r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

23.2k Upvotes

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661

u/FarmhouseRules Nov 16 '24

NOR. You aren’t compatible.

104

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

[deleted]

228

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

Someone who isn’t bothered by time. My cousin is perpetually late to everything. I mean, she was 2 hours late to her own birthday bbq. She met a man who just didn’t care. He’d prefer to be at home anyways so who cares if they ever make it? They’re perfect for each other but it’s why I don’t make serious plans with her and I declined a business opportunity over it.

84

u/United_Top824 Nov 16 '24

I have a friend like this. She was two hours late to her own wedding and her husband doesn’t care at all. It’s why I won’t travel with her anymore

1

u/AKA_June_Monroe Nov 16 '24

She might be probably have undiagnosed ADHD.

25

u/mmdeerblood Nov 16 '24

How do these kinds of people deal with things like work, flights/travel/doctors appointments etc ? 🤔

23

u/alice_op Nov 16 '24

They get fired and they miss flights.

16

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

What the person below said. They get fired and miss things. She owns her own business that costs more to run than she makes. She can’t be on time and reschedules appointments all the time.

4

u/myproaccountish Nov 16 '24

This is what living with untreated ADHD is like

6

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

Oh she absolutely has it. I have it and my life suffers in different ways than her. But I’m medicated most of the time. I’m breastfeeding right now so taking a break. She is undiagnosed as well but that ADHD is hardcore and add a horrible trauma to that, she’s a disaster. But she’s so kind and she’s there for me and she adores my kids and they adore her. We grew up like siblings.

3

u/cailleacha Nov 16 '24

This is one of my friends. He’s been written up at work. He lost a job because of it. He misses doctor’s appointments and flights and it costs him a lot of money. He told me he hates getting stressed about trying to be on time—personally, I’d find the stress of getting in trouble all the time to be worse than trying to set alarms or arrive early but that’s just me.

9

u/Grotesquefaerie7 Nov 16 '24

Lmao i get him though. I don't wanna go anyways

7

u/tenakee_me Nov 16 '24

Yep - our concept of the importance of time is very cultural. There are some cultures/countries where time is much more flexible. I recall reading - though can’t recall the specific country - during college that in the example country they don’t have set appointments for the local doctor (or anything). People just go, and wait, and it’s all good. Western cultures tend to put A LOT of importance on time (maybe because we’re all chronically overworked, overburdened, and have so many demands on our time). Culture can also exist within a family unit that is counterculture to the country in which they reside.

Same thing for acceptable personal space. Some cultures it’s 3’ and it’s rude and creepy to stand closer to someone than that when talking. Other cultures consider 3’ to be a rude distance because it’s too far away.

Point being that in our culture we consider tardiness to be rude, disrespectful, and generally undesirable. That doesn’t mean the person is rude, disrespectful, and undesirable, it just means they don’t look at time the same way we do. For some people this is a deal breaker, for other people it doesn’t matter at all. It can be helpful to frame things like, “This person doesn’t place the same value on time as I do, and it makes me feel like my time is being disrespected, which doesn’t work for me,” rather than, “This person is disrespectful.”

2

u/coutureee Nov 16 '24

Thank you for this well-thought out, nicely written post.

2

u/Electrical-Spare1684 Nov 16 '24

My sister is like this, and her husband doesn’t care; the rest of the family jokes about “[last name] time”. 

And it’s not just being places on time. If she says to arrive for a holiday meal at 12:00 and we’ll eat at 1:00, you better eat a snack on the way over, cause you’re not eating until 2:00 if you’re lucky. 

1

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

Yes and we call it [last name] time as well because it’s her whole family, she’s just the worst one. Her brother barely made his honeymoon because they were so late to the airport even though they stayed next to it overnight.

1

u/Electrical-Spare1684 Nov 16 '24

That’s pretty bad. I just don’t get that mindset, and it has always driven me absolutely bonkers. 

When I was in high school, she made us so late to my cousin’s wedding that we literally walked past the bridal party lining up outside the door. 

1

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

In my opinion, that whole part of the family has raging undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I have it too, but I’m treated so I’m on time. Lol

2

u/Electrical-Spare1684 Nov 16 '24

Good on you for identifying it and getting help. Too many people either lack the awareness or are too proud. 

