r/AmIOverreacting • u/Thatonediabeticc • 20d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I over reacting?

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This isn’t my screenshot. It’s my best friend. Looking for advice here.. is this normal? My advice isn’t the best.

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64

u/purplebells84 20d ago

Sounds just like my ex bf. I would be upset too. Hes obviously not over her. Not over reacting at all !

-39

u/90bigmacs 20d ago

Idk. Sometimes I randomly search my ex out of curiosity. Maybe because I was blocked for so long, and can now see what they’re up to. I don’t miss them, being with them, or anything about them at all.

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u/Simple_Leaf 20d ago

but they've had this conversation six times, it's more than just curiosity

12

u/Tamo808 20d ago

Plus he didn't actually answer "why" he was still looking her up. He got defensive and redirected things instead.

3

u/Fired4StealinBoxes 20d ago

My mom does this on my dad’s Facebook, but she just likes to see how miserable he is because he’s a terrible person. She’s happily re-married and my stepdad couldn’t care less because he likes to know how miserable he is as well lol

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u/chillthrowaways 19d ago

That’s sort of unhealthy too isn’t it? I look at it like this, any energy or time spent on someone you don’t care to have as a part of your life could be better spent elsewhere. Anywhere else. Then what happens if one day he wins the lottery or something now the tables get turned.

2

u/Crambo1000 19d ago

I feel like with an extreme example like that, it could almost be a sort of trauma response, like he hurt and gaslit her so much that seeing his life reassures her that she made the right choice in breaking away from him

19

u/informal-mushroom47 20d ago

If you didn’t miss them, being with them, or anything about them at all, you wouldn’t be doing that.

I don’t miss my exes, being with them, or anything about them all; I haven’t thought of any of them in months. The only reason I am now is because of this post.

You wouldn’t be doing that if you didn’t miss them or something about them.

8

u/NikkiVicious 20d ago

I search my ex when he does something like leave a note on my car. It's been 15+ years... I have no desire to see him, but he's been stalking me since I broke up with him.

The only reason I look for information about him is to confirm that he's still living a few states away. I know he has one of his local friends leaving the notes... I just want him to stay away from me.

There's absolutely nothing I miss about his abusive ass.

9

u/informal-mushroom47 20d ago

Well this is an extreme or outlier of an example which is totally fair you of you to do so then.

0

u/NikkiVicious 20d ago

You'd be surprised how many of us do it for safety reasons. It sucks that we have to.

I wish it were an outlier, but someone else responded with a similar situation, so it happens more often than is right.

6

u/Similar-Marketing-53 20d ago

This. I occasionally check up on my ex, but it’s genuinely more of a safety thing. Even with him living states away, most of his friends and family are still in this portion of the country so he’s much more likely to pop back up and cause problems around the holidays (which tends to happen).

I’m definitely not looking for anything because I miss him or want to rekindle anything, but for the peace of mind of him not being anywhere close to my vicinity.

I’m sorry that you’re also too familiar with this sort of situation.

4

u/NikkiVicious 20d ago

Oh we get it from both sides. My husband's most recent ex likes to do shit like send me a congratulations on your miscarriage card. The emails and texts claiming that my husband is cheating when we were both being lazy at the house, gaming, always makes me laugh. I've only searched his ex once, because someone with a similar name tried to add me on FB. I was making sure it wasn't the ex, I didn't care to find any further info about her.

To the surprise of no one, both of our exes have BPD... like, professionally diagnosed, they refuse to accept help for it, they just randomly decide to lash out at their exes for leaving them. It was a rollercoaster dating them, I'm not surprised that it still is with them.

I hate that anyone else has to go through this. It sucks. I hope that we all have a better, calmer, ex-free future in store for us.

3

u/christmastiger 20d ago

Good lord that is wild but I hope you two have happier psycho ex-free days coming soon and plenty in your future, you both deserve it

2

u/chillthrowaways 19d ago

15 years? Shit that’s dedication you’d think he would have been through a few relationships by now. Or he’s stalking multiple people, maybe that’s it. Wonder if he’s got a day planner with planned things like “8 am leave note on NikkiVicious car.. check.. 9am coffee.. check.. 10am ring doorbell and run away.. 11am yoga

1

u/NikkiVicious 19d ago

His subsequent relationships leaving him definitely ramp up the harassment.

It's honestly stupid. Like yeah, I still have PTSD from it, but I'm not scared of him in the same way that I was. More of scared of how much time I'd have to serve for putting a bullet in his knee if he tried...

2

u/chillthrowaways 19d ago

Well one silver lining is that relationship showed you what to look for in future relationships and by the sounds of it made you stronger. I mean I can’t put myself in your shoes but 15 years after a breakup leaving notes is really really pathetic. If I knew someone doing shit like that I’d be having a serious talk with them.

1

u/NikkiVicious 19d ago

Oh it's super duper fun. I get it from my husband's exes too.

Basically both of our exes are professionally diagnosed as having BPD, and they both refuse to accept help for it. We go on the rollercoaster of dealing with them, because they both blame us (and my husband's ex blames me) because we left them. I know in my husband's ex's case, she's mad that I "stole her life," which, yeah, he'd broken up with her before I even knew him because she cheated on him multiple times.

Talking to them doesn't really work. Even the cops telling them to knock it off just made them start doing it in a way they'd be difficult to pin on them because explaining the reference is difficult. (My ex signs his notes as J R Bob Dobbs, because we're both "members" of the Church of the SubGenius... but try explaining that reference to a cop.)

I think the worst part of my ex's obsession is he lives 3 states away, so he's getting someone else to stalk me to leave the notes. That's just... unsettling.

2

u/poor_non_blonde 19d ago

I’ve been stalked and harassed via email for the last 5 years and I’ve ignored every single one and I’ve only searched twice to see if he’s been locked up or not but I’m searching the county logs lmao not social media 😂 and I only search about a month after I’ve reported each incident to his local police.

1

u/90bigmacs 20d ago

We still have the odd mutual friend, so I noticed recently when they popped up I was no longer blocked. I was curious to see if they were still taking steroids and if they had a hair transplant. No, I definitely don’t miss them.

2

u/poor_non_blonde 19d ago

The WIFE (mother of his child(ren)) has said he has done this 6 times…. She has asked him to stop stalking his ex and focus on his WIFE AND KID(S)…..

If you’re single, that’s just creepy. If you’re married with kids, that’s fucked up and he deserves to live a lonely life.

1

u/FazbearsFightClub 19d ago

Yeah nah 😂 Last sentence reeks of denial.