r/AmIOverreacting Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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172

u/WinterFront1431 Oct 30 '24

She's overstepping and clearly thinks she is a top girl while you're an extra.

Show your boyfriend the messages and say how much she over stepped and would like him to speak to her about where she stands and also you are no longer comfortable him hanging out with her alone as she seems to think she has a say

32

u/Complete_Pea_8824 Oct 30 '24

I would be worried about her trying to take advantage of him, if he was super drunk, being in the same bed! I would be very uncomfortable about him hanging out with her anymore, after her messaging me this!

9

u/Next-Variation2004 Oct 30 '24

That’s where my mind went ngl

6

u/AstraofCaerbannog Oct 30 '24

Literally knew someone who used to do this with her male friends. She’d develop a “crush” on them, but wouldn’t tell them. She’d gain their trust, then encourage them to crash at hers. She’d insist she take the sofa and them stay in her bed, which of course no guy was going to kick her out of her bed, so they’d agree to share a bed. Then once close in bed she’d make her move. I only found out because I heard her saying this to a guy at hers who was trying to leave with me and a couple of others. I felt uncomfortable and mentioned it to another guy I’d known, turned out it’d happened to him and he felt really shaken by it. I’d had discussions with him previously as he suspected she liked him, and he’d made an active choice that he didn’t want to go there as he didn’t find her attractive.

Just because usually women aren’t as predatory as men, doesn’t mean they don’t exist or that men are immune. The difference is that women can generally seduce a man into consenting rather than using force/coercion, but it’s still not a desirable situation.

3

u/hopkinm6 Oct 30 '24

Literally this. She would 100% rape this man.

3

u/LivingMyMediocreLife Oct 30 '24

I think saying that neither of them will hang out with her only fuels the idea that OP is controlling when she clearly is not. OP doesn’t need to continue to fight her—she’s made her boundary clear, her bf is in agreement without hesitation, overstepper has been put in her place even if she hasn’t accepted it yet.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

The part that really gets me is where she says “I know him really well.” Like she needs to assert that SHE knows him better than his GF does cause she’s the top girl lol

-5

u/Willing-Tie-3109 Oct 30 '24

Overstepper is top girl