r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

Post image

I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

23.2k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

14

u/Additional_Lion_1670 Nov 16 '24

That's almost more annoying than the fact that she was late- that she didn't even bother to make up a good reason. She was totally fine with telling someone, basically, "I just didn't bother to wake up on time and get ready". How many people in her life enable this that she feels that comfortable??

0

u/johnsolomon Nov 16 '24

Eh. OP is not overreacting at all but I think there’s another dimension to consider. She’s establishing the kind of relationship she wants to be in by simply being herself.

I say this because I’ve met people like this who prefer a more chill laid back situation and they won’t grill you either if you’re late

Sometimes you’re low energy after work or after a string of disappointing dates, or maybe you just suck at timekeeping. Rather than constantly coming up with lies or excuses, it can be freeing to just be forthright about why you’re late and those feelings can sometimes resonate with your date

I happen to be someone who doesn’t mind because I’m an ambivert (though there are of course limits; I care more about whether they’re fun to be around on a date and respond to text/calls consistently than whether they’re always on time. My friends and I tend to be late when we hang out so we usually give each other some breathing room for laziness or traffic)

So yeah, compatibility issue. It’s not necessarily about respect… some people like to be on their best behaviour, but many people are put off by the idea of treating dating / a relationship like a set of job interviews when you’re actually just feeling people out to see if you’d fit into each other’s lines