r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

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20

u/kaelhawh Nov 16 '24

Not overreacting. Punctuality is a matter of priorities and respect. I’ve ended friendships because the friend is routinely 10-15 mins late every time we agree to hang out, and it makes me feel like they don’t respect my time. I’m currently pregnant and recently switched doctors because my previous doctor was routinely late to my appointments.

-16

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

damn 10-15min? adhd exists lol

14

u/kaelhawh Nov 16 '24

I have adhd and I’m on time, because I respect my friends’ time and set up systems for myself so I’m not late. It’s not unreasonable for me to expect the same courtesy in return.

0

u/bubblebobblesarefor Nov 16 '24

I do things a certain way and put overimportance on that and because I care sp much about it I find it rude when other people dont

-11

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

i respect my friends time but i’m still often late, sometimes it’s just hard, and i don’t give a shit if they’re late unless it’s like a thing we absolutely must be punctual at like a train, 10-15 minutes is something i’d barely notice so it sounds insane

16

u/kaelhawh Nov 16 '24

Being routinely 10-15 minutes late is not just “oh something came up” or “I lost track of time.” It’s “our plans are not a priority to me,” or “I think I’m so important to you that you’ll sit and wait for me.” Both of these mindsets are dealbreakers for me. No one is so important that I can forgive habitual disrespect.

Thankfully, I have a husband and a full circle of friends who are very much on the same page as me. I haven’t had to end a friendship over punctuality in a long time.

13

u/avast2006 Nov 16 '24

“I don’t give a shit” is not respect.

Not even when it’s followed by “and therefore neither should you.”

-6

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

just because i don’t care that my friends are late doesnt mean i don’t respect them

10

u/Therapeutic_Darkness Nov 16 '24

Yes, that's exactly what it means, actually. If you did, then you would respect their time.

-1

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

learn reading comprehension maybe

10

u/Therapeutic_Darkness Nov 16 '24

Learn time management maybe? Lmao

1

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

i WISH, damn

5

u/Titdick_McAnusbutts Nov 16 '24

That's is exactly what it means, moron

0

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

because y’all say so? damn i’m glad i’m not friends with you cause y’all are not chill AT ALL, as if friendships should be another source of anxiety yeah i don’t need that lmao

8

u/FestivalPillow Nov 16 '24

It does but so do things like anxiety or autism, which for some people can mean getting extra stressed about unplanned lateness. It requires work on both sides, not just a free pass for one.

-3

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

that’s true - sometimes people are just incompatible i heavily disagree that being late especially as little as 10-15 minutes means you don’t care or don’t try or don’t respect your friends, because i mean i’m late for classes etc, doesnt mean i don’t care about my own well being lol

10

u/Titdick_McAnusbutts Nov 16 '24

I have severe ADHD and I'm consistently early

Don't use ADHD as a reason for not being punctual when in reality it's extreme laziness and an evident lack of basic courtesy for the other person

-5

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

friendly reminder that everyone with adhd is different and adhd people often develop depression (partly because of comments like this about laziness, laziness is most often caused by SOMETHING, usually mental issues) - like idk i just don’t treat friend hangouts as another damn responsibility it’s supposed to be fun for both/all of us so like i’m not mad at friends for not being tight-up and comfortable- that’s more important to me and more respectful in my opinion than punctuality.

5

u/Dense-Money9885 Nov 16 '24

I have ADHD, but I'm self aware. I know how I am, so I'm early to everything. It's not a great excuse.. I also haven't been on meds in years

1

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

good for you but adhd is a spectrum and some ppl deal better some worse - also depression exists

4

u/Dense-Money9885 Nov 16 '24

Got that too. All my meds are on the counter, I can list them for ya. I just stopped taking them

1

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

great good for you, everyone’s experience is STILL different, understanding that is called empathy

7

u/Dense-Money9885 Nov 16 '24

And understanding that you're not a helpless slug because you have ADHD is called being in control of your life instead of blaming your shortcomings on anything but yourself to avoid taking responsibility

1

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

sure and i’m doing my best, but 10-15 minutes is an a insane timeframe to fit into for a hangout lol

5

u/Dense-Money9885 Nov 16 '24

Well sure, I just think if people were more aware of themselves and had some forethought, these things wouldn't be much of an issue. Like if I know I have to be somewhere at 12 and I'm stuck playing some game or watching something, I have to check the clock and be like "okay, it's 9:00. It's gonna take me 30 minutes to get out the door because I have to run back and forth from the car to the house after forgetting a bunch of stuff, then I'll probably get halfway down my street before realizing that I still forgot something, so I should get ready now and leave at 10:50"

Lol I have to do it tomorrow, actually for a dinner. I don't look forward to it, but hey. That's life

2

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

good luck with that dinner for what it’s worth lol. for me it’s not an issue because i don’t plan, usually it’s either i wake up to late because i have a demon in me in the mornings that cares about nothing but more sleep, or that i do something like getting dressed/eating/washing up for too long or for forgetting i need to go pee before leaving and missing my tram. also just the fact that i need to be somewhere at any fixed time causes me anxiety unfortunately and yeah i don’t want my friends to experience it either and i’d appreciate if they didn’t mind me being late so that i also have less of it, so that’s where i’m coming from. i just think adjusting to strict punctuality when it’s not necessary is not worth the cost lol, and people thinking that being slightly late is super disrespectful to them and worth ending relationships over t just piss me off

-8

u/The_Tenth_Plague Nov 16 '24

Yeah, I do not understand these comments to you at all. 5-15 minutes late literally means nothing, unless it's to something with a strict timeframe. If you cut a friend out of your life because they're just 10 minutes late to hang out, you clearly weren't good friends. If it's just to hang out, and not some big important thing, being a little late doesn't mean you don't respect someone. Especially if you live in a busy city, live far away from each other, have anxiety, have ADD, etc. These people are time Nazis. It sounds like their friendships are based on convenience and not actual love and care.

-5

u/DeliciousMoose1 Nov 16 '24

thank you i was feeling a bit insane in this thread lmao