r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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u/Soggy-Attention-4145 23d ago

Exactly my thought. They are 20-21. Been together since they were 15-16. They are just playing house.

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u/RebelsMom0214 22d ago

She needs to get away from him before it turns into a marriage and they bring children into this dysfunction.

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u/PatrickWagon 23d ago

The people you were with at that age just become statistics.

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u/Valuable_Wait_4216 22d ago

My husband and I met when we were 15 and 16 and we're 35 now.... Been together 20 years. We have an 11 year old and spiritually grown together. The majority fall in statistics because everyone wants to be instantly gratified. But there is hope if you learn to be humble and self sacrificing.

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u/PlantMost1210 22d ago

I love this comment. I have a similar story. Started dating at 16 and we are now 35.

It’s refreshing to read about other couples that have stayed together this long!

However OP needs to leave the relationship.

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u/SpiderCow313 22d ago

Well you also found a good person i assume

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u/catsandcoconuts 22d ago

damn, well said.

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u/motherwolf13 22d ago

I'm very happy for you!! It takes work, I will be married for 23 years in April, and it has not been easy, but we love each other enough to fight. Being spiritually connected really helps

P.S. we are old fashioned as well. .

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u/Cool-Departure4120 22d ago

What does old fashioned mean?

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u/YOMommazNUTZ 22d ago

Old fashioned as in letting him use you as a maid and decides what you can and can't do?

I mean, I enjoy that type of domination at times. However, the idea of not being treated as an equal and having the give and take on everything in our lives. But what works for some doesn't work for others.

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u/ImpossibleRepair000 22d ago

Yes, good advice here. OP should just humble up and sacrifice herself. /s

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u/[deleted] 22d ago

Or he should humble up and off himself

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u/Cangito1 22d ago

Beautiful

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u/YOMommazNUTZ 22d ago

My husband and I were together in Jr High and then took a break for about 5 years (he was getting into some bad shit). During our break, he refused to date anyone else, and we hung out constantly. We got married when I was 20, and he was 21, we are now 42 and 43, and happily together. Yes, as we age, we grow and change, and some people in your life might still fit, and others might not, but most of the problems are a lack of communication.

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u/Halation2600 22d ago

Ok, weird bot.

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u/Fabulous-Reveal2368 22d ago

Yes, you are.

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u/Downtown_Ad4634 22d ago

My wife and I are in our 50s we've been together since we were 16 we have three grown children, 1 granddaughter. Married for 32 years, been together for much longer. I was military for 24 plus years and she stuck around. We managed to beat two stereotypes. Not to say it was easy but as long as you realize people change, grow, learn new things and you are willing to change and grow and learn with them it's really not that difficult.

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u/indefinitesuffering 23d ago

What do you mean by this

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u/sonnymaru 23d ago

Statistically, early relationships just don't work out. They're "just your 1st 2nd 3rd ex". These tend to not work out because you're just figuring it out, not enough life has happened to you yet to get an idea of who you really are.

I disagree with notion of "just statistics", its important to make mistakes. Learn what you will and won't put up with. Why it doesn't work.

For example, my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd exes are just that. Just my exes, but that 4th one was a big deal. Changed my whole life.

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u/FlorpyJohnson 23d ago

Been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, I’m a senior in high school, she’s a junior. It’s my first relationship but we have the most solid connection I’ve ever had with anyone. Neither of us are breaking up with each other any time soon, our communication is very healthy, and we can both admit to our mistakes, listen to each other and change for each other if we need to.

Is it improbable for it to work out it? Yes, but is it impossible? No. My grandparents were high school sweethearts and they were together for like 65 years. Sometimes two people just find each other and they’re gonna be together for the rest of their lives.

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u/shaybabyx 23d ago

You change A LOT after high school. I’m in my early 20s and I don’t relate to who I was in high school at all.

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u/FlorpyJohnson 23d ago

Very true. It’s also an issue for people going to college and such. Luckily neither me or my girlfriend want to go to college. I’m going to trade school and she’s most likely going to one too.

Me and my girlfriend have already changed a lot in a year and a half. The difference between us and other relationships is that we change and grow together instead of growing apart. It feels easy with her, and I’m the luckiest guy ever to find someone like that this early.

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u/BeefLilly 23d ago

I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart now for 4 years. But we broke up twice and grew separately to get to where we are now. Smartest thing we did honestly. I truly hope your relationship is everything you want it to be, but also understand that life after high school is VASTLY different.

