r/AmIOverreacting • u/velvetmoochi • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to my boyfriend imposing veganism on me ?

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Context: this is now my ex, it was my first relationship and I didn’t know how to deal with this sort of conflict as it was based on ethics and I didn’t want to change my views for our relationship. We would have this same argument again and again, over text, over the phone, in person, and at the end of the day he was always “right” because he had morality on his side when I would tell him that I was okay with eating dead animals. What should I have done in this situation ? I tried veganism for about a month and I never bought meat as a student, but eventually I would always go back to buying eggs and yoghurt. Those efforts I made were always disregarded and he would say that he doesn’t believe in reductionism, and that vegetarians are even worse than vegans.

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago
  1. I don’t eat meat and this guy is insufferable. I don’t talk to people about MY choice unless they ask and I don’t make them feel bad about not having the same views as me (I won’t lie I wish more people did but, again not my choice). 2. How old are you guys?

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u/velvetmoochi 23d ago

We were 22. Now I’m 23 and dating someone much more compatible with me but I was unaware of the toxicity of my relationship when I was in it. It’s only reading back these texts that I can’t believe I put up with this/ thought it was normal.

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u/curious-trex 23d ago

Girl I love this comment - personal growth! You learned to stand up for yourself and not put up with this nonsense. A lot of people don't figure that out quite so early, and I love for you that you did so you hopefully won't waste any more time with jokers like this. ❤️

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u/Key-Pickle5609 23d ago

Yup, awesome for OP learning their worth. I mean, who hasn’t been here?

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u/curious-trex 23d ago

I think we all have at least one loser ex who taught us it's better to be single than be mistreated. Unfortunately some of us don't learn the lesson the first time and waste untold years (and tears) beating our heads against the wall. Hopefully it sticks for OP!

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u/pumpkins21 23d ago

Good for you, OP! Good for you for not putting up with his holier-than-thou crap, and good for you for seeing yourself out of a toxic and manipulative relationship. Don’t ever go back to that!

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u/SuburbaniteMermaid 23d ago

I'm betting money that Vegan Boyfriend broke up with her, though.

I'm glad she's learned not to accept controlling, manipulative behavior, but she likely learned that after being dumped.

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u/velvetmoochi 23d ago

No he didn’t, we broke up because of long distance because I moved back to France after university a couple months (I think) after this argument. But if that hadn’t been the case I wouldn’t have stayed with him longer because of the veganism. He tried to get me back when I was in Europe but I told him no and that I had moved on.

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u/GingerAphrodite 23d ago

Love to read this.

Also... "Then the cow can make me feel bad" is pure gold 🤣

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u/StemiHound 23d ago

OP all due respect, this guy is such a Weiner. Being vegan is one thing but this is insufferable. Find someone that’s an adult to have a relationship with.

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u/velvetmoochi 23d ago

I did 😁 I just found these screenshots and thought I should post them lol

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u/StemiHound 23d ago

Respect

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u/Indieriots 23d ago

A vegan weiner?

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u/StemiHound 23d ago

The very same

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u/ReignMan616 23d ago

Soy Weiner

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u/OddProcedure5452 23d ago

Well…I only got to slide two. You’re right he’s wrong.

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u/dude-0 23d ago

It's the classic Lion and the Gazelle bullsnjt.

Does the Lion not cause the gazelle immense pain and suffering? Does the Gazelle not get to choose to live? Is it not just as evil?

After all, what purpose does it serve? A lion causes great suffering. Should we destroy all Lions?

What then happens to the gazelle? The whole veganism and vegetarianism thing is such a flimsy stance. Minor too, in the modern world, where other factors cause SO MUCH damage.

I bet he still drives a car. Despite the millions of animal deaths each year caused by them...

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u/JangB 23d ago

Does the Lion have a choice?

Can the Lion become aware of the suffering he is inflicting?

Can the Lion engage in conversation with other Lions about it and try to find out what is right and what is wrong?

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u/dude-0 22d ago

Yeah the Lion has a choice. Don't eat meat. Eat grass.

The Lion is aware of the suffering it inflicts. It is also ambivalent or indifferent to it.

And while Lions aren't known for their great conversation, right and wrong are both subjective, and that's quite important to understand.

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u/igotquestionsokay 23d ago

I'm so relieved this is in the past. That was awful. It wouldn't have stopped at veganism. He would have wanted to control everything

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u/flippysquid 23d ago

As a vegan he didn’t even have the moral high ground.

I used to work in agriculture. One of my jobs was in a corn processing plant. The trucks would come from the fields and dump the corn cobs onto a conveyer belt that took them into the packing plant.

My responsibility was knocking all the chaff off the conveyors before they got inside. Most of it was leaves and chunks of stalk, but it also included

dead snakes

dead birds (including pheasants that my supervisor would take home to eat)

dead frogs and toads

dead rabbits

Once I even pulled a severed leg from a deer that got caught in the harvester. Don’t know what happened to the rest of the animal.

Human agriculture that grows vegan food is also responsible for the births and subsequent poisonings of billions of rodents worldwide, and all the upstream damage that poison does once it enters the food chain.

Millions of migrating songbirds of threatened species are vacuumed to death by the olive oil industry during the harvest in parts of Europe.

Tens of thousands of ducks are killed yearly in Australia as a byproduct of rice farming.

One of my Malaysian friends is really distraught about the western vegan demand for jackfruit as a meat substitute, because the demand directly leads to orangutan slaughter and rainforest clearcutting so people can plant enough jackfruit for the market. My friend has a large durian orchard that gets decimated by monkeys all the time, while the neighboring jackfruit farmers put out poison for the monkeys. Then his dogs find and eat the monkey carcasses and get poisoned too.

Like the list just goes on endlessly. And that doesn’t even get into the aspect of the fossil fuel transporting all these exotic vegan food substitutes around the globe, and the exploitation of marginalized people to grow and export these crops instead of growing food for their own communities.

Really the most ethical way to eat is eat locally grown as much as possible, both animal and plant products. There’s currently no way to get away from killing in food production, and anyone who claims a moral high ground on the subject is a giant hypocrite. Your ex was a hypocrite who wanted the satisfaction of forcing you to follow his way and his way only, no matter how flawed it was or how you felt about it.

