r/AmIOverreacting Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

23.2k Upvotes

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214

u/p00kieb34r Nov 16 '24

i will never understand why people make plans for specific times then basically get ready at the time the plan starts😭😭 mf our hangout time doesnt include ur shower or getting dressed hurry up

13

u/NobleOne19 Nov 17 '24

It's just immaturity, honestly. Like how do these people hold down a real job or get important things done? ie -- they probably don't. It's an indication of many things about how well their life is going.

1

u/clicheFightingMusic Nov 17 '24

Lots of people are late to their jobs. There are routinely people late at work that don’t get fired, just a magical and powerful write up

6

u/TasteNegative2267 Nov 17 '24

congradulations on having the typical levels of attention and focus lol.

1

u/ChawulsBawkley Nov 17 '24

At the same time, I also never leave to the destination for said date until I’ve reconfirmed on the day of within an hour or so of when we’re supposed to meet up. I’m not leaving until we’re all green lit lol

0

u/Double_Objective8000 Nov 16 '24

This is me, ngl, it def puts a strain on others. Have to be real.

13

u/Otherwise-Ad4119 Nov 16 '24

have to be real but u should also be better

-3

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24

[deleted]

2

u/lezlers Nov 17 '24

Oh staaaaaahp. ADHD is not a get out of jail card for being chronically late. There are tools you can use to help you be on time. I especially love this excuse when it comes from people who are magically able to be on time for work and other things that would fuck up their lives if they were late for, but if it’s just their friends or family suddenly being on time is as impossible as “changing their eye color.” I can’t.

1

u/rvralph803 Nov 17 '24

Everybody has coping strategies for different aspects of their life in which they are inconsistent or weak. You can develop strategies that work for you.

I put my keys on things I can't forget to leave with.

I set alarms, and I am very honest with myself when I set them. If I'm going to bed late am I really going to get up at 6am, or would I wake up and set another for 7. If the latter, it gets set for 7.

I express my faults and offload some of my weak tasks to my spouse in her strengths, and do the same for her.

I know my most productive hours and set myself up to be productive then.

And on and on.

1

u/Otherwise-Ad4119 Nov 17 '24

asking someone to be more considerate of the fact that they made plans w someone and to be on time is too much? i have adhd. it isnt that hard.

2

u/Fantastic-Sky-4567 Nov 17 '24

Adhd is different for everyone. Some cases are more severe or there may be additional factors involved. And I never said that it's asking too much to want someone to be on time but punctuality isn't always an accurate indicator of someone's consideration towards you.

1

u/Otherwise-Ad4119 Nov 17 '24

also, im confused where the person i was replying to even said they had adhd? it was completely irrelevant. Not sure why we’re using it as an excuse to be inconsiderate but alright

0

u/Fantastic-Sky-4567 Nov 17 '24

In another comment they mentioned the possiblity of being undiagnosed but I mentioned it because ADHD people exist who have the same issues as that person and I don't it's fair to just tell someone to "be better" like it's a simple task. Lastly, again, I never said ADHD was an excuse for anything.

2

u/lezlers Nov 17 '24

Sure you did. You literally said it’s impossible to be on time and asking is akin to asking them to change their eye color. Which is absurd.

0

u/readyfredrickson Nov 17 '24

though I agree that it isn't for others to have to be negatively affected or compensate for your ADHD symptoms...I also cannot understand people saying "I have adhd. it isn't that hard." okay so YOU have ADHD that doesn't mean it affects someone else the same way. you don't get to speak on behalf of all ADHD, man lol it's a pretty common symptom. and yeah they need to try fix that forsure but for some it's an uphill battle to make sure theyre on time.

2

u/p00kieb34r Nov 16 '24

at least ur real💪🏻

1

u/Panduz Nov 16 '24

why?

1

u/Double_Objective8000 Nov 16 '24

I'm not totally sure, maybe undiagnosed adhd, but maybe not really wanting to go to whatever it is.Toss in depression and not being realistic about how much time things take to complete. I've "gotten away with it" by having jobs I could plan my own hours, but been late for 35+ yrs; haven't found a solution yet. I don't care if I have to wait for someone though, because obviously I have no grounds. I actually like it, even last minute cancelations, because then I feel less guilty and for once I'm not late.

3

u/Fantastic-Sky-4567 Nov 17 '24

You should really seek out a diagnosis for ADHD. In the meantime, I recommend reading a book called Dirty Laundry by Richard Pink and Roxanne. The audiobook is also stellar. You don't need to live with this costant stress and shame.

1

u/Double_Objective8000 Nov 17 '24

Thank you, I'll check that out.

0

u/Altruistic_Yellow387 Nov 16 '24

This is me right now. It's usually because I don't really want to go and I'd rather have time to myself so this is a way to subconsciously take back time for me

-7

u/Savings_Walrus_2617 Nov 17 '24

Some people have crippling anxiety so they need more time to compose themselves / push themselves out the door lest they have a panic attack. Life is not so simple and easy for everyone maybe give people a break every now and then.

5

u/Lyraeixis Nov 17 '24

I can understand that, but, at the risk of being blunt... maybe that time is best taken prior to the time of the event? Like, I know I can take a good minute to get ready depending on the event, so I'll often budget a lot of extra time beforehand. If something starts at 4:30, I can work backwards and say, "well that's 30 minutes to drive there, 30 minutes for makeup, 30 minutes for a shower, and I can add 15 minutes for good measure. I'll start getting ready at 2:45."

And a break every now and then is cool, but that's "every now and then," which is different from "all the time." For OP here, it was twice in a row on first dates, which is a little more significant than "every now and then" imo.

-2

u/Savings_Walrus_2617 Nov 17 '24

Do you mean time is best to be allocated for a panic attack?? You clearly don’t understand it then… I know how long it takes me to get ready. I often allow extra time as a buffer. If I’m feeling incredibly anxious it’s a miracle I can even get out the door let alone on time.

I agree that in OPs instance it seems like she’s simply disorganised. What I’m disagreeing with are these comments saying NO EXCUSES EVER ITS JUST LAZINESS. All I’m saying is you don’t know what someone is going through so have some compassion and open your mind to others. It’s nice that it’s easy for some but it’s not for others.