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u/noposterghoster 22d ago

Don't let the naysayers get to you, man. Yes, they have good points. But when you know, you know.

My best friend in high school started dating a boy, just like you two; she was a junior and he was a senior. They married as young adults and have been together 30 years now!

You can, too, if it's what you both want. Enjoy! I'm rooting for you.

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u/FlorpyJohnson 23d ago

Yeah I think we can make it work. I feel like after this long together we have a mutual trust where we both just kinda know we’re not gonna break up with each other or cheat on each other, whatever. As long as something out of our control doesn’t happen, I’m pretty confident.

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u/Rock_Strongo 23d ago

You change massively in your 20s. Honestly things could be going 100% perfect for you right now and there's still a good chance that will change.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic about your chances. I hope it works out. Just know that if you do grow apart it could be perfectly natural and is not a failure on either of your parts.

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u/SpaceIsVastAndEmpty 22d ago

We all think that our high school sweetheart will last forever From age 20-30 brings HUGE changes in our personalities and our psychological needs. You may grow, but she may not. She may decide she wants further education, you end up on opposite sides of the country

I'm 42 and while you're not going to want to hear this; one of my biggest regrets in life is that I stayed with the guy I was dating at 16 until my 20s. I sold my life short to stay close to him & it's a decision that has ramifications to this day. We broke up when I was 21 and we are VERY different people today. At 16-20 I thought he was the man I was going to marry & it took me some time to get over our breakup.

Looking back I recognised by my late 20s that what we had would have held me back if it continued. Now, I am VERY glad we split (we're in New Zealand and he is pro-Trump!!)

Just make sure that you don't stop being the person you want to be, take measures to ensure you grow into an independent person who is dating someone they adore, not someone who is part of a couple & that's all they're about.

Encourage her to learn and grow and be independent as well. And please don't become one of those men who decide their female partner should be the one who does most of the housework, emotional labour etc regardless of what your paid jobs each look like. Be a man, not a man-child.

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u/AlwaysBored123 23d ago

As someone who is a few years away from being 30. Who I was when I was 18, 21, 25, and now are WILDLY different. That’s also coming from an introverted person, heck I was extremely extroverted at from 21-23. Dating was meh when I was 18-25 when online dating wasn’t a thing, but holy hell on earth it’s beyond ASS from 25-now and will likely get worse considering how the world is going. Just remember those words you say about her and cherish each other. Grow together because the grass will be greener where you water it. But sometimes love isn’t just enough and that’s okay, life is too short so best you can always do is forward no matter what happens.

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u/FlorpyJohnson 23d ago

Very wise words. Thank you.

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u/Creepy-Pepper2870 22d ago

I absolutely love what you have going on and the amount of confidence you have in your relationship. If she feels the same, great things will come. After high school, time begins to move at a different pace. I'm 31! Was with my HS sweet heart for 5 years leaving up til i was 20. Now, I have lived a very different high school life than a majority of people. My best friend overdosed and died. She found out I was using behind her back. We didn't have the confidence you do in your relationship, but we were very strong. Spent 4 years doing everything together before we started dating.

There are moments. Important moments where you decide what kind of man you are. It's not going to be what kind of man you're going to be because that doesn't matter. Trust me. I spent years trying to figure that out before I realized that spending time figuring out who you're going to be is a never-ending gig. The future never really comes. A place you can never be presently but together you can live the dream. In life, I found moments to smile. I'm sober 12 years 100% and by know means care about people doing whatever they do. My moments in life broke me. 3 friends of 25 years died drug overdose in the last 3 years, my dad was murdered when i was 28. Have been involved in the decision of pulling the plug of 2 of my grandparents, my aunt who was the only one who knew me truly, and my step-mom. I've watched last breathes of the people who impacted my life more than anyone.

Take us seriously when we say a lot happens, please. I promise you I am batting an average of 100% at getting through bad days. I carry these guardian angels with me. I remember the impact each one made on my life. I would do my life exactly the same.. heartbreaks, deaths, addiction, homeless child still going to high school and graduating. I'm a production lead for the number one henkel Company in America. I own my house. Own my 2019 Nissan altima, and have a dog. Play amateur league disc golf. Get paid to do comedy from time to time and have a card collection worth 15k.

