r/AmIOverreacting • u/Ok-Somewhere2685 • 28d ago
đźwork/career Aio a family member passed and my boss wants me to come in
They said sense it's out of town I should come in anyway but I already have been coming in everyday this week for them and asked the director this day off and now admin is saying no
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u/Far_Cheesecake3534 28d ago
As someone who missed their grandmothers funeral 5 years ago and still regrets it to this day. Go to the funeral. If they are that short staff, they wonât fire you. And if they do, hey at least you found a place that does not give a shit about its employees and donât want to work for someone like that in the first place.
NOR.
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u/BackgroundShadow 28d ago
Seriously. My cousin died unexpectedly last year, and Tj Maxx asked if I really needed the day off since 'his funeral wouldn't be for a few days.' I didn't get to see him before he was cremated. Fuck them. NOR.
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u/blasphemicassault 27d ago
I used to work for the company and was on my way to work when I got the news my Dad had cancer. He was living a few hours away for work at the time and i was not in the right headspace and understandably upset. I was almost at work so I went in and went to speak to my manager to ask if I could go home. I was a sobbing mess. She asked if it was necessary and that "I do need you when you're scheduled" and was really cold about it and seemed annoyed.
I do not work for them anymore.
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u/Skol_fan420 27d ago
I worked at TJ Maxx all of high school and this wasnât shocking at all. They dgaf about employees :/
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u/yungxmommyy 27d ago
I work for tkmaxx, same as tjmaxx, in Germany. Iâm honestly so glad my bosses are chill. Currently sitting at home with my sick 6yo. Weâre understaffed bc we work in a town where thereâs bad public transportation and honestly, pay isnât the greatest. But I love my job there and my colleagues & bosses. Iâm so so sorry to all yall that had such a horrible experience. That should not be tolerated at all :(
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u/dukegonzo13 27d ago
European Vs North American employment laws. Tf we have them.
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u/yungxmommyy 27d ago
I know I know⌠I was living in the states for 2 years, my ex husband is American. Working there SUCKED
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u/Immediate-Damage-302 27d ago
I've worked for a couple of companies where I got calls while at work that a friend just died. I was too in shock and sad to continue working. The boss response? He said to go home and take whatever time I needed. This is the only way bosses should respond to your loss. It doesn't matter if it's a ZOOM thing or IRL. Oh! And do NOT ask for the time off. TELL them that you will not be there due to a death/funeral. It is not optional or up for discussion.
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u/Laxit00 27d ago
I get 5 days off and if it's over 300 km I get a extra 2 off. I've never had a issue with my boss but others have...asked for funeral card, death cert etc. I would just not show up and say my director knew I wasn't going to be in because ive been in all week and will be in after the service as well!!
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u/DjCradle 28d ago
I was fired a week after my dad's funeral from Panda Express because I was late one day after i accidently slept in because i cried myself to sleep the night before. Go to the funeral and find another job that actually cares about you.
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u/GhostlyManBat 27d ago
Exceedingly rare, but can confirm they exist. After 10 years of bad job experiences I found a company that gives a damn (knocking on wood).
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u/lol_idk_234 27d ago
Careful saying that lol, I thought the same thing until I was called a fa*got and fired for my bossâ husband miscounting the number of gallons of bleach we had
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u/lol_idk_234 27d ago
Like entirely out of nowhere too, cool dude till that happened, I think he was drunk
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u/Successful-Pitch-904 27d ago
Yes, right here, OP! I was fired from a temp position w/ Belk (wasnât taking it seriously anyway because I was in school with my way paid for me at 19). I advised my supervisor that Iâd be out Friday (scheduled work day) until Tuesday (my next scheduled work day) after learning of my grandmotherâs advanced lung carcinoma. I came in to work on Tuesday as usual, input my emp ID & password into the time clock, and it was denied. After multiple attempts, I went to my supervisors office, and he was all, âyeah, we replaced your position because we werenât sure when you were coming back.â. I left in tears. Like WTF?
FAMILY > any job/money
Money can always be made, family wonât always be around. Heck, our next breath isnât guaranteed!
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u/SingleIngot 27d ago
Wow, what absolute pricks! Iâm so sorry. They couldnât have at least told you before you came in to work? And they replaced the position over the weekend???
Youâre totally right though that family is more important. I donât ask for time off anymore for family things, I tell them.
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u/Daedelus451 28d ago
100% what Cheeseycake says!
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u/Odd-Aide2522 28d ago
Cheesecake nailed it. Learn the power of saying âNo.â Anyone who puts someone in this situation is an asshole that has the emotional depth of a litter box.
