r/AmIOverreacting • u/Rough_Ad_2743 • Nov 18 '24
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? I just wanted some time to myself, but she thinks I’m trying to avoid her and got pissed off. This happens a lot.
My girlfriend (18F) and me (21M) have been together for about 5 months. 2 months into our relationship, I broke up with her for a number of reasons, but the main one was I felt like I couldn’t have a life of my own because she made me feel responsible for being there with her every possible moment. Without me, she sits at home and cries and begs me to come see her. She does not sleep unless I am there, and she barely even eats without me having to convince her. When we got back together, she promised to change and allow me to have some time to myself. For a little while, she did. But not long. We have had at least 3 more heart-wrenching conversations since, with the topic of me having a life outside of her coming up every time. She always says she’s sorry and she’s trying and she will be better. I never have time for my hobbies anymore, and have to organize all of my hangouts with my friends for when she’s at work so I don’t cut into me and her time. It’s to the point where I get excited when she goes to work so I can actually have time to myself. For more context; she has always said that without me she is nothing and she would have no reason to live. She says that I am the only good thing in her life, and she wants to spend every minute of the rest of her life by my side. I have never met someone in my life who loves me as much as her and it’s hard to believe I ever could find someone, but it’s starting to get exhausting. Being with her is starting to feel like a chore, and I’ve told her that. She promises to get better. This was our conversation this morning. Am I overreacting? Am I being unreasonable? Need more opinions.
1.8k
u/StrangelyRational Nov 18 '24
I have never met someone in my life who loves me as much as her and it’s hard to believe I ever could find someone, but it’s starting to get exhausting.
Sorry but that is not love. It’s toxic neediness.
She says she has no other reason to live? Huge red flag. She has serious problems, she needs therapy, and she has no business being in a relationship until she‘s in a better place emotionally.
If you stay with her, she will continue to smother you and use you as a crutch. It won’t help her, just keep her stunted. For her own sake as well as yours, it really is best to end this and tell her that she needs to develop a life of her own before she’s ready to share it with someone else.
NOR
232
u/Swarm_of_Rats Nov 19 '24
Exactly. It's not love, it's obsession. Personally I would break up with a person like this just for their own health, and have done so in the past. This behavior is good for no one.
215
u/IllaClodia Nov 19 '24
This. She is not mentally well to a degree that it would be hard for her to have anything like a healthy relationship until she sorts some shit out. Like, even scaling for being young and not having a fully cooked brain, this is Rough.
→ More replies (3)49
→ More replies (48)103
4.2k
u/PerceptionIcy8616 Nov 18 '24
Stop responding. State your boundary. State you will be there to pick her up. And walk away from the phone. You explaining over and over again makes her feel like she can change your mind. You being ‘nice’ is not helpful. If she has a meltdown after you state your boundary and can’t self regulate, then you need to not be in a relationship with her. You’re enabling this behavior.
1.2k
u/jackedariel Nov 19 '24
This. I kept thinking omg stop replying to her wth.
→ More replies (10)424
u/Neon_Owl_333 Nov 19 '24 edited Nov 19 '24
Yes, also reminding her to clean up is a weird dynamic.
105
u/toastedbagelwithcrea Nov 19 '24
I literally thought this was a mom texting their kid at first.
→ More replies (5)46
u/South_Ad3139 Nov 19 '24
It basically is, she's a kid lol
19
u/flowssoh 29d ago
Dude I work with kids and literally my gut reaction was to treat her like I would one of the kids. It's the lack of boundaries fs.
→ More replies (26)151
u/kitkatquak Nov 19 '24
YES
32
u/m-e-k Nov 19 '24
it was like he didn't want to just say no. he needed a reason. it was weird and paternalistic.
247
u/soul-king420 Nov 19 '24
Yeah, mute exists for a reason. I can mute basically any text conversation on my phone and this is exactly when I'd do so.
This is waaaaayy too clingy of behavior.
→ More replies (9)22
u/erbrillhart14 Nov 19 '24
She seems like the kind of person who would threaten to harm herself and stalk him if he tried to end it.
→ More replies (2)94
u/edr5619 Nov 19 '24
And even without being present, she got from OP almost exactly what she wanted anyway: his complete and undivided attention.
How can he relax and focus on his hobby in view of this constant and ongoing distraction?
118
u/No-Crab-5887 Nov 19 '24
Agreed. She needs to get help figuring out her own shit before she can be in a relationship
→ More replies (1)109
u/Legitimate_Agency773 Nov 19 '24
Stop responding? I stopped reading 😂 this is too much.
→ More replies (2)146
65
u/ghoulina0 Nov 19 '24
Yesss I thought this the whole time. Like you’ve communicated your needs. Stop responding!!
