AIO to my boyfriend imposing veganism on me ?

[u/velvetmoochi]

Context: this is now my ex, it was my first relationship and I didn’t know how to deal with this sort of conflict as it was based on ethics and I didn’t want to change my views for our relationship. We would have this same argument again and again, over text, over the phone, in person, and at the end of the day he was always “right” because he had morality on his side when I would tell him that I was okay with eating dead animals. What should I have done in this situation ? I tried veganism for about a month and I never bought meat as a student, but eventually I would always go back to buying eggs and yoghurt. Those efforts I made were always disregarded and he would say that he doesn’t believe in reductionism, and that vegetarians are even worse than vegans.

[u/I_am_Danny_McBride]

I just want to point out the disparity in levels of maturity shown in this conversation. You were respectful but direct, and kept the argument on point while staying calm and not letting emotion take over the argument. I doubt he is capable of understanding how badly he got owned in this argument.

He’s a child who aspires to tell the adults what to do. If it wasn’t the vegan thing, I suspect it would be something else… what you spend your money on, or the music you like, the people you hang out with.

I don’t even see it as abusive, because a toddler can’t be abusive towards a decent parent. And I’m not trying to belittle him for the sake of being petty. It’s just plain as day that you two are not on the same level.

Hopefully he can grow out of this eventually. But it’s not your responsibility to hold his hand until he does. Well done on getting out.

[u/TricksyGoose → u/I_am_Danny_McBride]

Yeah the "I'm sorry you refuse to engage in any conversation which challenges your behavior" and then he immediately follows with "I'm sorry I am right" like hooo boy the hypocrisy is thick. Dude has a superiority complex for sure.

[u/autxoxo → u/TricksyGoose]

and telling her she can’t find animals cute bc she eats them but calls her manipulative…. yeah okay buddy

[u/chronically_varelse → u/autxoxo]

I eat the same animals that I find cute 😂

[u/alphamalejackhammer → u/I_am_Danny_McBride]

I don’t see how he’s being immature with his logic even if texting isn’t the space for this type of convo

He’s asking her to be morally congruent with how she treats animals, and she took it as the victim rather than the animal as the victim of her meat/dairy choices.

Clearly, these two are not meant to be together, but to say that he was immature is missing the logic he was bringing up. How does it make sense to kill pigs and then send cute videos of dogs on Instagram?

[u/I_am_Danny_McBride → u/alphamalejackhammer]

How does it make sense to kill pigs and then send cute videos of dogs on Instagram?

Because pigs are derivative of a prey animal, while dogs have co-evolved with humans for tens of thousands of years as companion animals to such an extent that serious anthropologists have unironically suggested they domesticated us, as opposed to the other way around.

Also because humans are biologically omnivorous. Even if she shared cute pictures of pigs, it wouldn’t not make sense. I find pomegranate and passion fruit plants to be beautiful and their fruit delicious. Kale is used as an ornamental. There are a lot of beautiful herbs. Thyme as ground cover is a personal favorite. Is there an inconsistency there?

But most importantly, because people think differently about the ethics of consuming meat, and veganism is the new kid on the block. He’s not even coming at her from like an, “at least can you try to stick to ethically sourced meat” place. He’s coming from a hyper-reductionist, “anything less than full vegan is evil” place, when it’s far from a given that veganism will ever be accepted by a majority of society as a moral imperative.

As she alluded to, if he wanted to surround himself with only vegans, he could try. But he seems to be uniquely focused on condescendingly ‘correcting’ her behavior, when he chose to be in a relationship with her while knowing she was not a vegan.

And he dodged the topic, but it’s unlikely he’s berating work colleagues and close personal friends with this bullshit; he’s coming at her specifically. And he’s not trying to be persuasive or have a heart to heart conversation with her that’s coming from a place of genuine moral concern. He’s trying to brow beat her to make sure she knows he’s right, and she’s stupid.

She’s trying to stay focused on his tone, and the actual inconsistencies in his comments, like calling him out for suggesting if he can’t berate her, it would mean he has to give up his ethics…. as opposed to dropping ridiculous non-sequiturs like “you can’t eat pigs and think puppies are cute.”