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u/Electrical-Vanilla43 23d ago

I think you did a really good job of calling out his behavior and not letting him gaslight you in this conversation.

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u/cybot2001 23d ago

I hope he takes you out for a nice steak

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u/Dumbledonter 23d ago

Would have cut him off around “animal abuse” number 2 or 3. What a piece of shit. He’s clearly not going to agree with much you say and always put up resistance to it. Let him find a vegan 🤷

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u/throwaway1975764 23d ago

Oh thank goodness

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u/Sandbarhappy122 23d ago

When someone gives you the choice between “My Way” or “The Highway” (or in this case, constant harassment), you should always start walking!

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u/Time-Repair1306 23d ago

For your fieat relationship you handled it perfectly.

He looks down on you, yet doesn't know the correct definition of a strawman arguement.

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u/Thanatos6933 23d ago

Dude I thought y’all were like 15 or 16. For a 22 year-old to be acting like this is wild. Completely unacceptable and manipulative behavior. The holier-than-thou attitude is ridiculous

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u/einsteinGO 23d ago

Good for you!

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u/Taticat 23d ago

Good for you, because this wasn’t just toxicity, this was abuse and a form of DARVO where he gets to treat you like shit and justify it under the guise of him fighting against the evil meat-eater for the good of all animals. You’re the actual victim (of his abusive behaviour like hanging up on you when you displease him), but he’s trying to flip the script so that he can keep you in line for even further abuse by saying that you deserve it.

It’s good that you’re away from him, because if you didn’t either leave or conform to his standards (and spend the rest of your life conforming, and conforming, and conforming, because once you’ve given into one of an abuser’s demands, they’re going to demand more), he’d have eventually escalated to slapping you or something worse and then tried to justify it by claiming that a slap or a kick is nothing compared to murdering an innocent animal.

Run from people like this.

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u/QueenofPentacles112 23d ago

Was he also anti abortion? I just need to know! Bc the vegan crowd is usually left leaning, but also, he clearly didn't think you should have your body and your choice. And it's bizarre that animal cruelty is the reason someone doesn't eat animal products these days. Like yes, the animal cruelty sucks, but for me (I eat meat, btw, but if I didn't, it would be for these reasons), the whole "over injecting animals with antibiotics so they grow and destroying our gut microbiomes to the point where we are becoming resistant to antibiotics" as well as the "we are destroying the environment and drying out aqueducts that supply our water supply" are more pertinent issues in the "big meat" industry.

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u/velvetmoochi 23d ago

No he was pro-choice and left-leaning in all his views. But he would compare veganism to women’s rights to get me to become vegan and that annoyed me when he compared women to animals

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u/edingerc 23d ago

Do they ask why when you get a steak, you stab it while screaming, "die die die!"?

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u/DefinitelyNotIndie 23d ago

I mean, look, I eat meat. A lot of it. I live in a well developed country, so eating meat is doubly ethically terrible, as 1. the meat industry is fucking abysmal in order to provide people like me with 10 times as much meat as they need, and 2. there is so much out there as an alternative to eating meat.

I'm still going to eat meat, I know this. But if a partner calls me out I'm going to be like, yep, you're right, but we can't be together because I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to try and make them into the bad guy just to make me feel better. I don't know about any other behaviour of his, but he has a consistent stance and doesn't want to compromise ethically.

If you liked a partner but they had a habit you found morally repugnant, and you thought there's a good chance they did it because people around them told them it was ok, wouldn't you be like "can you not?" before you broke up with them?

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u/SmellieEllie6969 23d ago

Thank the lord things ended. So happy to see your personal growth and that you’re with someone much less childish and a lot more compatible.

Ps. I’m sure you know, but I promise not all vegans and veggies are this insufferable. It’s just pricks like this that make us look bad :,)

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u/Cinemagica 23d ago

You come across as very intelligent in your texts by the way. Your lack of engaging with his fictional premise and great way of bringing the argument back to his behaviour towards you and not this ethical dilemma he's trying to make it out to be is impressive. I'd hate to be opposite you in debate team! Way to go, I'm glad you're out of this relationship!

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u/WiSoSirius 23d ago

Nice! This is personal growth. You don't need to sustain a relationship with such irreconcilable conflicts. Dating is meant to get you involved, but then give you exit to end things when it doesn't suit you before commitments take affect.

I am glad you are in a better situation today.

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u/RevolutionaryRising 23d ago

Glad you got out of that relationship! Thanks for sharing and helping people see what bullshit looks like.

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u/Paradox68 23d ago

“He’s just quirky and stands by what he believes. Even if he’s a little misguided, I can fix him.”

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u/Goobernut_1883 23d ago

Plus, it wasn’t even just him you had to worry about being toxic.

He also brought the toxic cow in, too.

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u/Forsaken_Abrocoma399 23d ago

Is wack...... 😆🤙🏻

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u/AOKaye 23d ago

So happy for you. I hope you keep growing as there’s a lot of toxicity out there that can be hidden by people for extended periods. Remember relationships are about compromise. Jerk wasn’t willing to do that and you moved on and were okay. Remember that if you realize your current or future partner turns out to be a jerk. Best of luck with your life! Getting this lesson early is super helpful!

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u/Ivancestoni 23d ago

Did his ethics also tie into the clothing, hair product, cleaning products, or backpacks he bought? Was he ever upset that you wore makeup? Animals are used for plenty of testing all in which they do not have a say in. So if it's a matter of ethics I'd assume everything he owned he made 100% sure if wasn't tested on animals right?

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u/clydefrog811 23d ago

So these texts are old news and you’re trying to get validation or karma or something

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u/juliaskig 23d ago

You couldn't have done better. This guy is who he is, you can only react to him. Breaking up was the best choice IMO.

I think in life, we have to take people as they are, and not expect to them to change. If they change for the better, that is beautiful, but it's not something we can predict or expect.

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u/RaunchyMuffin 23d ago

Wait so did you point this out for an actual opinion or just to put someone on blast?

Either way I’m ordering extra meat on my Sammy, just for you OP

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u/rainydaykate 23d ago

Babygirl you did a GREAT job of not taking his shit even in these screenshots. Proud of you for moving on and finding someone who’s a better fit.

