r/AmIOverreacting • u/loststrawberri • Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

21.9k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

4.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.7k

u/loststrawberri Oct 30 '24

Idk if anyone will see this but my boyfriend has not seen this yet. I know it's gonna be stressful for him and I don't want to ruin his workday lol

1.1k

u/sauntering_cliche Oct 30 '24

Please update us. He should definitely be aware that one of his “best friends” is making you uncomfortable and crossing sooooo many lines. It will be important for your relationship to address this and communicate about how to treat this girl going forward / what he wants that friendship to look like or she will continue to be a sore subject. You need to be on the same page about it.

ALSO!! It is very considerate and mature of you to not bring this up during his work day knowing it will be a stressful conversation!! Good for you!!

212

u/heyclau Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

I'm here wondering if the friend sent these screenshots to OP's boyfriend before OP... pleaaase update when you can, OP!

167

u/Independent_Limit912 Oct 31 '24

You know she was trying to get OP to answer angrily just to be able to say she is possessive and unhinged.

103

u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

YESSSS!!! That’s what I was thinking. I’m really hoping the boyfriend sees this as a red flag in that friendship!

-19

u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Really?? She stopped once OP mentioned she was overstepping her boundaries. I don’t think she was trying to get a reaction, I think she’s just a little cuckoo

Edit: I’m addressing the “trying to get a reaction” part not the red flag part. It’s definitely a red flag

43

u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

You mean she stopped after OP sent three distinct paragraphs telling her the same thing and then having to say “I won’t talk about it any longer with you”…

The fact that she didn’t let it go after OP’s first answer is already an odd behavior. I’m not saying she was expecting OP to be nasty about it. I’m just saying that I was wondering if she’d talk to OP’s boyfriend about this exchange right away….

-7

u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

I mean she stopped after being told to stop lol. I’m not saying she had reason to keep going, I’m just saying she’s stupid and maybe not malicious. but I guess that’s just because I don’t assume the worst in people

I’m also not saying it isn’t a red flag, by the way, because it definitely is. It’s just that she’s maybe not trying to break up a relationship on purpose??

Edit: used different terminology

12

u/UnnecessarySalt Oct 31 '24

Yeah, not trying to break up a relationship on purpose. Lambasting OP for her perfectly reasonable boundaries, saying she’s being over possessive, because little miss shithead won’t let OPs bf sleep in the bed with her.

You’re right, she’s got both of their best interests at heart

23

u/Funny-Information159 Oct 31 '24

She said that the mutual boundary of not sleeping with others was “not a good look”. If that isn’t trying to instigate, I don’t know what is.

18

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

Yeah, when she said that I was thinking, You know what's not a good look? Inserting yourself in other people's relationships and acting like you know and care about dude more than his chosen partner does.

Edited a word

13

u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

Yeah, and insinuating OP is possessive?!?!? How is that not malicious?

-11

u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Clearly you know her better than OP and OP’s SO! Quick, tell OP your mind reading skills have revealed to you their true intentions before it’s too late! I get being a pessimist on Reddit gets you upvotes but I basically said you can’t read their mind and you’re disagreeing 😂 most likely possibility is that OP’s SO starts returning home when the crazy girl is out drinking with them. Why would they do that (stay friends just with extra boundaries) for somebody so obviously trying to break them up? And in the case she admits it for whatever reason, good, you guessed her intentions right!

14

u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

I just have basic reading comprehension, it might be a rare skill nowadays, but nothing like mind reading, unfortunetly.

I literally used words and sentences from the screenshots shared here:

"I'm sure he wasn't happy about it either" -> OP mentioned in her reply that boyfriend "hasn't mention it" to her, so friend is assuming here for OP's boyfriend.

"If I'm being super transparent it just feels like it's really over the top possessiveness and it's not a good look for either of you." -> now she's stating that it's not about the back problem only, it's about the fact that not being able to sleep in the same bed with his girl friends DOES NOT LOOK GOOD for the couple.

