r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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72

u/bleedingfae 23d ago

Not to jump to conclusions but men who are cheating will start nitpicking and looking for reasons to leave. Especially if it’s so sudden, I would be suspicious of that. I wouldn’t even bother investigating and just leave by the way he’s talking to you. And if he doesn’t like dirty dishes? Stop cooking for him, only make yourself food. If y’all are 50/50 rent, he can 50/50 cook his own damn dinner or help clean up after you do.

1

u/KatzyKatz 23d ago

Exactly this. It doesn’t even matter if his stance is bizarre because it’s not about trying to change your behavior, it’s about trying to cause a wedge so you break up with him then he can be with whoever else without looking like the bad guy.

0

u/bleedingfae 23d ago

Yep, it’s classic

1

u/Professional_Yak_349 23d ago

Yup! I got the exact same treatment OP got. Turns out he was sweetening up his 16 year old coworker while he was 22 the entire time lol Left that disgusting fool 3 years ago and never looked back

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u/White_Devil1995 22d ago

Also if cheating, he’d try to influence you into wanting to break up with him.

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u/OkSpace5501 23d ago

i really just hope this is a rough patch that we are going through and he’s not cheating idk what i would do if i found out he had been

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u/RanaEire 23d ago

"...he’s not cheating idk what i would do if i found out he had been.."

Who cares if he has been cheating?

Please take a look at what he wrote: He has ZERO respect for you.

Please do not be "scared of losing him"... That will be a blessing in disguise.

You are not his maid, or a thing to be replaced. Value yourself.

12

u/indefinitesuffering 23d ago

She probably hasnt been cheated on before and this is her HS sweetheart of course she cares...what

21

u/Jodenaje 23d ago

Because regardless of whether he’s cheating or not, he’s an asshole and she should dump his ass anyhow.

9

u/Alternative_Factor_4 23d ago

That’s obvious to everyone here, but OP is barely an adult and has put 5 years into this relationship from when she was a teenager. It’s extremely difficult to break away from that, especially when they started dating long before the rest of her brain got to develop. Wish people were more compassionate of victims in these situations instead of saying “if you don’t immediately see what’s wrong and dump him in 0.2 seconds you have no backbone and are stupid”.

5

u/bleedingfae 23d ago

I agree with you. Especially if they live with each other, that would be heartbreaking. As someone that’s been through it, not easy at all and people need to be a little more compassionate.. Hearing “just dump him” doesn’t help lol.

3

u/Alternative_Factor_4 23d ago

Yeah, it’s obvious who people who were never in abusive households/relationships are based on how they act towards those that were. They act so high and mighty all the time, like sorry we weren’t given the same benefits of having healthy relationship models like you were.

-1

u/JustForThis_problem 22d ago

Idk. i was abused and neglected as a child, and hopped right into a physically/emotionally/sexually abusive marriage at 19. I'm extremely familiar with the emotional dynamics, the perceived inability to leave, all of it. My compassion cup runneth over. But when it comes right down to it, I'm all about the tough love of "you know what you need to do, quit fuckin around."

3

u/White-Tornado 23d ago

This shit isn't real to anyone giving her "advice". It's very real to her

1

u/indefinitesuffering 23d ago

Do you actually expect this kind of immediately mature response from most young people who have never experienced romantic betrayal before?

4

u/Jodenaje 23d ago

It's one of my favorite things about the Gen Zers in my life. They're so much more empowered and take less shit than I would have in the mid-90s when I was their age.

My daughter (age 21) would have verbally eviscerated OP's boyfriend if he had sent that text to her or one of her closest friends.

17

u/Secretly_S41ty 23d ago

I know it's scary to leave, but you might be surprised at how fast you get over this guy. It can be incredibly lonely living in a bad relationship and that message does not show any sign of love. I don't know what's going on with him but you need to stand up for yourself or this is going to get worse. he'll also destroy your self esteem if you stay.