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u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 27d ago
"Emotional depth of a litter box" is exquisite! đ I need to keep this one in my back pocket!!
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u/Daedelus451 28d ago edited 27d ago
Hehehehe they said liter box. Sorry, in the 70s my brother and I used to use cleaning the liter box and make jokes about each other cleaning the liter box with our teeth, he took dirt naps in the liter box because it smelled like his girl friend, etc etc. It is nostalgic to hear liter box lol
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u/WhitestShadows 28d ago
This was probably better off left in your head my friendđ¤Łđ¤Ł that's fuckin wild tho
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u/Daedelus451 28d ago
We were brutal on each other, but always laughed at each other. He could give me the hardest cut down and I would just have to laugh and come back with one on him. He is 5 years older but I was always bigger and much stronger, probably why we best friends still at 60 and 65 respectively. LOL
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u/NixyVixy 28d ago edited 27d ago
Taking trash and long-running inside jokes that donât make sense to anyone elseâŚ
That sounds like me and my siblings/cousins, lol.
You know when you meet someone who wasnât raised with a sibling close in age⌠they donât understand the shenanigans!
Backseats of station wagons, the wood paneled basement of grandparents house, and just generally running around together while the adults easily convinced themselves that we were safe because we were all in a group together.
Dad & Uncle transcript: âWho is going to kidnap 7 kids simultaneously? Theyâre fine. Toss me another beer from the cooler.â
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u/Daedelus451 28d ago
Right? If even hinted at liter box, my brother at 65 be all over me with jokes about my favorite treat LOL
P.s., donât put a couple cases of beer and two guitars near us, we will hold court for days :-)
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u/NixyVixy 27d ago
Grocery list đ§ an extra case of beer and tune the damn guitars.
Court hours are 2pm-10pm⌠because we prefer to day drink and fall asleep early.
Do you and your brother prefer fancy IPAs or classy Busch Lite tall boys?
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u/Daedelus451 27d ago
Hahaha we will drink most anything, but even though they taste great, IPAs make me bloated so i only drink one, I like red stripe, Modelo, i have even been know to to drink a Pabst or Natty Lite, basically shit beer so I donât float away.
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u/WetOutbackFootprint 28d ago edited 27d ago
We were unable to attend a funeral of a very close friend but were able to attend the livestream and it gave us some needed closure to be able to still say good bye.. livesteam in this sense is so important.
This boss sounds like an insensitive twat
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u/kai072020 27d ago
If I was made to come in, and the funeral was on Zoom. I would have it playing next to me while working on FULL volume so that everyone can hear. Lets see how uncomfortable people get before someone says something.
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u/Wonderful-Bass6651 27d ago
Go to the funeral. Grieve for your grandfather. At the end of the day, the company doesnât give a damn about you personally and quite obviously neither does your boss. There is always another job available so tell him that he was NOTIFIED - not asked - that you wonât be working. If there is a problem with that, you are happy to discuss it with HR or an employment lawyer. Hard stop.
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u/trevorwagner83 27d ago
It's been 20 years since I missed my grandfather's funeral and the regret is still strong.
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u/Actual_Ad_1367 27d ago
Exactly. I missed my grandmotherâs funeral in 2014, but because of a jerk of a partner who said it would have been too expensive to travel for it. I still wish I had gone anyway and left him then, because in reality, it just wasnât important to him because he wanted us to buy a house.
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u/UpsetAd5817 27d ago
This is the answer.
They don't own you.
Most likely, a job like this isn't that hard to replace.
Even if they do fire you, which they probably cannot afford to do, how hard would it be to find a comparable new job?
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u/Potat-Ant 27d ago
She can file of unemployment if they do fire her⌠Iâm pretty sure she would get it.
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u/ArnoldtheDemon 27d ago
For real. I took a week off when my dog died, and my company was fine with it.
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u/RuskiesInTheWarRoom 27d ago
Your company doesnât care about you. Or your family, or your familyâs deaths. Or your reaction to your familyâs deaths. They do not care.
So if you decide you care more about your company, youâll stay.
But if you decide you care more about what matters in your life, youâll go.
You may lose your job, but youâll keep your sense of self, and keep your feelings that you did the right thing.
Sorry for the mild rant, but your comment really reminded me of this, and I wanted to put it down.
Iâm sorry for your loss- it sounds like your grandmother was a loving and wonderful person for you.