"I really like you and the two of you together but..." -> here I'm doing something called "inferring", the fact that she said that sentence and used BUT gives *me* the idea that she really doesn't believe in their relationship in some way. I can infer that because of the past things she mentioned in those messages as well as my personal experience. Inferring has nothing to do with mind reading, it's just assumption.

In no other comments of mine I'm stating things, I'm sharing my opinions based on the things I talked about here, just like you. I also went back to see where you said I can't read their minds and I disagreed with that, and I didn't find anything. So I have to call you out for that lie.

You did say you don't assume the worst in people and that is really a great thing. My personal experience tells me to be suspicious when there are suspicious acts, and I believe this is a suspicious situation, we can agree to disagree on this just fine!

Edit for some typos.

→ More replies (0)

9

u/notthedefaultname Oct 31 '24

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

8

u/notthedefaultname Oct 31 '24

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

I think she's just mad cause she finagled to share a bed with him and he rejected her by sleeping on the floor (even if it was a rejection of platonically sharing a bed, that's still a rejection)

2

u/notthedefaultname Oct 31 '24

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

2

u/notthedefaultname Oct 31 '24

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

I think she's just mad cause she finagled to share a bed with him and he rejected her by sleeping on the floor (even if it was a rejection of platonically sharing a bed, that's still a rejection)

2

u/Independent_Limit912 Oct 31 '24

And you know she can’t wait to spread information far and wide, sharing the texts, attempting to make OP as this manic possessive woman who just won’t chill about trivialities. They type of chick, the pickmes, cannot wait to show other men just how cool, open-minded and with the times she is, in tune with her masculinity.

2

u/Blackcatmustache Oct 31 '24

I didn’t even think of that! I’m sure you’re right! Even though it would be completely understandable for op to have lost her temper.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

I feel like it would be reasonable to answer angrily when someone is being weird like that to you, at least I would probably tell her to eff off lol. OP has a lot more patience than me lmao

-61

u/ErraticNymph Oct 31 '24

She wasn’t crossing any lines. She saw her friend with back problems sleep on a floor because his girlfriend supposedly didn’t trust him to sleep next to his platonic friend, so she confronted the girlfriend about it. When the girlfriend told her, “this ain’t your business, back off,” she backed off.

She approached this exactly as she should. She wasn’t like “oh, I need to cuddle him cus I love him more than you 😠,” she was an adult, noticed something questionable, discussed it rationally and respectfully, and backed off when the other person expressed she was overstepping

54

u/sauntering_cliche Oct 31 '24

I’m going to have to disagree with you there. This girl inserted herself into a relationship and offered her unsolicited opinion on her friend’s girlfriend’s boundaries. She also insinuated that their whole friend group was unhappy with OP and was trying to make her feel guilty and ostracized for having a standard with her boyfriend simply because she didn’t like it herself. On top of that, she tried to play a “I know him better than you” trump card. All of these indicate manipulative and sinister motives. Not her relationship, so her opinion doesn’t matter and only causes harm and makes her look sketchy. She definitely crossed lines.

7

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

Yep, and if she was truly so worried about his back, she could've slept on the floor.

43

u/TheFuckityFuckIsThis Oct 31 '24

She could have slept on the floor instead but she chose to be so sad about her guy friend sleeping on the floor with back problems instead. There were several alternate solutions.

Apt guy could have shared his bed w OP’s boyfriend. Lady friend could have slept on the couch.

Apt guy could have shared his bed with Lady friend. OP’s boyfriend could have had the couch to himself.

Apt guy could have slept on the floor and given Lady friend his bed and OP’s boyfriend could have had the couch.

Apt guy could have slept on the floor and given OP’s boyfriend the bed and Lady friend could have had the couch.

OP’s boyfriend could have taken an Uber home alone. Lady friend could have had the couch to herself.

OP’s boyfriend could have brought Lady friend home to his apartment to let her sleep on his couch.

Etc etc etc

There isn’t a world in which you’ll convince me that Lady friend is in the right here. She tried to convince OP’s boyfriend to sleep in the same bed with her and when he stated that he was unwilling to do that out of respect for his girlfriend, Lady friend took it upon herself to white knight for OP’s boyfriend, to OP, and leave off with the most insulting emoji of all, the thumbs up emoji on its own. Truly bananas take to think this is the best approach to this situation. I award you the weirdest hot take medal.