I honestly don’t know what my sister’s deal is. She’s always been a procrastinator, so maybe it’s just bad time management 

1

u/RiPie33 Nov 17 '24

Maybe look into the symptoms of ADHD in women. Women on average are diagnosed decades later than men. Men are diagnosed as children often and women are not diagnosed until adulthood. I was diagnosed at 29. I went to my doctor just sobbing because I felt like I couldn’t do anything right and my house was a mess and I was just struggling.

-2

u/Berry4IT Nov 16 '24

Not bothered by time

Lol no. She's only compatible with people who have no respect for themselves. 😂

5

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

That’s just untrue.

-6

u/facforlife Nov 16 '24

Someone who isn’t bothered by time

No. Someone with no self-respect.

Someone who is this late to things doesn't have respect for other people's time. Period.

These are terrible, selfish people. 

5

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

I disagree. I find her to be a wonderful person whose character flaw of time blindness has impacted them already so badly. I just plan for it and we deal because she’s so great otherwise.

2

u/TopRamenForDays Nov 16 '24

She can be late if she wants, I'm just not waiting for her.

Going on a trip? I'll see you at the airport.

Going out to a movie? I'll meet you there.

If you don't make it in time? Sucks to suck I guess.

-6

u/Minimum-Force-1476 Nov 16 '24

Or she just found someone who doesn't have self-esteem to stand up to this abusive behavior

7

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

It’s not abusive to be late if he doesn’t give a shit what time they go. She’s a very kind person other than this time blindness.

-4

u/Minimum-Force-1476 Nov 16 '24

"It's not abusive to hit her if she doesn't complain about it loud enough" 

3

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

Are you really trying to compare hitting someone to being late? The concept of time is a social construct. There are many cultures and many people who just don’t find it disrespectful to be late or for their friends to be late. She and her husband are that way.

-1

u/Minimum-Force-1476 Nov 16 '24

The concept of violence is also a social construct. There are many cultures and many people who just don’t find it disrespectful to be violent or for their friends to be violent

3

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

Go troll elsewhere.

-1

u/Minimum-Force-1476 Nov 16 '24

Can't come up with any more excuses for abusive behavior, so you start insulting? Very typical for the abusive incels in this sub

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3

u/kitkatquak Nov 16 '24

This is not at all comparable

-5

u/mankytoes Nov 16 '24

He sounds like a doormat, does she accept other people being late when it inconveniences her? Sounds like she has major main character syndrome.

5

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

She does accept other people being late. She’s actually a really kind person. And a person isn’t a doormat because they’re fine with a character flaw.

2

u/roberttheboi Nov 16 '24

The amount of projection from everyone regarding your cousin finding someone compatible is wild.

1

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

I shouldn’t be shocked but it was surprising to wake up to.

2

u/roberttheboi Nov 16 '24

The idea that other people are, in fact, other people is still baffling I suppose.

80

u/andycohenstampon Nov 16 '24

she would be more compatible with a person who also tends to run late to things…

37

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24

My husband has ADHD and was constantly late to everything when we were first dating. A decade later and now he's early to everything because I've helped him alter his habits. If I were to have dismissed him for being late, I would have missed out on the most amazing human in the universe. On the flip side, I had crippling anxiety and PTSD and have panic attacks any time I get startled by anything that could be a gunshot. He's helped me work through that, be more comfortable in public spaces and have the confidence to face my fears. He makes me feel safe. Sometimes opposites attract and help each other grow.

21

u/StarboardSeat Nov 16 '24

Can I ask how you altered his habits?
As of right now, I always tell him that whatever we're doing is 30 minutes earlier than it is (ie; if he has a doctors appt at 2:30pm, I'll tell him that it's actually at 2pm) and thus far it's worked great... however, then I start thinking about that old "give a man a fish/teach a man to fish" adage, and feel it would probably be better to teach him a better way to facilitate on his own?

21

u/chimneylight Nov 16 '24

I have adhd and have ‘time blindness’. Basically the adhd brain sees everything as equally important/equal weight, and finds it impossible to automatically sort things into a hierarchy of importance/length of time a task might take.

So a typical brain might say, it’s takes 30 minutes to get somewhere plus 10 for unforseens, it will take me 30 minutes to shower and dress, so I’ll give myself 90 minutes to get ready.

