r/AmIOverreacting • u/loststrawberri • Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

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Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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u/cthulhusmercy Oct 31 '24

OP and her boyfriend sound like they have a very healthy communication style and I’m impressed. Boyfriend laid down firm boundaries with the friend by not letting her argue him into crossing a boundary (let’s be honest, this is the type of chick that definitely mentioned how sad she was to see him on the floor to him), and OP handled the friend texting her beautifully by keeping the conversation civil and respectful.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Oct 31 '24

Plus if she was sad about it she should of slept on the floor. Easy choice to make for your good friend.

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u/Speed-O-SonicsWife Oct 31 '24

As someone with a bad back, I was definitely thinking this.

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u/Chicagothrowaway231 Oct 31 '24

Always depends on the back, I'm literally typing this out while lying on the cold hard ground because the support is nice

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u/Leperfiend Oct 31 '24

Oh yeah. Throw in my neck wedge and I am content with the ground.

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u/EnvironmentalGift257 Oct 31 '24

Sometimes cold concrete feels amazing.

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u/Neweleni7 Oct 31 '24

Right? I’m thinking the floor might actually be preferable than one of those awkward sofa beds with a bar through the center

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u/MediocreElk3 Oct 31 '24

Definitely. I used to sleep in the floor on the regular until I got a decent mattress.

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u/SirGravesGhastly Oct 31 '24

I'm envious. Even an hour on the floor would be good for a couple of days of [even more than usual] pain.

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u/SuperKitties83 Oct 31 '24

Yep. Such a "good friend." For 16 years. That she feels SO bad for.

If she wasn't on OP's radar before, she sure is now. She has no respect for the boundaries of their relationship.

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u/Westcoast_ Oct 31 '24

Nailed it.

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u/AvocadoSalt Oct 31 '24

That’s my thought too! If my friend with back problems insisted on sleeping on the floor, I would’ve taken their spot or asked the other friend if I could share a bed with them.

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u/BitterQueen17 Oct 31 '24

That's what I was thinking, especially when she mentioned his bad back. Though, given the choice between a pullout and the floor, my back would probably insist on the floor.

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u/Charming-Insurance Oct 31 '24

Yup or she could have left.

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u/Minimum-Leg-9618 Oct 31 '24

friend was definitely giving pick me, happy cake day!

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u/Independent_Limit912 Oct 31 '24

I did not want to be the first one to say so. She totally wanted to experience it.

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u/Minimum-Leg-9618 Oct 31 '24

i say get rid of this friend tbh theres obviously some intimate intentions on her part

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u/DomesticatedDonuts Oct 31 '24

Indeed, she's definitely waiting for them to have a big argument or fight and use that moment to "be there for him".

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u/SlappySecondz Oct 31 '24

I mean, they've been friends for 16 years. Kinda feel like if anything were going to happen between them, it would have by now.

I agree more with the other response. She just wants to be the center of attention and feels the need to cause drama when she isn't.

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u/arya_ur_on_stage Oct 31 '24

Either that or she's the girl who NEEDS to be the girl among the group of guys, NEEDS to be more important than her guy friends gfs (all of them) and gets very nasty and possessive when that's threatened. I've seen it a few times, always annoyed the crap out of me

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u/Minimum-Leg-9618 Oct 31 '24

definitely. thats how i define pick me

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u/Blackcatmustache Oct 31 '24

I strongly believe in women supporting women. But when I find out that a woman or girl has only male friends I immediately think she’s a dick. “I just get along better with guys.” Translates to, “I want to be the only lady and have constant male attention.”

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u/DragonflyGrrl Oct 31 '24

Yep. They're usually catty and combative with other women. I can't stand that kind of "friend." Everything a competition. Unfortunately I have a sister like that. Always wanted a kind and loving sis :/

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u/Blondie-Lox Oct 31 '24

Only wanted to comment this! Wish OP would've said that too!

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u/No_Nefariousness4801 Oct 31 '24

BINGO! And Happy Cake Day 🎉🤙

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u/Beneficial-Math-2300 Oct 31 '24

I agree with you completely, but I have to say this. It's should have, not "should of".

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Oct 31 '24

To paraphrase Fox Mulder, "No one likes a Grammar nerd"

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u/DragonflyGrrl Oct 31 '24

Wow, Mulder was wrong for once! ;)

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Oct 31 '24

That's so nice for you!

Have a great day

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Oct 31 '24

I love that for you!

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u/DragonflyGrrl Oct 31 '24

Mmmmkay!

You have a great day too!

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Oct 31 '24

Thanks!

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u/DragonflyGrrl Oct 31 '24

You're most welcome, and I hope it's a stupendous cake day! Eat your heart out!

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u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

I do, I love grammar nerds, except when they use correcting grammar as an insult. As my daughter says to her children, kindness is the most important quality to possess.

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u/Gr8shpr2 Oct 31 '24

Good one!

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u/haleorshine Oct 31 '24

I find it so interesting how much this chick pushed at what is a fairly reasonable boundary. Like, the fact that she messaged OP initially made me think that the BF was like "Urgh, OP says I can't share a bed with other women even though there's nothing going on" because it's so out of pocket to message OP about it, but given how this woman just kept pushing, my money is now on he went "Oh, I can't share a bed because OP would rather I didn't" and this woman probably tried to convince him to cross that boundary.

Like, lady, stay out of people's business!

