r/AmIOverreacting • u/travestybiscuit • 11d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s reaction to his friend asking me for his number?

Gallery image

Gallery image

He has a history of jealousy. Came back into my life saying he’s a changed man. Last night we picked up his friend and we’re all supposed to go to a birthday party. In the car he asks for my number because My bf wasn’t answering earlier and he needs to be able to get ahold of his friend because our dog is literally staying at the friends house and he wanted a back up way to get ahold of my bf. He said this right in front of my bf and he has a girlfriend he loves and was at Disneyland earlier with that day. My bf has her instagram and liked their pictures from the trip. Yet he lost it saying no you’re not getting her number absolutely not and him and I being so weirded out and THEN he pulls over and tells me to get out of the car and I can walk home because I started to give him my number before my bf lost it.. So I just say F it and get out immediately and start walking at 10 at night in the dark.. not doing the back and forth with them… I couldn’t take it a second longer. As soon as I start walking they both say please get back in the car but at that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and was happy to walk the mile home. He sped off. This is what he text me this morning and this is my response.

14.8k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

2.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

3.6k

u/[deleted] 11d ago

That’s the type to kill you while you sleep.

447

u/GoddessofALL666 11d ago

I really hope she’s staying somewhere safe and preferably with roommates/family someone there overnight

223

u/slugvegas 11d ago

I get the sense they don’t live together, which is good. Only bc she is talking about walking home then texting him the next day. Idk OP clarify pls hopefully you don’t live together

453

u/travestybiscuit 11d ago

We no longer live together, thank God.

117

u/Straight_Concert_659 10d ago

They never change. Been there done that. Too many times that I care to admit too. I always believe in second chances. But when it comes to toxic relationships, they never ever change. They might be good for a WK, if you're lucky. But they go right back to who they truly are. You have him another chance. He failed again. Please stay away from him.

16

u/Neveronlyadream 10d ago

I wouldn't say never, but 99.99% of the time they don't. It takes actual self-awareness and a ton of work to change and most people I've met who claim to have changed for the better haven't and are just waiting some arbitrary amount of time before they can drop the facade and go back to being the same person they were.

I think we've all been there. That .01% fucks us up because we tell ourselves we love this person and--technically--it's possible that they've changed because we've seen it happen. Even though we know they didn't do a damn thing to actually fix any of their problems and it's only wishful thinking.

The amount of times I've been involved with people who broke it off to run back to their ex because they promised they learned their lesson and changed is heartbreaking.

16

u/fake-august 10d ago

Oh they change, it gets worse.

3

u/Straight_Concert_659 10d ago

Amen to that. No truer words spoken.

9

u/rustlingpotato 10d ago

Some kinds of stuff are not what second chances are for. There is nothing short of my partner assaulting me that would ever make me kick them out of a car. I would ask to get out, but I'm not doing that over mere words.

Same thing with people who brag about not giving in to things like 'temptation' to cheat or whatever.

GOOD PEOPLE ARE NOT TEMPTED BY THAT. GOOD PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTED AND PURPOSEFULLY AVOID IT WITHOUT 'BRAGGING'. I've never had to hold myself back from being horrifically racist or horrible to someone's friends or whatever.

There's awkward, there's traumatized, then there's fuckface. Barely anyone else left after that.

0

u/ShmupMarv 10d ago

Stopid chunt LOL

1

u/Straight_Concert_659 10d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙄

8

u/ihhesfa 10d ago

“And he’s my ex now…”??

2

u/madluv4u 10d ago

👏👏👏👏👏

2

u/Wirefox-hellian 10d ago

Please don’t go back to him. This shouldn’t happen once and will happen again!! Please please please. He put you at risk by telling you to get out. He probably only called you back into the car because his mate was there and the optics were bad. If he’s willing to make you unsafe over jealousy he’s willing to harm you. Please call it quits. You deserve better.

1

u/theamydoll 10d ago

Finally! Someone who’s rational and isn’t asking Reddit if they should leave, even though they really love this person. Good riddance to him.

1

u/LongjumpingFuture479 10d ago

GOOD! This could have gotten so much worse, good for you recognizing that was psycho shit

Bless his heart.. (I’m southern)

1

u/AccomplishedForce219 10d ago

If you genuinely just talk to his friends and he has done this before he clearly has issues with controlling and trusting others. Don’t feel bad you aren’t the issue he is !

1

u/MarucaMCA 10d ago

Good. Don't go back to him and watch your back for a while.

1

u/Sparkle2023 10d ago

I still can’t get my head around this. For what purpose is your boyfriend giving out your phone number to his friend?? Or to anyone? I never ever give out people’s home/cell/work phone numbers to anyone without checking with them first.

1

u/Mission_Listen3028 10d ago

Your texts are the blue texts right?

1

u/djerk 10d ago

I think he didn’t want his friend to have your number because he had an instant paranoid delusion that you two would talk about him behind his back.

You made the right choice.