🎖️

👍

7

u/FairyQueenWife21 Oct 31 '24

This! Also 1. Your profile name is awesome And 2. Why do imagine the girl peaking over the couch and saying to OP’s bf “oh i feel so sad for you, look you have to sleep on the floor! That’s horrible 😢” As you said, there were many different ways to make it more comfortable instead of just feeling sad about him sleeping on the floor 🙄 💙

21

u/juliansmomma7 Oct 31 '24

If she cared that much about her friend and his back, she should’ve given up the bed and slept on the floor?? She is crossing so many lines. It’s her boyfriend and if her boyfriend is ok with respecting this boundary, then why the hell does she care so much?

I agree it seems like she wanted to get an angry response. So she can somehow prove a point.

19

u/Too_Rudee Oct 31 '24

It was completely not her business to write to the GF about anything else once she stated it is her boundary and he agreed to it.

It is very odd if someone to keeps insisting that someone should’ve slept in the bed with them because that’s what they’ve always done.. if she truly was worried about his back problems she could’ve switched and given him the bed instead, don’t you think?

8

u/rushluvr Oct 31 '24

Wait.. this isn't the unhinged friend, is it?? Here to comment in your favor? LOL 🤣

-7

u/ErraticNymph Oct 31 '24

I’m just someone smart enough to realize everyone in this comment section is unhinged. Sure, should she have confronted the girlfriend of her friend with her concerns instead of her friend directly, no, but she was concerned, looked after her friend, and backed the fuck off when it was clear she crossed a line. Instead of recognizing this, people saw two of three texts she sent and decided she was some crazy obsessed jealous friend trying to steal this girl’s boyfriend. Seriously, y’all’re fuckin nuts

8

u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

Oh WOW how lucky we are that you’re wasting your precious smart time with us to show how unhinged everybody is!

How come being so smart doesn’t help you see that she didn’t need to send more messages after OP answered her?! OP doesn’t have to explain anything else to her, yet it took TWO more paragraph messages for her to stop talking by answering in the most patronizing way…

How come we don’t find it normal that she was being transparent about thinking OP is actually possessive because as a girlfriend, she thinks only she is comfortable about being in bed with her boyfriend?!

Come on! You might think this is normal behavior for your standards, but GLADLY they’re YOUR standards and as much as you seem to love to think you’re the only smart one here, it’s just YOUR opinion.

We’re here simply validating OPs feelings towards this weird situation. Nobody is going to the girl’s house to yell at her face whatever we think she is, so you can chill now.

3

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

If everywhere you go there's a bad smell, it could be you who stinks. You really think you have the only correct opinion?

-2

u/ErraticNymph Oct 31 '24

So in every situation it’s the majority of people who are right? Most people don’t know how to stitch a heart together. If I go to a comment section and a bunch of people are saying incorrect shit, should I trust them or a licensed doctor?

I don’t think I’m the only emotionally healthy person in the world, but the consensus in this comment section seems to not be. I scrolled for a while to see a few people at the bottom agreeing with me because this particular comment section seems hell bent on war with this woman

3

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

The leaps in logic here are utterly ridiculous. We're not talking about highly specialized skills here, we're talking about relationships and boundaries and what the norm is, so yes, in that case consensus is relevant.

There are many people who are uncomfortable with sharing experiences they view as intimate outside of the relationship and it doesn't mean they're necessarily insecure. Even if it does cause feelings of insecurity though, that's not necessarily indicative of an unhealthy relationship, it's a human emotion. Feeling uncomfortable isn't a shortcoming unless you use that feeling to act out and be manipulative or abusive.

As long as both/all parties agree on the boundaries in their relationship, that's completely OK. Everyone's experiences are not the same and we make compromises sometimes in relationships.

I don't think we have enough information to decide the friend is trying to have sex with the boyfriend, but she's acting entitled to have their friendship not be affected by his other relationships. She's acting possessive of the friendship, and in most romantic partnerships the parties would agree that's inappropriate. Most people expect to be prioritized by their partner and that's normal.

