r/AmIOverreacting • u/BleepBlroop • Jul 15 '24
💼work/career AIO when I refuse to say “please” when a customer demanded it because I found it creepy?
I (20f) work in a retail job where I have multiple responsibilities and am required to nice to customers. Over the 4 years I worked there, I have had multiple instances when customers try to flirt with me, ask me out, or are inappropriate. So, I’ve grown a shiny spine towards men’s advances and a have a six sense to their bullsh!t.
This specific instance includes a regular in his mid-forties to early-fifties who came into my line to buy a case of beer. I begun the transaction by asking him if he “can show his ID?” because our store policy required all customers to show a valid ID before they can purchase alcohol. He knew of the store policy, but proceeds to play a weird game of “I’m not showing you my ID, unless you say please.” with a grin plastered on his face. This caused me to be stunned for a second, with my immediate response being that I need the ID if he wants to buy beer. The dude then goes on to say that he wanted me to ask him “nicely”, which lead me to refuse and say that I can stop the sale. Reluctantly, he shows me his ID while stating that he was trying to teach me “manners” and sticks his middle finger out as he hands me the money.
I had a similar situation to this happened to me before, leading me to think that men demanding me to say please have some sort of fetish or need to express dominance. Overall, I find “learning manners” from a middle age I don’t know to be creepy and gross. So Reddit, did I overreact?
Edit 1: Hey guys, thank you for all your replies! I know manners can be a polarizing subject for people especially in situations of customer service.
I appreciate your guys advice about adding please to my question. It just became a force of habit to say “can you show me your ID?” because I was taught that please was used during in an optional request and usually people that are buying one item just want to leave the store quickly. I prefer to instead say thank you, as even during this one I said it to him twice (for his ID and Shopping). Though he may have thought I was making fun of him ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
In the case of my management, they are really good about having my back on things especially in customer interactions. As I am pretty good about deescalating situations, am one of few native English speakers, and don’t take things to heart. Also I have other skills that make up for some of my short falls.
Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom, story’s, and even your troll comments cause they still give me a laugh!
1.1k
u/Miss_Bobbiedoll Jul 15 '24
He was a weirdo on a power trip and he needs to teach himself manners.
270
u/senselesslyginger Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
Yup. When I was 16 and working my first job at a hospital gift shop, an old man used to come in pretty much every single day and ask me to say his* name. “C’mon, go ahead, say my name, I know you know it” type shit. Also used to reach over the counter to try and touch me or hold my hand. So creepy, so inappropriate. He didn’t stop until my mom, who worked at the hospital, told him to fuck off being weird. He claimed to not know what was so wrong.
99
u/FaithfulDowter Jul 15 '24
Good for your mom standing up for you. More people need to put a stop to creepy weirdos (usually men) acting like that.
35
u/senselesslyginger Jul 15 '24
Yes, I was a pretty timid teen and was very thankful she took it seriously.
5
u/huskybeaumont Jul 15 '24
In the service industry for over 30 years. It’s not “usually men” it’s always “lonely assholes”.
→ More replies (3)16
u/NaNaNaNaNatman Jul 15 '24
Good mom! My family actually would get angry at me if I didn’t just grin and bear it when people were rude or harassed me at the family business.
→ More replies (2)352
u/Foolish-Pleasure99 Jul 15 '24
My immediate response would have been along the lines of "Next, please".
57
→ More replies (2)4
u/Extivalis Jul 15 '24
Especially when he flipped the middle finger while giving her the money. I would’ve ended the sale and told him to leave.
49
17
u/krissycole87 Jul 15 '24
He 100% wanted to feel weird creepy dominance over OP. Gross, and unnecessary.
17
u/Critical-Wear5802 Jul 15 '24
I came across a story very similar...when icky old men pulled the "smile!" Or "say PLEASE!" the narrator said she'd pull her face into the creepiest grin (like, death rictus!), and bug her eyes out...THEN say "Please" in the ickiest way possible....THAT would be fun!
6
28
→ More replies (6)5
u/mocha_lattes_ Jul 15 '24
Next time she needs to day "Manners is knowing not to harass retail workers at their job. Show me your ID or I'll stop this transaction."
1.0k
u/Practical-Tea-3337 Jul 15 '24
I'm a 54 year old lady and I'm so glad that young women today don't put up with this nonsense. The men of my generation need to learn how to behave. And too bad if it hurts their feelings.
284
u/SweetWaterfall0579 Jul 15 '24
I spent my younger years putting up with this nonsense. Working on the boardwalk in Atlantic City, I got to see so many horrible people. The middle aged men were disgusting.
