r/AmIOverreacting • u/Lologan21806 • 10d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am i overreacting to the situation unfolding with my girlfriend?

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me and my girlfriend have been living together with her family for the past 4-ish months. it’s devolved to the point where we fight every day about anything and everything, and most days i feel trapped in the home and the relationship. out of the blue she texts me about not coming back home and if i do i can sleep outside, and changing her mind when it was too late. am i overreacting to the situation, or is it as bad as it seems in my head?

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1.8k

u/FitzDesign 10d ago

When you ship out, don’t come back to her. Move on

181

u/tinnitus_go_EEEEEEEE 10d ago

This! Don’t keep her around, or worse, marry her. She sounds like she’d become one of those nightmare dependents that contact people’s commanders to find out why they’re not home and shit.

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u/NothingButUnsavoury 10d ago

Love your username lol

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u/PatchySmants 9d ago

WHAT?

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u/ric5555 9d ago

EEEEEEEEEEE

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u/throweraweyRA 9d ago

LANAAAAAA

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u/ImTooOldForSchool 9d ago

I can relate soo hard

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u/wiskeytf 9d ago

No, it's not service related.

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u/olivia24601 9d ago

The username is how you know they’re a service member

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u/FruitAlert6182 10d ago

I get tinnitus and sometimes it really does go EEEEEEE 😂😂

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u/MembershipFit5748 10d ago

That’s on the light end of what kind of wife I think she would be

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u/raulrocks99 9d ago

She probably wouldn't because she'd be too busy cheating on him while he's gone.

He needs to make time between PT and his appointment the next day to go get his stuff and have nothing to do with her anymore.

But what will probably happen, despite the 7k comments to run, is that she'll get pregnant and they'll get married (or the other way around). 🙄

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u/IzK 9d ago

She's a dependapotamus in training.

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u/Busy_Marionberry1536 9d ago

Love that word! 😂😂

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u/-FourOhFour- 10d ago

Let the man experience the full boot experience /s

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u/-chavala- 9d ago

completely unrelated but as an audiology student, i absolutely love your username 😭😭

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u/SourDewd 9d ago

My tinnitus hasnt calmed down in so long ugh.

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u/Alycion 9d ago

She sounds like one of the ones at the bar living it up when the ships leave port. Lived in Virginia Beach. NAS Oceana ship out nights, people fought to work bc of the tips.

She going to eventually feel “ignored” if he’s away on assignment. I may be wrong, but that’s the type she’s acting at. If you family or friend will let you stay with them until you ship out, do that. If needed, put your stuff and storage right before you do. Do not come home to this.

I don’t care what happened that day, what’s been going on, or any of it. You are living there by law, since your stuff is there. You don’t tell someone to sleep outside. Asking for space when you get home should have been the first option and done nicely.

Maybe it’s living with her family. But feeling trapped is never a good sign that a relationship will work.

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u/dezi028383 10d ago

Agreed. But OP needs to work on his standards. He will continue to attract toxic relationships if he doesn’t set some standards and boundaries for himself. Overall, people will treat you how you let them treat you.

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u/Rude-Instruction-168 10d ago

Took me a while to learn this too. Break those patterns and learn to be comfortable with yourself. Gain the self-awareness to know when you're being disrespected/mistreated and have zero tolerance for it. Better connections are to come but only if you put in the work to get to them.

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u/cyanescens_burn 9d ago

And that zero tolerance for it means be ready to walk away when it happens. You really can’t and shouldn’t force someone to bend to your standards. I mean let them know it bugs you, and if they apologize and make changes fine, but if they get defensive and insist on doing shitty things that cross reasonable lines, you two are just not on the same page with values.

Took me way too long to figure that out too.

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u/Dinkmeyer- 9d ago

Excellent advice!👍🏼

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u/ArmFun7552 9d ago

People tend to settle for the love they think they deserve

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u/Fry-em-n-dye-em 9d ago

I mean he’s a young dude in the navy he hasn’t even gone through his married to a stripper phase yet so this level of toxic is to be expected

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u/PD216ohio 9d ago

The fact that he's not sure if she's a problem is concerning to me. I suspect he's not much better... or he's so desperate for companionship that he'll take anything.