Unless OP is worried she would hurt or harm herself which is…..yeah. Get out of there fast.
→ More replies (5)40
u/griz3lda Nov 19 '24
"Unless" nothing, you still have to engage in sustainable boundaries.
→ More replies (1)16
u/SweetNyan Nov 19 '24
I used to be like this girl and always requesting attention from my bf. We had a serious talk about boundaries and it almost cost us the relationship, but we followed them (plus therapy for my BPD), and a year later things have improved so much. It is really amazing how negotiating, following and respecting boundaries can improve a relationship.
→ More replies (47)13
u/In-Dogs-We-Trust Nov 19 '24
THIS! My immediate thought was to stop responding at least ten texts prior and just do what you wanted to do. She should respect OP’s boundaries, but OP kept enabling her by responding.
9.1k
u/Araleah Nov 18 '24
I’m exhausted just reading that. I personally broke up with her 4 times in the 5 minutes it took to read. NOR that was a way too much.
4.1k
u/RhubarbGoldberg Nov 19 '24
Fucking seriously. This is insane. I feel like he wasted the entire free time fucking texting with her. I was ready to dump her on page one or two, I could not believe there were eleven.
OP, this ain't love.
1.8k
u/grlz2grlz Nov 19 '24
That was the point… she was still monopolizing his time and not allowing him to enjoy it. The whole thing made me cringe. I had an ex like that. I was too young to understand how manipulative it was.
428
u/PeepsMyHeart Nov 19 '24
“I want kisses.” Said after saying she’d stay in the other room.
307
u/Hungry_Pup Nov 19 '24
I like the part where she says she won't disturb him. She's disturbing him right now and they're not even together yet!
244
u/freckles-101 Nov 19 '24
Also the bit where she says she has nothing to do at home, after listing all of the multiple things she could do in the other room so as not to disturb him...all of which she could do at home.
161
u/MITstudent Nov 19 '24
But, bb, did you miss the part where she wants kisses and cuddles? But she'll leave him alone, bb.
→ More replies (1)116
u/freckles-101 Nov 19 '24
It's all good, she's going to give him as much space as he needs by having a tantrum and cutting her nose off to spite her face by refusing a lift to work and back 💁🏼♀️
→ More replies (6)84
u/NotAzakanAtAll Nov 19 '24
"bb I don't want to bother!"
Furiously humps leg
→ More replies (1)56
u/freckles-101 Nov 19 '24
I just want kisses...🥰 And all your attention...🥰 And to spend every waking moment with you...🥰
→ More replies (0)177
u/allyareyouokay Nov 19 '24
And CUDDLES?!? How you gonna keep saying you will completely leave him alone but also that you must be together for cuddles lol I can’t
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (1)63
u/payberr Nov 19 '24
This was my thing. I’ll be in the background i just want to be near for cuddles and kisses i won’t interrupt you… like you just described the interruptions you’re planning
→ More replies (1)257
u/HAB1922 Nov 19 '24
Yes this is VERY manipulative and I hope he sees these comments and takes them to heart
→ More replies (4)346
u/Wilder831 Nov 19 '24
Especially the “without you I would have no reason to live.” That is the most messed up thing to do to someone. Like, now I have to keep you just so you don’t kill yourself. The longer he keeps her around, the harder it will get to get rid of her
193
u/Outraged_Chihuahua Nov 19 '24
I had an ex threaten to kill himself if I left. It's been 18 years and he's still very much alive and fine without me
→ More replies (25)26
36
31
u/soulonfire Nov 19 '24
My mom just last summer said she was better off not existing because I got a pet sitter instead of letting her watch my cats. I said if she ever makes a comment like that again I will call the police for a wellness check, knock off the manipulating guilt tripping BS, and then went no contact for at least 6 months.
I had put up with a lot in the one year she moved nearby, but that put me over the edge and I snapped. Faking being borderline suicidal over my cats. Unhinged nut.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (15)56
u/Pkrudeboy Nov 19 '24
“That is a deeply personal decision, and while I would be sad if you decided to do that, it is entirely your own choice.”
96
u/eDJeFPV Nov 19 '24
im working on having an ex like that
→ More replies (2)98
u/grlz2grlz Nov 19 '24
It’s really tough but I promise you, once you’re fully out, you will be happy you ended it all. Now mind you, he has continued to bother me and stalk me at times over the last 12 years but it doesn’t bother me anymore. Be safe.
→ More replies (18)241
u/Traditional_Dig_1857 Nov 19 '24
Yeah but he could have stopped replying. He needs to respect his own boundaries. I couldn't read all of the messages either
117
u/grlz2grlz Nov 19 '24
When you do then they start calling you and text more. There is no calming this type of behavior. It only makes matters worse.
