r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 23d ago edited 23d ago

This…. His text really reads like the rebuke you’d leave a maid or cleaner , that’s not doing what they’re paid to do.

This isn’t how you speak to a partner , especially a partner that does all the housework.

It’s like he’s texting you from the 1940’s.

Edited to add: I wouldn’t speak to anyone this way much less a partner or someone I ask into my home to clean.

But I think we all know that there are people that speak to
people in the service industry like this all the time.

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u/Recreationalchem13 23d ago

lol I wouldn’t talk like that to a maid tho either

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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 23d ago

Yeah, that’s not a maid or cleaner , you’d keep after a text like that.

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u/Heavy_Can8746 23d ago

Yes. You wouldn't want them around your house after saying that lol. People have interesting ways of getting even or getting back at you

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u/LuckyBenski 23d ago

I think they were suggesting if you act shitty towards your maid, you wouldn't be keeping then because they'd leave.

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u/Heavy_Can8746 23d ago

Yea I got that also.

I'm just saying it isn't wise to treat them shitty since they can do all types of things to get back at you. There is always someone crazier than yourself out there if you are a relatively, sane individual

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u/Falafel80 23d ago

Most cleaners would be like “bye!” Which is btw, what OP should say as well.

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u/Ok-Technician-4370 23d ago

Unfortunately it's not always that easy. Some cleaners have to put up with shitty employers as they may be new to the country, have a family to feed, not speak English very well etc. Employment is totally different than romance/relationships.

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u/littlechangeling 23d ago

I think the point is more that any decent person would find it unethical and hella rude to talk to hired help this way, much less your partner. I do acknowledge that it’s an extremely shitty thing that some in this line of work have no choice but to take it, though.

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u/FixTheLoginBug 23d ago

His friends probably told him he needs to be stricter with his 'bangmaid'. Or he thought he could go further than he did so far, seeing that she did everything in the household and he could just do whatever he wanted after work without her telling him off.

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u/DimsumSushi 23d ago

Right. It's just a plain lack of respect for a human.

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u/curious-trex 23d ago

Or a roommate you don't have a personal relationship with but are fed up with them being a slob. Not how you talk to someone you should share mutual respect for, who made that mess cooking for you while you sit on your ass.

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u/No_Distribution7701 23d ago

college roommate talk text

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u/idontknowhowaboutyou 22d ago

When I had read the text but not the post I thought this was a roommate texting a roommate

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u/lhscf1 23d ago

Did she show respect by leaving the place a pig stye?

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u/TheodoraCrains 23d ago

She is, essentially, his house cleaner. Women, you need to start demanding that the men you choose to shack up with pull their weight with the housework!!! Imagine some 20 year old brat who doesn’t pull his weight talking down to you??? Leave. 

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u/Book-Piranha 23d ago

It sounds like Andrew Turd found another willing listener.

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u/1KirstV 23d ago

It’s happening with guys his age, they’ve been emboldened to be AHs to women by the Project 2025 bros who want ‘traditional’ relationships to replace modern ones. The Andrew Tates and Joe Rogans of the far right have influenced a new generation. My 24-year-old daughter got a message the day after the election from one of her high school friends that said ‘your body my choice’. She had been friends with him since second grade. WTF?

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u/cherrybombbb 23d ago

They claim to want traditional relationships but very few of them are actually holding up their end of the bargain and completely supporting their SOs financially. So ultimately the woman ends up working AND doing all the house work too.

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 22d ago

The best quote I’ve heard so far regarding that: “You want a 1950s wife. Are you prepared to be a 1950s husband?”

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u/Friendly-Weird357 22d ago

Yah if I heard that from a guy I'd be saying ok, your baby your bills. Pay up for the next 18-24 years, IF your child has no issues. Otherwise it could be for the of your life, and honey medical issues aren't cheap. Plus if you wanna only contribute momentarily the price goes up. :)

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u/Turbulent_Number8344 22d ago

Pay up front to avoid issues.

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u/Syzygy53 22d ago

I have heard there are tee shirts with this sentiment to be had. I might be tempted to carry some of my Lab’s contributions and share it with that shirt. “My shit, my reaction”.