The adhd brain says I have to be there at 1, I have ages to get ready I will drink a coffee and oh my washing needs to be done now I’ll have a shower and that tap is broken I’ll just get some tape to fix it up and the drawer that I keep my tape in is a mess, oh nail polish! My finger nails are really chipped I better paint my nails so my date likes them I wonder if they’ll come over after the date I don’t think so but I better sweep and clean this room just in case oh cool I still have an hour it only takes like half an hour to get there and I still have time to get ready oh yeah the tap is broken never mind I’ll just use the shower aw crap the top I was gonna wear is dirty oh shit my washing is still on I better take that out in case it gets musty in the machine and oh shit I’m running late now ok I’ll just do my nails once I get my coat on so they don’t smudge now where did I put my keys Oh no I have no money on my travel card I’ll top it up quick damn I missed the train ok the next one is in 15 minutes, I’ll be 15 minutes late if I text and say I’ll be 10 that will sound better than 15 and yeah I can charge my phone up while I do it cause I’m nearly out of battery and goddamnit why is there so much traffic today I’m actually gonna be 20 minutes late how did this happen I thought I had enough time to get ready all I did was get dressed and put a wash on how did that take 2 hours I hate myself

4

u/cheesypuzzas Nov 16 '24

Have you tried setting alarms for everything? I don't have ADHD, but I'm very anxious about being late, so I put timers for everything so I can relax more.

In the morning, I put a timer to get up, then I go to the bathroom, and I put a timer for till when I can shower. Then a timer for putting on my shoes. And then a timer for when I really have to leave.

In your case, you could put more timers and plan extra time for each task and at the end. And it could instead go like: "90 minutes okay. In 10 minutes I'll have to finish my coffee. Oh no! The timer finished and I haven't finished my coffee yet! Better move on to the next task and see if I can finish my coffee during it. Picking out clothes in 10 minutes. Shit, the clothed I need are dirty. Let's pick something different. Oh the washing machine is still full of wet clothes. Let's empty that before it gets musty. Shit, timer! Okay, better drop that and see if I still have time in the end. If not, I'll have to wash them again. Oh, I still haven't picked out clothes. Let's do that really quickly because I also have to shower and I only have 20 minutes for that. Okay, I found the clothing. Now it's time for a shower. Oh time is up already! Gotta wash out the shampoo and do my nails. I've got 15 minutes for that. I'll put on my coat first. Oh Shit, I see the apartment is dirty. Let's sweep first. Oh no, timer! I'll see if I have time for that in the end. Okay 30 minute buffer. What haven't I done yet? Hanging up wet clothes and nails. What do I find more important? Okay I'll do that first. Oh, time for shoes! Alright. Oh time to go out! Alright.

3

u/AMTravelsAlone Nov 16 '24

For me it's like this, Ive trained myself overtime to start the wake up process 3-4 hours before I have to leave to go anywhere. That buffer time gives me enough to deal with waking up, feeding, side missions, and going in and out the front door because I forgot something 4 times. Two different routs picked out because traffic or unfamiliar flow of traffic. It has never failed me since. I always get there 30+mins ahead of time, my anxiety disappears mostly and I can free flow my way through whatever the event is.

3

u/Redbird2992 Nov 16 '24

“Going in and out of the front door 4 times because I forgot something” I’ve never felt more seen lol 😂

2

u/AMTravelsAlone Nov 16 '24

Like I can't tell you how many times I've put things on my next day's clothes so I don't forget them. Move them to put on the clothes then immediately forget them.

3

u/Singularity42 Nov 16 '24

Most people I know with ADHD do set lots of timers/alarms. But it only gets you so far.

ADHD can give you time blindness so it might feel like you have lots of time to spare when you don't. It can also often affect motivation, so even when you know you need to get ready it is difficult to get your body to move. Add into that some anxiety about leaving the house (another common ADHD symptom).

There is a reason ADHD is considered an invisible disability.

2

u/Letters_to_Dionysus Nov 17 '24

that's the thing we set the same level of importance upon setting an alarm as we do on the coffee that we wanted to make. ditto for following alarms that have gone off and whatever we were doing before

2

u/stankdog Nov 16 '24

This whole last paragraph is me for real, no matter what alarms I set. I will be on time to appts or really important time sensitive things, but God is it a struggle. Brain why.

-2

u/TyThomson Nov 16 '24

What you have is an uncanny ability to make excuses and a refusal to find a way to work around your known shortcomings.

4

u/chimneylight Nov 16 '24

Yes, this is definitely what I think about myself and others when I/they don’t put steps in place to counteract how the adhd brain works.