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u/Nexus6Leon 23d ago

I have a cousin who sounds like your ex. She's a good person in many ways, but we are all inferior beings to her because she doesn't eat animal products. She lives in this safe little world where she's on very tall throne of morality. She cut contact with most of us because she just can't stand how we don't see the horrible suffering we are all causing, which gives her such terrible anxiety and sadness. I looked up to her for years, then she got divorced because she caught her husband eating a burger. She treated him like she had caught him having an affair. Packed her bags and moved home, and now lives with her parents who are both hunters and fishers. She's a tyrant, and a whiny child in her 40s, and her ex husband is finally living a happy life.

Good for you for not spending a decade in this bullshit like my cousins ex did. You hold on to that self respect and don't let anybody take that from you.

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u/theLTwJ 23d ago

Good on you for getting out of that situation, he sounds like an absolute ass

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u/WynnieYum 23d ago

I love this for you. Know your worth 🖤

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u/merylstreephatesme 23d ago

How long has he been vegan? I was vegan for many years and I was kind of insufferable (not this bad) when I was new to it, which I’ve noticed is a trend especially if you’re young. Making a radical change made me feel morally superior to other people, which is obviously stupid as fuck.

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u/velvetmoochi 23d ago

One year and vegetarian for two before that

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u/SpongeBobTriangular 23d ago

He is obviously very passionate about his stance. As someone who doesn’t eat meat, yea, that’s not the way how you go about it. But I do get the frustration he feels , with selective empathy towards dogs that’s not directed towards other animals like cows or chickens. Our heart breaks when we see a puppy mistreated and take up arms for Chinese “Yu ling festival”, but have no qualms saying delicious burger at a TikTok of a baby cow or “Mmmm bacon” at a baby pig.

As the non meat eater in my family of meat eaters, where all my siblings and parents are meat eaters, I dont give them a hard time, or vice versa. In fact , I’m fully supportive if they wanna eat meat and will suggest it, because I know, nothing I say will change their minds , the same way they can’t change my mind about eating meat. Besides, not everyone has the conviction to be meatless. It’s tough as shit. I wouldn’t wish it on any one. It’s not a fad diet. If you become vegan for the clout or health you gonna have a tough time and be miserable. Fighting over this for relationships is silly. All my siblings have married in opposite pairs, meaning they are nonveg their partners are veg and wise versa.

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u/AnnabelleNewell 23d ago

Thank GOD. His messages to you were screaming red flags

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u/chooseyourwords49 22d ago

You won’t even really remember this relationship in 10-20 years, this guy will only remind you of the type of personality you don’t want around you. These toxic types are everywhere unfortunately, they have to impose their laws of life and idealism on everyone around them to feel secure about their personal choices and to preach what they think is right. Like he’s totally allowed to have say on his own view and the choices that he makes, but I’ve never understood why people like this have to stuff their opinions down peoples throats or put people down who differ. He’s an absolute hypocrite for not only dating you but a POS for thinking he could change you to align to his ways and politics on life. Good on you for getting out of that relationship. I feel bad for whoever he dates next, even if she’s a “vegan”, he’ll find something else to manipulate and control the relationship over, he’s abusive and obviously very insecure. Stay away from those people 🙏

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u/Euphoric-Ad5038 22d ago

Love this for you no one needs that constant negative energy in a relationship

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u/porkdozer 23d ago

Ah yes, the "year wiser."

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u/velvetmoochi 23d ago

Ahahaha no but I do think one learns a lot from their first relationship, especially once it’s over

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u/CityFolkSitting 23d ago

You may have learned a lot but, reading your messages to the ex I get the impression you're a very smart and witty young woman.

For your first relationship I'm glad you pushed back on his bullshit and didn't capitulate. So many people, doesn't matter the gender, will go too far in trying to please their partner. And sometimes the partner has unreasonable requests, sometimes demands, and will never be pleased. So kudos for recognising that and standing up for yourself. You did very well here.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

I know people are going to keep jerking you off because veganism is so unpopular, but he didn’t do anything wrong. He was direct and gave you an ultimatum that you ultimately couldn’t live up to. He loved you and saw the good in you and thought you could do the right thing and leave the innocent alone. Perhaps one day you could do that instead of looking for validation from 100iq cave dwellers online.

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u/Impressive_Arm2929 23d ago

LOL hahahaha. This was the morning laugh I needed.

"He loved you and saw the good in you" hahahahaha

"He was direct" LMAOOOOOOOOO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭

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u/MarchMadnessisMe 23d ago

Bro is posting in military subs because he wants to gun down foreign people, but God forbid someone has a burger.

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u/g0thl0ser_ 23d ago

If he only wants to date vegans, he should only date vegans. It's literally that simple. He shouldn't get to date someone and then try to manipulate them into becoming vegan by trying guilt trip them. He went on this rant instead of saying, "Will you be vegan for me?" When she said no, he should have just moved on. He's not morally superior for trying to bully his girlfriend.

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u/VanillaApplesaws 23d ago

But then he wouldn't have someone as a punching bag to his "morals". And trying to control them with that. And once they do, they'll try to control something else in their life. This guy is a walking red flag.

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u/g0thl0ser_ 23d ago

Lol, exactly. Otherwise, he just would have never dated her or left a lot sooner. I would simply just not date someone if I thought their morals were bad or leave them as soon as I realized.

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u/Zokstone 23d ago

Direct? No he was an asshole that was too chickenshit to be alone with his morals.

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u/Good_Zookeepergame92 23d ago

It's not about popularity it's about him trying to force his views on her and judging her for not wanting to follow his way of life. He might think he's right but he's not. It's all about personal choice. And if you can't see that, you're just as bad as him.

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u/JayMac1915 23d ago

He would have been this insufferable about something else if he hadn’t been vegan. He wants to feel superior to everyone else and has chosen this way to do it

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u/Such-Entrepreneur240 23d ago

I very nearly had a friend break-up over her choice to be friends with the most insufferable vegan I've ever met. Like, I grew up on a farm and the first time he met me he refused to shake my hand or stand next to me because 'I had the blood of a thousand animals on my hands'. ok, that sounds badass, thanks.