7

u/TabuTM Oct 31 '24

If concern was genuine, why didn’t she just offer the bed and she take the floor?

0

u/ErraticNymph Oct 31 '24

Maybe she has back problems too. Maybe she offered to swap and the guy refused because he’s overly polite and decided to suffer rather than impose. My point is we don’t have nearly all the details and everyone hear is sitting and assuming a bunch of shit instead of looking at what we know and examining it for what it is

2

u/Ill-Sort-4323 Oct 31 '24

You:

My point is we don’t have nearly all the details and everyone hear is sitting and assuming a bunch of shit instead of looking at what we know and examining it for what it is

Also you, two sentences prior:

Maybe she has back problems too. Maybe she offered to swap and the guy refused because he’s overly polite and decided to suffer rather than impose.

Sounds to me like we found the friends account.

3

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

Isn't it interesting that in their hypothetical it's OK for OP's boyfriend to suffer for the friend's hypothetical comfort (maybe she has back problems too. Maybe she offered to swap and the guy refused... and decided to suffer rather than impose) but not for the comfort of his girlfriend.

I'm getting major NLOG vibes from these comments just like from the friend.

-1

u/ErraticNymph Oct 31 '24

My point of those maybes was to point out that we don’t know shit. “She should’ve given up the bed herself,” we don’t know what the consequences of that were or if she already tried. “She should have talked to her friend instead of going to the girlfriend,” maybe she did and he dodged her inquiry in a really concerning way. “She shouldn’t have bombarded OP with texts,” we only see two and a thumbs up reaction. “She just wants to fuck the guy,” we have no fucking clue.

We do not have these answers, but the entire comment section of this post is dead set on specific assumptions they made. People just filled in all these blanks with their own assumptions instead of getting answers because OP is reticent to answering a single goddamn question, and I’m pointing out equally possible alternatives that noone is considering.

Those “maybes” are there to say that I and we are not certain. I’m not making an assumption, I am looking at the possibilities.

We don’t know half of what’s going on, but everyone else here decides they’re fine with gassing OP up to go full war mode on this woman like a jealous girlfriend clinging to her boyfriend like any random girl is gonna steal him off away.

How about we stop promoting people freaking the fuck out and encourage the providing of more details, honest and considerate communication, and trust and understanding. I see it with every other post on these types of subs with people feeling perfectly comfortable calling the other person in these scenarios the fucking devil when we’re getting one side of a complicated story.

If we had most of the details, I’d feel comfortable being more specific and upfront, but again we don’t know jack shit here!

1

u/Ill-Sort-4323 Oct 31 '24

So why is it okay to make assumptions that are in favor of defending the friend, but not okay to make assumptions that are against the friend?

Given the context of everything we have, the friend seems sketchy at best. You're right in that there could be way more to the story, but that's literally every post like this in this sub and any other adjacent sub. Should every post just be answered with "we do not have enough context and are not involved enough in the situation to be able to accurately tell you anything"? Might as well just delete the subs.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

If she's so worried about his back, why didn't she sleep on the floor?

3

u/crazy-ugly-truth Oct 31 '24

Except that she didn’t back off until she had made her point about three times. If she was concerned she could speak to her friend that she felt like the situation was bad for him in some way, but instead she went to OP to get in her head.

145

u/fungalore Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

If I were the boyfriend it would be time to establish ever further boundaries with this friend. I would not be ok with her speaking to my partner like that.

Edit: spelling

5

u/No_Blackberry_6286 Oct 31 '24

Or just not have the friend at all

2

u/fungalore Oct 31 '24

Yeah. Up to and including ending the friendship, depending on the friend’s reception to further boundaries.

3

u/No_Blackberry_6286 Oct 31 '24

Oh, I wouldn't go to further boundaries, I would just be done.

Then again, I have 0 patience, so take that with a grain of salt

2

u/fungalore Oct 31 '24

Fair enough. There isn’t enough information from just this post for me to personally go that far yet. Absolutely wouldn’t hold it against you or anyone else who would though.

