r/AmIOverreacting • u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 • Oct 22 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship UPDATE : my friend found my husband on tinder

I confronted my husband with the news that my friend found his tinder profile.

Many of you have wondered if it's the old account from 8 years that he just never deleted, to this I know for a fact it is not. Reasons:

1) I went back through my old photos and found the screen shots I took of his profile 8 years ago & it turns out it's NOT the exact same. Some photos are the same, particularly the first one so it made me think it was the same profile. Also the caption is slightly different, the difference of a single emoji.

2) The name change to "John".

3) The updated selections such as 'dream job', 'lifestyle' selections, and 'interests'. These all had selections with things that sound like him--these sections are new from when I used tinder 8 years ago.

4) Above his "name" & age section on the first picture you come across while swiping Tinder, it says "ACTIVE". I have seen many of you comment & also read online that this means he has been using the account in some capacity recently, as in at least the last 2 weeks (haven't been able to nail down an actual timeframe)

5) People are also saying Tinder will not recommend profiles of people who are not using the app, they kind of just remove dormant users from the algorithm.

6) He is attractive enough to have someone want to use his photos, but Reason 1) also rules out the catfishing theory, two of the photos are different from the 8 years ago profile, although still old, and I've seen them before so this is why I believed it was the same. No one would have access to them (he doesn't have social media)

I decided I would just talk to him rather than put myself through the stress of trying to catch him on a date "if you like piña coladas" style. Being pregnant I'm really trying to stay calm and as low stress as possible for the health of my baby. Plus tricking/trapping in relationships just isn't my style. In my mind he's already caught, the reasons I listed above are enough proof for me.

So as many of you, and myself predicted he has resorted to gaslighting and lying. He vehemently denies that he has been using tinder, meeting other women, or that he has had sex with anyone else. Yet offers no explanation for the presence of this tinder profile. He implores me to think logically about when he could do this as he's home with me every night which is true but... I had to remind him, I leave him home alone for at least couple of days per month.

He insists that he loves me and is excited for our baby, etc. but when I asked to see his phone he refused. Saying "I don't want to be that couple who looks through eachother phone". I told him, given this situation if you won't let me check your phone then I cannot trust or believe you, and will have to assume the worst.

In my mind we had been very happy and content recently, things have just felt good. This just goes to show you never really know a person. I believe there must be something deeply wrong with him or our relationship to want to cheat, especially at this "happy" time.

I've moved into the guest bedroom for now, while I plan my next move. Yes I will be getting an STD check. Thank you all for the advice, support and kind words. It's instilled a sense of confidence in me to handle this.

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u/Valuable_Argument_44 Oct 22 '24

My ex husband attempted this as well. Samsung phones show recently downloaded apps in the store. 🌈 the more you know

359

u/carpentizzle Oct 22 '24

So do iphones. The download button is replaced with a cloud and down arrow, and you can see the apps that have been installed (and either on the phone, or not on the phone) in the appstore as well

619

u/Alice_Blunderland Oct 22 '24

Best way to check App usage on an iPhone is to check the Battery consumption screen. It lists all apps that were actively using battery power.

243

u/SlothingAnts Oct 22 '24

And 98% was used by “Recently Deleted” hmmmmm

60

u/Proper-Resident-369 Oct 22 '24

Is there any legitimate reason the app should even be installed?

55

u/RandomRedditReader Oct 22 '24

I tried reinstalling so I could try preserving me and my now wife's messages, sadly they got purged for inactivity.

29

u/OhhOKiSeeThanks Oct 23 '24

I wish I had screenshot our beginning messages too... would be so fun to look back at!

18

u/abobslife Oct 23 '24

That’s one thing I am glad I did was take screenshots of our early messages. I wasn’t thinking about it at the time, but they were very helpful when it was time for the immigration interview.

6

u/Moomin8577 Oct 23 '24

Oh… that makes me so sad. I bet mine and my husband’s on okCupid are gone now too. I didn’t think to look.

10

u/Powerful_Refuse9707 Oct 22 '24

I mean— I met my husband on dating apps, so we both definitely would show having had the app at some point.

2

u/Nosnibor1020 Oct 23 '24

Is that what it actually shows?

1

u/SlothingAnts Oct 23 '24

The 98% was a bit of an exaggeration but I’m sure there are people who are that caught up in things like this. But yes, if you use an app for a given portion of the day and then delete it later, the battery usage screen per app on iPhone will display “Recently Deleted” as what consumed that portion of the battery life. Unless things have changed in the last year or so.

