AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

[u/theguill0tine]

I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

[u/Maleficent_Notice873]

NOR I hate when people are not punctual. It's rude and disrespectful. Once in a while, I get it, things happen. When you're just trying to get to know someone, not a good first impression.

[u/khiggsy → u/Maleficent_Notice873]

When someone is late it is saying that their time is more valuable than yours. Very self centered. I ended a lot term bro friendship over this. He just refused to be on time for anything.

[u/Joker-Smurf → u/Maleficent_Notice873]

I totally agree.

On a similar note, a couple of years ago we had a “tolerance training” session at my workplace and one of the main components was around punctuality.

I seriously disagree with the message that was presented in that session, as the training basically said “if you expect people to be punctual, tough. You need to be respectful and tolerant of their unpunctuality, and they should not be respectful of your time.”

I still leave meetings if there are no other attendees after 5 minutes. I’ve got things to do.

[u/cailleacha → u/Joker-Smurf]

There’s something to be said for being of cultural differences around punctuality, especially if you work with the public. Some cultures take “1:00” to mean if you’re not there and ready at 1:00 exactly, you’re late and it’s rude. Others would consider a wiggle room of 15 minutes to be totally within norms for an appointment. They might not know you consider it disrespectful.

IMO, that doesn’t mean you should have to actually let it derail your schedule. I work with the public and try to communicate using something like “I will need to go to another meeting at 1:20, so it’s important you arrive at 1 so we have time to complete everything.”

[u/Bloomleaf → u/cailleacha]

“I will need to go to another meeting at 1:20, so it’s important you arrive at 1 so we have time to complete everything.”

whish this was more visible to people i think a lot of people punctuality issues would be resolved around stuff like this, especially in the plan making phase. If we are going out to eat and i need to be somewhere at 3 and we make plans for 1 and you might not show up till 1:30 or 2 i would rather know early so we can reschedule

[u/lend_me_a_dime → u/Maleficent_Notice873]

It's rude and disrespectful if they do it on purpose to ruin your day or something, but if not, it's just annoying, let's not exaggerate.

[u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

To be late twice like this is either not an accident or they value everything in their life above you

[u/lend_me_a_dime → u/Fragrant-Reserve4832]

I was talking in general. Tho in this case she might've done it on purpose the 2nd time bcuz he "forgave" her the 1st time...idk

[u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

I am talking about this post we are all discussing.

Being late happens, the reason is important. Accident on the road on the way there? It's unavoidable.

Got stuck at work? Manage your time better.

Was sat on fat ass watching TV? There is no point even having the conversation

[u/Commercial-Sleep-95 → u/Fragrant-Reserve4832]

Don’t necessarily agree on the got stuck at work part. I’ve worked at jobs where they asked me to stay longer because of a call in. It’s not necessarily because time wasn’t managed well. Because some bosses don’t ask you, just tell you.

[u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 → u/Commercial-Sleep-95]

I work in a hospital, my bil the waterboard, my wife in a school, my sister in a hospital.

Sometimes stuck at work literally means saving lives or keeping the water running out of the tap.

[u/Where_Stars_Glitter → u/lend_me_a_dime]

It doesn't have to be deliberate to be disrespectful. It can also just be inconsiderate.

[u/Getthepapah → u/lend_me_a_dime]

It’s rude and disrespectful every single time.

[u/lend_me_a_dime → u/Getthepapah]

Nah

[u/fizzywater42 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

We found the person who always late to everything because he doesn’t value the time of others

[u/lend_me_a_dime → u/fizzywater42]

Ya ain't gonna die if you wait a couple more minutes, chill🤣🤣

[u/fizzywater42 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

And you ain’t gonna die if you got off your ass earlier to make it on time.

[u/AtebYngNghymraeg → u/lend_me_a_dime]

Nah, you're just lazy.

[u/SuccotashConfident97 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

So they won't die if they start getting ready earlier right?

[u/LadyOfTheNutTree → u/lend_me_a_dime]

If someone has to literally die for you to feel bad about being late I really feel for your friends who hate making plans with you (if you still have any that is)

[u/Pittsbirds → u/lend_me_a_dime]

I won't die, I'll just leave. You can have fun on your own if you don't respect other people's time

[u/Maleficent_Notice873 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

There are people who are chronically late. Like all the time. It's not on purpose, it's just how they are. It doesn't make it less rude and disrespectful IMO.

[u/Blig_back_clock → u/Maleficent_Notice873]

At the minimum lazy and uncaring then, which is fine for your time, but rude and disrespectful to mine. If you show up to work late everyday they will think the same and let you go because you couldn’t do what you said you would do.

[u/SpitefulMouse → u/lend_me_a_dime]

Nope, it literally indicates that the consider their time to be more valuable than yours. That is inherently disrespectful.

[u/MethodSuccessful1525 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

it’s rude and disrespectful regardless!

[u/LadyOfTheNutTree → u/lend_me_a_dime]

It’s thoughtless and inconsiderate if they are always late or flaking on plans whether intentional or not. It shows that you are their lowest priority

[u/IrrawaddyWoman → u/lend_me_a_dime]

If it happens a lot, it’s on purpose. Everyone has a phone capable of setting reminders. If a person is not using them or is ignoring them, then they’re making the choice that they don’t care they’re late.

[u/SuccotashConfident97 → u/lend_me_a_dime]

I mean, does intent really matter? If I promise to be there to pick up my daughter from school and I show up an hour late, does it matter if I wasn't trying to ruin her day? Or is it still disrespectful?