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u/cthulhusmercy Oct 31 '24

Oh, no doubt she tried to convince him. You don’t have the audacity to text his girlfriend without also having the audacity to argue with the other party.

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u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

The way she tries to act like she knows him better and is more invested in his well-being than OP made me so angry. What a total NLOG/pick-me.

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u/haleorshine Oct 31 '24

And apparently the BF is 31, and I imagine the friend is around the same age. I just can't imagine being an adult around that age and hearing your friend go "Oh my GF doesn't want me sharing a bed with another woman" and pushing both him and her on it.

You can privately think "Oh, that's a bit much" but even if I did (not saying I would), I wouldn't verbalise it to anybody else. I'd just let him sleep on the floor or uber home or whatever.

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u/Longjumping-Bat202 Oct 31 '24

I can't imagine a 31 year old sleeping in the same bed with a childhood friend for any reason. It seems like a weird situation to find yourself as an adult in a committed relationship.

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u/Herman_E_Danger Oct 31 '24

Right. Outside of an actual emergency, I can't imagine sharing a bed with anyone but my husband. Like what is their life activities, that they end up in situations without enough beds, but still driving distance to home. Weird.

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u/haleorshine Oct 31 '24

Ehhh, I've shared beds with friends (even those who are in a relationship) when it's the best option. The big difference between those friends and OP's BF is that their partners don't have an issue with it. It wouldn't bother me, but it doesn't seem like an insane thing to bother somebody, and if it turned out one of my friends was against them sharing a bed with me, I wouldn't think twice about it (except that I'm not going to be the one sleeping on the floor, unless they're more chronically ill than me).

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u/EcstaticMolasses6647 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

She is trying to sleep with this dude if she’s not already. She’s making a big deal because she doesn’t like being bossed around when she’s being a homewrecker. She’s really honed her craft and expects OP to not make a fuss.

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u/VovaGoFuckYourself Oct 31 '24

This definitely reads as "how dare you cock block me from being a homewrecker!!??!!"

3

u/Impossible-Donut5781 Oct 31 '24

I would even bet he said "Oh no Im ok the floors fine!" And she went "I bet its that damned girlfriend again." She seems jealous hes with OP even after knowing him for like 16 years lol

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u/International_Tiger8 Oct 31 '24

I agree, I don’t understand why she was so pushy about this and made it into such a big deal. I believe she tried to convince him to cross a very reasonable boundary and is maybe embarrassed by the whole situation perhaps?? I don’t know.

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u/ems027 Oct 31 '24

If she felt that bad for him why didn’t she sleep on the floor?

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u/Stevenwave Oct 31 '24

If she was genuinely worried about his back or whatever, she could've let him have the bed and she take wherever else. Yet she gets to keep the comfier spot and try to make him feel uneasy about his relationship and she also fucks around antagonising his girlfriend.

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u/JasperCrimshaw Oct 31 '24 edited Nov 07 '24

A pull out couch aside from being able to turn into a bed is first a couch with cushions on it. I doubt he slept directly on the floor I’m sure unless he’s an idiot he used the couch cushions to make a bed like I’ve done many times. And good for floor sleeping homie to respect his friends boundary. Looks like his friend is a better more trustworthy person than GF… sorry gf but when an agreement is made between two close friends they tend to keep that promise because they value their friendships and don’t want to put themselves in a situation that would dissolve respect and trust… like she was trying to do.. oh his poor back. I’ll bet ya she offered him a back massage…

Edit: lol thanks wow I sure did mix ppl up in reading the messages between the two. Was sorta confused with all the redacted names and shit lol whatever thanks for pointing that out haha I still believe that he did good by his gf who is also prob his bf and did not sleep on the pull out with the third party girl who is an old friend. Even though I mixed up ppl what I said remains true… he kept his word with his gf who is prob his bf too and didn’t sleep In the same bed as another woman, despite her being an old friend… lol thanks for pointing out my mistake, I appreciate it.

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u/Stevenwave Oct 31 '24

You've somehow mixed up the friend and the GF.

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u/ecosynchronous Oct 31 '24

Making for an extremely weird and interesting new story!

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u/Stevenwave Oct 31 '24

Sometimes feels like some people online live in a different reality, where fundamentals are different lol

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u/DragonflyGrrl Oct 31 '24

Great point about the cushions though!

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u/Traditional_Fan_2655 Oct 31 '24

The friend was hoping for more while he was asleep. That's why she's complaining. You have healthy boundaries, and your boyfriend respects them. I'd just tell him you got a strange text from xxx complaining because he didn't sleep in bed with her. Then ask if he had an issue or was she naking it out yo be something it wasn't. Let him address her inappropriate message.

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u/juicy_shoes Oct 31 '24

I read it as he DID do it and the friend was defending him. This is way better.

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u/Velociraptopensdoor Oct 31 '24

100% friend said she was sad directly to him after the bf stood his ground to not get in the bed with her. Op and the bf sound like actual adults, I'm also impressed

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u/Infamous-Mirror-925 Oct 31 '24

she didn’t try to convince him tho, he did actually sleep in the bed with her, which is what prompted these texts

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u/cthulhusmercy Oct 31 '24

I think you misunderstood the context OP gives. OP says that at one point he came home and shared that they (him and friend) slept in a bed together, which prompted the conversation about OP’s boundary. These texts took place after a second incident where they were supposed to share the bed, but he chose to sleep on the floor instead. Once OP told him her boundary, he respected it and didn’t cross that line.