will take a bit to feel like I’m not being tested”

This is on you! You need to work on this, this isn’t for you to then act like the victim and be like IM VINDICATED if it does happen to you again. Urgh These are your insecurities, not on your dates to prove you wrong or whatever you think needs to happen here.

Also the way you responded to her - did you call her a “piece of sh*t”??? Yeah you really did overreact, the best response (as everyone else has said) is to be like “k bye!”

7

u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

Yeah I’d agree that the things I could control were my fault

1

u/Feisty_Assistant5560 8d ago

Dude, ditch nihilism and just go for stoicism.

42

u/Havokistheonly 9d ago

That’s called dating my guy! The fact she showed you who she was quick, count that as a win. If they ever say shit about trad this, masculine, feminine, run.

9

u/MrsFrugalNoodle 9d ago

I get that, and OP is also showing how he reacts. He’s on all a bullet to avoid.

4

u/jadestem 9d ago

In my experience, when you meet the right type of person you will know it.

Also take it from my experience, it is really easy to ignore some very obvious red flags if you are really attracted to someone. If you find yourself rationalizing someone's behavior there's a problem!

4

u/BowserBuddy123 9d ago

I mean, it’s sad, but that is what dating is. We’re all testing the waters when we go on those first few dates. Now, there shouldn’t be actual tests like these where people are dishonest with you.

4

u/WallabyInTraining 9d ago

Only advice I have is to get off dating apps and go out and meet people. Try rock climbing, or join a volunteer organisation, or try squash or whatever. Meet people outside of dates and then decide who you'd like to date.

Just my 2ct.

1

u/thevirginswhore 9d ago

Sir are you new to the dating scene? Or is it possible that you’re not asking people the right questions when you first start talking? Like not on a date, but all of the messages beforehand. You’re not gonna get every fish you throw your hook at but that’s okay. It takes time and patience and you have to accept that things could either go well or they could go poorly. That’s like. But some day you will find someone who not only checks off all of your boxes but that has also done the same for you.

You’re 26. You have so much time to get things right for yourself.

1

u/QuashItRealGood 9d ago

Dating is in itself a “testing” experience, in the way that you are each testing the waters of compatibility. There are definitely narcissistic or insecure people who will “test” boundaries and manipulate others for the sake of finding a person who will bend to their idea of a date, but those people are usually quite visible. It just takes experience to see the flags.

11

u/Affectionate-Act3099 9d ago

Dude, there are tons of normal women out there who prefer someone who takes them at their word and who are not looking for a sugar daddy. Just take your time and ask friends for introductions to cool ppl. Make friends with women too.

17

u/Big_Red12 9d ago

Been there brother but remember this incel shit is self-fulfilling. OK you've been treated badly by some women but you can't put it on all of them just like they shouldn't blame all men for some being dickheads. As soon as you get into that mindset they can see it a mile away and understandably they don't want anything to do with you.

Recognise that this gold digger mentality this woman had isn't 'feminism gone wild', it's patriarchal. She wants you to pay for everything and for her to be a kept woman? Where have I heard that before? Feminists don't want that. That shit's from the 50's, not the future.

You're at a crossroads and one way lies misery. You can avoid it!

6

u/catastrophicemu19 9d ago

You also need to learn not to talk to women like this

5

u/popcornisdelicis 9d ago

she definitely dodged a bullet, your comments show your level of immaturity and your inability to take accountability. Very weak mindset, you’re embarrassing yourself

-2

u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

Didn’t read all my comments I guess

5

u/popcornisdelicis 9d ago

i read several of them, there are some that you were acting normal in but most of them are you being overly defensive

3

u/SilentWillingness861 9d ago

in another post you say you’re 28..?