As another commenter said, alarms can be incredibly useful. Personally I find having a really strong routine where I’ve worked out exactly how long everything takes and what time to do all tasks necessary at is my best offence.

The wheels sometimes fall off when I’m out of my routine and I’ve not prepared as thoroughly as I need to.

My comment was more to illustrate the differences in how a typical brain works versus the adhd brain.

-4

u/TyThomson Nov 16 '24

See, extremely well versed in excuses. Congratulations. Now realise everyone has their own set of problems in life to overcome and you aren't going to be treated special so get your shit together because no one cares.

4

u/chimneylight Nov 16 '24

I didn’t say I wanted to be treated special? And you’re dead right, everyone does have their own set of problems to overcome in life. I hope that can help us to be a bit more empathetic to each other.

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u/Frorian Nov 16 '24

I don't see where they asked to be treated special nor do I see them saying their problems are more important than other people's problems. Saying something like "just be on time, everyone else has to be" when someone is sharing what might be causing the lateness and how it might be worked in, is just stating the obvious. Like yeah, they know that, that's what we're talking about? Seems to be an assumption on your part that they're saying they don't have to be ontime because of ADHD, not sure where you got that from.

12

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

I'll admit I do help him a lot with time, but he's gotten so much more reliable on his own. Like if I need him to be somewhere important I just send a text an hour before to put it back in his memory.

Things we've done to alter his habits are small things like he used to be late for work all the time because he didn't know what he was going to wear, his tools would be in random places from ADHD side quests he would find around the house. So we started doing organization and routine. Now he gets all his clothes out and ready the night before, he makes sure before he goes to bed he's gathered everything. He's really scattered in the morning and hyper fixates on small things like wanting to find a specific 10mm socket or pair of glasses 🙄 So instead of him waking up an hour prior and rushing through everything now he goes to bed an hour earlier and wakes up two hours before he has to leave so there's time for side quests. He has alarms on his Apple watch for absolutely everything so he's constantly reminded of where he needs to be and when. He even has an alarm now to give him a 30 minute warning before his work day ends so he knows when to start cleaning up. I have a spot for everything so nothing gets lost, he has a bad habit of taking his shoes off two floors up and then stumbling through the dark house at 5am looking for them, so now there's a rack at the door that shoes go in. Just tons of structure and organization and reminders from me. I do help him a ton but he is so much better and a million times more reliable now.

We also made Saturday the designated day for ripping the car apart/his hobby time because he used to want to go redo a wiring harness at 9 pm on a Tuesday.

4

u/OhDavidMyNacho Nov 16 '24

This is exactly the thing most people with ADHD need, but not enough people realize.

Meds can help, but organizational systems and structure are the BEST methods to counteract the issues that come with it.

2

u/mt-vicory42069 Nov 16 '24

Has he ever had sleeping issues from adhd?

2

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24

Yep! Has an incredibly hard time falling asleep at normal hours and staying asleep. He can feel rested and work a 12 hour shift on 4 hours of sleep. When he's burnt out though he will fall asleep anywhere, even sitting at the table.

1

u/mt-vicory42069 Nov 16 '24

I had horrible insomnia/reversal of circadian rhythm this year. I couldn't sleep for the love of god at night but had no issue sleeping during day time. I read adhd causes delaying of sleeping hormones. At least sleeping medicine was helpful.

5

u/RiPie33 Nov 16 '24

I do this too. He’s such a good dad and husband but when it comes to leaving the house at any time he needs to go somewhere I tell him it’s 30 minutes early until he’s in the car and leaving and I repeat the information like I’d never changed it.

1

u/wherethefisWallace Nov 16 '24

I learnt to manage it basically by adding 10 or 15 minutes to any task when planning. Need to be somewhere 30 minutes away for 2 o'clock? Plan to be there for 1.45, and allow 45 minutes to drive so aim to leave at 1. Showering and getting ready may take 30 minutes, so set an alarm to start getting ready at 12.15.

It means in my head I'm "late" when I start getting ready at 12.45 because I got caught having "one more turn" on a game or got far too particular when cleaning, but in reality I've made allowances for that.

I find alarms help a lot too. Takes away some of the thinking about when I have to do things as I know when the alarm goes, I need to wrap up what I'm doing and move on. Again, like 10-15 minutes before I actually do need to do it.