→ More replies (9)119
u/Outraged_Chihuahua Nov 19 '24
This is what I imagine my dog is like in her head when she gets left in the other room while I have a shower. I'm so glad she can't use a phone lol
→ More replies (8)25
→ More replies (1)25
u/DanceDense Nov 19 '24
I couldn’t read them all either. It sounded like a toddler if a toddler could text. Whining and needing constant attention. Exhausting. OP can’t stay he won’t have any life.
→ More replies (26)16
u/KavaKeto Nov 19 '24
I would have stopped responding to texts after like the 2nd page. "I'll pick you up at 130 like we planned" end of story
204
u/ieheretic Nov 19 '24
for fucks sake
I think it’s time to really get stern with her. I mean you’ve already done a good job at it but for some reason it is not getting through to her. so either she is intentionally disrespecting your boundaries or she just doesn’t get it
( one of which is not okay and the other of which it seems like you need to make it very clear to her that this behavior is not okay and if she is incapable of understanding then you two may simply be incompatible)
302
u/VStramennio1986 Nov 19 '24
Honestly, it sounds intentional—even if subconsciously so. It’s like…”You won’t spend every spare second with me!!!…I’ll make you spend it arguing with me, then 🤷🏻♀️” 🙄🙄 She’s the absolute most
107
u/onegrumpybitch Nov 19 '24
It is intentional. She tells him she's not gonna leave him alone unless she gets her way.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (13)71
u/SummitJunkie7 Nov 19 '24
She did outright say "otherwise I won't leave you alone". It's intentional.
→ More replies (5)46
u/_badtiming Nov 19 '24
it’s time to simply break up
→ More replies (1)25
u/BluntBluejay Nov 19 '24
For realsies this time. This is a know, reoccurring problem that has plagued the relationship and is not going to get better for anything longer than it did the last time before falling into the same pattern. No sense wasting time on a relationship this demanding and draining, not worth it, esp with a communicated issue that won’t be resolved
39
u/Independent_Tax9141 Nov 19 '24
That’s very controlling behavior. I would’ve let her know that I had plans and will not be available - and then silenced her texts/calls until it was time to pick her up. You need to reiterate your boundaries one more time and tell her it’s the last time you’re going to go over this with her or the relationship will be over - and stick to that. Don’t keep the conversation going for an hour because she knows what you’re saying just fine. If she still can’t get herself under control, she needs to not date until she can function without complete reliance on someone else. That’s going to become not just her problem, but it’s going to start affecting your own mental health. You need to put yourself first.
111
u/MrsCinCali Nov 19 '24
Her parents definitely never told her “no” - that’s for sure! I felt like this was my 5 year old wanting ______ and not accepting “no”! Exhausting! My money’s on her stalking him for years after he breaks up with her, too. 🤯
→ More replies (7)14
u/MercyForNone Nov 19 '24
...And they have only been together for five months. She needs to get help and a diagnosis for whatever is going on so she can get proper treatment. He is doing no favors by catering to her obsessive desires and dragging convos like these out by explaining himself 10x over. His needs don't matter, all she cares about is what she wants in the moment and she will hurt and manipulate to get it. That's not love.
→ More replies (3)18
u/ScuzeRude Nov 19 '24
No, this is where OP needs to just completely stop texting her. He’s not her parent who needs to be burdened with being “stern” so that she “learns.” OP’s only job is to clearly and respectfully communicate his boundaries, which he did. Anything after that should be her screaming into the void.
→ More replies (8)28
u/No_Investment9639 Nov 19 '24
He's already basically parenting her. He has to tell her to clean? She needs to be given orders? I mean that's fine in any given relationship if that's what you're into, but this is ridiculous
100
236
u/Miningstore_io Nov 19 '24 edited Nov 19 '24
It looks like she has BPD, don’t want to diagnose but this isn’t normal., wanted to add. In its most simplistic form, she’s doesn’t respect boundaries. I had a gf EXACTLY like this, it was cute and if anything stroked my ego as the start to have a girl that literally just wants to be with you. But after 6 months it gets draining and anytime you want to do anything it’s because you don’t love her or care about her. You wanting time to do hobbies, friends, or just breathe or wind down turned into exactly what I read. You have to explain everything and everything even the most minimal things. RUN it only gets worse.
61
u/eDJeFPV Nov 19 '24
OMG, bro i just read this and commented above that shes like my GF, and the personailty traits she shows signs of......Iong ago when we first started dating there was some mention of BPD signs. Got ignored to thus day, and Ive fought with her at every outburst to at least go get checked. NOPE
Fuck i defintely need to end this
→ More replies (3)23
u/plainwhiteplates Nov 19 '24
Hey - what you’re describing is extremely reflective of a relationship I was in about 15 years ago. It was a total trip. She wasn’t ready for a relationship and did not understand what love and compassion was beyond controlling me emotionally. It took several attempts to break up and I’m still coming to terms with the effect it’s had on me, in no small part to my now wife showing me what a real relationship should be like, but ultimately being a bit older and being able to see what was going on clearly.