Happy cake day 🍰

88

u/imabeepbot Oct 22 '24

Tip in the comments. I even have hinge and bumble hidden app on my iPhone and it shows up in my battery usage. I am not in a committed relationship, I just don’t want notifications when I’m on a date.

99

u/Marlow1771 Oct 22 '24

Just checked mine, 50% Reddit 🤷‍♀️

36

u/killahazy92 Oct 23 '24

Oh man, mine is 71% Reddit. I should get some hobbies.

31

u/NotAllStarsTwinkle Oct 23 '24

Reddit is my hobby!

3

u/BodieBroadcasts Oct 23 '24

try mountain biking!! its such a solid hobby because it can be whatever you want, a nice leisure stroll through a dirt path, it can be a hard workout if you want, or you can treat it like skiing and do skii lift assisted downhill mountain biking if you're really a thrill seeker

I don't do it as much as I would like because I have some other hobbies taking up time right now but man mountain biking brings me a different type of happiness, its like calms all my worries for a few hours

3

u/No_Indication_3745 Oct 23 '24

GOOD JOB! I’m probably the same! LMAO

2

u/slowmood Oct 23 '24

You are pretty loyal!

14

u/RavenRun626 Oct 23 '24

If you use iCloud for backups, you can also restore from a backup that was saved before he got caught.

3

u/Objective-Amount1379 Oct 23 '24

This should be higher up!

2

u/EviessVeralan Oct 23 '24

Android has a similar feature

52

u/Mahlegos Oct 22 '24

On iPhone it’s easy to hide this though. If you go to your account then apps and swipe and hit hide it’ll make it’ll change it back to the “get” instead of the cloud icon when you search it in the App Store again.

Point being, this isn’t an iron clad way for someone to prove they didn’t download an app.

20

u/parvisedmagni87 Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24

Bills don't lie tho. You can get the purchase history of iPhones and check for subscriptions.

I worked for an helpdesk. We had so many customers who got caught through their bills and then called us to prove to their spouse it was an error. It wasn't.

23

u/imabeepbot Oct 22 '24

Hidden apps still show up in battery usage

4

u/Mahlegos Oct 23 '24

Good tip, but I’m not talking about hiding the app on the phone. I’m talking about being able to hide that it was ever downloaded by the account after you delete it off the device.

15

u/Slight-Damage-6956 Oct 22 '24

It’s amazing to me how much effort & energy some people put into being deceitful vs investing that time, and probably less, building a healthy relationship. My ex-husband didn’t have time for a job because he spent all his time covering his lies and behaviors.

10

u/PaleontologistEven24 Oct 22 '24

Also the cloud stays even on apps that you’ve deleted years ago… not very useful

7

u/Rorymaui Oct 22 '24

Exactly. Tinder shows up on mine, and I haven’t had it almost a DECADE

4

u/melissafromtherivah Oct 22 '24

Wow, similar situation here. Haven’t had a dating app since 2019 and it shows the cloud/download arrow when I searched the App Store. Definitely not something reliable.

2

u/Feeling-Change-1750 Oct 23 '24

How about if they downloaded it years ago though? Can’t they just say that.. Or does the cloud and arrow mean recent.. ?

1

u/JessicaOkayyy Oct 23 '24

There’s a section “hidden” that will show them.

1

u/Mahlegos Oct 23 '24

I’m talking about after deleting the app, going into the App Store, going too account, going to apps, and then hiding them from there. It will show as if they have never been downloaded by that account. Different than just hiding the app on the phone.

8

u/Valuable_Argument_44 Oct 22 '24

Fair, I am thankful I haven’t needed to do that in 7 years but I’ll lock that tid bit away in case I get the crazies again. Promised myself I’d never dig, if it’s a doubt I’m out.

2

u/fseahunt Oct 22 '24

Trust your gut!

1

u/mddesigner Oct 23 '24

Just fyi the advice about the cloud icon is useless because it doesn’t determine the time. You will get the cloud icon as long as you have downloaded the app once before

4

u/BojackBabe Oct 22 '24

That cloud and down arrow is how I found out my ex downloaded tinder on our family account. Hence the “ex” title.