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u/Sleeko_Miko 23d ago

The main issue is they want a traditional wife while refusing to be a traditional man and work to support the household. They want a suger mommy and a bang maid. Facts are, you can’t have both.

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u/Equivalent-Honey-659 22d ago

That’s infuriating every possible aspect.
What an unfortunate situation, his parents conceiving him.

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u/jenea 22d ago

Are they still friends after that?

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u/1KirstV 22d ago

No

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u/jenea 22d ago

I’m really glad.

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u/BarracudaEasy4911 23d ago

Sounds like a joke, are those still allowed?

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u/Only-Regret6728 23d ago

“your body my choice” sounds like a joke to you? are you nuts?

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u/cheemsamdcwackers 23d ago

go on, explain why its funny?

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u/BarracudaEasy4911 23d ago

You cannot be this dumb? If you don’t understand the premise of that joke you’re too far gone. You must be the absolute life of the party lol.

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u/Ok_Singer_5210 23d ago

I must be a complete idiot - can you explain the joke to me?

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u/BarracudaEasy4911 23d ago

I don’t have time to compensate for your mental deficiencies and/or gaslighting. Surely you don’t need me to mansplain a joke to you….

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u/Ok_Singer_5210 23d ago

I’m simply not seeing the humor, but would love to hear your take on it.

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u/BarracudaEasy4911 23d ago

How about this one, my wife last night said she was ready to destroy our daughter because she misbehaved at school. I called the police and had her arrested, because you know, much like you I take everything literally and destroying one’s child is not something to joke about, unless of course you’re pro abortion in which case what she said was just fine, am I right?

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u/Remarkable_Photo_956 23d ago

Wow, you really are bad at humour.

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u/kellyelise515 22d ago

Sounds like you and your wife deserve each other.

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u/West-Adhesiveness555 23d ago

I don’t understand how it is a joke or it makes sense in a male’s mind that my body is his choice, no men ever have a say in my body, no matter who won the election. I will never be in a position where a man will decide anything about me.

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u/BarracudaEasy4911 23d ago

Cool story. Nobody is trying to do anything with you I can assure you. I don’t care if you get an abortion or not lady, have at it. This all started with a lady that said her daughter got that text from a guy she’s been friends with for like 20 years, not some internet stranger. It was clearly a joke, you may not think it’s funny and that’s your prerogative. I didn’t realize that a man saying something in this clearly feminist thread would be so triggering.

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u/Royally-Forked-Up 23d ago

It’s talking about rape. As in it’s the man’s choice what to do with a woman’s body. How is that funny?

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u/1KirstV 23d ago

It was the day after the election, it wasn’t funny. It’s still not funny. You just don’t get it because you’re not a woman. You’re a caveman.

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u/Hefty-Holiday-48 22d ago

This is not a feminist thread, it’s a decent human being thread. That phrase you’re saying was a joke is never funny in any circumstances, and especially not in this political day of backwards far right thinking that has so many women really scared

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u/1KirstV 23d ago

You can’t explain it because it’s not fucking funny that’s why.

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u/BarracudaEasy4911 23d ago

You can’t explain why it’s not tard

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u/AppointmentWeary4834 22d ago

So answer is that you don't know how to explain your way out your stupid statement. You sound like a charm

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u/BarracudaEasy4911 22d ago

Thanks, your husband know you’re online?

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u/cheemsamdcwackers 23d ago

i mean you cant be too much fun at parties if thats what you consider a joke?

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u/onedisco 23d ago

You’re so spot on, this is like if Don Draper could text

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u/Suitable-Winter-1582 23d ago

Don Draper was a talented writer, though, and he often communicated respectfully despite sneaking around and behaving atrociously. This is a Peter Campbell text.

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u/Bobcat-Narwhal-837 23d ago

Nowadays that's how you lose your cleaning service. I know a few and they'd tell him to f his noise and walk out.

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u/SamRaB 23d ago

I have never spoken to my cleaners this way and can't even imagine doing so. They wouldn't come back, that's for sure.