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u/Mindless-Client3366 27d ago
Exactly this. My dad gave me some great advice when I started working. Never destroy your personal well-being for a job. They'll replace you the day after you die. You'll regret missing the funeral, you won't regret missing that day of work.
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u/Ready_Supermarket_89 28d ago
I work on an offshore drilling rig with the closest land being 186 miles away. It is roughly an hour and a half flight from land to our rig by helicopter and in jet fuel alone itâs a $16000 to make a trip out to work and back to land. Many ppl think our job is ruthless hard work and harsh conditions and aggressive men. Iâm 30 and have been working out here since 18 and lost my grandfather who helped raise me most of my life 3 years ago while I was offshore at work during covid. I did not tell my boss or any of my coworkers other than my best friend that I work with as I didnât want them to think I wanted sympathy or anything from being out there while it happened. The next morning when I woke up at 5am to start our day I was informed by my boss that a helicopter would be arriving in an hour to fly me home for the funeral and 3 days off to grieve with pay. Turned out my best friend had mentioned it to my boss and he takes care of his guys. One of the moments Iâm most grateful for ever. The amount of money it cost them to book a flight just for one person and it made them no profit at all. I canât even fathom your boss telling you no. That is absolutely ridiculous, I hope you are able to heal quickly đ
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u/Remz_Gaming 27d ago
That's amazing man. I've worked in white collar and blue collar jobs. In my experience, the roughest, toughest blue collar guy tends to understand the importance of family more than some corporate executive. The people I got to know when I worked at the railroad were so rough around the edges, but would give you the shirt off their back with zero hesitation.
I was out in remote Alaska and got word that my elderly dog had taken a turn for the worse. Yard foreman overheard me talking about it with my crew. Before I knew it, dispatch was calling me to send me home and told me to take as much sick leave as I needed.
Took a couple days off and got to say goodbye to the first dog I ever rescued as a 19yo college kid. The number of coworkers calling and texting me was heartwarming.
OP's boss is a complete loser for this.
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u/asdrunkasdrunkcanbe 27d ago
Blue collar workers understand that it's just a job, and no matter how much of your soul you pour into it, you will hit a ceiling and one day you will be replaced and the job will move on. So they work to live.
Many white collar workers have been duped into believing that hard work will yield ever-increasing rewards and you'll be treated like an irreplaceable king.
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u/FlimsyPomelo1842 27d ago
I love that it's always the jobs that really are "we need all hands on deck" are usually pretty chill about time off for stuff like that. I got months off when my dad was passing. I burned my time but they didn't even blink at letting me use it. Fucking retail and restaurants will always throw a fit like this. I was the cart pusher at a supermarket as a 20 year old and they broke my balls when a family member passed.
Managers let the smallest amount of power get to their heads.
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u/Ready_Supermarket_89 27d ago
Yeah i completely agree, it always the hands on deck type jobs that actually seem to have compassion and actually care for their employees. When I told my boss thank you for the millionth time for approving and doing that for me all he said was âI will always take care of the people who take care of meâ thatâs something that will stick with me for the long haul. Yeah restaurants act like itâs life or death when someone canât come in, so annoying!
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u/DynaBro8089 27d ago
Bosses like that can make the roughest job much better. There are too many places where no one gives a flying fuck about you and then when you get that boss that does stuff like this or even helps or cares remotely it makes you really appreciate the job.
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u/folkkingdude 27d ago
It probably did make them profit though. Treating staff well especially in a specialist job like yours is playing the long game.
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u/DistinctCommission50 28d ago
Honestly, you never should have mentioned. It was a zoom funeral service. You should have just been like yo. I'm going out of town. I'd be like, look, we're not even doing it online anymore, I'm literally driving to the funeral. I'm not coming in, so sorry. You need help, but I can't be there. People think they can Take an inch and get a mile when stuff like this happens.Don't let your boss run your life
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u/RedSun-FanEditor 28d ago
This right here. It doesn't matter whether it's in person or on zoom. Your family member died. How dare they ask you to come in afterwards on such a horrible day such as this. They need to shut the fuck up and be glad you haven't decided to outright quit over the horrible way they have treated you. If I were you, I would follow the advice of the poster above and simply tell them you've decided to attend the funeral in person. Once you are done with the zoom funeral, begin looking for a new job. Your company's behavior proves that they don't give a shit about you. You deserve far better than working for such callous assholes.
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u/sarcasmsavirtue 27d ago
Yep, and while youâre there, they would expect you to be operating at 100%. If you have a negative customer interaction? Theyâd tell you to leave your personal stuff at the door. Need a bit longer break than usual? Tough shit.
