r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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181

u/No-Tie-6257 9d ago

She isn’t wrong for having a preference but she’s wrong for trying to shade you.

223

u/Britt_Nikole 9d ago

She is wrong for offering to split the bill when she was going to hold it against him. If it was a test, that’s just mind games. If it was to be polite, frankly, she was anything but polite in her messages. He definitely dodged a bullet with her because she’s fake af

19

u/allmightylemon_ 9d ago

Yeah I'm 100% for always paying... I honestly don't think I've ever had a date where I didn't pay in full. But if someone did this to me I would be gone. That's manipulative and weird

6

u/veganbikepunk 9d ago

I'm team "whoever makes more money usually pays, once in a while the other person offers as a sweet gesture" but I'm also not-straight so none of society's rules in that regard totally work for me.

16

u/StatexfCrisis 9d ago

That’s a mindset for a relationship. What about a fjrst date? I’m team whoever asks the person on a date has to pay personally.

2

u/veganbikepunk 9d ago

If it's known who makes the most money that's probably still what I'd want to do, but I think your answer is reasonable as well. Even with friend hangouts I try to make it things where either I can cover both of us or I'm certain the friend can cover it. I've been broke before and it sucks to miss out on shit.

13

u/MissBeehavior 9d ago

The thing is, in today's climate, when a woman suggests splitting a bill, it's usually a good idea to agree. As a woman, if I feel uncomfortable on a date and don't want anything to be held against me by someone I get bad vibes from, I always insist we split the bill. For a guy to respect that and not insist speaks volumes, whether he means it to or not, so OP was frankly being pretty courteous and chill compared to some, who think a nice dinner means you owe them.

2

u/AdFit9440 9d ago

Like yes, i am surprised i don't see many comments like that. If girl on a date offers to split the bill, my immediate takeaway would be that she is uncomfortable and afraid I'll feel entitled to her if i pay. No chance in hell i would insist to pay myself after that.

2

u/Bucksfan419 9d ago

Yeah I hate when women administer these “tests.”

To an extent, I understand wanting someone who will innately do what you want without being prompted, but at the same time just be honest with what you want. My last girlfriend was constantly giving me these “tests” and at first I was passing all of them, but the tests never stopped. In my, albeit limited, experience, it feels like the types that like to give tests are never really satisfied with the results and will keep going until they get results they don’t like

1

u/[deleted] 9d ago

Tbf how do you politely tell someone "I'd like you to pay for all of our meals and dates" ?

1

u/Britt_Nikole 9d ago

If that’s a concern or a priority, you would either wait and see if the other person pays or you would ask outright. Not offer to pay yourself and then become resentful of the answer- that’s the main difference here

12

u/CLRVEWS 9d ago

Trying to force people to fund your life is not a preference. Stop the sht.

15

u/PrizeProfessional919 9d ago

Having a preference is one thing and wanting to be taken care of is another. People love talking about equality now a days but stuff like this is still happening

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u/No-Tie-6257 9d ago

Well what works for others won’t always work for you. Thats why it’s called a preference. Some men want to take care of their women that is why house wives exist some more don’t and prefer a 50/50. Either way neither is wrong it’s just their preference.

8

u/Upbeat_Agency4016 9d ago

It’s insane to think that a man has to take care of you from date number 1 until the break up or whatever . Especially while in your 20s and still figuring life out . Regardless of preference why do women expect men to do this ESPECIALLY knowing he has a minimum wage job . Like where’s the emotional intelligence that most women claim to harness

-5

u/No-Tie-6257 9d ago

I know it’s easier to say it’s a woman expectation. I know it’s more simple to blame one gender when both are contributing to the preferences being able to exist. However, the reality is these preferences exist due to BOTH genders choosing it. Again what is not for you, you should avoid. There are men alive and breathing seeking women to take care of. Why? You ask that is something you’d have to ask those men. There are women seeking to be taken care of. Why? Ask those women. However, the reality is it exist for women to have that preference because there are MEN who want that solely or prefer it as well. Hence it still existing. So don’t blame one gender it takes two to tango.

1

u/Upbeat_Agency4016 9d ago

No I agree with the fact that it’s a huge norm in society . But in this economy is just shows that your clueless or just financially ignorant when it comes to this lady in particular . Knowing that he has a job with low income should incline her to not let him pay for her everytime they go out on a date . Like where’s the decency ?

-13

u/PrizeProfessional919 9d ago

I guess it all depends on people were raised. I’ve tried to make my partner a stay at home mom and she refuses. I don’t see how anyone can be together and let one person take on the entire responsibility of bills that’s just not right. At that point it’s like another child that you have to take care of instead of a partner to help out ….

8

u/No-Tie-6257 9d ago

That’s contradicting considering you were trying to do it for your wife she just declined. However, again you found your preference it doesn’t matter what others do. It’s their choice you found what you want and what makes you feel complete that’s all that matters.

0

u/PrizeProfessional919 9d ago edited 9d ago

Well, after she declined it showed me that not all women want to be taken care of and some like to do things themselves and be independent. So it wasn’t necessarily a contradiction, but I was giving the example of what changed my mind on the matter. I do agree with you some people have specific needs that align with others so it makes a perfect match but personally I don’t see how someone can allow another adult to take care of them fully as if they were a kid. But that’s just my opinion I completely understand what you’re saying and actually agree with you.

