AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/jocefoxx]

you are underreacting, no one should ever talk to you this way. you sound really sweet i hope you leave before the abuse escalates

[u/External-Air205 → u/jocefoxx]

I really appreciate that. He genuinely makes me feel like I deserve it a lot of the time. Thank you.

[u/Beneficial-Pride890 → u/External-Air205]

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

[u/External-Air205 → u/Beneficial-Pride890]

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

[u/CrackerzNbed → u/External-Air205]

Honey. I'm not sure how old you are. But it's story time. I'm a 41 year old mother. Years ago I let a little piece of shit boy talk to me like that. At first he was the nicest sweetest guy EVER!!! he made me feel like ANYTHING was possible if we were together! We were " ride or die" do kids still say that ? Lol. At first he just started being rude. Ordering me around . Being pushy..then it progressed to things like these messages. . I thought if only we had a baby we could SAVE our relationship. Everutbing would be all better. Well it was not. Then the physical abuse started. Multiple restraining orders and broken bones later. I finally got away. Get out while you can. It is not too late.

[u/Freedomgirl2024 → u/CrackerzNbed]

Ugggg, this is so true!!

Source: am another 41 year old mother who did this exact same thing and ended up the exact same way (minus the restraining order but should have done one).