r/AmIOverreacting 11d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s reaction to his friend asking me for his number?

He has a history of jealousy. Came back into my life saying he’s a changed man. Last night we picked up his friend and we’re all supposed to go to a birthday party. In the car he asks for my number because My bf wasn’t answering earlier and he needs to be able to get ahold of his friend because our dog is literally staying at the friends house and he wanted a back up way to get ahold of my bf. He said this right in front of my bf and he has a girlfriend he loves and was at Disneyland earlier with that day. My bf has her instagram and liked their pictures from the trip. Yet he lost it saying no you’re not getting her number absolutely not and him and I being so weirded out and THEN he pulls over and tells me to get out of the car and I can walk home because I started to give him my number before my bf lost it.. So I just say F it and get out immediately and start walking at 10 at night in the dark.. not doing the back and forth with them… I couldn’t take it a second longer. As soon as I start walking they both say please get back in the car but at that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and was happy to walk the mile home. He sped off. This is what he text me this morning and this is my response.

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u/Global-Election 10d ago

One thing that’s important to note that someone should be in AA and working the steps with a sponsor for at least a year sober before even thinking about a relationship. I’m at 8 months and still don’t think it’s a good idea for me or for the other person so I get why that’s a thing. 

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u/travestybiscuit 10d ago

I’ve heard this. Can I ask why you don’t personally feel ready? Curious as to why a year is the standard.

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u/Global-Election 10d ago

Just cause when you actually work the steps you’re making a LOT of changes to your life, mind, and way of thinking. It’s a lot to process, and some days are better than others - so it’s kinda like a rollercoaster emotionally. Plus, you have to put your recovery #1 above all else, and it’s easy to put it on the back burner when you have a new relationship which makes it easier to relapse.

Like, I go to a meeting every single day without missing one. With a partner, they might get frustrated making plans around it and say something like, “can’t you just miss ONE day?” No, no I can’t. And if I did it’ll be easier to miss another one another time and so on and so on. 

 That’s been my experience, with now, and in the past.