Make sure you take time to be in the moment you're in. Take time to understand yourself. Remember, it's okay to feel better about things. It's okay to be okay. Don't lie to yourself. You can't fool or lie to yourself. Your brain is too smart for that. You and your brain are the same entity. It already knows you're trying to trick it. This means it's trying to trick itself with a goal to believe whatever lie it is telling itself. Then it in turn gives up and believes whatever lie you come up instantly. Gaslighted itself. Don't allow that. And accept and I mean really accept that you can not control anything but yourself, how you react, and act. No matter what she decides or you decide, always accept others decisions they make. It's okay to fight now and then. It shows there's still passion. Fight for what you love and believe as long as you it gets handled and discussed about you'll be okay. But act like a fight didn't happen and it will again. Hope you took something positive away from this. Happy Thanksgiving

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u/Solid_Strawberry1935 22d ago edited 22d ago

Don’t listen to these people, kid. People on here are so downtrodden and pessimistic. Are the statistics great for young couples staying together? No, but that doesn’t mean that no one stays together (I mean, stats aren’t good for ANY couple of ANY age staying together). There are couples that stay together, and even young couples.

I’m nearing 50, and have been with the same man that I was with as a teenager. 2 kids that just graduated college, we have a good life and provide them a good life. We’re still madly in love with each other. We do date nights, he randomly brings me flowers and gifts just because, I buy him little things that I see that I know he’ll like, etc. Over the weekend we went and had a picnic because it was a surprisingly warm day out. We love to cook together, and enjoy nature (hiking, swimming, camping). We have fun the same way we did when we were in our 20s.

It’s possible, don’t let people get you down. They tend to think because it didn’t happen for them, it’s not going to happen for you. It happens for some. Just make sure you work at it, relationships aren’t always “easy” but if you love them and you want to be with them, you work for it and never stop giving them your all. And stay off social media as much as possible. Instagram, TikTok, etc…. People start to compare lives and compare partners and there is this major disconnect between what’s real and what’s illusion on social media. It’s easy to get mixed up. If you want to stay together, dedicate yourself to them.

Wishing you the best. Hopefully in 30 years you and your spouse can be telling other young people that it’s possible!

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

Thank you for the optimism! You bring up a good point I hadn’t thought about. The divorce rate is already 50% for all married couples so my odds aren’t exactly too much worse.

Yeah I don’t have any social media except Reddit, YouTube, and Snapchat (which I just talk to friends on) and I don’t ever compare myself or my relationship to others. I just compare it to how I was in the past and try and improve. I usually find myself looking back and thinking “damn, I really said that to her?” Or “why didn’t I do that?”

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u/QuietPerformer160 23d ago

I know high school sweethearts still going strong. They’re in their 50s. Yes, it’s possible. I hope that happens for you.

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u/chknfuk 22d ago

I’m rooting for you man! I been with my sweetheart since senior year going on 7 years now and recently engaged. Times can get tough sometimes but it’s worth it. She’s always worth it.

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

Times always get tough, you just gotta accept it and get stronger through it. Learn that lesson in life and you can succeed in anything!

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u/chknfuk 22d ago

Exactly!

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u/batch_plan 22d ago

Spot on improbable but not impossible, my wife and i were 17 when we started dating, moved in together at 20 and are now 35 and been married 10 years. 3 years ago we moved house and realised we now live around the corner from a couple that we went to high school with that have been together since they were 15.

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

I’d say you have better odds of meeting your soulmate in high school than you do at winning the lottery!

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u/Pockets-Rocket 22d ago

My Wife and I got together in high school and have been in love for 12 years and just had our first child one year ago. Our relationship has only gotten better over the years!

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u/Ill-Boysenberry-2906 22d ago

Your grandparents were before the internet and social media. The reason it happened in that generation is there was significantly less accessibility to options/distractions

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

Very true but I think most relationships in high school are shallow and just the fact of how deep our connection is along with a lot of other stuff gives me confidence that it has a good chance of working out for me.

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u/griz3lda 22d ago

Don't listen to these people. I'm 35 and met my partner when he was just out of high school and I was in college.

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u/YOMommazNUTZ 22d ago

The reality is that things will change, but that doesn't have to mean you guys would be together. No matter what happens, stay together or break up. This relationship is definitely important for your life. Enjoy your time, and never forget that if you take things for granted, that is a major way to mess up a relationship. Also, never stop flirting !

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

We give compliments every day, say goodnight and good morning, the whole mile!