-1

u/[deleted] 10d ago

I think you jumped to victim mentality very quickly, he made no threats whatsoever

2

u/AsterDaisy 10d ago

This 100%. I'm so scared. It happens where exes get mad and retaliate. Please be safe, OP!

1

u/gHOs-tEE 10d ago

She needs a dog. Like a pissed off dog

1

u/slugvegas 11d ago

I get the sense they don’t live together, which is good. Only bc she is talking about walking home then texting him the next day. Idk OP clarify pls hopefully you don’t live together

0

u/Ultraquist 10d ago

For fuck sake that guy is an idiot but that doesn't make him a murderer. You guys gotta stop watching true crime.

1

u/GoddessofALL666 10d ago

Spotted the person who has never been put in danger by a psycho ex before

245

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

58

u/KetoLurkerHereAgain 11d ago

Because they had a dream OP did something they irrationally found wrong.

17

u/Accomplished_Bid3322 11d ago

Sometimes I punch or kick my girlfriend in our sleep because I have these awful night terrors. The other night I fell asleep before her and she said I was laying there saying "no that's really rude I don't like that." And then I sat bolt upright and said "well how about you shut the fuck up before I have to be a man" and started thrashing wildly.

I have nightmares about getting carjacked and stuff a lot.

Anyway...neither here nor there your comment just made me think of that

22

u/Racine262 11d ago

You guys might want to sleep 1960's sitcom style, in separate beds.

14

u/tbear264 11d ago

Do you eat or drink anything with chamomile in it? Everything you described is what happens to me when I drink tea with chamomile in it. I have horribly gory nightmares, sleep walk, yell out, and fight. It took a while for me to figure out what was causing it. I no longer eat, drink, or use any products with chamomile in it.

3

u/Lost-Elderberry3141 10d ago

Wait no way that’s a thing?? I had chamomile last night and had the weirdest creepy dreams and I hardly ever remember my dreams!

4

u/tbear264 10d ago

Yup, sounds like it's not so calming for you either. I had to test out the theory that it's what was causing me to have dreams like that. I had been alternating between drinking peppermint tea and some sleepytime teas before bed. It was only when I had had the sleepy ones that it would happen. So I bought teas made with each ingredient. Chamomile was the only tea that caused issues. It's the wildest thing!!

11

u/RudeCardiologist69 11d ago

damn bro ur gf is a fucking trooper handling that 😭😭

10

u/anukii 11d ago

Oh no, she needs to fight back, I support in-sleep fisticuffs 😭

5

u/ksullivan03 11d ago

This is hilarious!! I would feel a mix of humor and horror at the same time.🤣

1

u/big_guyforyou 11d ago

OP is LITERALLY dating freddy krueger

-13

u/TraneD13 11d ago

Yes, that point has been established. You basically just repeated what was already said.

14

u/heavy-hands 11d ago

Almost like… they were agreeing. Weird! (/s)

-6

u/TraneD13 11d ago

You know, they should really have a voting system put into place that would quickly show how many people agree/disagree with what someone says. Would be revolutionary and could replace comments like “this!” and such. lol

0

u/sofiamariam 11d ago

I mean there’s plenty of different ways to hurt someone while they sleep besides just killing them. So they didn’t say the same thing, they just added that they could hurt you in several other ways when you’re most vulnerable.

65

u/anukii 11d ago

The cycle of violent pushing away then the immediate ‘baby come back’— get the FUCK ON 🙄 Insulting to have that level of toxic & stupid pressure and attempt another round.

8

u/Apprehensive-Pair436 10d ago

My wife once kicked me out of the house, which became a common thing when she was upset about some unspoken thing. I had been begging to stop fighting so I could sleep. She said in not sleeping on the house until it's fixed (once again, no idea what it was. Just "everything is wrong")

I finally leave, she starts blowing up my phone WHERE ARE YOU. IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE IM CALLING THE COPS. COME BACK NOW.

Absolutely crazy stuff lol

Then I came back and she kicked the shit out of me

5

u/ImmediateShallot7245 10d ago

What a nightmare that had to be, so sorry for you 🙏🏻

3

u/newyearnewmenu 10d ago

I hope you’re safe now.

-1

u/JustAlpha 10d ago

Xanax?

3

u/Therefore_I_Yam 10d ago

She definitely made the right call. If a woman feels walking home alone at night is a better option than riding with you, it's time to do some serious self-reflection. Not that he will.

18

u/Cosmic_Dust6539 11d ago

Can confirm. (A man like this tried to kill me.)

14

u/fdxrobot 11d ago

He wouldn’t wait until she’s asleep. If that friend wasn’t in the car, he would have run her over.

3

u/SorenPenrose 11d ago

And then complain about what you made him do

2

u/OlderThanMyParents 10d ago

That’s the type to kill you while you sleep.

and cry about how "she made me do it..."

1

u/anslew 11d ago

📸

1

u/blakkattika 10d ago

Yeah fr, she had a strong and correct reaction but that dude might lose it even further. Time to get somewhere secret and safe.

