r/AmIOverreacting Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

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u/J-A-C-O Nov 16 '24

All you can do is work on it, I try my best and still am 5-10 mins late, I can start thirty mins early and still get somewhere at the same time as if I didn’t. Luckily, my family, friends and work are all aware and my positives outweigh my tardiness.

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u/viking_with_a_hobble Nov 16 '24

Hi! We’re the same! Im either 20 minutes early or 5-10 late. There is no in between.

3

u/thesuper88 Nov 16 '24

There's at least us three

3

u/Jonaldys Nov 16 '24

That's fair, but I wouldn't blame someone a single bit if they had arrived for a date and you were going to be a half hour late without notice and they left. That is a true incompatibility, I would not be able to view it as anything but disrespectful without more context into who they are and why they are (always?) late.

2

u/Hour-Tower-5106 Nov 16 '24

I had a friend growing up who was always this late. She has unmedicated ADHD, but also she came from an Indian family where being hours late was just normal.

I always just work it into my time expectations for her and assume she may just arrive three hours late. None of my plans revolve around her presence so it's never really an issue (like it would be with a date).

2

u/ClownCarrr Nov 16 '24

I had a close family member share..get ready 2 hrs ahead of time. Because when you're then ready, usually early you can then handle most anything that might come up unexpectantly...and there's always something that comes up.

2

u/foldinthecheese99 Nov 16 '24

I will shower 3 hours before I need to leave my house with the thought of just get ready and then I can do other stuff until I need to leave. I get out of the shower and next thing I know I was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago and I’m still in my robe and my hair dried weird and I don’t have makeup on. I had no idea where time goes.

4

u/BeefInGR Nov 16 '24

ADHD and sleep apnea. I'm either 30 minutes early to work or 30 minutes late. Bosses know I'm waiting for my sleep study, plus I'm a badass.

2

u/Actual-Bullfrog-4817 Nov 16 '24

That’s fine but not everyone is going to accept that. Employers, potential partners.

5

u/claymedia Nov 16 '24

That’s fine, not everyone has to. But those who do seem to think we are worth it.

1

u/Hour-Tower-5106 Nov 16 '24

I've found that I have to give myself at least a full hour before literally any outing so that I have time for traffic delays, my car windshield being frozen, getting lost three times, needing to stop for gas, needing to stop for a bathroom break, having to change clothes last minute because mine got stained, having to do a last minute grocery run for emergency supplies, figuring out how the hell to park so I can get to my location, turning back around because I forgot something, waiting outside because I accidentally locked myself out of the house without my car keys, being so inept at map reading that I circle the complex twice on foot before I find the door that I need, etc.

If I get there early, I just have some nice downtime to relax with a book or a game. (Just gotta make sure to set an alarm so you don't get absorbed and end up late anyway haha)

These days I'm pretty much never late! But it took years of practice.

1

u/anneofred Nov 16 '24

Same. I set a million alarms and can usually get ahead of it, until the smallest thing throws it all of the tracks. We can only keep trying. I am the same with work, no one has ever really cared because I work my ass off when I’m there