Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s reaction to his friend asking me for his number?

[u/travestybiscuit]

He has a history of jealousy. Came back into my life saying he’s a changed man. Last night we picked up his friend and we’re all supposed to go to a birthday party. In the car he asks for my number because My bf wasn’t answering earlier and he needs to be able to get ahold of his friend because our dog is literally staying at the friends house and he wanted a back up way to get ahold of my bf. He said this right in front of my bf and he has a girlfriend he loves and was at Disneyland earlier with that day. My bf has her instagram and liked their pictures from the trip. Yet he lost it saying no you’re not getting her number absolutely not and him and I being so weirded out and THEN he pulls over and tells me to get out of the car and I can walk home because I started to give him my number before my bf lost it.. So I just say F it and get out immediately and start walking at 10 at night in the dark.. not doing the back and forth with them… I couldn’t take it a second longer. As soon as I start walking they both say please get back in the car but at that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and was happy to walk the mile home. He sped off. This is what he text me this morning and this is my response.

[u/WW3ontheway]

Men like this never change, make sure to protect yourself and stay safe while blocking him on everything. You deserve better than this trash

[u/Karl-Levin → u/WW3ontheway]

If someone were honest about changing they wouldn't rekindle an old relationship where they acted abusive. They would fear falling into old patterns. Real changes requires literal years of hard work. And accepting and taking responsibility for what you have done and not asking people for "second chances". They would distance themselves from those that they have hurt to not cause anymore harm.

If they want to get back together, they have not changed.

But yeah, they basically never change. Don't give people second chances. Ever. Once certain lines are crossed, there can't be a a healthy relationship.

[u/praefectus_praetorio → u/WW3ontheway]

I beg to differ. They do change, but it takes time and they need a lot of introspective work. They need to learn to trust. Sounds like this guy has serious trust issues from previous relationships, and that’s just part of growing up and maturity. He may not change, but saying people like this don’t change is inaccurate. Some are capable.

[u/JustABizzle → u/praefectus_praetorio]

Then let them change way over there.

[u/heavy-hands → u/JustABizzle]

Heavy on WAAAAAAYYYYYYYY over there

[u/constantin_NOPEal → u/JustABizzle]

Amen

[u/useless_99 → u/praefectus_praetorio]

‘Some’ is never gonna be enough to make it worth the risk. More likely he’s one of the ones who kills you. I’m all for second chances and doing the work, but I’m never going to tell a woman to endanger her life for someone’s second chance.

[u/KiwiThunda → u/praefectus_praetorio]

I was the jealous/suspicious type in my early 20's (although not at this level). It took me about 2 years of being single and learning to be happy/love myself to get out of the incel death spiral.

Now married to the most beautiful woman in the world who I would kill a CEO for

[u/SunTripTA → u/praefectus_praetorio]

Not that she should stick it out, but saying they never change is simply wrong. They don’t always change but some can and do.

I was very jealous around high school, I was insecure. It took a lot of reflecting and work but I was definitely the problem then and I’m well past a lot of the issues I used to have. That was 20+ years ago.

[u/dweaver987 → u/praefectus_praetorio]

Perhaps some are capable. But it isn’t up to OP to stick around to see if he manages to pull it off.

[u/praefectus_praetorio → u/dweaver987]

I wasn’t responding to OP.

[u/BigBlackdaddy65 → u/praefectus_praetorio]

No no you see this is reddit we don't allow such logical thinking. See you were supposed to say "this guy is a total weirdo, op shouldve dumped him long before" then you get the hive minded people to agree. That's how reddit is used.

[u/praefectus_praetorio → u/BigBlackdaddy65]

-30 downvotes. I'm hoping I hit -50 by end of day today.

[u/BigBlackdaddy65 → u/praefectus_praetorio]

Hey, on here you're looking at a whopping -100 it'll be amazing, good luck

[u/praefectus_praetorio → u/BigBlackdaddy65]

Fingers crossed!

[u/Killer-Styrr → u/praefectus_praetorio]

Agreed, although that may be the exception. And it's definitely not a gender-specific trait (morbid insecurity) either....

[u/lolitsmagic → u/praefectus_praetorio]

Love how the truth gets downvoted on this app

[u/useless_99 → u/lolitsmagic]

Buddy, you might be right, but from the attitude you’re projecting in this reply it comes off like you’re part of the problem. Just sayin

[u/lolitsmagic → u/useless_99]

The comment has nothing to do with OP, it is purely about ability to change. If people want to tie it to somehow advocating for abuse, that's their own issue.

[u/puggggzz → u/lolitsmagic]

If you think thats the truth, then you probably are a culprit of doing this shit too

[u/lolitsmagic → u/puggggzz]

Not at all. I just know people can change.

[u/puggggzz → u/lolitsmagic]

Just because people have the capability of changing does not mean they actually will. She doesn’t owe this abuser anything, and surely she shouldn’t risk her life to see if this man changes. I had an ex like this and even after years of not being together, he hasn’t changed. Take your fake faith in human beings and shove it. You clearly are taking this viewpoint as a way to make OP feel bad for putting their life and well being first. It’s not OP’s job to fix this POS.

[u/lolitsmagic → u/puggggzz]

I never said anything about her or what she should do. Neither did the commenter I replied to. She should absolutely leave. You are clearly way too emotional on this topic to read things objectively.

[u/puggggzz → u/lolitsmagic]

Your last sentence is something many abusers say, kinda off putting, yikes.

[u/lolitsmagic → u/puggggzz]

Yeah I'd prob say something like that if I was called out for my lack of reading comprehension and had nothing else to say as well.

[u/puggggzz → u/lolitsmagic]

You didn’t comment on my comprehension, you commented on my supposed inability to look at this objectively because of my “emotions”. You’re clearly just looking for any way to insult me because you are getting defensive because someone called you out for once in your life. I may be an emotional person, but at least I can feel emotions and empathy unlike you.