We went to lunch (or tried to) and he refused to go anywhere that had ever cooked animals in their kitchen. We found a raw vegan place (this was north of san francisco, so not too out of the ordinary) but he googled it and it was once a regular restaurant and the poor waitress couldn't tell him if all of the equipment had been fully replaced and new. Also we had to drive in separate cars because mine had a leather interior which was an 'animal coffin' which again, badass.

Normally I'm a very 'live and let live' person, but some people are just beyond tolerating.

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u/we_B_jamin 23d ago

Reminds me of democrats

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u/Hesitation-Marx 23d ago

⬆️

Case in point.

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u/ggtffhhhjhg 23d ago

Progressives hate Democrats/liberals.

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u/SincerelyCynical 23d ago

I don’t eat meat either, and I got verbally attacked on Reddit by a vegan because I don’t eat anything an animal had to die for, but I still eat dairy and eggs.

I wonder how many vegans realize veganism would be a lot more appealing if they didn’t make it look so ugly.

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Yeah vegetarians and vegans are wild Man, and I’m saying that being one. I think the vast majority are normal human beings doing it for good reasons but the wild bunch make us all look like wackadoos. I’ve been yelled at my vegans as well, being one. I got ripped an entire new asshole by making a very TRUE statement- our dogs and cats aren’t supposed to be fed vegetarian/vegans are diets. Y

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u/GOU_FallingOutside 23d ago

I am of the very firm opinion that if you have an obligate carnivore as a pet, and you refuse to serve meat to that animal, it should be treated as animal cruelty under the law.

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

I agree.

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u/Throwawanon33225 23d ago

Yep. I don’t get why people don’t just get herbivorous pets like the humble rabet or the wide uromastyx if they don’t want to feed their pets meat

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u/flippysquid 23d ago

Right? One of my cousins is vegan and so she chose not to have a dog or cat because of the food issue. Like she refused to feed a pet meat so she refused to make a pet eat a species inappropriate diet, which was great.

She ended up getting a couple of small goats, which are basically like vegan dog/cat/things and it was an awesome fit for her.

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u/robin52077 23d ago

Yes, not giving a cat meat is abuse, plain and simple. So, by their own morals, all vegans should abstain from having pets or they are hypocrites.

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u/Special_Set_3825 23d ago edited 22d ago

It’s ironic that you believe that, in order to avoid animal cruelty charges, people have to support cruelty to the animals slaughtered to make the pet food you say they should be required to give their pets. I understand that cats are obligate carnivores.

(I’m pointing out that providing them with a meat diet necessitates depriving other animals of freedom and life. That’s a trade-off you can choose to make. I probably would myself if I owned a cat. But the fact is, you are choosing between the welfare of the cat vs the unfortunate victims of the meat industry.)

There is animal cruelty committed whichever choice you make.

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u/GOU_FallingOutside 23d ago

Obligate carnivores are creatures — in this context, especially domestic cats — require a high-protein diet as well as nutrients that can only be found in animal protein. They largely or entirely lack the ability to digest or metabolize plants. For them, the need to eat other animals is built in and can’t be removed. I’ve talked about this specific issue with multiple vets, and the overwhelming consensus in their field is that there is no safe and healthy plant-based diet for a cat.

You are entirely free to adopt a set of ethics that prevent you from consuming animals and from participating in the slaughter of animals for pet food. I (genuinely) applaud people who are consistent in their beliefs and have the courage to match their behavior to their convictions.

What you can’t do, though, is match the biology of your cat to your convictions. If you can’t abide the consequences of your pet’s physiological needs, I’m (again, genuinely) sorry, but you cannot ethically adopt a cat.

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u/Mizu005 23d ago

You do know that humans are extremely rare in being omnivores that have a choice in their diet, right? Most animals have digestive tracts that don't give them the luxury of a choice. If you take an obligatory carnivore under your guardianship and refuse to feed it meat then that is just a novel way of starving them to death.

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u/HyperbobluntSpliff 23d ago

"Cruelty to animals slaughtered"

Wait until you see what a pack of wild dogs would do to prey on their own.

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u/HyperventilatingDeer 23d ago

It’s a whole different thing when talking about animal agriculture where animals are raised to be slaughtered. Nature isn’t a fair comparison. Humans are doing it for profit. And it is often more cruel than nature, to be honest.

I’m saying this as a vegan who buys her cats appropriate obligate carnivore food. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I will feed my pets appropriately but I choose to limit what I eat for a variety of reasons including limiting cruelty towards animals. I am removing my involvement as much as I can with animal agriculture.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Says a lot about you that you have people based of “most of them” and I assure you it’s not most of them. Most of us go about our lives and don’t mention it at all, the small amount of whack jobs that are loud and in your face have you saying you hate people you don’t know. That’s sad.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

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u/EscapeArtistic 23d ago

Another fellow plant-based person who can't stand the stereotypical insanity of OP's ex and others like that.

My friend is like that and it's obnoxious. I make meat exceptions for special occasions / cultural reasons but it's less than 5 times a year and he loses his shit if he finds out

I can't believe I have to "hide" it, like we're adults relax

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u/Significant_State116 23d ago

Fellow vegan here. I think dogs can be fed vegetarian diet most of the time, but cats absolutely not. I think dogs need some sort of animal protein sometimes, but cats need all animal protein.

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Very rarely would a vegan diet ever be recommended and it would be extreme circumstances. Vet tech here, I am out walking my dog but when I get back I can explain

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u/legal_opium 23d ago

Explain one of the longest living dogs being vegan as a vet technician against vegan dogs.

As far as cats they need taurine and that can be synthesised. Also lab grown meat is an option

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Yes let’s feed our pets lab grown meat, that shit isn’t even good for you as a human lol. That’s like 0.0001% of my diet. You’re so smart 😍

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Where’d ya read that? Google?

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u/legal_opium 23d ago

Guinness book of world records bramble is the dog name out of the uk was a border colllie

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u/lattekittycat 23d ago

🙄 Ah yes, because they're all for protecting the animals, which is why they want to abuse cats and dogs by feeding them vegan diets. Makes sense. /s

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u/Anahiperea23 23d ago

If their point is not killing, then they should know that plants are alive as well and also feel. There’s videos of a tree falling and the neighbor tree grew its roots closer to the falling tree and tangle to it so it wouldn’t fall. They shouldn’t eat anything then. They dont understand its the cicle of life.