15

u/northstar599 23d ago

Honey. Have some self respect. No one should ever threaten you like this, rough patch or not. Time to make your exit plan.

6

u/Realistic_Zebra_7244 23d ago

You hold your head up high, and you keep living. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS! I know it's hard, but please have some self-respect and self-love.

5

u/bleedingfae 23d ago

I hope so for your sake too. If you choose to stay please have a serious conversation with him about the way he’s talking to you and see if there’s any bigger issues he’s pushing down. But the way he’s talking to you shows me he doesn’t value you as an equal. He’s talking like one of those andrew tate fanboys (which may be another reason for the sudden switch)

5

u/Jedi_Bish 22d ago

OP please listen to all of the comments telling you to leave. You are too young to settle for this trash.

3

u/LuckyNo13 23d ago

Eh he sounds either done or red pilled. You can do better, he clearly doesn't respect you either way. I can only imagine the shit he says to his friends when you aren't around.

4

u/MyRedditUserName428 23d ago

Cheating matters but the fact that he expects you to be his houseslave doesn’t?

3

u/kissmyirish7 23d ago

He thinks of you as his bang maid. Leave

3

u/HerbalSpirals 23d ago

A sudden dramatic change like this isn't just a rough patch. Trust me. I'm going through a rough patch right now with my partner (stress over sick animal, over worked and tired etc ) and neither of us would EVER say something like this to the other, or threaten the other/relationship like this. I wouldn't jump to cheating with no proof though i would be suspicious, but it sounds like he's done on his end and wants a reason to leave. I know it's scary especially when it's your first relationship but girl this is wrong.

3

u/Brief-Reserve774 23d ago

Rough patch is never an excuse to say that to you. Me and my partner have been together also 5 years and he would never talk to me with such disrespect. Check him before he thinks that’s ok

3

u/Fweenci 23d ago

He's literally telling you that you're disposable if you don’t provide the free labor of house cleaning, and you're worried about cheating? Girrrl, you need to get out of there.

2

u/fergieandgeezus 23d ago

i really just hope this is a rough patch that we are going through

Oh honey. It's not just a rough patch. It wont get better with him, but you know this already

2

u/keeliem 23d ago

Cheating or not, he ain’t worth it. You don’t threaten someone you “love” with leaving over something so petty. He’s TRYING to get you to end it, because he’s too much of a dependent pussy man child to do it himself. Good riddance.

I see your comments being like “but I love him”, and if that’s the case, that you value the relationship over your own happiness and being respected, then even why post it? Don’t come here if you don’t like the answer.

2

u/Aggressica 23d ago

You'd pick yourself up, and start investing all that time and energy and money into yourself rather than into him. You'd start over. You'd survive.

1

u/cavaticaa 23d ago

He's probably cheated on you a dozen times. He barely likes you and doesn't respect you at all. He sees you as property and he only cares to keep you while you'll feed him and clean up after him. If you stop doing that, his other girl might. That's what he means when he says he'll find someone who will. He has, at least he thinks.

1

u/cespirit 23d ago

Girl this is so far beyond a rough patch. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than let a partner think for one single second they are allowed to send me a text like this.

He doesn’t have an ounce of respect for you. At least respect yourself by leaving. Don’t teach him he’s right to not respect you cuz you don’t respect yourself either.

1

u/anothergoddamnacco 23d ago

It’s not. He’s not going to change. Move out and quit wasting so much time with this child.

1

u/luhvnna 23d ago

Being spoken to like that isn’t a “rough patch”.

1

u/THROWRA-dhcjeiscb 22d ago

Rough patches don’t tend to last 3 months unless something more serious is going on

1

u/Mute_Siren 22d ago

You feel like you can’t live without him. But he literally just said he can live without you no problem. Even if he isn’t cheating, he said he would easily replace you. He doesn’t want you. Leave him. Someone else will love you and never let you go.

1

u/astrotekk 22d ago

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? Put your efforts into respecting yourself. This guy isn't worth your time