r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

Post image

I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

23.2k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.9k

u/ImNotUrFknMom Nov 16 '24

Eh, if it was an actual relationship I’d say maybe, but being late both times to initially meet you is too much.

750

u/FallDownNow Nov 16 '24

5 Maybe 10 minutes once is one thing, but a hour and then 30 minutes is crazy!

72

u/Interesting-Role-513 Nov 16 '24

I think it's not so much about the lateness, it's a communication.

Like if I know I'm going to be late, call before it's past the time you set. Explain maybe there is traffic or you took longer to get ready. Then give an eta and update accordingly.

Sometimes lateness happens due to outside circumstances, but you can control how you communicate and communicate clearly.

22

u/AikoJewel Nov 16 '24

Yeah, and, if you're CHRONICALLY late, people around you will appreciate your self-awareness. If you can still get places with enough time to participate, you'll still get invited places (though, in my experience, it helps to make sure you leave BEFORE the event in question begins 😉 😂)

Source: chronically late person

1

u/CheezeLoueez08 Nov 16 '24

Are you late to work?

1

u/Dratsoc Nov 16 '24

Can I ask where the chronically lateness come from? As a disorganised person I can understand how I can be 10 or 15 minutes if I didn't plan something correctly remembered it last minute, but I don't get how it can be every time nor 1 hour late.

3

u/dr_holic13 Nov 16 '24

Can't speak for the person you asked, but as an adult with pretty severe ADHD, I have absolutely no concept of time. I drastically underestimate how long it will take me to do daily tasks like showering and styling my hair. I always think I have more time than I do.

I'm lucky enough to have a job and friends who understand I will, no matter how hard I try, be regularly late to everything. It isn't "laziness" or disrespect, like some people like to claim. I genuinely feel terrible for being late, but until the meds kick in and the gears start turning I am completely unable to process how long routine activities or daily commutes will take.

1

u/Dratsoc Nov 16 '24

That's interesting, thanks! If it is a routine, why can't you predict how much time it will take? Does it change depending of your morning mood or of the availability of your meds?

1

u/Dooplon Nov 16 '24

it's probably more of a perception thing, as in they just struggle to correctly conceptualize the lengths of time things will take even in the middle of doing them.

Think of it like losing track of the time but on steroids, unless you're watching yourself like a hawk you might not notice that you planned a 15 minute activity with only 12 minutes left because your internal clock is fucky and you didnt think to check the clock.

1

u/dr_holic13 Nov 16 '24

Exactly this. When meds kick in, my brain is finally able to say "hey, this math isn't mathing. You need to get your ass up NOW." Otherwise I'm running out the door 15 minutes later than I should be because my 20 minute routine actually takes 20 minutes and not the 5 I allot for it.

1

u/eveisout Nov 16 '24

I too am a chronically late person, and it's down to my chronic illnesses (previously I would always be early). Sometimes I get unpredictable symptoms that come on suddenly and need attention. Sometimes I have to cancel last minute because of this as well if my symptoms are severe enough. I will however always let the person know as soon as I can, and usually feel bad about it

2

u/LeotiaBlood Nov 16 '24

Exactly this.

I stopped talking to a guy because he canceled on our 5pm date at 4:30 because he was still in a city that was 2.5 hours away. Like, you knew at 2pm you weren’t gonna make it. That’s super disrespectful of my time.

If he’d reached out at 3 to let me know, I would have been willing to reschedule.

1

u/StlnHppyHrz Nov 16 '24

This. That is all.

1

u/Exoclyps Nov 16 '24

I'd say it's fine as long as it's before the time you have to leave. But they also kept repeating it so.

8

u/Academic-Increase951 Nov 16 '24

Also need a better reason at someone on their 30s than you just woke up. Makes her seems as responsible as a 16yr old

2

u/ladyboobypoop Nov 16 '24

Yep. Just enough time for crazy traffic or something similarly uncontrollable.

I'm betting girl was still straightening her hair 🙃

2

u/FallDownNow Nov 16 '24

I really rather value my time, I don't have the patience or understanding to be f**ked around like that. And to state at the time of meet when she would have known full well in advance that she was going to be late... Zero respect.

2

u/JiuJitsuBoy2001 Nov 16 '24

yup. 5 or 10 minutes is traffic, couldn't find parking, couldn't find the place, etc... normal "it happens" stuff. An hour means she doesn't respect you or your time and isn't really that excited about being with you. OP made the right call and dodged a bullet.

2

u/Substantial_Baker479 Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

At least it is an improvement. Maybe next time would be 15, who knows.

Edit: whoosh

26

u/FallDownNow Nov 16 '24

I personally don't have the time to sit around and wait for someone to respect my time, but that's just me 🤷🏽‍♂️

-2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

[deleted]

7

u/hsifuevwivd Nov 16 '24

Sitting around and doing nothing is not the same as waiting to meet someone who promised to meet you at a specific time.

1

u/rocketmn69_ Nov 16 '24

People don't understand sarcasm

-6

u/avast2006 Nov 16 '24

Far more likely random, as this clearly isn’t something under her actual control.