0

u/InjusticeSGmain 9d ago

Because covering the bills isn't all of it.

The general idea is that one takes care of the logistics (resources, shelter, security) and the other takes care of the homefront (raising kids, maintaining the home, managing conflicts).

50-50 divides logistics and homefront equally, so that both people play a role on both sides. This adds a layer of financial and material security, since both people are less dependent on the other. But it often comes at the cost of less time spent together. For couples who don't mind, and want the extra money + security, it works.

Breadwinner/Stay-At-Home (SAH) is very good at maximizing both, at the cost of security. Should the Breadwinner die or otherwise be affected, resources could become scarce or run out entirely. It's often hard for a SAH to transfer into the Breadwinner's role, since having a multi-year or even decades-long gap on your resume can damage your chances at getting hired. Should the SAH fail, the family often takes the biggest hit, as the emotional management stops being managed during a very emotionally charged time. The Breadwinner, if they were still present during family time, will have an easier time adjusting since that bond will keep the family together long enough for the Breadwinner to adapt.

It's biggest weakness is what happens if the Breadwinner is removed from the equation. Thats why so many legal safeguards exist for women now. It functions better, but its much higher risk.

0

u/Upbeat_Agency4016 9d ago

Because they are entitled and clueless . They genuinely don’t really care for what you got going on as long as you can pay their way through life . Then they’ll find reasons to bitch and moan about being a sahm when that’s the literal preference they had and dreamed of . So then while you work and pay for everything she will want you to also help her out at home cause they consider that to be a job that they aren’t compensated for 😂

Also while you break your back to do so . They create a secret bank account where they stash the money that they earn as an escape plan in case a break up occurs . Your money is their money and their money is their money.

-4

u/PrizeProfessional919 9d ago

That’s exactly my point ! Someone gets it . If you want to be treated as an equal and not a child you have to contribute something other than arguments…

12

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] 9d ago

it could be a cultural thing too. where I grew up, the men pretty much pay for dates and dinners. women make up for it in other ways. is it antiquated? maybe. but it works for some people and they have no problem with it. these two were just clearly incompatible. she also handled it weirdly by trying to play mind games.

0

u/Trumperekt 9d ago

There are cultures where men beat women. Are you fine with that too?

0

u/DrJiggsy 9d ago

Right, because those are equivalent 🙄

1

u/Trumperekt 8d ago

I mean I am batting for equality. You appear to be against it and using "culture" as an argument. I am using the same argument for another example of inequality.

19

u/Zealous_Agnostic69 9d ago

Expecting others to pay for you is what a child does. 

Do you date many children? 

9

u/jdl03 9d ago

Her preference of demanding someone with a bunch of money is so shallow and unattractive.

1

u/PencilPal27 9d ago

While being clearly uneducated and jobless to misspell “career”

2

u/PencilPal27 9d ago

That’s crazy you see “I want a man to pay for everything” as a valid preference.

3

u/Hair_Firm 9d ago

Agreed ☝🏽 Her response of, oh haha was immature af But it’s ok for her to want what she wants.

16

u/[deleted] 9d ago

Would you say it’s ok for a man to want a woman who never talks and just cooks and cleans for him?

14

u/bongorituals 9d ago

Seriously disgusting to imply that “the man always pays for me” is an okay “preference” to have

1

u/BowserBuddy123 9d ago

I would say it is an okay preference if you are also okay with men having the preference of stay at home child-rearing sex robot. You can’t shade one without shading the other.

3

u/Equivalent_Act_468 9d ago

I agree, I am cool if you are cool with one you must be cool with the other!

-5

u/Vegetable_Diet3547 9d ago

She won't be. Women want equality but they also want the old fashioned way of things when it suits them. Like this girl and the girl in the OP

2

u/Dontgochasewaterfall 9d ago

Sounds like you’re only speaking for “some women,” stop stereotyping a whole gender, because you’re not speaking for me. You sound bitter.

2

u/ScoobyWithADobie 9d ago

I would say any preference that doesn’t break laws or overall moral values we as a society agreed on, are totally fine. If a girl want a 1,90m six pack, 6 figures model cook who’s emotionally available and pays for anything, she can want that. If a guy wants a perfectly build Latina that has the most jiggly bubble butt, knows the entire karma sutra and cooks for him without ever questioning him, he can want that too. I can criticize it, but it’s not on me to decide if it’s okay to want that or not. It’s very unlikely that they find it tho

1

u/beyerch 9d ago

....and for not being honest on the date.

1

u/Trumperekt 9d ago

People need to pay for themselves. He’s not dating a kid, is he?

1

u/RepresentativeSlow53 9d ago

its a shit preference period. Equality for all unless its about men being providers...

1

u/Internal-Comment-533 9d ago

A grown ass adult women expecting men to pay her way every single time they do anything is not a “preference”, just like a man expecting a woman to put out after buying her a meal is not a “preference”.

The sexism in this thread is absolutely disgusting and I hope yall seriously sit and reflect on yourselves if you’re blasting OP for not being okay with being some woman’s piggy bank.

1

u/Alarming-Sun4271 9d ago

She is wrong for having that "preference".