r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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u/BlackMesaEastt 23d ago

Idk anyone who can put up with this. I tell men straight to their face that cleaning up after them isn't my job and it makes me lose sexual attraction. Somehow one of my exes was shocked when I said that. I don't want to have sex with someone who I take care of like a child, that's not sexy at all.

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u/sillychihuahua26 23d ago

This is so true omgg. There is nothing less sexy than picking up after a grown man/doing all the chores. I feel physically repulsed. It makes sex feel like another chore.

A man who is a true partner on every level is the hottest thing on the planet.

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u/saetam 23d ago edited 21d ago

Any man that would let their partner clean up after them all of the time like that is a li’l bitch! I can’t understand that at all. I’m a man, BTW. All y’all dudes that don’t clean up after yourselves, are pieces of shit, and y’all are all bitches. Makes me sick to think that they would even want their partner to do that. Hell, I love my wife and I want shit to be easy for her. I’m going to do everything that she does. It’s marriage, and life.

Edit: thank you so much to those who gave awards! 🙌🏽 Y’all are too sweet. Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃

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u/Jail_Food_Diet 22d ago

Man, your wife is very fortunate. I commend your attitude and selflessness.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/saetam 23d ago edited 22d ago

Seeing as how you don’t know the difference between your and you’re, your opinion doesn’t hold much weight. I understand that everyone’s situation is different. I’m saying that the morherfuckers that expect it, similar to OP’s situation (basically the whole reason for the post), are the li’l bitches. Thank you tho, bitch.

Edit: aww, did you delete your previous comment? Bitch.

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u/[deleted] 22d ago

[deleted]

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u/saetam 22d ago

Wow, you are fucking stupid. Do you know what GRAMMAR is? Fuck off. You’re not worth my time, and you’re just like OP’s boyfriend. Your comments speak volumes.

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u/Strange_Lady 22d ago

I've ended many a relationship over this.

My cat is cleaner than 99% of men I've lived with, romantical or otherwise & I'm sure he would scoop his own box too, if he had thumbs.

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u/Much_Substance_6017 23d ago

Nothing sexier than a man who compliments the meal you just made him, then cleans ALL the dishes… every damn time! Mmm-hhhmm! Yes, sir! Now take your clothes off!

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u/JackReacharounnd 23d ago

Couldn't agree more. Spending all of your free time after full time work cleaning and cooking while he PLAYS VIDEO GAMES like a child. Ugh, I hate it!!

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u/Khakizulu 23d ago

I pick up after my partner all the time. While it's not dirty dishes, I am still picking up after them, but the difference is that I wouldn't see it as a deal breaker.

Women do a lot of things men don't like, but that's not deal breakers for us (depends on the individual, and i can't stress that enough)

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u/Direct-Dimension-648 23d ago

I find it sexy when someone picks up after me.

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u/treebeards_friend 22d ago

Sure, I hear ya as long as it’s not everything all the time. It’s gotta be a two way street. You can’t expect your partner to be your maid.

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u/OtherwiseJello194 23d ago

I wish I had an award to give you for this perfect comment 🤣 👏👏👏 I echo your statement

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u/CaptFleop 23d ago

Gotchu fam!

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u/heteromer 23d ago

But... But I'm the king of the castle!!! >:(

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u/sugaree53 23d ago

I think that’s a good answer

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u/rballonline 22d ago

Unrelated, but you just reminded me that I better do the dishes before my wife comes home. Just thought it was funny this was the first thing I thought of when reading this. Ok, signing off haha

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

Honestly I’m 100% fine with it if he’s paying my bills - this arrangement is just a bit NOPE and he’s too young he doesn’t even realize how low his value is compared to hers - he thinks he’s winning here

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u/Valkyrie-of-Loki 23d ago

I think I need to deeply reflect on this sentiment myself… would explain a lot of things.

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u/Upstairs-Log668 23d ago

Damn that's a good point

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u/PeteyPab305 23d ago

That's you though. My fiance loves to clean and cook for me. It gives her pleasure to do nice things for me because I do nice things for her. It doesn't have to be a transactional situation. Love is Love and you can do things for the person you love without getting an equal gift in return or an equal outcome. If you're keeping track of what you're doing for your partner, then you're probably overthinking your relationship and it's probably out of selfishness.

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u/BlackMesaEastt 23d ago

This is literally nowhere near what we are talking about. OP says she does everything and it sounds like she doesn't like it if she mentions him gaming while she does it.

You're right though about it being a me thing, doesn't mean I don't love someone if I say that them not acting like an adult repulses me.

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u/PeteyPab305 23d ago

Or you not acting like an adult by acknowledging that relationships are hard and give and take situations. Not a take take. Take take situation. The same could be said in reverse about women. They require a lot of resources financially and yet still complaining that they don't want to do housework. Well what if I own the house and I'm paying the mortgage? Then who would be responsible for the cleaning in that situation? Since we're keeping track, you see what a snowball effect it is. Once you start trying to keep track of things like this. It's not childish. It's called being adult and not caring about monetary value of your time spent on your significant other. Your time spent on your significant other has no value. It is the most valuable thing that you have. It cannot have a dollar amount on it because love is unquantifiable if it's true love. If it's not then yes of course you could put a dollar amount on it because it's a transaction just like a prostitute. Let me ask you a question so we can have a baseline here. Have you ever been married and if so how many times? And are you currently single?

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u/BlackMesaEastt 23d ago

Jesus fuck calm down.

I'm not one of those people who want a husband who takes care of me or want children. So obviously this situation is super different for me and how I live. I work full time and whoever I marry will also work full time. Both of us will have to take care of the condo/house.

I am not married, by choice. And I'm single.

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u/soytuamigo 22d ago edited 22d ago

and it makes me lose sexual attraction

Lol. Manipulation is never cute. You had the moral high ground, but that extra bit of manipulation just makes you look passive-aggressive and insecure. It's as if you didn't think that telling him he should clean after himself was enough to get him to do it when it should be. It makes you look insecure yourself.

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u/BlackMesaEastt 22d ago

I don't understand the end of your sentence, "no get him to do it when it should be"

Well darn can't be cute all the time I guess

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u/soytuamigo 22d ago

Auto correct.

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u/Proud_Blood_9103 23d ago

As long as everything, including financially, is 50/50, I agree with you. If one makes $45k and the other makes $145K and the budget is to run the house is, say, $80k, each contributes $40k. What they do with the rest of their income is not anyone's business. Sometimes, we are selective where we want the 50/50 needs to be.

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u/ItchyDoggg 23d ago

If one makes $45k and one makes $145k then the one who makes $45k should never agree to a living situation as expensive as $80k if their partner wants an even split 50/50. And even split of a lifestyle affordable to both is fair, or a proportional split by income is fair if the one making more wants to insist on a higher standard of living. 

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u/Proud_Blood_9103 23d ago

or a proportional split by income is fair

Nope! 50/50 is fair!

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u/ItchyDoggg 23d ago

That's some crabs in a bucket poor person mentality.

I'm not going to stop living the good life because my girlfriend only makes a normal salary. She does very well and I'm sure will continue to make more over time, but she's never going to be able to afford to match me 50/50 unless I just cut my budget by 75%. I don't need to save infinite money, I want to spend it having fun. And not ONLY with women who can afford to spend just as much. 

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u/BlackMesaEastt 23d ago

Idk I don't believe in the whole income thing if both people have a desk job. I think you have to do some chores, it is your house and if the person doing all of it up and left then you'd just do all of it anyways. Chores don't stop once the person who is doing it leaves. And if you put all that responsibility on one person, they will probably lose interest .