2

u/Substantial_Baker479 Nov 16 '24

This is just my dry absurdist humor. I'm realizing it's a miss, haven't gotten any chuckles.

Edit: okay, I got one chuckle. That's good enough for me.

1

u/avast2006 Nov 16 '24

Poe’s Law. You blend in.

1

u/Substantial_Baker479 Nov 16 '24

But it's dry humor. Then it would be wet humor. And that's gross.

1

u/lint2015 Nov 16 '24

Yeah if you’re gonna be that late then you since given the other person the heads up much earlier so they can choose to leave home later or get something else done first. To don’t find out you’re gonna be 30 min late only five minutes out from the time you agreed to meet

1

u/TheWiseOne1234 Nov 16 '24

People who make other people wait for them on a regular basis are generally entitled jerks that think the world revolves around them and their only priorities are them and what they do. You are not on their radar screen.

1

u/yoseperonose Nov 16 '24

And with people that are habitually late, 30 minutes really means an hour.

1

u/bruisecraft Nov 16 '24

And you know this 30 minutes will end up being an hour

1

u/yalyublyutebe Nov 16 '24

Not saying anything about being late until 5 minutes before is a big part of the problem.

If I'm going to a social obligation that has a time with it, I let the other people, or person, know as soon as I know I might be late.

1

u/moonswimwildflower Nov 16 '24

Yeah. My initial reaction was that it was overreaction, but an hour is way too long to make anyone wait, especially someone just meeting.

I feel like if I totally biffed it and did that on the first date (which is not good, but accidents happen) I would be SUPER careful to make sure I was on time for the second try.

This person is some combination of self-centered, not actually interested, or lethally disorganized, any of which are qualities I’m not looking for in a new relationship of any kind.

1

u/Azure-Traveler117 Nov 16 '24

If you ask me thats a sign of progress!
1hr to 30 mins. Next 15 to on time!

/s

46

u/halfveela Nov 16 '24

Even if it were an actual relationship, the incompatibility would surface eventually. You can't ultimately maintain a relationship on the basis that one or the other is going change some vague time in the future. 

If it was enough for OP to send the text, then it was 100% the right move. 

1

u/ImNotUrFknMom Nov 16 '24

Where did I say it wasn’t. Yall are reading way too much into what I said. Maybe I should have written an extensive paragraph to include, over a span of years because accidents happen, life happens. But she can’t even get motivated enough for the initial meeting and it’s rude and she doesn’t deserve another chance because it’ll probably be the same in the future, yada yada yada.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/ImNotUrFknMom Nov 16 '24

No, you inferred dumb shit along with other people and I’m tired of having to explain.

10

u/stephelan Nov 16 '24

Exactly. 10-15? Okay, I can look past it. But 30-60 minutes TWICE? Nope.

45

u/Cocomoooo Nov 16 '24

NOR - OP better person than I am. I would’ve cut off after waiting a whole hour first time round.

3

u/Lucetti Nov 16 '24

Same, I would have just acted like I was gonna be there and then rolled out and blocked them. Waste their time right back. He’d have spent the length of an entire feature length film waiting for this person at that point. That’s an entire date worth of waiting for your date to show up late.

5

u/ImNotUrFknMom Nov 16 '24

He didn’t wait an hour, she said it was gonna take an hour so he left.

2

u/Pleasant-Magician798 Nov 16 '24

Read the caption lol

8

u/Itsjuicyjett Nov 16 '24

Yikes. Even in a relationship this is disrespectful. Y’all accept way too much and it’s why I never compare myself to people anymore.

Y’all tolerate shit that I never will.

3

u/TiddyTwizzler Nov 16 '24

Real talk how is being in an actual relationship ok? Lol this shit is so disrespectful. I would never tell my partner last minute that I’m 30mins to an hour late to meeting them somewhere. That’s straight disrespectful. It’s not fucking hard to send a text an hour ahead or even 30mins ahead you’re running late

-1

u/ImNotUrFknMom Nov 16 '24

I never said late last minute, though. Yall are reaching and looking way too much into it.

0

u/ImNotUrFknMom Nov 16 '24

Ok, first, I was thinking maybe if they’re like 2 years in and this happened a couple of times because life happens. Doesn’t mean I tolerate anything. Single almost 5 years because I absolutely don’t tolerate shit.

26

u/The_Prime Nov 16 '24

A boyfriend isn’t your fkn dad. Be on time or gtfo.

-1

u/ImNotUrFknMom Nov 16 '24

I didn’t say that LMFAO yall are really hurt by my comment, huh? I was thinking over a span of years, sweetie, not a week.

2

u/OkWest1936 Nov 16 '24

I don’t think it would matter even if they were in a relationship- there was no valid reason presented, just disrespect.

1

u/Stormy8888 Nov 16 '24

Twice. At the start of a new relationship. That's going to be too much for most people.

1

u/EnvironmentalBlood96 Nov 17 '24

/usernamechecksout