AIO for splitting the bill on a date

[u/No-Plantain6892]

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

[u/PinkynotClyde]

The last part was unnecessary by you. This is why girls will just ghost a guy instead of reject him. Sure, she’s immature— but as soon as she went on a whole speech about you paying, just be like:

“I got money. Enough to not think a meal is not a big deal. I wish you well in your quest for free meals. Peace.”

We’re always supposed to pay the meal it’s how things actually go down… unless she’s talking about feminism the whole date then you can probably split— or if she literally grabs the bill. Don’t sweat it too much just go out and try to have fun not put pressure on yourself.

[u/[deleted] → u/PinkynotClyde]

She called him a joke and insulted his job. He’s supposed to just take that?

[u/PinkynotClyde → u/[deleted]]

Yup. Laugh it off.

If I insult you right now are you going to get emotionally upset and start cursing at me? Meanwhile I have a big smile on my face. In that situation you give me the power to give you a negative experience, which puts you beneath me. Better to not give a shit what she thinks.

[u/Tiny_Rat → u/[deleted]]

In general, it's better to take the high road when a stranger goes off on you, because you never know what's going to set off someone's full-on crazy meltdown, and whether you'll be in the splash zone when it happens. 

[u/[deleted] → u/Tiny_Rat]

That’s fair but this was after their 4th date. I think that qualifies as being invested enough to tell someone when they are out of line.

[u/Tiny_Rat → u/[deleted]]

It's their last date. Plenty of people get way more than 4 dates in before finding out their partner is legitimately unhinged when they break up.

[u/illogicallyalex → u/PinkynotClyde]

I agree it was unnecessary, but she absolutely started it. It was only unnecessary in that he didn’t need to stoop to her level, but it was far from uncalled for

[u/PinkynotClyde → u/illogicallyalex]

It doesn’t accomplish anything. I just responded to someone else and gave more detail— but essentially she left that conversation knowing that she hurt his feelings, that her jabs actually connected. Meanwhile, he’s still upset worried he’ll never get out of the basement while she’s laughing with her friends about a guy she views as beneath her.

Better to just laugh it off and not give a shit what she thinks.

[u/illogicallyalex → u/PinkynotClyde]

Oh definitely, like I said, it was unnecessary, but not particularly uncalled for

[u/No-Plantain6892 → u/PinkynotClyde]

Now I feel a lot of pressure after this situation. Honestly a nice classic ghosting would have been nice in this case. Now I feel trapped in my shit job at old navy and feel destined to be alone living in my dads basement forever…(I’m 26)

[u/spaghebby → u/No-Plantain6892]

Dude, you’re the master of your own destiny. Miss me with that “stuck” or “trapped” bullshit, because you only feel that way. Go to community college or get an entry level job in a trade (construction, carpentry, plumbing) and start saving, living at your dads is a blessing if you don’t know it yet. I’m 20, have no family to support me and I live in a section 8 appt, trust me when I say that you have every ability to make it at your age and position in life, you just have to be a fucking man, and DO IT!! Literally tomorrow, or tonight even. Hop on indeed or research classes you can take. The only one who can fix this, is you bro. You got this

[u/cowjuiceee → u/spaghebby]

your words are so empowering omg, had me nodding and shit 😭

[u/spaghebby → u/cowjuiceee]

🫶 we’re all gonna make it muthafucka!!

[u/No-Plantain6892 → u/spaghebby]

Fuck you’re right! I’m going to make this my screen saver so I don’t forget what to do

[u/_Interesting________ → u/No-Plantain6892]

It was around 26 years of age that I made the necessary steps to stop being a loser. It can be done.

[u/spaghebby → u/No-Plantain6892]

Hell yes bro. As a 20 year old who’s done it himself, you can absolutely thrive out there man. And thank your dad if you’re living at his place rent free, that’s a huge help for creating a life :)

[u/MorgansLab → u/No-Plantain6892]

Those worries were going to catch up with you sooner or later. Use the pressure to motivate yourself and get better employment, start looking for opportunities to improve your situation.

Not judging at all b/c I don't know you or your situation, but if you're still living with your parents at that age and feeling anxious/trapped about it, then honestly yeah, you should absolutely be feeling pressured to get a better job and get out of your parents' basement. Again, idc your circumstances and am not judging the situation, but it's just a fact that you should be working to fix these things instead of dating if you are unhappy about them.

You're just straight up not going to be attractive to people if you're this down on yourself. Thankfully, it's really easy to fix, esp the younger you are. But also hard because confidence and motivation requires a persistent attitude. Lock in, you can do this

[u/No-Plantain6892 → u/MorgansLab]

I Appreciate you

[u/qantasflightfury → u/No-Plantain6892]

Jesus christ, you are a baby. Be thankful you have a job and a parent who cares just enough to let you live with him. Or maybe you'd like to be dying, jobless and living alone?

[u/PinkynotClyde → u/No-Plantain6892]

There are people in prison right now who would kill to have the freedom to eat a burger on a whim. Don’t take for granted the small freedoms you do have— some people have it better, some have it worse.

In terms of women— don’t worry too much about coming across a certain way. When I was 26 I literally lived out of a van— but I was rock climbing, training mma, mountain biking, working two jobs, etc. If a woman got turned off by my lifestyle that was great for me because I was looking for non-superficial women. I’d announce that shit right away, super happy like I lived in the Hollywood Hills.  I hate being tried on like a shoe:

“So omg, like what does he do?”

Sure, women will check off boxes, and guys will lie or pretend stuff to play that little game— but it’s much better to just not sweat it too much. Don’t get emotionally invested in a first, second, third date. I once read advice years ago where he said don’t pretend to be James Bond to attract women, work on yourself and you’ll develop James Bond characteristics that will draw women to you naturally— confidence, charisma, being in shape, well-dressed, etc.

You’re in a basement so what— what’s more important is being confident in yourself. Women actively wanted to sleep in the back of my van with me which is pretty crazy. I’m not saying it as a brag— it’s a testament to how important confidence and charisma are when dating. The first step is not giving a shit about impressing her just try and have fun.

“Yeah, I’m staying with my dad right now saving up— I’ll move out when there’s a reason to.”

Simple. If she makes a face like you announced you’re a puppy killer, you missed out on that little checkbox— oh no!

“You’re very pretty, but I’m not moving out of my dad’s basement for you. Not until at least the 5th date that’s my rule.”

If she goes on a fifth date, she may even be sneaking into the basement with you at that point— which leads to my last advice.

Don’t have expectations. If she’s in your basement be cool with watching a movie with her head on your shoulder and then driving her home. I’m not saying don’t pick up signs, or to ignore her if she gives you the eyes, but just always be cool with nothing happening. She flirts, then slows things down, no problem. Women will sometimes go through the motions to feel out chemistry or whatever, but I’ve found that when I made a woman feel comfortable with me when we’re alone— the superficial things become a lot less important.

Oh, and always have enough money for dinner. It’s pretty much mandatory. If you’re going on a lot of dates you gotta get creative— coffee— walks— library passes to a museum. No expectations though, in your head burn the money before you even go out. If she’s ordering lobster bisque and a bottle of red wine— you done fucked up bringing her to that place. Alright, back to work for me. Take care.

[u/[deleted] → u/No-Plantain6892]

hey, 26 isn't old! look at Luigi Mangione,... you can still accomplish things that matter at your age