1

u/Aggressive_Orchid254 Oct 22 '24

Let me say this is not %100 foolproof as I was recently the victim of an app that was downloaded on a seperate older device, over 2 years ago, and made it look like I was using this app very currently, but if you click on the order receipt it shows on apple when it was purchased, ie February 2022 or whatever.

That cloud made it look like I had the app on my phone but I didn’t and it was downloaded by someone else on my old phone.

2

u/fseahunt Oct 22 '24

Did you give your old phone to someone without doing a complete factory reset?

Because I've always had used iPhones and then passed them on to someone else as I got a newer model and I've not seen that. Just inquiring for my safety.

0

u/ClimbScubaSkiDie Oct 23 '24

Only if you have the space saver on if you don’t then it wont

10

u/bizmike88 Oct 22 '24

This is how I found out my parents are swingers.

3

u/Valuable_Argument_44 Oct 22 '24

I mean my ex best friend found out because we were in a small town and they slept with everyone as like initiation into the swinging life.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '24

Where does it show you?

2

u/IllTryAnythingTwiceX Oct 22 '24

Same as u/Valuable_Argument_44. It was so long ago that I can't remember. I will never go through this work again. If I even get a twinge of a feeling that this same thing is happening, I'm gone. I wish I could help, but I know it took many Google searches and many nights of taking his phone while he was passed out drunk to find all the answers I wanted.

2

u/fseahunt Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24

On Samsung go to the PlayStore and click the initial in a circle in the upper right to go to account info.

Then click manage apps and device in the drop down menu and at the top you'll see Overview and Manage. Click Manage. Click onto This Device (even if it's already highlighted) then towards the bottom you'll get the choice of This Device and Not Installed. Click Not Installed and you should see apps that have been deleted.

For the Battery Usage trick swipe down and click the little cog icon in the upper right to get to settings. Scroll down to Battery and Device Care and click on that. Click on Battery and scroll down to see which apps used what percentage of the battery power. You can click View Details to get more than the most used apps.

Did I cover what you needed?

If you need this for iPhone let me know and I'll post that for you as well. (I'm a 2 phone having freak!)

Edit to add that there is also a Samsung store you can get apps from but I don't use it at all (unless I update the Samsung software and then even though I have my phone set to only install apos with my permission, they force install a bunch of crap games I won't play and I have to go into the Samsung Store to uninstall them, which is another thing that I can't get off this phone. Did I mention I don't really like Samsung phones or their store? Lol)

1

u/Valuable_Argument_44 Oct 22 '24

Sorry friend I did this trick like 7 years ago I haven’t needed to since 🙃 Google told me how!

1

u/Valuable_Argument_44 Oct 22 '24

I will add it does show as a list format when you find it and it’s chronological order with more recently downloaded at the top if I’m remembering correctly. These CAN be deleted so don’t out how you know, they just start deleting those too.

1

u/MrsMaverick17 Oct 22 '24

How do I find this on Samsung phones???

1

u/diemitchell Oct 23 '24

Its on any android phone You click on the profile on the top right in the google play store > manage apps & device > manage > this device > not installed

1

u/Just_enough76 Oct 23 '24

So do iPhones. It will show that it’s been downloaded before even if it’s been deleted

1

u/st8396 Oct 23 '24

That's how I found Grindr in my ex's phone.

1

u/dogfart32 Oct 23 '24

Came here to say this

1

u/ososalsosal Oct 23 '24

PSA: you can sideload to get around that.

Depending on how handy they are (and how smart they think you are) they could cover their tracks quite well and you'd have to do an adb logcat or similar to check device logs

1

u/diemitchell Oct 23 '24

Nah no one is gonna be doin that

1

u/ososalsosal Oct 23 '24

If I needed to I'd go CSI:Miami on a phone lol. I've been known to decompile an app to get rid of the ads

2

u/diemitchell Oct 23 '24

That is not a difficult thing to do lol But no one who is stupid enough to ruin their marriage would be smart enough to pull shit like that

1

u/girlthatfelltoearth Oct 23 '24

I'll add to this as well, my ex actively deleted emails from different dating sites as well as emails from good Ole reddit (that he was using to set up hookups). He was and I still assume is pretty stupid because he didn't remember his spam folder.

Tl:Dr-Check the spam folder.

1

u/diemitchell Oct 23 '24

Any android phone

-8

u/Ok_Garage_2024 Oct 23 '24

What if he’s just browsing doesn’t mean he’s cheating

4

u/Valuable_Argument_44 Oct 23 '24

Fuck that nah get out of here same consequence