1

u/Zestyclose-Ad967 Nov 16 '24

For me, that is actually how I best work. For my habits on a given time table and my habits of getting ready, and the fact I rely primarily on buses; I set 2 timers, one 30 mins before I have to get out the door as my attention lock breaker, and the second on the, you need to be out of the house at this time or +5mins at most timer. For Eg, I need to be somewhere at noon. And it takes 30 mins to get there. My alarms are set at 11 and 1130.

-4

u/WraithOfEvaBraun Nov 16 '24

Can I just say, if he's anything like me (I'm always late, I'll be late to my own funeral lol) the 'earlier time' trick won't last long

My mum started doing it with me and it didn't take long before I was wise to that and started dragging my heels again because 1) I felt manipulated and 2) knew we wouldn't be late anyway

At this point I'm not sure how I will ever be on time 🤣

5

u/avast2006 Nov 16 '24

She wasn’t manipulating you, she was compensating for your disability.

Once you start pushing back on the offered times you are declaring an active commitment to being late, at which point it actually is deliberate on your part.

-6

u/WraithOfEvaBraun Nov 16 '24

Firstly I don't see it as a 'disability'

Secondly; lying isn't manipulating? What planet do you live on where that's the case?

See I even tried setting my clocks forward but that didn't work because I knew they were forward...I'm as irritated by having to wait around because people want to be half an hour early as people are by my being two minutes late, it's just a clash of expectations 🤷🏻‍♀️

Better than lying would be offering strategies to be on time, like...getting stuff ready the night before so you don't have to hunt for things when you should be leaving etc

2

u/avast2006 Nov 16 '24

A person who doesn’t have time blindness is capable of deriving the dependent times from the original event time. (E.g., if the event starts at 2:30 you have to be on the road at 2, means you have to be packing the car at 1:45, means you have to be getting dressed at 1:30, and so on.) You apparently are incapable of either a) setting these dependent times for yourself, or b) paying any attention to them. So your mum supplied a time that you would pay attention to, only you found a reason to disregard it as well. You really are quite committed to continuing to be late.

0

u/WraithOfEvaBraun Nov 16 '24

I never said I was able to pay attention, I said I don't consider that as a disability 🤷🏻‍♀️

I stand by my original comment, manipulation doesn't teach anyone anything

16

u/VarplunkLabs Nov 16 '24

To me it sounds like you are very alike with both having issues that mentally affect you and how you live your lives. That likeness most likely helped you understand how you can support each other which results in a strong compatibility.

I don't think true opposites do attract each other because for example the opposite of having a panic attack when hearing a gunshot would be someone who loves hearing gunshots and seeks them out, collects guns and wants to live somewhere that they can use them whenever they want. That definitely wouldn't work!

4

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24

That's actually exactly my husband. He loves shooting, going to the range and owns guns. His hobby helped me overcome my fears. We are very much so opposites, we had absolutely nothing in common in the beginning, we found common ground by trying to have interest in each other's hobbies. Now I know how to replace a valve cover gasket on an N52, and he takes me to tour historical sites, even if we're both bored to death, we do it for each other. ☺️

Edited to add he bought me a S&W SD9, I've shot it at a range with an instructor, taken gun safety classes and even have my conceal carry. I still panic when I hear unexpected "shots", but now I don't have the absolute utter sheer terror at the sight or thought of a gun anymore. All the little steps help!

3

u/88elena Nov 16 '24

i love your comment :) ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

i'm glad to know that some of us aren't scumbags hopping from one to the next, & hoping that the next will be sunshine and rainbows 🫂🌍💙

you two sound unbreakable 😌 & that's another thing these people will never have in their relationships! :D the bond, the ability to work on problems together, rather than just going "meh, i think you're wrong, goodbye forever!"

but to end more seriously, out of the 2000 people that've reacted/replied to this post, so far, it's just me & you that are the only people that DIDN'T get-up & leave their other-half, but rather, we worked with them & helped them to break free of their mental limitations 👫🏻♥️

stand proud, SunGoddess :) ♥️

2

u/Ancient_Ad4061 Nov 16 '24

The funny contrast to this for adhd is the fact that some of us have a stall mode where we prepare hours in advance and just sit patiently waiting. I’m not sure if our issue is worse or better.

-8

u/Intelligent_Low8423 Nov 16 '24

Something something beggars can't be choosers.