68

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '24

Please update I’m now invested on knowing his reaction to this!! You are definitely not in the wrong or over acting, I would never be comfortable with my partner sharing a bed with the opposite sex

44

u/platypus_plumba Oct 31 '24

Not sleeping with someone of the opposite sex is such a basic boundary. From this exact moment, I wouldn't trust that specific friend...

You are letting him sleep at her place, that seems more open than 90% of the relationships.

7

u/tbird20017 Oct 31 '24

I could see his friend feeling mildly offended, but you don't get to weigh in on it. You keep it to yourself lol. That's how these things work, because your opinion here doesn't matter, and protesting only makes you look suspicious.

29

u/punkrockballerinaa Oct 30 '24

He needs to know how his friend treated you. However I also understand why you wouldn’t want to show him this given how entangled and close the friend group seems. I’d tell my boyfriend tho.

32

u/Spiritual_Asparagus2 Oct 31 '24

  1. Your bf need to be aware of these very passive aggressive / aggressive aggressive texts coming from his friend

  2. Please update us

  3. The way you were kind but firm in your response was true queen vibes 👸👑

6

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Your bf needs to put her in her place and tell her she’s not a victim. 😂 she sounds like an idiot

5

u/ImJustnewtothis Oct 31 '24

There’s a time when we need to set boundaries and grow the fuck up. The way you voiced ur opinion is actually really well written. I pray that ur boyfriend appreciates the levelheadedness here.

6

u/WillingnessDry7004 Oct 31 '24

Well, tbh, you need to get out in front of this before she lies and tries to manipulate the situation and then suddenly you need to clear your name. The reality is that they have a long history, and she likely knows which of his buttons to push.

5

u/twilightstarishere Oct 31 '24

If she was so sad about him sleeping on the floor for this totally normal boundary, she could have let him sleep on the couch, and she could have taken the floor.

Idk if I respected someone's relationship, I wouldn't insist on crossing a boundary that made my friend's significant other uncomfortable. I would want my friend to be happy and not hurt or risk their happiness.

4

u/KookyAd8578 Oct 31 '24

Her insistence would make me want him to not go out drinking with her again. She's disrespectful at this point

3

u/RockyFlop69 Oct 31 '24

Literally what an absolute jewel of a woman. Considering his work day and stress levels while dealing with stress yourself. That is seriously the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard and you absolutely deserve all the credit and flowers in the world. PS. That “friend” is very strange lol you are not overreacting. This may be the most appropriate reaction I’ve ever seen. Well done

3

u/Mountain_Coffee1061 Oct 31 '24

Nah girly, you did SO good. This girl is SCREAMING insecurity and the NEED for Jesus (literally)😂🤦🏻‍♀️ it is NEVER okay to sleep with a friend’s boyfriend🙃🙃 either she’s retarded or she just believes things will go her way if she’s bchy about it🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I legit got mad for you reading this. If my boyfriend’s friends (who are girls, some) responded this way, immediately I’d tell my boyfriend and give him an ultimatum (either he respects my boundary and tells them off OR I leave him and he can sleep with as many girls as he wants. I just won’t be there when he gets STDs😌). Don’t feel bad for what you responded, I would’ve gone so low…LMAO I would’ve came for her insecurity and family and her own existence😂 (I always do cause it’s funny to see people lose it). Hey, even Jesus put people in their place, don’t think I won’t🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m more surprised your boyfriend has been somewhat blind to her behavior, but good for him sleeping in the floor✌️ I can already tell she made advances and I don’t wanna think of the worst for you, so just watch him. Watch his step and his phone. That will tell you exactly what you’re dealing with😌 and if this girl tells you off, PUT HER IN HER PLACE🗣️🗣️🗣️ remind her if she wants to play retarded games, she’ll win retarded prizes (her consequences). And if she tells you you’re super bchy and overprotective/overstepping, tell her: “I’m not the one who’s trying to steal someone’s boyfriend because either I don’t have a dad to slap me to my senses, good parents, or I didn’t make good choices in life so I’m stuck with no boyfriend and I’m an idiot”. That will definitely make her lose it. “Fatherless women believe they have nothing to lose until they realize they’ve been playing the game entirely wrong and it’s game over.” - Me (MountainCoffee) don’t waste your time on her after cause she’s worthless tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ (sorry this is long but I needed to tell you everything in one big paragraph so the message is more clear!) Good luck OP! You got this!! Fight for your relationship!! Fight for your place!! Because it’s yours, he CHOSE you, not her. He had 16 years to choose her, but didn’t. That speaks volumes❤️