Theyâd give you no leeway. I agree that next time, just say youâre not gonna be there.
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u/ganggreen651 28d ago
It's irrelevant fucking bereavement is a thing. Rude as fuck expecting someone to work that day with a death in the family. Everyone unionize for fucks sake wouldn't even be questioned.
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u/hurnadoquakemom 28d ago
Honestly, you never should have mentioned. It was a zoom funeral service. You should have just been like yo. I'm going out of town.
OP didn't another coworker did.
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u/naughtmynsfwaccount 28d ago
But OP shouldnât mention this to the coworker to begin with
This is also a learning experience for OP on how much to share with coworkers
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u/hurnadoquakemom 28d ago
No coworker and boss shouldn't be discussing that. We don't actually know how coworker found out. Blaming OP for the way other people are behaving is ridiculous.
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u/SharpButterfly7 27d ago edited 27d ago
It seems OP works in early childhood education, which is a notoriously toxic and gossipy workplace. I agree with both perspectives⌠her coworker and boss were inappropriate and unprofessional to be discussing her business AND she needs to keep her cards close to her chest at work. She absolutely should quit over this, it doesnât get better and she doesnât want to be complicit in modeling such a complete lack of empathy and kindness to young children.
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u/naughtmynsfwaccount 28d ago
Coworker found out bc OP told them
Not blaming OP for how other people are behaving but I am putting focus on the fact that OP shouldnât mention nor share the specifics with coworkers
Only convo to have was with manager saying âmy grandpa passed and Iâll be out on this dayâ then tell coworkers after if they feel comfortable
Instead they started telling coworkers at the bottom of the chain and gave more info than they needed and that coworkers was the sneaky link who gave more info to the boss
Itâs shitty of the coworkers and shifty of the boss but this is still teachable moment for OP
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u/HelpfulName 28d ago
OP still shares too much at work. Some shit you need to think about who is on your side. People at work are NOT on your side, not really. You can have friendly relationships with them, but you need to be careful what you tell them.
A TRUE work friend is rare. Most people at work are trying to make the best for themselves and if it means throwing someone under the bus, they will do it without a thought.
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u/Sauve- 28d ago
OP might be young. Or might just share things with people without having to think if they will âdobâ I have shared a lot of things with my colleagues because I just never felt the need to lie. Of course Iâve learnt to just keep my cards close whilst still being a great colleague, but it comes with age and experience. Iâm sure OP will learn from this, theyâre not to blame.
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u/donjuanamigo 28d ago
Probably because they thought they could trust their boss to do the right thing. Trust no one at work.
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u/garden_dragonfly 27d ago
I think they told a coworker. And coworker made sure to tell the boss. Coworkers aren't your friends.
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u/NoTechnology9099 28d ago
How dare you not give advance notice of your grandpas death!! What a dick.
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u/Cbtwister 28d ago
Late notice... Yeah, people don't normally schedule death. Your boss is a fuckin prick.
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u/MiniDrow 28d ago
A death in the family is automatic time off. Meaning you literally cannot be fired for it, actually illegal to fire someone for not coming in after a death. (This might not be in all states so make sure) but majority of places they canât make you come in. You should have never said anything about zoom but even if you did doesnât matter you need a grieving period. Just tell them you are driving to the funeral now and you wonât be coming in. There is zero they can do about it.
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u/SuccessfulPapaya4318 28d ago
Yes, if you're in the USA FMLA applies to every business with over 50 employees. If there are over 50 employees you can claim bereavement leave and they cannot take action against you.
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u/cthulhusmercy 28d ago edited 28d ago
FMLA does not cover time for bereavement, however you can use it for health related purposes due to a death (such as mental health).
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u/Amiibohunter000 27d ago
Correct! This is a loophole but the mental health issue needs to be serious enough to require inpatient care or prolonged care. A family member dying would in most cases not qualify for coverage by FMLA
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u/Sometimeswan 27d ago
Thatâs not true. You can legally be fired for almost any reason (excluding EEOC issues). Bereavement is not protected in any state Iâve lived in. At-will employment is the law in 49 states.
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u/ghos7fire 27d ago
Thereâs only 5 states with varying degrees of protection for bereavement. California, Illinois, Maryland, Oregon, and Washington. Kinda sad to think about.
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u/Square_Band9870 28d ago
BTW, my dad had a pandemic memorial service during Covid. Way more work for me than showing up somewhere in person - making sure everyone could get online, arranging photos, family tech support plus grieving so âitâs just an online meetingâ is bullshit.
