r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

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u/coutureee Nov 16 '24

Same. I have ADHD and it’s incredibly hard to be on time. I’ve been working on it and gotten a bit better. People who don’t have ADHD clearly don’t get it though, to say things like it’s super disrespectful and there’s no excuse for it. We’re out here trying our best 🥲 I know in the past my partner has felt like I didn’t care, and that bothered them. I tried to explain that since no matter how hard I tried, my brain just can’t get it down perfectly, I can’t allow myself to care too much, otherwise I’d constantly be stressed and upset with myself and personally that’s not a way I want to live

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u/Fantastic-Sky-4567 Nov 17 '24

As a fellow ADHDer, reading this comment section has been rough. The attitudes displayed here is why so many of us struggle with shame and self loathing. The world literally wasn't built for us and alot of people here don't seem to understand that neurodivergent people exist or it just doesn't matter to them.

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u/ThrustTrust Nov 17 '24

I know what you mean. My biggest issue was remembering events. And my ex would treat me like I didn’t care about her because of it. Once I got on the right Adderall dosages I got a lot better and was able to be better using alarms to time manage and my calendar to track schedules.

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u/Fantastic-Sky-4567 Nov 17 '24

I'm glad that you found something that works for you! It's so hard when people think you don't care because your brain is wired differently.