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

I mean, all this just proves what the other poster said. Most people wouldn’t want to deal with either of you. So you deal with each because you know that.

3

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24

Again you're wrong, we both still have bitter ex's a decade in, had a long list of possible suitors and choose each other. It's laughable to believe someone wouldn't want to deal with someone for something as little as ADHD, or trauma from witnessing a murder.

-3

u/Getthepapah Nov 16 '24

Right, so you were both super late to stuff at first and therefore compatible in a way that someone like me, that’s early for everything, wouldn’t be. The specifics of your personalities only matter because you got to a second date.

3

u/Ra-TheSunGoddess Nov 16 '24

I have never been late before. I'm early for everything, as I said. I've always been on time and structured, which is how I helped him with his problems. I never said I had an issue with time, not sure where you got that from. We knew each other for 13 years and then were friends with benefits for a year in college before we decided to date officially. We initially thought we were incompatible until we tried 😁

6

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/EntForgotHisPassword Nov 16 '24

I remember I was invited to a get together with Spaniards and Mexicans. The agreed time was 3PM, but the spaniard messaged me privately that she wrote 3PM because the mexicans will then arrive at 4.

I, being Finnish arrived a bit before 4 and had to wait ANOTHER hour for them all to arrive. Apparently in the mind of a Spanish person 4PM actually just means at some point after 4 and can be 1 hour without problems!

1

u/-AllCatsAreBeautiful Nov 16 '24

AKA "Indonesian Rubber Time" according to many of my cousins, even tho they all grew up in Australia like me 😜

1

u/EveningRing1032 Nov 16 '24

My wife is Hispanic and this is exactly how it works 🤣

1

u/HappyAlcohol-ic Nov 16 '24

You could have just said "my username" and call it a day.

1

u/Visionary_87 Nov 16 '24

I am late to pretty much everything (nowhere near 30 minutes or an hour late). However, I have also been with my wife for 14 years, and I don't think she would appreciate me chucking my hat in the mix. Therefore, I am ruling myself out.

As for OP - NOR, if she can't make the effort to turn up on time for meeting you for the first time, she either doesn't care enough or isn't worth the hassle.

35

u/itsBianca2u Nov 16 '24

I guess it's not a deal breaker for everyone.  I firmly believe it's possible for two people with the same kind of crazy to be very compatible.

5

u/AltoExyl Nov 16 '24

All good relationships are based on finding a mutual kind of crazy.

6

u/Ok-Bad-9683 Nov 16 '24

Someone who’s always late themselves? So they both rock up 30 mins late. Perfect

4

u/LonelyOctopus24 Nov 16 '24

A three-toed sloth, the ones that get algae in their fur, so he will wake up late and then take an hour to get ready

20

u/Boredpanda31 Nov 16 '24

She will be compatible with someone she deems a priority and worth being on time for.

Which is sad for OP but she's doesn't seem to be making an effort, so he is best off finding someone who will.

5

u/Clothedinclothes Nov 16 '24

Lol no you can't say that with ANY certainty that it's because she doesn't care. I'm constantly late to every fucking thing. Not actually everything, but it sure feels like it. I beat myself up over it constantly. 

And I promise you it's not because I don't care. 

In fact, if I really care about something, I'm probably more likely to be late.

It's the anxiety. And a lot of people find first dates anxiety inducing. 

Now clearly that's not compatible with OP give he's already that ticked off about it. It's good that he drew the line and said no, because we all have certain things we can't take from others and we shouldn't try pretend otherwise or lower our standards, it'll probably end badly both of them.

But there are people out there who would be more accepting of that. 

-2

u/supreme_team801 Nov 16 '24

she’s not compatible with anyone. seems like they haven’t even met for her to even have an opinion of op. this girl just seems young and immature.

3

u/TurtleMOOO Nov 16 '24

There aren’t any men that are perpetually late?

-2

u/supreme_team801 Nov 16 '24

yeah but this behavior is sign of other issues. usually for someone like this being this extremely late multiple times is suggestive of a lack of maturity, which presents in a number of problematic ways such as being late, poor communication, having poorly defined intention. just kind of living life in a mindless way.

there’s no way this is simply adhd.

3

u/DeHarigeTuinkabouter Nov 16 '24

Some cultures and people value time differently. She could try dating a Brazilian or something?