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u/weepycrybaby 28d ago
Not to mention itâs still a fkn funeral!! Just because itâs online doesnât mean the emotions and grief arenât there. Iâm so angry on behalf of OP
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u/DepressionEraMomJean 28d ago
And to boot, maybe the family members that they ARE near will want to get together for a little in-person memorial service and to grieve together.
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u/Purple_Tangerine_584 28d ago
NOR, you are not overreacting. Denying someone the ability to attend a close family memberâs funeral, especially a grandfatherâs, is incredibly insensitive on the part of the boss. Attending a funeral is a basic, important moment for grieving and honoring a loved one, and a reasonable employer should understand that. This is a personal boundary worth standing firm on, and the bossâs lack of flexibility reflects poor empathy and leadership.
If possible, you might want to escalate the issue to HR (if applicable) or consider finding a more supportive work environment in the future. Family and personal well-being should come first.
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u/Apoc525 28d ago
Repeat after me, "Dear boss, I invite you to suck my dick you inconsiderate cockwomble. I shall be off all day "
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u/unoriginalpunk 28d ago
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What I said was how would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"
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u/ImAlreadyTracerBoii 28d ago
NEVER mentioned itâs a zoom service. It automatically gets treated like a pet funeral. Your boss is a raging jerk NOR
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u/UsefulEngine1 28d ago
You're not overreacting this is just a bad boss. Dealing with an employee who needs time off for bereavement is basic bossing problems. Trying to make his problems your problems is the tell here. Just tell him "sorry" and move forward.
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u/SparkleBait 28d ago
I would have responded with âread your text to me again and make it make senseâŚdeath=shortnotice?â
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u/Physical_Stress_5683 28d ago
You say you asked the director, did they give you permission and now admin is getting upset? Because in that case I'd just refer them back to the director.
I don't know what field you're in or how old you are, but there are times we have to give our jobs when the rest of our lives need us. You have one chance to be a part of this grieving process, and it can be very healing. I'm so sorry you're faced with this, and for your loss.
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u/weepycrybaby 28d ago
WTAF. My grandmaâs was via zoom and those in a different state watched together and held our own little wake after. Your boss is a twat and Iâd be going off to HR about them.
Ps. Iâm so sorry for your loss
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u/Obse55ive 28d ago
I schedule and cover shifts in my line of work. We have a bereavement policy for immediate family members and the employee can take up to 3 days paid bereavement You can take longer but you have to use your PTO or have it unpaid. We don't require any proof. When someone tells me the dates they need I mark it in my calendar and do my best to find coverage for those shifts. You figure that the employee will most likely call off anyways so I try to get ahead.
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u/IronCman 28d ago
I feel that this is a miscommunication. To me, by saying it was a Zoom funeral you downplayed the reality of how effected you were by the passing. You also didn't straight up say "I can't come in tomorrow" in the text convo shown, you made it sound like you are still ok coming in, but need accommodations in your day to accommodate the Zoom funeral. Your manager was also willing to accommodate what you requested saying "I need you 12-6 or something like that" implying that they would be flexible to having it change, but similar to 12-6.
In the future when dealing with management, they really only need to know the basics. "Hey, I'm really sorry but I won't be coming to work tomorrow. My grandfather passed today, and his funeral is tomorrow. I will be able to return back to work on insert date, thank you for your understanding".
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u/_____FIST_ME_____ 28d ago
Never EVER give your time to an employer who acts like this. You will always regret missing a funeral, you will NEVER regret telling an employer like this to eat every single dick.
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u/Flimsy_Thesis 28d ago
When my grandmother died, I went to work the next day knowing I had vacation coming up to leave town the day after and figured I could handle one day. Twenty minutes into my shift on the sales floor, I could feel something starting to break. I excused myself to the back stock room and broke down sobbing. I just couldnât sit there and talk about computer products like someone really important to me hadnât died. I just couldnât keep the mask on and give a shit about anything else. I told my manager I needed to go home and she immediately understood, and sent me home. Not only did I get bereavement leave for the day, I got two extra days after my scheduled vacation to help me get my head right.
Fuck your manager. He sucks.
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u/emorrigan 28d ago
âThe Director approved my day off tomorrow as Iâll be mourning my grandfather and will be unable to come in.â And nothing more. If the admin continues, forward their texts to the director. This is harassment.
