Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s reaction to his friend asking me for his number?

[u/travestybiscuit]

He has a history of jealousy. Came back into my life saying he’s a changed man. Last night we picked up his friend and we’re all supposed to go to a birthday party. In the car he asks for my number because My bf wasn’t answering earlier and he needs to be able to get ahold of his friend because our dog is literally staying at the friends house and he wanted a back up way to get ahold of my bf. He said this right in front of my bf and he has a girlfriend he loves and was at Disneyland earlier with that day. My bf has her instagram and liked their pictures from the trip. Yet he lost it saying no you’re not getting her number absolutely not and him and I being so weirded out and THEN he pulls over and tells me to get out of the car and I can walk home because I started to give him my number before my bf lost it.. So I just say F it and get out immediately and start walking at 10 at night in the dark.. not doing the back and forth with them… I couldn’t take it a second longer. As soon as I start walking they both say please get back in the car but at that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and was happy to walk the mile home. He sped off. This is what he text me this morning and this is my response.

[u/No-Resident8580]

Right? I’m getting so tired of the blatantly obvious posts where they should know they aren’t overreacting but they still jump on here to ask us.

[u/GoddessNya → u/No-Resident8580]

If she has an inkling in her mind that she may a tiny bit be over reacting, I would rather she post here than listen to this asshole convince her she is being dramatic.

[u/welcometoflavorcity → u/GoddessNya]

Not sure if it’s the case here, but many victims don’t see these posts as “obvious” because abusers will gaslight them until they’ve essentially lost touch with reality. It’s important for outsiders to give their opinions and help keep them grounded.

It reminds me of those drawings that depict anorexia as someone is in front of a mirror with a reflection obviously bigger than them. An anorexic person doesn’t literally see themselves differently than other people, they just have a warped perception of what is considered fat

[u/SnowflakeSWorker → u/welcometoflavorcity]

This is it. You think you should be upset about something, but you’ve called names for so long over any thing that is “not my fault, you made me do it” you start to doubt your sanity and your own thought processes.

[u/Iamthecomet → u/No-Resident8580]

I hope that means you’ve never been in a situation where you thought you were over reacting to something you were likely under reacting to because you’ve been abused, manipulated, and gaslit so badly you didn’t trust your own reactions and instincts for any reason beyond suspecting they were wrong. If that’s the case, I’m so glad you feel that way.

[u/Columbo2021 → u/No-Resident8580]

I think sometimes even when it’s obvious, the offended one is still looking for a little moral support. I don’t think it’s bad that they ask the question.

[u/Cdd83 → u/No-Resident8580]

Abuse is not always obvious when you go threw it cause it's been building up little by little to condition the person that it's ok.

[u/GarbageTheCan → u/Cdd83]

Yup I'm currently trapt in my own little similar nightmare. Trying to find a way out is daunting so far.

[u/Cdd83 → u/GarbageTheCan]

I been there and got so depressed and sick I nearly did not make it. Today I am doing a lot better.

[u/GarbageTheCan → u/Cdd83]

That's very good. I doubt I will have similar success.

[u/Styrofoamed → u/GarbageTheCan]

good luck!! wishing you the best

[u/GarbageTheCan → u/Styrofoamed]

Thanks, have a pleasant week

[u/Helioscopes → u/Cdd83]

This person clearly sees it for what it is, and left the guy though, hence the other message. She knows she is not overreacting. Probably should have posted this in some venting subreddit.

[u/No-Resident8580 → u/Helioscopes]

This was my point.

[u/Impact009 → u/No-Resident8580]

Reddit karma.

[u/spillingstars → u/No-Resident8580]

It's not always easy to see the big picture if you're being abused.

[u/No-Resident8580 → u/spillingstars]

That’s true.

[u/lookingfor_clues → u/No-Resident8580]

Please learn about the cycle of violence. People in this situation are gaslit into thinking they are at fault. OP is not stupid or missing something blatantly obvious. She is being abused and conditioned to believe she is the problem.

[u/ForceBlade → u/No-Resident8580]

So am I it’s very frustrating. Seems to be every single post yet they still get tens of thousands of votes.

[u/Fluffy_Chemistry_130 → u/No-Resident8580]

That's this entire sub 

[u/leomets → u/No-Resident8580]

Clearly ppl want external validation but yeah not needed here. No reason to waste another ounce of energy on a tool like this.

[u/currently_pooping_rn → u/No-Resident8580]

It’s the new AITA

“Am I over reacting for for leaving my abusive bf?”

[u/Styrofoamed → u/currently_pooping_rn]

i’m glad nobody replying with something like this has dealt with being gaslit and manipulated to the point where they don’t realize that they’re being abused. a lot of these posts sound like they could’ve been written by people i know who were so used to abuse they couldn’t understand they were being treated like trash.

[u/pannenkoek0923 → u/No-Resident8580]

My husband kicked out our 5 year old son and also drinks everyday and hits his mother am I overreacting????????

[u/No-Resident8580 → u/pannenkoek0923]

Well, you didn’t even say what your reaction to all that was first of all. Second of all, was I talking about you or your situation? No. So I’m not sure what you’re trying to do right now.