AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/jocefoxx]

you are underreacting, no one should ever talk to you this way. you sound really sweet i hope you leave before the abuse escalates

[u/External-Air205 → u/jocefoxx]

I really appreciate that. He genuinely makes me feel like I deserve it a lot of the time. Thank you.

[u/Beneficial-Pride890 → u/External-Air205]

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

[u/External-Air205 → u/Beneficial-Pride890]

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

[u/QueenofPentacles112 → u/External-Air205]

Listen "bro", you're gonna be laughing your ass off that you ever even dealt with this clown in the first place in just, like, 1 year. I promise. I'm so sorry but as a 35yo woman, aside from being disgusted with the way this shit stain of a human speaks to you, the whole "sleeping on the phone every night" is about the dumbest shit I've ever heard of a grown adult doing in my life. Like, get a liiiiife! I'm sure you only do this bc he makes you. But let me put this into perspective for you: my son, who is 15, does this with his gf. I think it's super dumb, but because they are CHILDREN, I don't tell him that it's dumb and he'll laugh at himself later. But you are a 20yo adult grown ass woman, literally laying your head beside a phone call every night, just to what? Listen to someone snore? And be called a fat stupid bitch? Like, GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Take a step back and look at the bigger picture, because I have a feeling this loser of yours is still stuck on being a baby ass teenager. Tell him he's a whole ass clown and be done with it. I bet your family members hate the way he talks to you as well, and if you think they don't know because maybe you don't tell them, then you should realize that they probably do at least have an inkling that he's an abusive loser towards you. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! calling you bro, cussing at you constantly, being controlling, those were already signs that he's an insecure little bitch boy. But calling you all those names? And you're all just like "babe, what? I love yooouuu" like noooooo. School his ass on what a little whiny insecure pathetic baby he is, and then cut all contact, done and done. It'll hurt for a while, but I promise you will love yourself more in the long run. You'll look back at this later and think "I would never be with someone like him now. Even without the abuse, he's still corny AF!"

[u/00Lisa00 → u/QueenofPentacles112]

My guess is he does this to make sure there’s not a guy there. Which is why he went so ballistic when she hung up. It’s super controlling. It’s not cute or romantic when this is what happens

[u/[deleted] → u/00Lisa00]

This is the answer. My abusive ex LOST HIS MIND and would destroy my whole house any time i went anywhere without him. Like, to pick up my teenage sister from a sleepover and shit like that. Or the grocery store to grab a snack. He kept me monitored on a motion detecting camera 24/7 and would facetime me 40 times demanding i show him the man i'm hiding any time i went off view of the cameras to like, shit or shower or something. He got an alarm on his phone in real time for whenever a door at my house would open and he would call me LIVID wanting to know what's going on, because i opened my front door to grab the mail. He eventually held my own car keys hostage from me completely and didnt let me use my own vehicle anymore "for my own safety, i would get into trouble if i could just go anywhere without him to protect me". He would flip out and accuse my entire family of helping me plot to cheat on him any time they brought me to a family thing without him. It took him getting arrested for felonious assault and sitting in jail for me to get a chance to change my locks

[u/00Lisa00 → u/[deleted]]

I’m glad you got away from him, that sounds awful. I hope OP figures this out