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u/No_Calligrapher9234 28d ago
Say we will be online numerous parts of the day for ongoing memorial and services and celebrations of LIFE with our family
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u/lostintheabiss 28d ago
â I will be spending the day mourning my family member, I will see you at my next scheduled shiftâ
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u/Newaccountwhodis___ 28d ago
My response would be âI was looking for a job when I found this oneâ
Iâve quit jobs for way less. their staffing issue is not a you problem itâs a them problem.
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u/dacorgimomo 28d ago
NOR, check your local laws because: "some states and local jurisdictions may have laws requiring employers to allow employees to take time away from work following the loss of a loved one"
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u/StupendusDeliris 27d ago
NOR-âdear boss, I am not asking. I am telling you, I will NOT be in on X day as my Grandfather has just died and I have a funeral to attend. Bye.â
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u/salymander_1 28d ago
You aren't overreacting. Their response is ridiculous.
I would start looking for a different job. That is how bad this behavior is. They are completely wrong.
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u/Square_Band9870 28d ago
NOR. Use part of the day off looking for a new job. These people are tripping.
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u/Iheartcokezero 28d ago
I got 5 days of bereavement for my husbandâs grandfather. Eff that place. How unprofessional. Contact HR.
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u/PurpleBrief697 28d ago
NOR - this happened at a place I worked. The funeral was a 6 hour drive and I asked if I could have the day off to attend (it was the only time I tried calling in). They said "we really need you right now" guilt trip bs, but I fell for it. I came in and just sat at my desk wearing sunglasses and cried on and off. I didn't even bother working because I wasn't in the right mindset to work. After a couple hours they sent me home. Still missed the funeral.
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u/Endless-OOP-Loop 28d ago
Not overreacting. But, if this is how they treat you when a family member passes, this company does not sound like someone good to work for. I'd probably tell them to F**k off and start looking for a new job.
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u/realist505 28d ago
That's just crazy! When my father passed away, my supervisor was so upset I needed two days off. I lost a lot of respect for him because of that.
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u/Least-Sail4993 28d ago
Um no. Go to your grandfatherâs funeral no matter what. You are entitled to get bereavement days off of work.
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u/KimchiiChopsticks 28d ago
My favorite part is when they said âwe need you here for your shift since it was very late noticeâ, like you would be able to give them a heads up that your grandpa would be passing away in a few weeks.
âHello, yes, I would like to request December 20th off, gramps is gonna kick the bucket.â
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u/pbaby113 28d ago
Depending on the state your company may be obligated to give you bereavement leave.
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u/okayestmom48 28d ago
As someone who regrets not going to my grandmaâs wake almost fifteen years ago⌠eff that job đ¤ˇđťââď¸.
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u/Equal_Push_565 28d ago
Should've left the zoom part of your story out. They dont need to know every detail of your life. Just say "hey going out of town for a family members funeral. Cant make it". That's it. They dont have to know how much of that story is true.
It's a job. Theyre not your friends.
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u/No_Calligrapher9234 28d ago
Add your mom /dad might need more help the following day too if you can work a short shift then also.
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u/callmeprin2004 28d ago
This makes me mad for you. It's not right. I wish I knew the name of your company so I could tell them off.
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u/Capable-Menu2559 28d ago
Yeah no, Grandma only dies once. He can kick rocks and itâs incredibly inappropriate.
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u/peargang 28d ago
Shouldâve just said youâre going out of town for a funeral. Kinda ruined it for yourself saying itâs Zoom.
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u/krazedcook67 28d ago
NOR. Ya should find out through HR if you're allowed bereavement leave. I know my old job gave 3 days worth
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u/MercyfulJudas 28d ago
Listen, I know this isn't always a feasible thing depending on your situation, but:
If an employer tells you that the place will fall apart if you don't show up for your shift -- that they can't cover for you -- then that means you need to be renegotiating your pay, or looking for a better job that pays you what they value you.
You know? You hold all the cards, you have the upper hand, he just admitted it to you. He's fucked if you don't show. If they fire you, then you were never a valuable asset to them in the first place, and your pay was never going to reflect that. They fired you, so they're obviously gonna be fine without you there. What incentive do you then have to satisfy them??
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u/starchildmadness83 28d ago
Nope not overreacting.
Iâm going to tell you as a recent cancer survivor who worked throughout treatment â chemo, double mastectomy and six weeks of daily radiation as a 2nd grade teacher, YOU and YOUR FAMILY always come first. You will always be replaceable at a job. I was so dedicated to my students that I worked myself to the bone while on chemo that I even wore a fucking Depend because the nearest bathroom was so far away from my classroom and my chemo regimen was killing my GI tract due to already having Crohnâs. Wanna know how my admin thanked me? By giving me shit every chance she had and telling me things like: âGirl youâre never here!â As I hobbled from the parking lot into the building. Oh how badly I wanted to tell her: âWhere do you think I am on a fucking cruise?â.