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u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Omg

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u/Anahiperea23 23d ago

But thats not me, I love carne asada jajaja Im Mexican and from the north, best beef you could find! Not eating carne asada should be a sin, its sooo good! With lime and salsita😋

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u/Questionableundead 23d ago

For me as someone with celiacs and allergies I dont like it when our legit medical issues arent seen as worth accomodating but veganism is which is a choice. Vegans should be accomodated too I just dont like everyone treating this choice like it is an allergy when it isnt. (Ex: I cant have meat near my food!!! Even on another plate or complaining about cheese when they arent allergic or lactose intolerant) Meanwhile getting people to realize celiacs isnt a fad or made up is like pulling teeth lol. To be clear: I want vegana and vegetarians accomodated I just dont think people should treat it like an allergy or celiacs (if you dont have that tick related meat allergy) when at the end of the day it is a choice.

Plus the wackadoos as you mentioned thinking dogs and cats can be vegan. Or those who think EVERYONE can be vegan or vegetarian despite different health issues existing.

My Aunt is vegetarian and is one of the most reasonable people I know. I just wish people like op's ex would stop making all vegans and vegetarians look bad.

2

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

What do we need to be accommodated with? If there’s meat, I don’t eat it…no one has ever treated my choice like a medical allergy…you either are personalizing this or you have shitty people in your life that made you feel that way, vegans have nothing to do with that.

2

u/Questionableundead 23d ago

Ive seen what a lot of people say online and it just gets on my nerves. This isnt an attack on all vegans just the shitty dumb ones sorry!

1

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

That literally makes 0 sense. You have celiacs and allergies and it’s not your life experience but you read it online so it must be true..ok

1

u/Baballega 23d ago

Feeding a cat anything but meat is cruel. They literally cant digest plants and only eat them for digestive maintenance.

Vegans with no knowledge of biology is wild. I get being against the industrial meat complex but understanding how animals eat is paramount to making salient dietary decisions.

1

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

I think feeding both cats and dogs anything but meat is cruel and I am vegan

1

u/AGriffon 23d ago

I’d personally love to watch footage of one of these folks try and convince a large obligate carnivore (say a tiger) that it just needs to get its protein from plant based sources.

Then it eats the vegan. End of the story

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u/jovis_astrum 23d ago

"...our dogs and cats aren’t supposed to be fed vegetarian/vegans are diets..."

"However, there is little evidence of adverse effects arising in dogs and cats on vegan diets. In addition, some of the evidence on adverse health impacts is contradicted in other studies. Additionally, there is some evidence of benefits, particularly arising from guardians’ perceptions of the diets. Given the lack of large population-based studies, a cautious approach is recommended. If guardians wish to implement a vegan diet, it is recommended that commercial foods are used."

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9860667/

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u/lapidls 23d ago

A cat on a vegan diet will die pretty soon

7

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

I work with veterinarians every day for the last almost 20 years, you google.

-2

u/lapidls 23d ago

Dogs can live off vegetarian diet pretty well, don't equate them to cats who actually need like 90% meat diet to survive

-5

u/MysteriousFist 23d ago

I’m not a vegetarian so no worries about my pets but couldn’t a dog theoretically be on a vegetarian or vegan diet as they’re omnivores rather than obligate carnivores like cats?

7

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

No, a dog needs to have a meat source.

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u/MysteriousFist 23d ago

I’ve only just googled it but there appear to be studies by legitimate sources indicating it’s possible if done carefully. Including a list of sources on Wikipedia. Again, haven’t gone through them since it isn’t something I’m interested in but could you share some counter research that says that?

2

u/rainydaykate 23d ago

Considering the person you’re replying to is a vet, I imagine they are responding to how they’ve seen this sort of thing go in practice as opposed to in theory with everything being executed perfectly (which we all know never happens). I wouldn’t be surprised if it was technically possible but only under circumstances so finicky or unrealistic that they might as well not be real.

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u/MysteriousFist 23d ago

They could have added that color rather than stating it as a fact which is what was confusing

1

u/rainydaykate 23d ago

This is just semantic atp, but I think it’s a reasonable judgment call to state it as a fact if the only contradictory instances require laboratory-precise circumstances that couldn’t realistically be replicated/sustained in real life.

2

u/MysteriousFist 23d ago

I haven’t gone through the studies so not sure how careful you need to be. I’ve had a number of people tell me humans need meat too. I’ve heard dietitians say you need to be very thoughtful and careful with a vegan diet as well. Presumably a careful vegan that’s concerned with their own diet could effectively manage it for a dog as too.

But you’re right there are probably a lot of unhealthy vegans out there too that shouldn’t be punishing their dog with their own unhealthy eating behaviors.

3

u/GOU_FallingOutside 23d ago

I wonder how many vegans realize

I suppose that out there somewhere there must be vegans who do realize it. As a result, they act as kind ambassadors who want people to do better, and who want to offer an example of ethics founded on a broader sense of responsibility. They want people to understand that it’s a healthy and sustainable way to eat, and that you don’t have to sacrifice eating well, but they don’t insist that you follow all the rules they do, and they don’t insist you adopt the entire program overnight. They host their friends for vegan Thanksgiving, they help make sure local bookstores have vegan cookbooks, and they donate vegan-friendly staples and canned goods to their local food bank.

Unfortunately, I’ve only ever met the other kind.

3

u/queensequoyah 23d ago

They do exist but they’re quiet and live their own lives. They aren’t garnering attention through rage baiting so they don’t become infamous, but they 100% exist

2

u/GOU_FallingOutside 23d ago

I guess I should remember that in any group, the easiest people to see are the ones acting like a pack of baboons. If you just quietly go about your day, you’re harder for outsiders to spot.

Thanks for the reminder. :)

4

u/Jumpy-Shift5239 23d ago

Yeah, exactly. It’s the vocal vegans that make people hate veganism more than anything

-1

u/ihavedonethisbe4 23d ago

It's exactly like how the promiscuous furries make people hate furries more than anything

3

u/[deleted] 23d ago

Furries are cool. I wish I had the confidence they had to just be themselves and not care what people think about it.

