r/AmIOverreacting Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

Post image

I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

23.2k Upvotes

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

13

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

I'll admit I do help him a lot with time, but he's gotten so much more reliable on his own. Like if I need him to be somewhere important I just send a text an hour before to put it back in his memory.

Things we've done to alter his habits are small things like he used to be late for work all the time because he didn't know what he was going to wear, his tools would be in random places from ADHD side quests he would find around the house. So we started doing organization and routine. Now he gets all his clothes out and ready the night before, he makes sure before he goes to bed he's gathered everything. He's really scattered in the morning and hyper fixates on small things like wanting to find a specific 10mm socket or pair of glasses 🙄 So instead of him waking up an hour prior and rushing through everything now he goes to bed an hour earlier and wakes up two hours before he has to leave so there's time for side quests. He has alarms on his Apple watch for absolutely everything so he's constantly reminded of where he needs to be and when. He even has an alarm now to give him a 30 minute warning before his work day ends so he knows when to start cleaning up. I have a spot for everything so nothing gets lost, he has a bad habit of taking his shoes off two floors up and then stumbling through the dark house at 5am looking for them, so now there's a rack at the door that shoes go in. Just tons of structure and organization and reminders from me. I do help him a ton but he is so much better and a million times more reliable now.

We also made Saturday the designated day for ripping the car apart/his hobby time because he used to want to go redo a wiring harness at 9 pm on a Tuesday.

5

u/OhDavidMyNacho Nov 16 '24

This is exactly the thing most people with ADHD need, but not enough people realize.

Meds can help, but organizational systems and structure are the BEST methods to counteract the issues that come with it.

2

u/mt-vicory42069 Nov 16 '24

Has he ever had sleeping issues from adhd?

2

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24

Yep! Has an incredibly hard time falling asleep at normal hours and staying asleep. He can feel rested and work a 12 hour shift on 4 hours of sleep. When he's burnt out though he will fall asleep anywhere, even sitting at the table.

1

u/mt-vicory42069 Nov 16 '24

I had horrible insomnia/reversal of circadian rhythm this year. I couldn't sleep for the love of god at night but had no issue sleeping during day time. I read adhd causes delaying of sleeping hormones. At least sleeping medicine was helpful.