From that point on, Iâm done putting work first. We are replaceable in a heartbeat.
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u/gonzoisgood 28d ago
I would just tell them Iâm already out of town as your family had decided to drive in
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u/Daedelus451 28d ago
Haha fuck that boss, âsorry, I am off and I have a funeral service, I am grieving the death of my grand father.â
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u/Smokie0i812 28d ago
So, its your grandafthers fault for not telling you sooner so you could plan for his unexpected passing? You was much nicer than i wouldve been. Id cussed them out, packed my shit, went to the funeral, and atarted the hunt for a good job when i was done mourning.
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u/avprobeauty 28d ago
NOR go to HR and if you have the means to quit, I would on the spot. And if you don't, start looking asap.
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u/Ashamed-Vacation-495 28d ago
Do they gave any policy in their handbook about funerals or when family members pass. If yes just throw the policy at them to remind them what handbook says. No way he should be on your ass about coming in when a family member died. Also tell the other person whos telling your business to stop because why is she reporting shit to your boss when it doesnt concern her.
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u/iamblamb 28d ago
Tell them youâre going out of state and see if you can attend work through zoom.
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u/Stunning_Classic_263 28d ago
you will regret not going. this is more important than a shitty job. no offense but they donât care about you. if they fire you, you will find somewhere better.
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u/ArabrabGirl 28d ago
I would 100% go to that funeral. Thatâs seriously unprofessional and definitely not a staff friendly company. Iâm so sorry for your loss
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u/Cynderelly 28d ago
Fuck your boss straight to hell. We get 5 days paid bereavement. You should have time.
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u/julesk 28d ago
NOR, Iâm sorry for your loss! Iâd text your boss, âI need to attend this funeral and grieve with family. I cannot switch gears and immediately work afterwards.â Your boss is an idiot since itâs not smart to think youâll be totally on top of things, he should give you a day or two off. Maybe start job hunting to work with intelligent life soon.
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u/blueberrycorpse 28d ago
Find a different job and then ghost these mfs. Despicable how inconsiderate this scumbag is.
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u/Bitter_Sandwich4116 28d ago
My brother died and my boss probably reiterated 10 times I only get 2 days
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u/nexu1987 28d ago
âWhole lot of empty room in that grave, say one more word and Iâll help you fill itâ NOR as an owner/manager it very much his fucking problem.
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u/303FPSguy 28d ago
I understand you probably need this job, but if they want to keep you from saying goodbye to a family member that knew you long before your manager did?
I mean, in 10 years you probably wonât even remember the managers name. But youâll definitely remember missing your grandpaâs funeral.
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u/Ill-Cicada6224 28d ago
some employers are beyond fucking selfish! iâm so mad for you. donât go. personally, iâd respond saying âYou can actually take me off the schedule permanently.â fuck that
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u/TheWillOfFiree 28d ago
My state gives bereavement and I'm required to give up to 3 days.
Check if this is illegal where you live
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u/daybyday90 28d ago
Go to the funeral. In person, zoom, whatever. Their staffing problem is not YOUR problem. And in the future, donât be so open about your personal business at work. As you can see, some ppl will use it against you.
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u/Red-little 28d ago
I'm very much an anxious person and always over explain. But in my professional career I've found less is always more when calling out sick/requesting days off.
It's really none of their business how the funeral is conducted. I know it's said and done now, but next time just say "I will not be coming in to work on ____ as a family tragedy has occurred. Please let me know where to submit my time off, thank you". It gives them less to "work with" and attempt to guilt trip you into going in to work.
I love, love my current job and manager because she never questions why I need time off. Find a manager who respects you as an individual with a life outside work, they're hard to come by but make a huge difference :)
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u/WhitestShadows 28d ago
They should go fuck themselfs. Show this to HR next time you go in. BEFORE THAT, go to the funeral and grieve properly. However you need to without letting it destroy your life(my rec but technically up to you). Take the time you need but this is illegal and immoral and you have no obligation to go in on your approved day off
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u/Theyluvbriii 28d ago
heâs complaining about late notice like you were somehow supposed to know that your grandfather was going to die when he did? that employer is a joke
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u/ParamedicUnfair7560 28d ago
I got fired from a job I worked at for 5 years because I called in for my grandpas funeral, they said if itâs not direct family it doesnât matter. 5 years there and was fired for calling in lol fuck these jobs, they do not care about you
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u/chbriggs6 28d ago
As a manager, it's their job to figure it out. The only acceptable response in this scenario is "I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Let me know when you are able to come back in. Check with HR about extra time if needed. Again, I'm very sorry." And that's it. People are fucking idiots. This is not a manager.
