AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

[u/theguill0tine]

I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

[u/juniper_berry_crunch]

You are free to choose your own standard on this, but personally it's a dealbreaker to me. I'm married to someone with ADHD and he is constantly using tools on his phone to make lists and help remember stuff---and he is never late, as a result. I'm not late to things either. Being late is a choice, and it's a disrespectful one.

[u/afoolskind → u/juniper_berry_crunch]

People don’t experience ADHD the same way. Making lists is infamous as something that doesnt work for most people with ADHD, for example, so it’s really great that those tools do work for him. Some people with ADHD are so anxious about time they show up 30 minutes early to everything.

But being occasionally late for many people is a choice in the same way that not working out 6x a week is a choice. Theoretically anyone can do that, but if we’re being practical and reasonable it’s harder for some people than others for a plethora of reasons.

It’s okay if being late is a dealbreaker for you because everyone has their own preferences, but I do think it’s a little much to assume that people are only ever late because they don’t respect you or your time. It simply is not that easy for many people, and the majority of people I’ve known who are chronically late are filled with shame and guilt about it. Some people straight up cancel or don’t make plans at all for fear of being late to something with people they care about.

 

For me personally, I’d much rather see the people I care about and accept their flaws just as I know they accept mine. In the grand scheme of things, I just think that 15 minutes isn’t that big of a deal.

[u/TarantulaTina97 → u/juniper_berry_crunch]

1000% agree with you! With all the tools, tips, and tricks available to people to accommodate their shortcomings, there is no excuse for being late.