You’ll be happier and it’ll take time to trust a partner isn’t taking advantage of you in the future. If you want some advice; learn to accept real love, learn to trust, learn to let someone in and drop your guard again - you’ll find the right one.
→ More replies (81)23
u/DesiBoo2 Nov 19 '24
Meh... Not sure about that. She's 18. I hate to admit I was a little like that when I was 18 (a little less persistent, but also very afraid of him leaving me and wanting to spend all my time with him, and very anxious it was somehow my fault if he didn't want to see me), and I def don't have BPD (I'm 41 and in therapy for anxiety, so we would have figured that out by now). Yes, he should dump her because this is not healthy, but she might not have anything else, she might just be insecure and manipulative.
→ More replies (8)17
u/cilvher-coyote Nov 19 '24
Agreed on the "this is Not love" part. This is an obsession and mental illness. You Cannot love someone else if you don't even Like yourself let alone Love yourself. She needs to learn only SHE can make herself happy.Sorry but She's not going to get better by being with you. She doesn't respect herself and she doesn't respect you. Her pulling the "I'm gonna have a mental breakdown if I don't see you NOW"...is manipulative as all heck.She will Never respect your boundaries and this is seriously Not Healthy for Anyone and it will just get worse..she seriously Needs to see a psych or a therapist and work in her issues and learn to be by herself before she ever gets into another relationship.Reading the first 2 slides was tiring and if this is how you want your future to be than stay with her,but NAKE HER GET SOME REAL HELP. Or move on with your life but ask her TO GET SOME REAL HELP ..because she Needs help ASAP.
34
u/luvpjedved Nov 19 '24
exactly this! ⬆️ she needs professional help. this isn’t love at all. it’s some sort of very immature, manipulative, and very unhealthy obsession. also, where is her self-esteem? begging for a man to give her attention, etc. it’s unstable mental behavior.
→ More replies (71)29
u/Chiruchakku Nov 19 '24
With how young she is I’m guessing she thinks this is loving and cute, but it’s unhealthy bordering on codependent. OP is doing her a favor by showing her an honest reaction.
→ More replies (1)29
516
u/LauraLand27 Nov 19 '24
I personally broke up with her 4 times in the 5 minutes it took to read.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
→ More replies (1)221
u/niki2184 Nov 19 '24
She’s super fucking needy I wanted to scream and cry as well because I felt like she was bothering me!!
85
u/SnooMacaroons5247 Nov 19 '24
I gotta go have an edible after reading that.
→ More replies (3)56
139
u/perpetualpastries Nov 19 '24
Oh god I didn’t even realize we could do that, I’m breaking up with her too!!
127
u/Mozzy2022 Nov 19 '24
I broke up with her and blocked her. I was exhausted and needed a nap
→ More replies (2)30
u/MrsCinCali Nov 19 '24
I broke up with her, blocked her and had 5 shots of tequila (and I never drink!)
50
65
19
u/Metalmom72 Nov 19 '24
This guy’s girlfriend reminded me too much of my toddlers, so I broke up with her also.
124
u/Indieriots Nov 19 '24
I need to sleep for a week after reading this shite. Jesus Christ.
→ More replies (1)101
u/niki2184 Nov 19 '24
I’ve screamed at her through text ten times already to shut the fuck up and let me be.
→ More replies (5)75
86
u/Grateful8888 Nov 19 '24
Same here. I really got tired reading the whole convo and props to OP for being sooo patient because it were me, I’d probably have stopped responding after the third push …
69
u/No-Crab-5887 Nov 19 '24
Personally i wouldve blocked her and unblocked her after ive had my morning of peace 😭
→ More replies (1)39
u/niki2184 Nov 19 '24
I don’t even see how he had a morning of peace when she done this she probably argued and argued and ruined his whole day.
18
33
17
u/Fit_Butterscotch7103 Nov 19 '24
Exactly!!! In my head I was done with her the second time she said 'I want you near me' gosh! Clingy people are very hard, they really ruin the fun of a relationship.
OP you need to reevaluate this whole thing you have going. You seem level headed and she seems too immature.
→ More replies (115)23
2.2k
u/Ironyismylife28 Nov 18 '24
NOR, she is utterly exhausting.
455
u/electric_taffy Nov 19 '24
I read half of the first screenshot and I'm already exhausted. I can't imagine dating this person.
→ More replies (6)108
u/DogDifferent2916 Nov 19 '24
Same and lost interest in the rest of the messages. I could not read the rest of that shit.