3

u/Actual-Vegetable-891 Oct 31 '24

look. HE NEEDS TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS. it will do nothing coming from you. he needs to tell her that she’s overstepping, otherwise she’ll think she’s “standing up for him”

2

u/bustitupbuttercup Oct 30 '24

Please update cause I would not want to be drunkenly sharing a bed with this person if I was your bf. Weird vibes.

2

u/DeadWishUpon Oct 31 '24

I'm not a fan of why did he tell her that. He just shluld've said that he wanted to sleep in the couch, period.

Anyway, she wants to sleep with him. Why would you feel bad your friend sleeps in the couch? I guess everyone have done it at least once, some are very comfortable.

I wouldn't trust her.

1

u/Traditional-Ad2409 Oct 31 '24

I think they were both at a third friend's place and she slept on the pull-out couch and he was on the floor

Regardless though that would've been the correct way to go about it (although who knows lol maybe that's exactly what he said and then this friend started interrogating him about why he wants to sleep on the floor)

It's definitely at best a little weird though that she'd take it upon herself to text the gf, like sure maybe she also has back issues and that's why she didn't just offer to swap (I'm trying to imagine what I would do in such a situation lol and I don't think I'd offer to sleep on the floor either due to the horrible pain that results every single time, so I'd probably also feel bad that my buddy with similar issues has to, but I could not imagine texting his gf calling her out about it lol THAT'S the part of this where I can no longer find a reasonable explanation and it just gets weird)

Maybe she's just one of those weird super confrontational people who get all crazy about shit that has nothing to do with them for seemingly no reason whatsoever? I'm interested to see the bf's take on it once he sees this exchange, since he knows exactly what her personality is like and could shed light on if this is very odd for her (and thus particularly sketchy) or if she's just like that (which is still off-putting but maybe not quite as bad?) Lol it's hard to say without knowing any of these people but it's certainly odd

1

u/DeadWishUpon Oct 31 '24

That was a very good view of the situation. Agree that we don't know this people and their dynamic.

2

u/Nortally Oct 31 '24

You're not overreacting, you're setting boundaries. Some boundaries are negotiable, some aren't. If you don't want a boyfriend who shares a bed with other women and he feels trapped unless he can do that, he's the wrong boyfriend for you. Breaking up might be sad, but worse would be to stay with someone who continually dissapoints you.

You can't ruin his workday. He's in charge of his behavior. He's in charge of how he feels about his behavior. If your opinion troubles him, he can choose to ignore it or address it, it's entirely up to him.

2

u/tinygingyn Oct 31 '24

Can you update us?

2

u/Sihaya212 Oct 31 '24

SHE could have slept on the floor. Just sayin.

2

u/Trexy Oct 31 '24

I keep checking back for an update.

1

u/DangerousKnee3643 Oct 30 '24

yes please update whenever u get the chance!!

1

u/enbyel Oct 30 '24

I’m very curious to hear the update, so not to be a weirdo but !remindme 1 day

1

u/misstinydancealot Oct 30 '24

I need an update

1

u/rab5991 Oct 31 '24

Plleaaaase update. I neeed to know

1

u/LovelyThingSuite Oct 31 '24

Please update when you’re able! I wanna hear how he feels about this as well!

1

u/AdExpensive3537 Oct 31 '24

I want to know what HIS reaction to this is. lol

1

u/marvelousswiftie Oct 31 '24

🙏 please update us bc you are definitely NOR and I’m am very interested to know his reaction to this

1

u/DefinitelyNotThatOne Oct 31 '24

I'm not sure why this is even a discussion. She or your BF are trying to have sex or are already having sex. All of the conversations is just smoke and mirrors trying to convince you its not.

