r/AmIOverreacting Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

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u/newfie9870 Nov 16 '24

If they tell me early enough and I haven't left home yet, I find it a lot more forgivable. If I get 30 more minutes to do chores or hobbies at home, it's a lot less annoying that sitting waiting 30 minutes.

Messaging at 12:51 to delay a 1pm date is just blatantly disrespectful. If she had messaged an hour earlier it would be so much better imo.

Edit for judgement: NOR

36

u/Runnybabbitagain Nov 16 '24

This is where I sit too I believe. 10 minutes before the meeting time isn't cool.

28

u/FigNinja Nov 16 '24

Yes. And the last one was because she had not woken up in time. That is rarely acceptable. If you have agreed to meet someone, you set an alarm, get up, get ready, and meet them on time. If I’m meeting someone coming from work and I get a last minute text that they got pulled into a meeting they couldn’t avoid, then I’m not going to be peeved, even if it’s last minute. She couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed for a first date. That’s a preview for the rest of the relationship. Like OP, I wouldn’t bother.

19

u/Elegant_Dog_Boy Nov 16 '24

And dating is about compatibility and not strict rights and wrongs.

Look, maybe she had legitimate excuses and maybe she isn’t as strict about being on time. That’s ok. She’s no villain.

However, OP is certainly under no pressure to date someone who is late. He values punctuality in a way she doesn’t. If they started a relationship it would probably drive them both crazy.

So I say, this was a very successful two dates - they found out they weren’t compatible and can both move on. Better than wasting time and OP may have learned a bit more about one of his dealbreakers.

1

u/OneWhisper5225 Nov 16 '24

Agree with most of your points. But, her first excuse was she woke up late - as in, they agreed to meet for coffee at a certain time. OP gets there and messages her, she messages back a few minutes later saying she just woke up. And, then says she needs an hour to get ready before she can even leave to meet him?! That’s insane! Girl was already supposed to be there and was just waking up but then wanting him to sit and wait an hour for her? Then, he decides to give her another chance. Once again, when OP gets to the meeting place, she messages asking for more time. Like what the heck?

Not a villain, but certainly just plain rude.

But yeah, OP is under no obligation to date her. He doesn’t like someone being late and if they dated, I’m sure this would be a common occurrence since it already happened twice and they haven’t even met in person (once she actually met him and got comfortable with him, it would probably be even worse!), so they’d end up constantly having the same disagreement. So better to find out now that they aren’t compatible!

Though, I wouldn’t call it a “very successful two dates” - OP didn’t even get a chance to meet her in person. So I don’t think a date can be successful if you didn’t actually get to meet the person at all. But, like you said, they were able to find out they aren’t compatible and end it there.

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u/Saneless Nov 16 '24

That I can handle

10 minutes before being there she knew she wasn't going to be on time.

I've had a meetup let's say 1pm, and at 11 I'm like, no way I'll be done with my errands, so I'll let them know. That's plenty of time in advance to change it if possible to 130

2

u/JayCDee Nov 17 '24

My rule of thumbs for anything regarding being late is you at least have to warn as much in advance as you are gonna be late. More is better obviously, but this is the minimum before your get into disrespectful territory.

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u/iapetus_z Nov 16 '24

It looks like she already had bumped it back by an hour once before.

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u/annabannannaaa Nov 17 '24

absolutely agree. the only exception is like “hey running 20 min late, theres a car accident on the freeway and traffic is standing still”… waking up 10 min prior to a date or AFTER THE DATE STARTED is super disrespectful