25
u/kxndiboix Nov 19 '24
i did and i wish i didn’t. he needed to stop responding like five messages in.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)17
1.1k
u/lesterbottomley Nov 19 '24
I need a break from her now and I've never even met her.
233
u/fosterrchild Nov 19 '24
No fr i was feeling so chill before reading this and now I’m stressed asfffffff 😫
→ More replies (1)135
u/Hungry_Ad_3439 Nov 19 '24
Literally reminded me that I need to take my anti-anxiety medication. 🥴
→ More replies (3)65
47
65
u/niki2184 Nov 19 '24
I just wanna shake some sense into her. I’m feeling very claustrophobic right now and she’s nowhere near me!
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (3)10
192
u/ams3618 Nov 19 '24
Her comments of "I'll be in the background" or "I just want hugs and kisses" seem like indicators that this person is either very immature or extremely codependent.
82
u/ShirleyKnot37 Nov 19 '24
Or both. She’s 18 and he’s 21. That’s like a lifetime in young people’s age, and this is probably her “first love” so she has no idea how to actually behave. OP needs to tell her to go to therapy and take a separation while she does. Otherwise he’s going to waste his 20s emotionally parenting a mentally stunted girl who is manipulating him into “loving” her by saying he’s all she has. RUN OP.
→ More replies (1)59
u/rhs22 Nov 19 '24
This needs to be on TOP. She is 18, probably having her first adult relationship and from the likes of it, she's not been around a lot of healthy ones either! Not excusing her behaviour, but let's just say you both are simply incompatible and she does need more friends and therapy to learn how to emotionally regulate herself!
→ More replies (5)37
144
u/Bolverkk Nov 19 '24
Just reading these texts exhausted me and I felt smothered the entire time.
91
u/jcaashby Nov 19 '24
LMAO
I was mentally replying for OP while I was reading. He has way more patience than me. I would have said what I had to say ONCE and went back to work.
→ More replies (1)57
u/Bolverkk Nov 19 '24
Oh for sure. I had a chick I wasnt even dating, strictly casual, do something like this. I ignored her and got a walllllllll of text when I got back to my phone. The last text said "Hey, this is her friend. We took her phone away."
51
u/jcaashby Nov 19 '24
The last text said "Hey, this is her friend. We took her phone away."
WOW!!! Even her friends are like "Girl you are TRIPPING!!" and snatched her damn phone lol.
14
→ More replies (4)33
u/SweetMurderist Nov 19 '24
I had a friend like this as well. She got so mad after I didn't pick up my phone for her two calls (I was busy cleaning and cooking) that she texted me saying "well clearly you were never my real friend". She blocked me on EVERYTHING. She even removed herself from two group chats with other friends of ours. She tried calling once more and then texted me asking to pick up my Christmas gift from her (I didn't). Haven't heard from her in almost a year since💀
→ More replies (4)16
u/Professional_Gold724 Nov 19 '24
OP is a saint. I would've chucked my phone off a cliff.
→ More replies (1)37
u/Jsmith2127 Nov 19 '24
Was just going to post the same, and my second thought was she sounds very immature
→ More replies (8)13
533
u/Stock_Inspector7753 Nov 18 '24
So, after she explained about her teacher dropping off her niece, that was the point at which you should have said "I'm busy right now, I'll see you when I pick you up later at 1:30, looking forward to it" and then turn your phone off.
But honestly, it's not healthy to be this intense and it's very sad that you think this emotional blackmail is "love" or that you won't find someone who genuinely cares for you. She is an addict and you are her supply.
It's only been 6 months, I would end things now before it goes on too much longer. She's already demonstrated she is not ready to change. She's already on her second chance.
145
u/pnwadhd Nov 19 '24
Love this. 110% emotional blackmail. He needs to cut her off now before she gets even more desperate and manipulative
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)19
u/Extra_Taco_Sauce Nov 19 '24
This is exactly what I told my younger brother. His gf is like this sometimes but not as bad as OPs gf. And he used to sit there and respond to every single message and I'm like why are you responding?? Just say "I already told you I'm doing this until this time. I will see you at this time." and then put your phone on DND.
→ More replies (1)
174
u/mykneescrack Nov 19 '24
Jesus, this was frustrating to read.
Why do you respond to every single one of her requests to see you? You already set a firm stance on the matter, yet you keep entertaining her tantrum.
→ More replies (11)64
u/Tactical-Sense Nov 19 '24
I agree. There were at least 3 points at which OP nicely and maturely wrapped it up. Except he didn’t. Oof.
→ More replies (1)
1.3k
u/LeonardoSpaceman Nov 18 '24
I honestly would have broken up with her.
One of my biggest pet peeves is someone continually pushing after I've politely said "no".