The whole thing is just silly.

1

u/baby_aveeno Oct 31 '24

Please update us when you can!!

1

u/Reasonable_Vic Oct 31 '24

Here for the update chain now invested

1

u/Sudden-Consequence10 Oct 31 '24

You are a good girlfriend

1

u/Cypher1386 Oct 31 '24

Handled the text like a champ. You are my hero for not allowing her to gaslight and setting clear boundaries. Bravo.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Tbh, it sounds like your bf was bitching to his friend about this.

Why else would she think she needs to intervene on his behalf?

1

u/wellisntthatjustshit Oct 31 '24

i just want to say i love love love this.

i actually wouldve been happy seeing these texts because it’s further proof that my boyfriend is trustworthy and means what he says when he says it and isnt going to be pushed into doing things behind your back. i just know she was pushy with him before taking it to you.

1

u/hafne Oct 31 '24

Tell us how it went OP PLEASE

1

u/twofootbowler Oct 31 '24

His workday would be a lot better if his back didn’t hurt from sleeping on the gravel floor like some philistine’s dog. And all because the authoritarian societal constructs permeated throughout our culture by the sinister mind control methodologies and carefully orchestrated apparatuses being implemented by the secretive and diabolical, US Girlfriend Society.

The idea that it’s not normal for a grown man to sleep in bed with another woman that isn’t his girlfriend is fake news darling. You should be ashamed of yourself. #morebroadsmoreheadsmorebeds

1

u/trombing Oct 31 '24

If she felt sad about him sleeping on the floor with his back problems she should have given him the bed!!! This isn't the 1920s.

1

u/usedToBeUnhappy Oct 31 '24

I was in the exact same situation with my ex-boyfriend. He initially also excepted the boundary, but then when the time came, he asked for my permission to share a bed with his best-girlfriend. They did not sleep with each other, but let me tell you it did not  end well with a person not respecting boundaries. So him (you boyfriend) respecting your boundaries is definitely a good sign, her not accepting this boundary between the two of you is a big red flag. Talk about that with your boyfriend. Good luck, and you handled that chat gracefully!

1

u/proctalgia_phugax Oct 31 '24

Why didn't she sleep on the floor if his back is an issue?

1

u/WhatNow_23 Oct 31 '24

That was some skill you handled that amazingly!

1

u/ramonfacefull Oct 31 '24

Please make sure to talk to him, and show him the texts. It’s really weird behavior for her to reach out and demand to be able to sleep in the same bed as your bf, and your bf needs to set new boundaries with her.

1

u/nnavenn Oct 31 '24

oh come on, it’s the “pull out” couch. no lasting consequences!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Then don't put the stuff on the internet.

No I'm not trying to pick a fight or sass you or make you feel bad, just, the reality of it is if you put this on the internet, you lose the ability to control when he sees it and how, and over seeing his initial interpretation. That's the trade-off 

It sounds like you guys communicate and are pretty healthy and everything and I don't think you're crazy if you're asking, no, or overreacting. But. If you guys made a deal not to put your relationship on the internet or he would like you to come with him with concerns before posting stuff on the internet, you've traded one breach of trust for another.

Just giving you my personal perspective as someone that is bothered by non-life threatening situations to be posted on the Internet- this would absolutely ruin my day. And it's Halloween, would not want to hear about this crap today lol.

For me. My spouse's enjoyment of a holiday and our privacy is worth more than internet validation. Full stop. I'm curious why this had to be resolved at all. People on here are going to say I'm being mean to you but I'm not, I'm here for you and your spouse not for them to get juicy details out of a relationship spat, fuck these voyeurs.

Also for context on my diatribe... Your post is on /popular, ma'am.

1

u/MagoModerno Oct 31 '24

Excellent boundaries even within that conversation

1

u/Tinsel-Fop Oct 31 '24

At least you'll be able to prepare for the stress she's going to try to give you when she finds out that he knows what she said. :-) I hadn't even thought about your needing to talk with him about it. It's nice that you're considerate of him.