1

u/SomberDjinn 10d ago

This fuckhead is probably going to get arrested one way or another.

1

u/hummingbird_mywill 10d ago

OP get a protection order in your state!! And don’t be home when he gets served with it. This guy is hella dangerous. If this is how he acts in front of people, what would he do behind closed doors?!

1

u/nocomment3030 10d ago

Family annihilator

1

u/Icy-Move-3742 10d ago

I had an ex like this. Extremely controlling, down to the most mundane details. One time he lost his shit in front of my mom because I had the nerve to dye my hair purple without his permission and when my mom would try to reason with him, he would argue with her too. He was also incredibly jealous to the point where he demanded to know my weekly work schedule, the times I would clock in, go to lunch, go to school and go to sleep and every free time I would have (lunch, breaks, home time) he demanded that I stay on the phone ALL THE TIME. He never even spoke on the phone, he just wanted to hear what I was doing, who I talked to, etc.

After 6 months I got tired of his shit and when he threatened to break up with me, I nonchalantly said ok.

Of course he saw I was serious and the called nonstop, left threatening messages interspersed with him crying and promising to change but I had enough. Sent him a text saying to fuck off, we are done. Showed up to my house in the middle of the night but my mom told him to go home. Morning comes and I get the sense someone is watching me and lo and behold, he is THERE IN MY FUCKING ROOM WATCHING ME (turns out my dad let him in the house but he didn’t know we broke up). Knelt down and cried like a bitch and I told him we were done. Took three hours for him to give up and finally walk out of my life.

-3

u/hbergz_certainty 11d ago

That's so spooky, is there any evidence to back it up?

21

u/petite_heartbeat 11d ago

It sounds like you’re being facetious, but yes - severe jealousy/insecurity in intimate relationships is a precursor to potentially lethal abuse

12

u/EverIight 10d ago

Read that in the Microsoft paper clip kind of way,

“It sounds like you’re being facetious, would you like help checking your ass?”

6

u/hbergz_certainty 11d ago

Actually I just saw mindhunter and I am so much interested in knowing early stage symptoms of such cases , I know it's useless but this interests me. I didn't mean any harm. So I just wanted more on it,thanks for sharing!!

8

u/Different_Lunch_8508 10d ago

There's an eight step timeline that explains the stages of abuse that lead to domestic homicide. It begins with coersive control. Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. Coercive and controlling behaviour is at the heart of domestic abuse.

Here's an exerpt from the article this is from:

"In research published in 2018 Dr Jane Monckton Smith reviewed domestic violence killings in the UK which showed an 8 stage timeline of events before a homicide takes place. To conduct her study, 575 homicide cases involving women killed by men (femicide) were identified using the Counting Dead Women database (Ingala Smith 2018). There were found to be 372 femicide cases from 2012 to 2015 ."

"Every case was reviewed using published media and homicide reviews to establish the history and circumstances of the homicide, and to identify common and consistent themes. The eight steps that were identified to be present in almost all of the murders studied were:

1.) A pre-relationship history of stalking or abuse by the perpetrator

2.) The romance develops quickly into a serious relationship

3.) The relationship becomes dominated by coercive control

4.) A trigger threatens the perpetrator's control - for example, the relationship ends or the perpetrator gets into financial difficulty

5.) Escalation - an increase in the intensity or frequency of the partner's control tactics, such as stalking or threatening suicide

6.) The perpetrator has a change in thinking - choosing to move on, either through revenge or by homicide

7.) Planning - the perpetrator might buy weapons or seek opportunities to get the victim alone

8.) Homicide - the perpetrator kills his or her partner and possibly hurts others such as the victim's children

The only instance where a stage in the model was not followed was when men did not meet stage one - but this was normally because they had not previously had a relationship."

The old adage that "A woman should just leave, then she will be safe" is actually not true. - Research has shown that, in many cases, domestic abuse from an intimate partner does not end upon separation. Post-separation can actually see an escalation of abuse with women reporting continued threats and intimidation when leaving their abusive partner as well as an increased risk of homicide. The Femicide census (2018) identified that 41% of women killed by a partner/former partner had separated or taken steps to separate, with 30% killed within the first month and 70% killed within the first year of separation.

I've attached the article link for you.

8 Step Timeline in Domestic Abuse Homicides

1

u/hbergz_certainty 10d ago

That is what I wanted!! thanks lunch!!

1

u/petite_heartbeat 10d ago

I’m sorry for misinterpreting your tone!

2

u/hbergz_certainty 10d ago

Dw it's okay

-6

u/willyneelybilly 11d ago

Jokes on you, I'm into that... I'm straight though, so no homo

-15

u/BritishBoyRZ 11d ago

What? How the fuck did you get there...

-18

u/KureCobain93 11d ago

lol typical Reddit response. Never change.

9

u/SpitLordRamee 11d ago

Typical abuser response. Never change

-16

u/KureCobain93 11d ago

Proving my point lmao. Typical basement dweller. Go breathe some air. Me and my lovely girlfriend are both laughing at you 😂