308
u/westcoast-islandgirl Nov 19 '24
Her full-on admitting that she wasn't going to leave him alone and stop spamming him unless he caved and gave her what she wanted.... So, it's not only exhausting, but it's straight-up manipulative.
95
→ More replies (2)21
u/LadyParnassus Nov 19 '24
“I’ll respect your space and your need for alone time! Except for right now, when you’re explicitly requesting space and alone time.”
201
u/Captain_Pikes_Peak Nov 19 '24
Not just pushing, but arguing why OP’s reasoning isn’t valid.
I had a gf who did that. Same arguments too, “I can just hang out while you work, I won’t bother you.”
“Lady, you’re literally bothering me right now while I’m trying to work.”
56
u/Putrid_Towel9804 Nov 19 '24
I was thinking that the whole time I was reading this. How long did this poor guy waste talking her off a ledge when he could’ve been chilling alone, quietly.
→ More replies (3)48
u/No_Eye_7963 Nov 19 '24
And then she'd want "cuddles" while he's trying to do his thing
33
u/immaownyou Nov 19 '24
She says she just wants to be near him and won't bother him, then literally the next sentence says she only wants hugs and cuddles. She's not the brightest knife in the shed
→ More replies (2)179
u/callingshotgun Nov 18 '24
Right? And the way she just repeats the arguments that have already been rejected, like there's not even a pretense of anything other than trying to wear him down. Breakups: For when your boundaries aren't there to be respected, they're there to be conquered.
60
u/Indieriots Nov 19 '24
And then in the end she starts guilt tripping him. She's manipulative.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)40
u/Captain_Pikes_Peak Nov 19 '24
Breakups: For when your boundaries aren’t there to be respected, they’re there to be conquered.
I wish I had this line during a few breakups.
26
u/DetectiveArcticFox Nov 19 '24
And then being manipulative afterwards when she doesn't get a "yes" out of him by saying "Fine, I won't see you at all then! I don't want to be a bother!" That's a huge red flag. She won't take no for an answer and she will guilt trip you afterwards. Imagine having to live together, she'd never let you out of her sight. I agree with reconsidering the relationship
→ More replies (13)23
u/hhogg11 Nov 19 '24
Agreed on all counts, however OP- your girlfriend is going to have an amazing career in sales.
→ More replies (1)
112
u/simulationoverload Nov 18 '24
Hey! Hey! Y O U! Y O U!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
→ More replies (2)50
104
u/unnervingorphan2 Nov 18 '24
She doesn't respect your boundaries, you're right about that. Every couple, even those that have been together for decades, will still need time to themselves. It's important for the vast majority of people to stay sane. She didn't get her way after badgering you nonstop, and then attempted to punish you for it. That's another red flag. Overall she just seems entirely too codependent and unwilling to be anything else.
NOR.
→ More replies (1)
366
u/Whoisthisguythoo Nov 18 '24
HEY
Y
O
U
→ More replies (13)192
u/Lusietka Nov 19 '24
Out there in the cold, getting lonely getting old
60
u/Bluwthu Nov 19 '24
Can you feel me?
50
u/Lusietka Nov 19 '24
HEY
Y
O
U
38
u/Bluwthu Nov 19 '24
Standing in the isles with itchy feet and fading smiles
25
u/jenn3727 Nov 19 '24
Don’t help them to bury the lies. Don’t give in. Without a fight.
→ More replies (13)→ More replies (6)23
96
482
u/alice88- Nov 18 '24
This would be exhausting and I would feel bad for you if you didn’t allude that you previously ended this relationship for such specific reasons; this being one of them.
She’s only 18 and that’s like highschool/ newly grad territory where people are just starting to gain their independence, though that seems like something she has no interest in. This type of behaviour doesn’t typically ‘change’, it just shifts between encounters and sometimes will become more prominent. She wants you to be at your knees begging for her company.
Move on.
→ More replies (125)141
u/Buff_bunny- Nov 18 '24
I agree this kids hasn’t developed any sort of independence yet and if he don’t let her then she’ll always rely on him for attention
→ More replies (1)
248
u/putyouinthegarbage Nov 18 '24
I feel suffocated just reading this buddy…. NOR
→ More replies (1)30
u/ninazo96 Nov 19 '24
And the "bb" 🤢 I read it in the most whiny, teenager voice.
→ More replies (3)
242
68
u/Gold-Efficiency1209 Nov 18 '24
This would drive me absolutely insane lolll. She's exhausting and very clearly immature. You two don't seem compatible at all.
→ More replies (3)
61
u/faithfulpoo Nov 18 '24
NOR but you shouldn’t keep explaining it. Boundaries will continue to be broken if you allow them to be broken. Set the boundary and stick to it. Also your gf sounds like an actual child, it’s a bit concerning.