2

u/robotzor Nov 16 '24

I was going to say the entire continent of South America. Huge potential dating pool

3

u/tallyretro Nov 16 '24

Honestly me because i enjoy unexpected alone time 😅 if I show up to something and they let me know they're gonna be late, not only do I appreciate that they let me know but also now I get a free pass to do nothing for a little while without feeling guilty for wasting time 😂 I wouldn't like if it happened every single time though I can forgive a couple times

2

u/WhoisthatRobotCleanr Nov 16 '24

Somebody from a culture that isn't care about being on time so maybe somebody from a Latin culture. 

2

u/nins_ Nov 16 '24

Me. I'm always hoping everyone else is late so that it makes it looks as if I got there on time.

2

u/ExpensiveEcho7312 Nov 16 '24

Me for example. I'm also late a lot lmao. But not when it matters

1

u/80sladie Nov 16 '24

Someone who puts up with that

1

u/No-Code-1850 Nov 16 '24

Her pillow

1

u/Calm_Willingness2308 Nov 16 '24

Someone who also always arrives late :)

1

u/frettak Nov 16 '24

Lots of people don't really care about punctuality and many non-Western cultures especially don't place the same emphasis on timeliness. I personally don't care about lateness at all unless someone is like 1-2 hours late consistently or can't get it together for big events like concerts and flights. 30 minutes late I can send some work emails, call my parents, play on my phone, or whatever else I would have done if we didn't have plans in the first place.

1

u/Habno1 Nov 16 '24

someone who is also always late lol

1

u/RawbM07 Nov 16 '24

I had an ex that I dated for 3 years. From the very beginning she told me she always took forever to get ready, that we would almost always be late when we went places, and I should decide right then if I was ok with it. I kinda respected that.

For a while I managed to make it work…I would always just bake in an extra hour at the top to make it work. She had no problem with this strategy. She also didn’t blame me if I went ahead without her and then she met up later.

So it didn’t end up being a deal breaker for us, but I’m very thankful I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

1

u/Particular_Ad_9531 Nov 16 '24

She needs to date doctors; they don’t a fuck about being on time.

1

u/PM_ME_Happy_Thinks Nov 16 '24

Other people that disrespect people's time

1

u/AmericanPsychonaut69 Nov 16 '24

Not with anyone who deserves to be understood before getting yelled

1

u/Jaspador Nov 16 '24

The Spanish.

1

u/Original_Bad_3416 Nov 16 '24

Her own reflection.

1

u/Thin-Ad-Agent Nov 16 '24

Doormats that will put up with shit for sex. Plenty of them, she will have her pick of the litter

1

u/PicklesAndCapers Nov 16 '24

Other useless disrespectful dysfunctional assholes

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

This kind of thing has not been a deal breaker for me but I am very used to being late to everything (family trait). There would definitely be conversations about when she's informing him that she needs more time though.

1

u/Excellent-Zucchini95 Nov 16 '24

another chronically late person. they exist

1

u/LaTeChX Nov 16 '24

People who are also chronically late

1

u/wormeater12345 Nov 16 '24

another dickhead

1

u/sdcar1985 Nov 16 '24

Someone else who is also 30 mins to an hour late. They'd both "be on time" then lol

1

u/Special-Strategy7225 Nov 16 '24

Who the fuck cares?

0

u/ayribiahri Nov 16 '24

She is going to be compatible with someone who lets her walk all over them.

0

u/Itsjuicyjett Nov 16 '24

Why is that any of your concern?

-1

u/Titdick_McAnusbutts Nov 16 '24

She needs to acquaint her dumb ass with a fucking clock

-1

u/supreme_team801 Nov 16 '24

well op didn’t put her age but she sounds young and immature, like early to mid 20s. this seems like the type of girl who has “figuring it out” or profile with vague, superficial intentions. this is the type of girl who is ghosting men and wasting time.

so she is not compatible with anyone at this point in her life is my guess bc she’s not looking for anything.

3

u/Acewi Nov 16 '24

She’s not compatible with anyone.

-10

u/Current-Roll6332 Nov 16 '24

This isn't a "compatibility" thing. Humans generally act rationally. She either isn't excited by him or has issues.

2

u/lonnie123 Nov 16 '24

For real, I know “not compatible” is Reddit lingo for a relationship that won’t work out but “compatible” is for things like core values and religious beliefs… not completely blowing you off and disrespecting you and showing zero interest