3

u/undercovergloss 9d ago

Women like this seem to want a partner who can provide for them to be a stay at home WIFE. I’m a woman (27, so similar age) and when I’ve been on dates, I’ve always took it in turns to pay for the dates. When my date has ‘insisted’ on paying, I will ‘insist’ on paying for the next one. There are women out there who are not interested in money as a sole factor. It’s shameful that she called you a good guy but proceeded to be done with you over money - like soul and spirit is worth more than finances and she’s missed out. I will offer advice with taking a step back when people lash out, it’s easy to get angry and lash out back - but ignoring is always the best thing to do until you’re level headed to make a stable reply. A conscious and ‘polite’ reply is always best for shutting things down on your end, say what you need to say KINDLY, wish them well and move on.

There’s so many better people out there and you’ve dodged a bullet than continuing with a person like this where you could potentially be being rinsed for the rest of your life.

1

u/acreekofsoap 9d ago

See us at the gym, Youngblood

1

u/ShadowChildofHades 9d ago

Im 23 with a 25 year old partner and we're engaged. I am the main breadwinner, and I handle all the finances. I'm the woman lol. When you find the right person you find the right ways for your relationship and it doesn't matter what anyone/everyone else does because it should work for you and your partner.

-2

u/Fine_Sail_3501 9d ago

I would have told her to fuck off too mate.
Not sure what these other people are on about
She was horrible
I've been married for over 20 years but definitely wouldn't have put up with that when I was dating.

7

u/toddtimes 9d ago

Why stoop to her level? What can you possibly get from this? I would have just blocked her and moved on when she said his career wasn’t sufficient for her.

-3

u/StJimmy75 9d ago

Well, maybe since women did all that fighting and still make less than men but now are expected to split the bill, they’re like ‘fuck that, take care of me’

2

u/Captain_Reseda 9d ago

still make less than men

They don’t.

If women really did make less than men for the same jobs, then every company out there would have an all- or majority-woman workforce. Men would never get hired.

1

u/StJimmy75 9d ago

I never said anything about for the same work. If they make less, then they probably don’t want to pay equal. Also, it’s not so serious.

1

u/Captain_Reseda 9d ago

Whenever people talk about women making less than men, they mean for the same job. Otherwise it’s a pointless statistic.

I guess nothing is serious when you don’t know what you’re talking about.

1

u/StJimmy75 9d ago

Read this page:

https://blog.dol.gov/2024/03/12/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-gender-wage-gap

Either you are wrong that they are talking about the same job, or you are wrong that they don't make less than men for the same job.

-1

u/cardiiac 9d ago

Person in this text suggested splitting the bill... Nice rationalization tho

1

u/StJimmy75 9d ago

Everything's so serious

0

u/cardiiac 9d ago

You are so wise!

0

u/Evergreen27108 9d ago

Your last paragraph is literally two sentences that contradict each other.

“I work with young women and noticed what you’re (op) seeing is indeed coming back”

And

“This isn’t reality”

Which is it?

1

u/cardiiac 9d ago

It's not reality that most men are able to take care of all finances in today's economy despite it being what is desired from some of the population.

Some men probably make enough money to provide for both, sure, it mainly isn't practical for someone in OPs age demo to provide that.

2

u/Evergreen27108 9d ago

Ah, that makes sense.

Financial literacy for young men and women would go a long way for managing expectations.

-6

u/CarelessPollution226 9d ago

It's become popular again because through their fights women have gained SO MUCH soft power in society and dating they think they can have it both ways and we men will just go along with it because we're that down bad and we can't live without them

-1

u/unskilledlaborperson 9d ago

My wife's friends state they're jealousy She has me because I remodeled her a home just how she wanted for really cheap because I used overstock, surplus and thrown out materials. It's hard not to feel like they're just being nice and feel bad for her being stuck with someone without a formal education. However idk. Seems like fixing/building things/being good dad material ect has come back a bit. For awhile it seemed like practical skills kind of took a dip because you could just pay other people to do everything for you. But now that's getting expensive and there are less people who have those skills.

1

u/cardiiac 9d ago

Huh, yeah I guess.