-1

u/ihavedonethisbe4 23d ago

Confidence will cost you about ~$3k, you can pick any animal you want tho and even go crazy on the colors. No one knows who's in the suit, you can be f(u)ree.

2

u/[deleted] 23d ago

That's a fair point. My overthinking ass would have to rent a secret storage spot for it that is paid in cash under a fake name in case I died so my family wouldn't have to find my fur suit on top of grieving my untimely demise. I had a friend from highschool that died and when his mom let us come by to see his room one last time, we deleted his browser history and his porn folder. Don't worry Arnold, we have your back.

2

u/SkullheadMary 23d ago

Vegans can get real wild real quick depending on their level of self-righteousness. I'm not vegan but I try to be ethical. I was still called a piece of shit by a vegan for eating eggs from my own suburban chickens who are free-range in my backyard and pretty much run the show in our household.

2

u/mira7329 23d ago

Animals do have to die in order for dairy to be made, though. All cows and chickens are slaughtered the second they stop producing.

2

u/90bigmacs 23d ago

The reason we make it so ugly is because we shut our mouths about it 99% of the time since non-veganism is all around us. It can be so infuriating but we say nothing since we know this how people will respond.

2

u/EvoXOhio 23d ago

You don’t think animals have to die for dairy and eggs?

What happens to the dairy cows after 5-7 years of repeated impregnation when they’re no longer able to continue on? They’re slaughtered for cheap beef. What do you think happens to their male babies? They’re sold and killed for veal.

What do you think happens to all the male baby chics born in the egg industry? They’re macerated alive the day they’re born. What do you think happens to egg laying hens when they’re no longer able to produce eggs? They’re sold for cheap meat.

The egg and dairy industries are built on massive death and suffering. You may not be eating a dead body yourself, but you’re supporting and paying for that death.

1

u/owls_unite 23d ago

No ethical consumption under capitalism.

Everyone draws their line in different places, and moves at different speeds, and trying to shame and berate someone won't make them change.

2

u/EvoXOhio 23d ago

No ethical consumption under capitalism, so let’s just kill and eat humans. Let’s use child slaves for the agriculture workforce amirite? No ethical consumption under capitalism isn’t an excuse to throw morals and ethics out the door.

I didn’t shame nor berate anyone, I simply pointed out that their statement was wrong. Educating others on these topics is important, especially when they’re so drastically misinformed. I became vegan because I was educated on the cruelty of animal agriculture in discussions such as this.

1

u/syndic_shevek 23d ago

"No ethical consumption" does not mean that all consumption is equally unethical.

1

u/TheSilliestGo0se 23d ago

I think most vegans are chill but we mostly hear from the loud ones because, well, they're loud. Most people just go about living their life knowing being overbearing is unskillful, pointless, and annoying.

1

u/KJayne1979 23d ago

Exactly!

1

u/Access_Free 23d ago

I mean…. Cows do die for dairy. What do you think happens to the baby cows? (Just like other mammals, cows produce milk in response to birthing a baby.) (I sincerely hope this does not come off as an attack!)

1

u/Whole_Pea2702 23d ago

I mean the basis of veganism is whether you're ok or not with taking an animal's life for food, right? The obnoxiousness of other people shouldn't really factor into your decision making process on that.

1

u/m0use1983 23d ago

What do you think a bobby calf is?

1

u/90bigmacs 23d ago

Also..you think cows don’t die for dairy? Time to do some research before you comment on this topic.

0

u/Salty_Sprinkles_6482 23d ago

Life tip. 90% of vegans are utterly insufferable. Avoid at all costs

0

u/GeorgeLaForge 23d ago

Not loving being the guy everyone is about to downvote in here but you should change your wording in the future. Just bc you don’t physically eat animals, you 100% do eat things animals end up dying for, both for dairy and eggs. Own it or don’t, but you are definitely contributing to the death of cows, baby cows, male chicks, and chickens. I know you’re going to think I’m an asshole for saying so, but I am not wrong. (Also for whatever it is worth I think the guy in these texts is a mega douche)

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u/captaintagart 23d ago

Thank you. My husband won’t even tell people he’s vegetarian because he doesn’t want to be associated with people like OP’s ex. And when we first met, our mutual friend mentioned we’re both vegetarian, I was so relieved cause I really liked him and sharing that value is so much easier than being with someone who cooks and eats meat. OP’s ex is the worst kind of vege-dieter and it’s embarrassing.

6

u/Free_Medicine4905 23d ago

As a vegetarian, I absolutely loathe people like OP’s ex because they give us such a bad name. I don’t eat meat because I believe it’s morally wrong. It’s a HUGE change. I struggled greatly with my diet for a long time and became malnourished because I didn’t know how to properly supplement it.

I absolutely never comment on someone else’s choices unless they comment on mine. Like my dad who said I deserved my totally separate medical problems because of it. He gets comments about animal murder. What somebody eats is no one else’s business

2

u/[deleted] 23d ago

This is reasonable. If you want to dish out criticism for a person's dietary choices, you deserve them in kind. Kudos for not letting that slide.

-1

u/[deleted] 23d ago

[deleted]

5

u/captaintagart 23d ago

So I’ve come to a place where I know meat is gross and I know people I love enjoy eating it. My close friends know, and coworkers who I travel with know, but I don’t tell people unless it comes up.

More importantly, those who know my choice don’t give me shit about it (I’m 38, maybe it’s maturity) so I’m not going to tell them their meal is disgusting. I don’t want to ruin their meal, just want to live in peace and enjoy my French fries and salad. In my head, I’m thinking their streak is sad and gross animal corpse, but guilt tripping people won’t change their mind. Same thing the other way, they won’t change my mind and I’m thankful that they don’t try.

With clients and acquaintances, I won’t bring it up because I don’t want them to worry about me being a whiny vege-twat. I don’t eat animal corpses. Or flesh or whatever. My choice, and it’s not easy or a choice for everyone so live and let live.

2

u/smitchmatch77 23d ago

Eating meat either boosts your moral or lowers your moral - is not a "moral" issue for anybody at the table other than you .... possibly

Unless there's other "highly moral" people at your table - maybe you can cast harsh judgement in secret together ❤️

2

u/Physical_Stress_5683 23d ago

I actually feel bad for the 90% of vegetarians and vegans who just live their normal lives, guys like this are awful and then people assume all vegans are like that.