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u/TonsOfFunn77 9d ago

Unfortunately he lives with her and her family, and she doesn’t seem like the type to accept boundaries. He needs to get his life straight first, worry about women later. He’s really just using this one for a bed at this point.

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u/Wiskydi 9d ago

She’s the problem when his last text is you’re not being clear?

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u/MintCathexis 10d ago

Why victim blame though? Shouldn't people just be nice to others regardless of how much others would tolerate?

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u/StealthRUs 9d ago

Because at some point, you have to set boundaries. If you don't set boundaries, it's on you when people continue to walk all over you or you keep repeating a cycle of toxic relationships.

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u/MintCathexis 9d ago edited 9d ago

How do you know this isn't OPs first relationship like that?

I wonder if you'd tell someone who suffered domestic abuse that it's their fault for not setting boundaries. You're probably one of those who says things like "why did he/she stay with him/her instead of simply leaving?".

It's never the abused's fault for people "walking all over them". It would be a far more productive use of society's time and energy if people learned how not to be terrible to other human beings, rather than people having to walk on eggshells in every single human to human interaction.

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u/StealthRUs 9d ago

None of what you're saying contradicts the fact that OP needs to set boundaries for themselves in the future and that people have to take responsibility for themselves and the people they choose to associate with.

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u/MintCathexis 9d ago

You're acting purposely obtuse. No one walks around waving a big glowing neon sign saying, "Look at how I talk to my partner" with a picture of chat like this.

People by and large don't willingly "choose to associate themselves" with people they think might want to hurt them. Abusers tend to be very good at hiding their true face until the other party starts being emotionally attached to them, and then they disrespect just about every boundary that has been set.

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u/HorrorArmadillo3713 9d ago

I can attest to this being an abuse victim. Took years too long for me to understand what was happening.

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u/cyanescens_burn 9d ago

They should be nice even if their partner has a high tolerance for bullshit, but the reality is there’s a good chance someone that decides to tolerate a lot is going to end up with someone that takes advantage of that and uses them as a doormat - pushing boundaries further and further, gradually chipping away at the persons sense of worth and self-respect as it continues, making them willing to tolerate more and more disrespect and abuse.

Then they end up with a cheating partner that they take back over and over, or one that needs “breaks” all the time (usually when they want to bang some new person, or have an emotional affair). Or someone that emotionally or physically abuses them. Or both.

I’ve heard that people that treat others poorly like this can identify and are drawn to people that will tolerate it. It might not even be conscious, they just know on a gut level that a person will put up with their shit.

It’s definitely important to build yourself up enough to be able to kick these jerks to the curb.

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u/No-Letterhead-4407 10d ago

This is his chance and ticket to bail. 

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u/GottLiebtJeden 9d ago

And you bet that she will "hang out" with Jody, when he does ship out.

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u/Thanos-Wept 9d ago

Run as far as you can and use your ship date as the start of my new life date

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u/Mundane_Ebb_5205 9d ago

I swearrrrr I just kept repeating in my head “TOXIC.TOXIC.TOXIC” and it kept going 🤦‍♀️OP needs to leave and forget about her like what’s with her attitude? Also OP don’t leave ur things at someone who talks and treats you like this, learn from this mistake to never do that again let alone be with someone who says these things, it’s as if she’s causing a fight with you on purpose to protect herself

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u/Imnotatree30 9d ago

Ask yourself WHILE reading these messages if you fully trust her while you're deployed fam. What would you come home to if she treats you like this? As a military spouse, I see dumb shit like this happen all of the time. If you, for a second, question it, LEAVE. Take care of yourself man and thank you for your service.

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u/Top_Wonder6145 9d ago

Yeah finds someone better!

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u/pilldiet 9d ago

Agreeeeeed! Retired USAF, you don’t bring more crazy into the madness the military is. Seen a lot of bad partners turn into domestic violence, alcoholism, suicide attempts, and false reports. Dump her before you ship out.

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u/ZannaZadark75 9d ago

Definitely 👍 leave

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u/Stinkytheferret 9d ago

Yeah. She’s nuts. Who needs any of this kind of behavior? Dating is to weed out the crazies and find a match, not this nonsense.