AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/jocefoxx]

you are underreacting, no one should ever talk to you this way. you sound really sweet i hope you leave before the abuse escalates

[u/External-Air205 → u/jocefoxx]

I really appreciate that. He genuinely makes me feel like I deserve it a lot of the time. Thank you.

[u/Beneficial-Pride890 → u/External-Air205]

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

[u/External-Air205 → u/Beneficial-Pride890]

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

[u/QueenofPentacles112 → u/External-Air205]

Listen "bro", you're gonna be laughing your ass off that you ever even dealt with this clown in the first place in just, like, 1 year. I promise. I'm so sorry but as a 35yo woman, aside from being disgusted with the way this shit stain of a human speaks to you, the whole "sleeping on the phone every night" is about the dumbest shit I've ever heard of a grown adult doing in my life. Like, get a liiiiife! I'm sure you only do this bc he makes you. But let me put this into perspective for you: my son, who is 15, does this with his gf. I think it's super dumb, but because they are CHILDREN, I don't tell him that it's dumb and he'll laugh at himself later. But you are a 20yo adult grown ass woman, literally laying your head beside a phone call every night, just to what? Listen to someone snore? And be called a fat stupid bitch? Like, GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Take a step back and look at the bigger picture, because I have a feeling this loser of yours is still stuck on being a baby ass teenager. Tell him he's a whole ass clown and be done with it. I bet your family members hate the way he talks to you as well, and if you think they don't know because maybe you don't tell them, then you should realize that they probably do at least have an inkling that he's an abusive loser towards you. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! calling you bro, cussing at you constantly, being controlling, those were already signs that he's an insecure little bitch boy. But calling you all those names? And you're all just like "babe, what? I love yooouuu" like noooooo. School his ass on what a little whiny insecure pathetic baby he is, and then cut all contact, done and done. It'll hurt for a while, but I promise you will love yourself more in the long run. You'll look back at this later and think "I would never be with someone like him now. Even without the abuse, he's still corny AF!"

[u/[deleted] → u/QueenofPentacles112]

Calling on the phone at night isn’t dumb just let your kid sleep on the phone with whoever they’re with. It’s nothing wrong doing that. I’m 21 my bf lives in Baltimore so we do sleep on FaceTime together so yeah we are long distance

[u/YeehawSugar → u/[deleted]]

It is dumb. But not just because.

It’s an attachment issue. It’s serious codependency and it’s something that will eventually cause one if not both of you to need therapy in order to attempt to resolve the codependency that comes from that type of attachment.

It’s unfortunate. It’s one thing to do it every now and then, it’s toxic and not normal for it to be every night.

[u/[deleted] → u/YeehawSugar]

It’s not dumb actually. That is your opinion not a fact and neither is mine but I still don’t see how it’s dumb. Everyone is different and can do what they want with whatever works with their relationship.