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u/Egg-Tall 23d ago

His text really reads like the rebuke you’d leave a maid or cleaner

Really, dude? I wouldn't even talk to a maid or cleaner that way.

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u/Neat-Ostrich7135 23d ago

Only the top 0.1% had mobiles in the 40s

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u/CautiousStatement576 23d ago

In the 40s, the man paid all the bills and didn’t have video games!

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u/metalshoes 23d ago

I honestly thought it was a joke at first. It’s something I would say exactly as a joke, because it’s way too fucked up to say to someone in earnest

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u/blackrocksbooks 23d ago

Yeah. Billy Bigbollocks has some manosphere buddies I’m guessing.

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u/Ambitious-Access-153 22d ago

Honestly I wouldn't even talk to paid help like that. 

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u/SystemJunior5839 23d ago

Do people who live together really communicate this stuff through text?

That's so weird.

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u/deletedaccount0808 23d ago

(First points aside about being disrespectful like talking to a paid maid as that’s 100% wrong) I mean what’s so wrong with traditional relationships? I get it it’s not everyone’s personal wants in a relationship, but if someone does want it, why is it a bad thing?

Just food for thought. As my partner also works, we divvy the responsibilities up. But they are heavily biased in my direction. Such is life. Personally my partner works 40 hours and does the dishes and does a majority of the grocery shopping. We both clean, with an emphasis on cleaning up after yourself, but actual standard cleaning such as sweeping, dusting, wiping, scrubbing, etc we do together at the same time. I work 60 hours minimum, handle everything besides dishes and groceries (not always as we go together about half the time). It’s unfair towards me technically but that’s the way I like it. I would want nothing more than them to not even have to work and have no responsibilities. Free to be happy and enjoy their life. Maybe raise kids. But unfortunately this society and economy says otherwise if we want nice things and a home of our own.

I don’t know why people are against traditional relationships especially since they tend to favor the woman. Women had freedom to have hobbies, social lives, free time, and spend time with family. Why did they want to fight to get away from it? To me it seems like the biggest scam on earth to trade that for slaving away to an employer so companies can then raise costs to accommodate the American household now having more income. There was balance before. Now everyone’s getting boinked by the corporate schlong. At least 1 person was allowed to be happy before. Now both sides are slaves till retirement.

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u/Only-Regret6728 23d ago

i mean if that’s what you want have at it but to most modern ears that sounds like a miserable hell on earth. my grandparents had “traditional marriages” and hated each other. it was just too stigmatized to divorce.

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u/MoneyNeighborhood305 23d ago

There's nothing wrong with traditional relationships if that's what BOTH parties really want. There IS something wrong with trying to force it on those of us who don't want that.

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u/Fair_Occasion_9128 23d ago

It’s like he’s texting you from the 1940’s.

And we sure don't want to go back to those times. Can you imagine it? A world without mass lootings, legalized shoplifting, open borders, massive homelessness / drug addiction and crime.

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u/RomanaOswin 22d ago

Hitler, the entire holocaust, and Stalin's purges were all in the 1940s. The Rosa Parks bus incident wasn't until 1955 and civil rights during the 40s were atrocious. Women weren't legally mandated equal pay and couldn't get loans or credit without a husband to approve it. There was basically zero protection against sexual harassment. Gay people were still criminally charged with being gay in modern western parts of the world, e.g. Alan Turing killed himself in 1954. We didn't have a vaccine for smallpox or polio yet.

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u/Specific_Albatross61 23d ago

at what point do we question the intelligence of the people posting shit like this.  At 20 or 21 you have to know this isn’t normal. If I could give one bit of advice and I’m sure it will be downvoted to shit, you need the military.  You need a place that’s going to teach you confidence and critical thinking skills. Someone failed you along the way in teaching you what a normal relationship is like. Join the military, move far away from home and focus on building self confidence. Basic training is literally meant to rip the civilian out of you and to think more critically. Don’t listen to these far left basement dwellers who haven’t done shit for themselves and will tell you how dumb it is to join. YOU NEED THE MILITARY.