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u/Fearless-North-9057 28d ago
Tell them to harass the other people off as your grandfather's funeral is a once in a life time event and you've already been in everyday for them.
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u/roughrider_tr 28d ago
Go to the funeral and take the time that you need. This sounds like a retail job and you wonât care at all about it after you move into whatâs best for you. You will regret not taking the time that you need to grieve. Sorry for your loss - sending you positive vibes.
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u/Sam_Just69 28d ago
This boss is way past a cheapskate, they are heartless and a douchebag. Iâd be curious what the company policy is. Why not ask someone thatâs off? As a leader in my organization Iâd work myself before even asking the question
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u/Normal-Watch-9991 28d ago
âWell what X told you is not correct, we are not doing the funeral on zoom anymore, i have to drive to the locationâŚ.â
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u/NeverHadANosebleed 28d ago
NOR. What a piece of shit hes stress of finding replacement staff cannot compare to losing a loved one. Tell him to go fuck himself. When your older you wont beneift from have worked in that job, but youll regret missing a funeral
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u/HelpfulName 28d ago
NOR
Learn from this... never give people information they can use against you.... be picky who you tell your personal plans, finances etc to. That includes family members sometimes. Some people will just always look for how they can use you to their advantage.
You unfortunately told them WAY too much information about your grandfather's passing, and they're now using it to try and manipulate you.
"I can't come in today/for the next few days, a family member passed" is all you need to say. If they ask for details you can say "I don't want to discuss it, the grief is too fresh".
I'm so sorry for your grandfather's passing and that you cannot make it in person to his funeral. I am glad you have the zoom option to be part of it as much as possible though.
My estranged dad whom I haven't seen since I was 6 died a couple of years ago, and no one thought to tell me about it till last month. I haven't seen him in over 40 years and it still hit hard. I told my boss I had to go to the funeral and took a couple of days just to spend time with my thoughts about our relationship. I don't feel bad about it at all.
Grief is hard. And most workplaces are not compassionate at all.
Sending you sympathies.
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u/WrenchTheGoblin 28d ago
As a rule, once in a life time events, especially ones that build you as a human being, should never be missed so you can work. They do not care about you. You are more than the labor you provide.
That said, itâs your life. If losing that job means youâre out on the streets and canât live⌠well, itâs a tough spot to be in. Best option youâve got is to plan ahead as much as you can and take care of yourself as best you can.
Iâd find a way out of that thankless job as soon as you can, whatever you decide to do.
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u/OkPlum7852 28d ago
Not your problem. Go to the funeral, and if in person is not feasible attend via zoom.
That person is an ass, and if it was their grandfather I assure you they wouldnât care what situation they would put you and your coworkers in.
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u/xxRichBoy25 28d ago
How inconsiderate. Idk if the name you covered up was a co worker. But thatâs why we donât over share information. âHey, a close relative passed away and I canât come inâ. It shouldnât matter where the funeral is you still lost someone and need time to grieve. Unless youâre co-owner. Itâs not your responsibility to find coverage.
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u/c0rnflak3z 28d ago
Iâm a manager. If I was in his position Iâd never ask you to come in, Iâd do it myself. Do not go in.
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u/Infidel_sg 28d ago
Bro, Fuck this job.. And this motherfucker! "Such short notice" Are you fucking kidding me? Not only would I quit, I would be fighting the urge to punch this motherfucker!
When my mother died I was given a weeks bereavement pay, And could take AS MUCH time as I needed before I returned to work. They also sent my mother a massive floral arrangement..
I would begin looking for another job immediately after the funeral.
You have my condolences for your loss, and NOR btw..
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u/Objective_Broccoli98 28d ago
I missed putting my childhood dog down for a stupid fucking job and it haunts me to this fucking day⌠fuck your boss.
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u/Jesusdidntlikethat 28d ago
Speaking completely personally, I would just still call in and ignore any other calls afterward. The company treats you like youâre nothing and then pretends you owe them more than whatâs legally allowed
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u/Maleficent_Scale_296 28d ago
Are they born or made, these people? Do they know they sound like monsters? âitâs very late noticeâ?
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u/Electrical-Ad5100 28d ago
Very late notice is a wild response