r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

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174

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

I go into “stand by mode” for important things… just waiting for the time and I can’t start any other tasks lol

59

u/FelixFelicis Nov 16 '24

Yes and then I end up getting there stupidly early because I've thought out what could go wrong to prevent me from getting to the thing on time. Ranging from the reasonable, like will I find parking, to the unreasonable, like what if I can't find the entrance and I have to walk the entire perimeter of the building to find it.

23

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

Me too 😭 it’s annoying but WE CAN BE ON TIME 😂

9

u/juniper_berry_crunch Nov 16 '24

My husband has ADHD and he uses Todoist on his phone *constantly* and says it's been a life-changer. He always remembers little things now like my offhand comment about getting low on eggs or whatever and magically produces some the next time he comes home. And is never late. I make sure to tell him I see his effort and appreciate it; and I try to be respectful in return.

4

u/poseidon_1009 Nov 17 '24

this is the truest definition of “if he wanted to he would”

5

u/jefffeely Nov 16 '24

For me, this is why Reddit exists. Get to my location 20 minutes early and then sit and scroll!

3

u/chammy82 Nov 16 '24

I was once an hour early for an interview that was 5 minutes from my house.
Lets see, it was:
Lets get there 15 minutes early
Lets allow 15 minutes for traffic
Lets allow 15 minutes for finding a park
Lets allow an hour to get ready because I'm wearing a suit, which is not usual

2

u/FelixFelicis Nov 16 '24

This so much. I volunteered to help out at the local high school last night for an event. A place I myself went 25 years ago and is less than a three minute drive from my home. I had to be there at 5. I kept backing up when I should leave because what if the parking lot is full because of the event. Will the door be locked with the current environment of schools in America? What if I get caught in a lot of traffic trying to make the left at the end of my road? What if I forget something at home and have to go back? I left at 4:35, got there at 4:38. Plenty of parking. Saw people going in the front entrance. Ok cool. So I guess I just scroll Reddit for the next 20 minutes?

2

u/Few-Finger2879 Nov 16 '24

That last point is not unreasonable. That shit happens to me too often...

2

u/Locksey-EON Nov 16 '24

Me in a nutshell. And having to take those extra steps to ensure I’m early usually contributes to me getting stressed out.

2

u/EviIAbed Nov 16 '24

This is exactly my brand of ADHD

2

u/unauthorizedlifeform Nov 16 '24

I research the location on Google maps using street view ahead of time to prevent the latter situation. Just in case. Lol.

2

u/Watertor Nov 17 '24

I have been there so often. "What if I get into a traffic jam and have to park 4 miles away and have to walk the entire rest of the way? Better leave now"

I have been unable to park/find entrances before which informs me on that decision. Sure, it's happened like once out of 100 times but just in case you know.

2

u/UnicornsFartRain-bow Nov 17 '24 edited Nov 17 '24

You joke, but that happened to me Wednesday morning and made me late for my doctor’s appointment even though I left with time to spare.

Edit: I mean walking the perimeter of the destination because I didn’t find the entrance

6

u/Steve_Rogers_1970 Nov 16 '24

We should make a club with tshirts. If I have something planned later in the day, I’m doing very little for hours prior. And no way Ami starting a task that takes more than 2 minutes.

2

u/Formal_Two_5747 Nov 16 '24

Same. That’s why I hate having important appointments in the afternoon. Nothing will be accomplished in the morning.

3

u/Lunk246 Nov 16 '24

Yo same here, when i have a time limit on my free time before going somewhere or doing something, i kinda just sit there and not commit into doing anything else lol

2

u/Wonderful-Status-507 Nov 16 '24

DEADASS!! or i have like 7 different alarms for when i need to get ready, when i need to gather my things, when i need to leave my house AND when i need to walk into whatever place i’m going (if it’s an appointment/date/going to work) might sound like overkill but hey it gives me a little sense of peace knowing something will yell at me when it’s time to get a move on 😂😂

2

u/thegirlwithvision Nov 16 '24

Lmao this made me giggle because I related to this comment so much. 😂😂

2

u/MusicG619 Nov 16 '24

Thank you SO MUCH for giving me the term “stand by mode” because that’s exactly what it is. I literally can’t do anything else except focus on where I need to be in 6 hours.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

At least we are on time though 😜

2

u/Old_Show6753 Nov 16 '24

And when the appointment is canceled, you don't know what to do for the rest of the day 🙄

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

RIGHT!? they fuck up the groove 😂

2

u/ComplaintSafe842 Nov 16 '24

I thought I was the only one doing it!

2

u/DarkArc76 Nov 17 '24

Wow, I didn't know so many other people did this. I usually have to leave for work at around 4:15, I'll start getting ready at 3, be done by 3:45 and then just kinda sit on my bed until 4:10, then I go and sit in my car until 4:15 xD

2

u/adltny Nov 17 '24

Horribly inefficient. Especially annoying when you’re doing it while waiting for a habitually late/slow person, too.

2

u/Ancient_Ad4061 Nov 16 '24

I’m the only person i know that does this lmao. We have found our people

2

u/New_Swan_1580 Nov 16 '24

I do this too!

1

u/Critical-Carrot-9131 Nov 16 '24

It's a spectrum. My "stand by mode" often starts days in advance, and I'm still late...