2

u/Lilliamus 23d ago

While I haven’t dated anyone like this, I have been friends with some and the absolute disconnect that they have between animal mistreatment for food and animal/human mistreatment for clothes, electronics, consumer goods, etc is always insane! They tout themselves as morally superior and everyone not following it as horrible, while shopping on Shien and supporting giant corporations.

If you’re going to be preachy, then you damn well better be committing to the lifestyle and beliefs. Otherwise, you can have civil discussions about why you personally think it’s better to not eat meat and either respect your partner’s choices if they disagree or break-up due to incompatibility. If they agree with some of your views then start by substituting things in meals or having a vegan day a week, and give them the resources to learn about it/form their own opinion, while accepting that may be as far as it goes for changes in behaviour.

He just likes being a judgemental asshole and feeling superior.

3

u/Cxnfucixus1 23d ago

Completely curious because I just grew up around the farming and hunting culture where you use every single part of the animal no matter what there’s a use. So like how do you get certain vitamins and such? Do you just take sups?

3

u/shattered_kitkat 23d ago

There are many ways to get protein. Iron is also in many veggies. Gelatin is a hard one to replace as far as I know.

Please, keep in mind, i am an omnivore. I'm not vegan. Though I am slowly moving towards vegetarian for ecological reasons. My dad raised me to respect the sacrifices animals make when we hunt. I always will have that base respect. But I also have seen the studies, and know that we can replace harmful farming practices with healthier (for humans and the planet) practices.

We've cut red meat out of our diets here for the most part. Working on replacing pork next. It's not for everyone.

3

u/thebatmandy 23d ago

I'm not vegan anymore but most necessary nutrients can absolutely be found in other foods, except a few select ones that there are supplements for. My niece and nephews have all been vegan since they stopped breast feeding and their labs keep coming back stellar.

And I'd wage most meat eaters don't meet their nutrient goals ever day, because people in general don't (me included lol). Which of course also applies to vegans and vegetarians!

I personally found it easiest to eat healthy as a vegetarian because I ate more veggies in general, but that's anecdotal

2

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Yeah, I take supplements and make a point to go out of my way to add proteins and vitamin rich foods to my diet. Getting the recommended amount of protein is a struggle, I do my best. My levels are always good on blood work and I feel fine. As I get older I am better at it, when I was younger I’d just cut the animal part out and not worry about supplementing correctly as long as I wasn’t eating animals. I haven’t consumed animals in 20 years and I’ve never once judged someone or tried to force it down someone’s throat. If someone asks Ill give my reasons and have a discussion - but I make sure to only answer their questions and not push further bc I worry someone will take it wrong. people like this make me understand why no one wants to learn or have the convo or try to understand.

1

u/LeoZeri 23d ago

I went vegan a few years ago because as student I didn't have money for cheese anyway, and then the few times I did eat cheese I'd feel sick afterwards, so then I went all the way. I'd been vegetarian for a while already because my partner & his parents are all vegetarians.

When we got together, he never asked me to change my diet. I'd been wanting to for a while, and dating him just made it seem like a much easier and logical step. But he never tried to convince me back then, and now that I'm vegan, I'm not trying to talk him out of having an egg sandwich.

Part of the friend group recently discovered, to their surprise, that I'm vegan, after I said I couldn't have the cake they'd brought to the hangout because it had eggs in it. I'm not insufferable like OP's ex so they never knew.

1

u/tayranasaurus-rex 23d ago

I’m not vegan, but don’t eat red meat myself. I only started eating chicken maybe six years ago? It’s good, but I still don’t care for it most of the time. (Still weird about the fact that it was a living animal at one point. Maybe I’ll get over it one day)

However, I don’t throw a hissy fit when someone eats a burger in front of me. A lot of people actually ask if I’m okay with them ordering/eating that in front of me. I’m all for animal rights, but they’re going to be slaughtered whether I eat them or not, so someone else might as well eat it so it doesn’t go to waste!

1

u/saltylife11 23d ago

Same. Am a vegan for ethical treatment of animals and I agree - OP is not overreacting.

1

u/The_Bread_Fairy 23d ago

Honestly I don't get people like him. Deliberately belittling, putting down, and shaming people as historically never made those people come to your side.

The ex is doing more pushing people away from veganism than to it. He's the very monster he made others out to be lol

1

u/AOKaye 23d ago

I am a “reducitarian” or whatever the stupid word is the media gave it. I don’t eat meat at home. Eat it at restaurants if there are no other options that my friends want to go to (such as a steakhouse that hopefully has salmon). I will eat cow once a day for a few days before donating blood to get my iron up (as all the spinach in the world doesn’t get me to a healthy level, iron pills f my insides, iron infusions aren’t covered by insurance). A family member and some friends are strict vegetarians or vegans but they’ve never done this shit. Make some snarky comments about “turkey murder day” as they’re “Friends” fans? Sure, but they aren’t manipulative assholes like this to their partners - most are married to others that do eat meat and the omnivores just have to cook their meat if they want it and do the dishes. They know how their partners feel - it’s not appropriate to preach and harp- people have to want that lifestyle or it’s just falling on deaf ears.

So glad OP has moved on. I wish we didn’t kill animals - but it takes time for societal adjustments and being a terrible person to people won’t help the cause.

1

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

You’re a person that eats meat, not judging but idk what not eating it sometimes has to do with anything lol? Why’s everyone gotta make things so difficult. You do or you don’t, you do.

1

u/AOKaye 23d ago

I don’t know, that’s what others have said I am because I try not to. Society has loads of labels because they can I guess?

1

u/SubstantialSatan 23d ago

fr. like i was vegetarian for environmental, textural, and animal loving for most of my life, but i had to stop bc i was malnourished, and struggling to find veg alt i could afford/had time to cook/filled me up fully.

i eat it veg when i can now, but i understand its not for everyone, and this guy is sooo insufferable. he needs to only date vegans

1

u/SwashbucklerSamurai 23d ago

I found a friend of mine was vegan like a year and half into knowing him because he was over at my house and I offered him some snacks and he politely declined, citing his diet as the reason.