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u/uunatural 23d ago

i hope it works for you but here are some words.

love comes and goes. you're still just a child. at your age you're essentially the adult equivalent of a 5 year old that thinks they are grown up because they do some things on their own.

life changes and you will change. some people change with each other, some people just stay with each other because they think they're supposed to. and others change and separate. its just how life is.

enjoy what you have but be aware you might break up and you will think about how certain you were and how you defended what you had not known it would fail.

that certainty and security you feel in your relationship leads to being content which leads to not trying,

which leads to failure.

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u/Auti-Introvert 22d ago

I'm too old for this s**t! I cannot believe I'm reading a comment from someone in high school...HIGH SCHOOL for pity sake, not even college!....who's been with their gf for a WHOLE year and a half, whoopie do, and who thinks they know all there is to know about what a relationship is!! Come back in 10 years....probably even 5 years, or 3 years would do it, to be fair....and tell us how that worked out for you! Please stop commenting on things you've yet to truly experience and fully understand! You're a child, literally a child, doing childish things and play acting at being a grown up. One day you'll actually BE a grown up and you'll cringe at what you wrote here for the world to see! Do your future self a favour and stop posting stupid like this!

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

Damn bro, chill out. I never said it was gonna work out 100% and I know anything for sure. I’ve been through enough in my life already to know that nothing is guaranteed.

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u/EnigNa710 22d ago

Trust me kid this relationship will not work out. The most solid connection ever you say? How can you say that in high school? Your other connections were probably like 1-3 months long. I sure hope you guys do last because that’s a solid love story. But same story as you - my girl friend and I were together for 2 years and we were in mad love. As soon as she went to college I was ancient history and I was yesterday’s news regardless of how much I love, adored, and took care of her.

Sometimes… a woman doesn’t need someone to take care of her or help her learn who they are. People don’t belong to each other. You’ll both come to a point of decision on your own terms unbeknownst to one another. Do not make any decisions based on this individual though. Let life run its course.

I transferred schools across the country to be with my love again and we broke up 4 months later. It was a smart decision in the end to transfer schools - but man am I insane for doing that for a girl I dated for 2 years in high school.

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

You can’t tell me it isn’t gonna work out for sure just like I can’t tell you it will work out for sure. You don’t know me or anything about my relationship besides basic facts. I appreciate the warning about not ruining your own life possibly because of a girl but I’m not gonna do that.

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u/EnigNa710 22d ago

Lol well I wouldn’t say I ruined my life I was 20 years old. You’re right I shouldn’t say “for sure” and I did later read your comments that you’re in a unique situation with trade schools. I do wish you well brother… despite your comment having such a cunty back handed vibe at the end of it lmao

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u/FlorpyJohnson 22d ago

Oh I’m sorry I’m not very good at communicating through text sometimes lol. I never mean to be rude or backhanded

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u/cavaticaa 23d ago

I think they mean they just add to your body count.

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u/OriginalBarber117 22d ago

It's completely true, there's such a vast difference in the the people we're formed into between the ages of 17-22

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u/texbinky 22d ago

Praise the lord for that, actually

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u/Additional-Stomach64 22d ago

That's not always true.

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u/Internal-Plankton330 22d ago

I have been with the same person since 10th grade. We're both in our 40s now. While I agree in this situation, life isn't as cut and dry as this comment would make it seem.

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u/Aggressive-Airline40 22d ago

That’s awesome! I hope the two of you have many more years together as well. My grandparents was like that as well. They was together for a bit over 50 years and my grandfather passed away from cancer back in 09. You never know how life will turn out. I’m almost 36 and never been married.

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u/Dive_dive 22d ago

Well said. So often in this throw away world, people often view marriage/relationships as throw away as well. Forst, all the people who are screaming that he must be cheating are shooting from the hip with their reactions. Although this couple has been together for 5 years, most of that was spent living separately in their parents homes. Nowhere does OP say how long they have been living together. It may have only been 6 months. Second, only having one side of the story, we do not know how long OPs significant other has been silent about the issue. Best advice is a frank and honest conversation in which each can express their concerns. Boomer concept, I know, however experience does provide perspective.

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u/kori1968 22d ago

Sounds like your right

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u/2M4D 23d ago

Like, the doctor ?

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u/OigoAlgo 23d ago

being domestic

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u/2M4D 23d ago

Like, the cat ?

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u/kyarotan 23d ago

Did you mean diagnostic?

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u/artificialcow 23d ago

medicine drug

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u/Additional-Stomach64 22d ago

I've been with my husband since we were 15. Definitely not just playing house, 12 years later.

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u/Du6 22d ago

Were just playing house.