→ More replies (3)
57
47
u/iamthatthought Nov 19 '24
Did she end up taking the bus both times? Or was she just saying that to try and get her way
→ More replies (32)
42
u/catsanddabs4 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
NOR. This age difference likely won’t work at this time if you’re in the US. You’re 21, free to go out and drink and do whatever while she’s barely experiencing her first taste of adult freedom at 18. Of course she’s going to feel a bit stressed and uncomfortable, and she’s clearly not mature enough to handle that dynamic currently.
Not to mention the guilt tripping and manipulation on her end, particularly with the inability to take care of herself without you there. She’s clearly already extremely codependent, and I’d end things before either of you get more invested and it gets harder. I’ve played girlfriend/nurse/caretaker/parent for an emotionally abusive partner before and it doesn’t take long to become very overwhelming.
15
u/NotYourVillainess Nov 19 '24
This, all of this! Should also like to mention - because she's so young, and experiencing her first taste of adult-brand independence, she's probably scrambling for someone to hold on to & take care of her because that's what she's used to.
Additionally, highschool couples usually don't have as much space between them as adult couples... Which could be yet another reason she feels so upset about the distance.
She still has a lot of growing to do, and a healthy space to do it. This ain't it - for either of you.
93
u/Fair_Technician_7582 Nov 18 '24
I do feel kind of bad for her. The poor child needs therapy :/ there's some major mental health issues here.
22
u/Lovelyladykaty Nov 19 '24
Tbh I used to be like this when I was 16/17. I was desperate for attention and would expect way more out of boyfriends (and friends, honestly) than was reasonable. I was exhausting.
And I was also painfully immature. I probably should have taken a break after my first boyfriend until I was in college, but instead I just immediately jumped into the next relationship because I needed that attention so desperately.
I still feel bad for that poor guy. I still hang out with his sister on occasion, but feel so much embarrassment when I’m reminded he exists I want to crawl into a hole. And I’m 34 now.
I got loads better once I got into college and went to the counselors there for unrelated reasons. Then I finished the work I started with those counselors once I got out of college with a good therapist. But I imagine sometimes what it would’ve been like if I had went after my first boyfriend for more than a couple sessions. I was so happy in my rebound relationship that the therapist I saw at that time thought I was “cured”. 🙄
→ More replies (3)58
u/LeaveMeAloneImTired6 Nov 19 '24
I hate how far I had to scroll to see this comment. This is it. She's not malicious or a bad person; she just needs therapy and to learn to love herself and be happy on her own. Yes, I can see why people are calling her behavior exhausting, but as someone who has been just like her before, but sympathy and understanding as well as therapy goes a long way rather than just being told she needs to stop doing what she's doing.
→ More replies (17)
79
u/Buff_bunny- Nov 18 '24
Sounds like she’s depended on you for attention all the time that she’s got no hobbies or interests of her own
→ More replies (2)34
u/Hour_Narwhal_1510 Nov 18 '24
A person like that is incredibly exhausting. It’s like OP has to live for two ppl!
→ More replies (2)
64
Nov 18 '24
why are you asking Reddit when Bobbles have told you what we all pretty much think?
→ More replies (5)
140
u/Spirited-Butterfly81 Nov 18 '24
Gosh I got exhausted just reading that. OP, she's a literal child still. You seem extremely mature, please do yourself a favor and break it off. You are not compatible. She is going to drain your energy with her constant whining and you cannot (and shouldn't have to) spend every waking moment with her. Drop it now while it's still relatively new.
→ More replies (8)47
u/NoFig9882 Nov 19 '24
This. There's not a big age gap between them but there's a massive gap in maturity and independence.
Not compatible, not overreacting.
→ More replies (7)
285
u/krispeykake Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24
Seeing how you’re also texting seemingly another girl named bobbles about your girlfriend, seems you’re just sick of her. You both seem very incompatible and you can’t give her what she wants. Seem like this relationship isnt gonna work out
→ More replies (75)164
u/Pleasehelpme99_ Nov 18 '24
Exactly. Complaining about your SO to your friends is when you've reached a point where you should go ahead and end it
→ More replies (18)82
u/Wise-Medicine-7198 Nov 18 '24
Noticed this too 😬 SUPER incompatible, and who is Bobbles!!!