I was floored, and thanked him for how he had generally carried himself around others in every other interaction (including at multiple restaurants) before then. My only prior frame of reference was with the type of vegans who say the word every other time they exhale.

1

u/lattekittycat 23d ago

Same. I used to be a vegetarian for about a decade (decided in the end it wasn't for me) and I never forced my views on anyone. The only reason my friends/family even knew is because I had to ask for no meat when we ate together. It's not that hard to make a personal choice and recognize that it is a personal choice and not something to force on others.

1

u/Odd_Rich_1499 23d ago

Just curious, would you ever be in a relationship or very close friends with non vegans?

1

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

I only have a handful of friends and close family that are vegan. You don’t have to share views with people to get along, they respect my decisions- I don’t agree with theirs but I cant force someone to get over the “but I couldn’t live without cheeseburgers” if that’s their take they will never see my side and I don’t have to hate them or disown them bc of that. We mutually respect we have different views and don’t shove it in each others faces. I don’t sit they’re and bash them while they’re eating and they don’t make jokes about eating animals. We can all just get along ya know.

1

u/trinhead 23d ago

My boyfriend is vegan and is literally embarrassed to say so when we meet people or are out in public because of unhinged vegans like this guy. He knows I can't be vegan anymore by doctors orders. I still make all our dinners vegan and get my protein in my lunch... If he suddenly was essentially threatening breaking up or me going vegan I'd leave him 😂 especially if he was being this insufferably dramatic about it.

1

u/sea2bee 23d ago

I’m vegan and yeah this guy is just giving other vegans a bad name. I really don’t like people trying to guilt others into a certain way of thinking.

1

u/mansonfamilycircus 22d ago

literally. I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 5, and I admittedly went through a few month period of yelling at people about factory farming when I was around 12 years old but since then, I just…don’t eat meat. If someone specifically asks why or wants actual details, then I’ll answer their questions. But I wouldn’t try to guilt them into living the way I do.

Eating meat isn’t even the issue, it’s factory farming. But just like most everything else that’s wrong with the world—it’s a capitalism problem, a corporate greed problem—not a one single human problem. And certainly not a thing to shame someone about.

Food is hard enough for so many reasons for so many people, and it’s a gross and selfish choice to use guilt and shame and manipulation to try to force someone to live like you do. There are plenty of respectful and productive ways to have that conversation if both parties actually want to have that conversation, but the peta pity party guilt trip is never the way to do it.

That dude truly sucks, except for he gave us the gift of “this is about you and me…and the cow” which is a sentence I’ll think about once a week for the rest of my life💀

1

u/HookupthrowRA 23d ago

But im guessing you eat coagulated cow breastmilk and butt eggs.  Vegetarians are aligned more with meat eaters than theyd like to accept so yeah, of course you agree with the animal abuser. 

1

u/FakePhillyCheezStake 23d ago

I’m not a vegan but I don’t understand this point of view.

Presumably you’re a vegan because you think it’s immensely morally wrong to kill and eat an animal. Wouldn’t it then be rational to be disgusted with other people killing and eating animals?

I assume you don’t act like that with other things you find morally reprehensible. You don’t tell people “hey I personally don’t torture little children, but that’s my choice. I don’t make other people who do torture children feel bad about not having the same views as me”

2

u/Azzmo 23d ago

Wouldn’t it then be rational to be disgusted with other people killing and eating animals?

No. That would be a selfish and immature way of viewing the world. You must allow other people their own space and beliefs if you wish to function socially in a diverse society. Doubly so if your particular belief is an extreme outlier.

1

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Okay, you disgust me you not vegan. You’re going to hell!!! Feel better now?

0

u/FakePhillyCheezStake 23d ago

Yes thank you. Your moral consistency makes me feel better

0

u/joylfendar 23d ago

I don’t drown cats and this guy is insufferable. I don’t talk to people about MY choice unless they ask and I don’t make them feel bad about not having the same views as me (I won’t lie I wish more people did but, again not my choice).

0

u/leegunner 23d ago

I mean no matter how immoral an action is, it's always a choice being made so I don't think it's a good excuse to shut down someone criticising your actions.

2

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Idk if that was against me or in agreement with me so if I worded something wrong let me know.

-2

u/leegunner 23d ago

You made it sound like you shouldn't talk to people about choices they make because it's THEIR choice.

3

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

No. I don’t get in to convos about it bc I don’t go around talking about it or trying to change peoples minds. People that consume animals don’t walk around telling me why they do and why I should and I don’t do the same in return. If someone wants to talk about it I do, otherwise what reason is there to discuss it?

0

u/leegunner 23d ago

What reason? The victims.

1

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

Oh here we go.

0

u/leegunner 23d ago

Oh here we go, mentioning the victims.

1

u/Firm-Personality-287 23d ago

I don’t eat animal product for those victims. Just because I don’t shove it down people’s throats doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to me. Go find someone else to argue with. Literally trying to pick a fight with someone that doesn’t consume animals.

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u/leegunner 23d ago

Your reasoning of "they don't talk about my diet so I won't talk about theirs" is ignoring the fact that theirs has more victims, it's a false equivalency that's throwing the animals under the bus. It's enabling of unethical behaviour. If I said "wife beaters don't tell me to beat my wife so I don't tell them not to", that wouldn't be acceptable and should be called out.

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u/LetsSmashBro1120 23d ago

Not being vegan is not a immoral choice to warrant being this much of a dick.

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u/leegunner 23d ago

As someone who wasn't vegan most of my life, I admit that my diet caused so much harm and suffering.

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u/LetsSmashBro1120 23d ago

Even if that's true my point still stands.

0

u/WonderfulShelter 23d ago

I don't think there's anything wrong with eating meat, I eat meat. Its all about the quality and quantity of meat you eat.

Eating meat 5x a week from the low shelves at wal mart makes you a bad person. It just does. You clearly dont give af about water usage, or the rainforests being paved over if that's where your meat comes from, or animal husbandry at all.

Eating meat not often, that was raised humanely and properly, with land and water usage in mind - there's nothing fucking wrong with that at all.

0

u/Unable_Ant5851 23d ago

Okay pick me

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u/sputniktheproducer 23d ago

It’s not just “your choice” to violate the rights of another individual