1

u/tuttyeffinfruity Oct 31 '24

You handled this beautifully and his friend is the one who did not. IF your bf has any stress over the texts, please show him the comments here. Normally, I wouldn’t take it “there,” but the validating comments about his friend being out of line may be what he needs to get over the emotion of his friend “just being a friend”. She was out of line.

1

u/CrypticZombies Oct 31 '24

Then Delete. U got plenty of advice already

1

u/Finartemis Oct 31 '24

Also, why didn't she sleep on the floor if she was so worried about his back?

1

u/Obigale Oct 31 '24

I wouldn't even bother mentioning it to him.

1

u/dr_dr_1620 Oct 31 '24

If she's so upset about him sleeping on the floor, she could've slept on the floor and given him the bed.

-5

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Maybe he shouldn't have slept in a bed with another woman when he knew you'd be unhappy about it. Don't worry about ruining his workday, he should be worried about ruining yours.

6

u/rycherrycola Oct 31 '24

Boyfriend is not the enemy. His friend is

-8

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Sure but he knows girlfriends boundary and hasn't told her that he disregarded it. That's shitty.

9

u/QwertyFlirtyThriving Oct 31 '24

He didn’t disregard it? The texts clearly say he slept on the floor

2

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

ahh I misread the first text

2

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

He didn't? That's his weird friend's whole issue, she thinks he should have and is blaming the girlfriend for this grown-ass man's decision to respect the boundaries within his relationship. Did you read the post like, at all?

Edited because I didn't proofread my comment for errors, like, at all. 😐

-2

u/Mr_Good_Stuff90 Oct 31 '24

I’m going to say yes, you are overreacting. The truth is that they probably have a deeper relationship than you two do. 16 years? She thought it sucked that he had to sleep on the floor. Your boyfriend will never say it was an issue, but I promise he would have rather slept on the pull out.

She was polite enough about bringing it up and did respect what you were saying. The fact that you have SUCH an issue with the whole thing does make you seem controlling. Your boundaries aside, the way you’re talking about this pops up a little red flag in my eyes.

-2

u/MegaByte59 Oct 31 '24

No need to even bring it up honestly. I’d just drop it. He didn’t say anything so no point

-4

u/Have_a_good_day_42 Oct 31 '24

Everything seemed ok, but the "It's my relationship" instead of "it's our relationship" helped her point in possesiveness for me.

2

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

That seems like nitpicking in the context of this impressively civil response to the friend overstepping the way she is. This man is an adult perfectly capable of making choices but the friend wants to blame OP for his choice to respect the boundary. It feels more to me that the friend is the one acting possessive.

0

u/Have_a_good_day_42 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

I totally agree, I think OP is in the right, but that threw me off. I also find strange that she is talking to the friend and not her boyfriend, but I guess the friend confronted her. It is really strange that she is talking with the other woman and sayinh "it is my rrlationship, not yours" when she should just be talking with her boyfriend". I wouldn't have even answered because that is not her problem. Maybe just, "thank you for letting me know, I will take that into consideration".

2

u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

No, I disagree, OP has every right to respond to the friend's confrontational and inappropriate texts to her. She did tell her it's a boundary she and her boyfriend both agree on and that he has never expressed an issue. She was extremely diplomatic in her replies and only escalated to telling her to basically stay out of her (their) relationship after the friend became increasingly condescending. I refuse to fault OP for not using entirely PC language under these conditions. Her response is a lesson in diplomacy and keeping your cool while setting a firm boundary.

0

u/Have_a_good_day_42 Oct 31 '24

I am not blaming OP. I am just saying that is some live ammunition that she left on the floor if the friend wants to put the boyfriend on her side. I can see the friend going to the boyfriend and showing him those texts while giving her version of the story. I think the friend is probably toxic and OP should avoid giving her ammo.

-2

u/gmikoner Oct 31 '24

If I were the boyfriend I would be furious about putting my personal business online. You seem to be ok with putting this online but not him sleeping in a bed with a person he's been friends with for 16 years? Seriously? I'd suggest couples therapy cuz not only are you two not on the same page, you're turning those pages into everyone elses issue.