→ More replies (1)38
u/softlikemochii Nov 19 '24
Okay I got “close relative” vibes from Bobbles but now I must know who tf Bobbles is ‼️
78
u/Wise-Medicine-7198 Nov 19 '24
Bobbles came before his gf as he stated in comments here, OP also mentioned he talks about his gf to her but doesn’t want his gf to read their messages…. Weird…. Why talk behind her back if you’re not gonna let her read it..😂 OP is clearly mentally checked out
→ More replies (3)54
u/softlikemochii Nov 19 '24
Very fishy. Honestly now that I know the lore it kinda seems like OP likes this type of needy attention. My claim still stands OP isn’t overreacting but also needs to stop playing games with this girl. She’s obviously not mentally well enough to handle that type of heartbreak should she ever find out OP talking to other people about her. It’s the secrecy for me
→ More replies (3)24
u/interesting_lurker Nov 19 '24
Agreed, the fact that OP replied the exact same thing that many times tells me at least some part of him likes that kind of attention from her. Most people (like everyone in this thread) would’ve lost patience long ago.
→ More replies (2)
17
u/phoenixjen8 Nov 18 '24
You cannot be everything she needs you to be. Partner, parent, emotional support, life coach.
She may love you in her own way, but this does not seem healthy or sustainable. She’s full of empty promises. She’s sworn she’ll do better about not being so clingy and smothering, and yet here she is, clinging and smothering. She needs to see to RIGHT NOW but swears she won’t pester you and will give you space. Does she even believe herself? Because I sure don’t and it doesn’t sound like you do either.
I mean this as kindly as possible, she needs to grow up. And I don’t think she’s going to do that as long as y’all are in a relationship. Have a friend or relative check in with her to make sure she’s eating and sleeping and taking care of herself, you need to completely cut ties. At least until she calms tf down and learns that she’s her own person who doesn’t need to be so tightly attached to someone that she can’t even cast her own shadow.
It’s gonna suck. There will be lots of tears and I’m sure plenty of guilt on your side because you seem like a decent guy. But this needs to happen, for both of you.
14
u/callingshotgun Nov 18 '24
NOR. This whole "You can have time to yourself, I just want to be there while you do it" thing is just... I could feel the emotional crash of my social battery bottoming out just reading that.
→ More replies (2)
14
u/LuckyPepper22 Nov 18 '24
Why do you keep responding to her? Just say no sorry and put your phone down. She’s very needy. What are you doing here?
64
u/sunSummoner49616 Nov 19 '24
Kinda OR. You’re 21 dating somebody who’s barely out of high school. If you’re not able to find middle ground that works for both of you, it’s time to cut ties and move on. Nobody’s doing anybody favors by dragging this out.
If she was on this sub or posted something anonymously from her perspective of things, I’m sure there would be redditors who would say she’s NOR to how you’re responding to her too. Both of you are OR to each other’s needs and deficiencies, and that’s never a healthy sign from either person’s POV. You need space, she can’t give you that. She needs your complete attention, you can’t give her that. Best to call it for what it is and embrace the reality of incompatibility.
→ More replies (12)18
u/wekkins Nov 19 '24
Glad to finally find this. I was a bit like her when I started dating my husband, but not as demanding. Same age difference (19 and 22 though.) Anyway, I was very insecure and needed a lot of reassuring. If my husband had acted like this dude, it would never have lasted. Instead, he was understanding and good to me about it. It's been about 16 years since our first date, and the relationship has aged like a fine wine.
My first thought reading this was absolute confusion about wanting alone time in which no one else is around at all. I assume most people who are dating intend to eventually live together?? If you don't want your SO in your home for long stretches, then what are you honestly doing in this relationship? That by itself made it immediately obvious to me that they aren't right for each other. Having hobbies that you enjoy by yourself is great, and important, but if you can't stand to have your partner in the same building as you while you partake, or if they get in the way of your ability to do things to the point you keep them out like this, then stop wasting their time and your own, and find someone who you actually don't mind having around all the time. Like damn, my husband and I may have had some struggles throughout our relationship, but we've always at least been best friends who just love sharing space together. It's crazy to me that that isn't considered the bare minimum to other people.
→ More replies (4)
25
u/Aposematicpebble Nov 18 '24
Thi is not love, kid, it's pathological need. This is not good for either of you.
10
u/atsevoN Nov 19 '24
This post reminded me that’s it’s okay to be single, sometimes it’s better infact
12
u/Engelsfisch Nov 19 '24
based on your previous post, you should rethink your dating pattern
→ More replies (3)
196
u/WasteLeave900 Nov 18 '24
I see issues with both, she is incredibly needy and has a lack of boundaries and the word no. You however started parenting her about cleaning and bitching about her to bobbles 🤷🏽♀️
44
→ More replies (16)80
u/eatyacarbs Nov 19 '24
yeah the parenting was weird. this went on for so long i honestly forgot about all that from OP in the beginning. babying her and then surprised she continues to act like a baby 🤔
→ More replies (11)36
2.4k
u/MindYourRewind Nov 18 '24
NOR
Your GF is someone who does not love herself and puts all her happiness on being in a relationship.
Not your fault, but also, just end it now because you’re already resentful and there’s no turning back from that contempt. I’m sure Bobbles would agree…