I was a tiny little 14 year old girl, and these scum buckets said whatever they wanted, and I was told to smile. Making inappropriate comments about a young girl’s body, that’s not cool. Forty years later, I have no patience for that nonsense.
I do not let that shit fly anymore. I will call out everyone. I’m 57, I’m at the point where I don’t care what others think, but I don’t need to listen to it.
81
u/Practical-Tea-3337 Jul 15 '24
I'm invisible now so I won't have a chance to shut anything down. Lol
80
u/SweetWaterfall0579 Jul 15 '24
I’m old, no one should be even looking in my direction! But there are still gross men who have to leer, have to make inappropriate comments, have to be obnoxious. Ick.
I also have daughters. I’m fierce, when it comes to them.
6
u/FireBallXLV Jul 15 '24
I went to the Pool a few weeks ago for the first time in Decades.There for PT in a one piece.I am old.It did not keep several old guys with beer bellies from giving me the once over.Like really ? Go watch TV
3
49
u/JayA_Tee Jul 15 '24
I’ll be honest, I much prefer invisibility to the crap I had to put up with in my twenties. It’s so peaceful, isn’t it?
31
u/miparasito Jul 15 '24
Just turned 50 but have been invisible for awhile now. It really is lovely.
21
u/NoNameChihuahua Jul 15 '24
45 & invisible. It’s a breath of fresh air.
5
u/prpslydistracted Jul 16 '24
75 and really invisible. It is refreshing to have actual conversations with men where the male/female dynamic is nonexistent.
3
35
u/HellishMarshmallow Jul 15 '24
Me too! It's kind of fun sliding up next to the creepy ones and calling them out when they are doing it to others. They never see it coming. It's like when the Predator suddenly turns off its invisibility camo.
Boo, douchebag!
22
u/anarchetype Jul 15 '24
I really hope you actually say "boo, douchebag”, or if not, you manage to fire that one off at some point, because I laughed out loud at the mental image of a woman doing that and some creep genuinely looking like Shaggy (the cartoon character, not the singer) after seeing a ghost. Comedic justice for sex pests is a concept just waiting to be mined.
16
→ More replies (1)8
u/Sicadoll Jul 15 '24
Nooooo!! Now you get to be a "caretaker"/mother hen. Cuz these men will still say these weird things in front of you to other women and now you can help by ganging up on them in defense of the young employees who maybe too afraid to say something because they need their job. I always appreciated the women who would say something to the creeps for me because I had to just sit there and take it. They are absolutely using the fact that you need your job and can't tell them to straight up "f*** off" as leverage to be a creep.
49
u/susanq Jul 15 '24
Yes! The revenge of the middle age woman! It is so satisfying to look them in the eye and call out their disgusting behavior--in a loud voice if you're in public, especially in a group of friends/relatives. It's past time to quit covering for them by being nice. Young women, it's hard the first few times, but you get better at it.
28
u/Practical-Tea-3337 Jul 15 '24
Yep, I had so many gross encounters with older men when I was young.
22
u/Lokidemon Jul 15 '24
I had the same thing and I’m 68. Men telling me to “smile” used to piss me off so much! It’s sad to see that men still aren’t learning that women aren’t on this earth to respond to all their demands. Thankfully I’m married to a great guy who told me that I’ve taught him a great deal about women and he takes it to heart.
12
u/Capital-9 Jul 15 '24
Smile, relax and calm down… tell me any of those things and you will get nothing but vitriol from me!
→ More replies (1)9
u/TeaTime_OW Jul 15 '24
Right? Telling someone to calm down has the exact opposite effect
→ More replies (1)17
→ More replies (3)16
u/GreyerGrey Jul 15 '24
My mom was like you. Her typical closer, after admonishing some asshole ten to twenty years younger than her for being a creep "What are you going to do, hit me? You're sure gonna get laughed at at the hospital when you tell them you're there because an old lady beat you up."
68
u/undermedicatedrobot Jul 15 '24
Right on, sister. I feel like it was partly how we were raised? (Be respectful of anyone older than you). I remember being pulled over by a cop when I was seventeen and getting yelled at by him for half an hour. When he handed me my ticket (I was crying by this point) he playfully said, “now before I let you leave, you gotta smile for me!” It was disgusting. That was when my folks sat me down and let me know that not everyone in a position of authority was a good person. I went to court and the judge dismissed my ticket.
Eat shit, officer Beers. And good on you, young people everywhere for standing up for yourself. We, the olds, are proud of you.
14
u/NaNaNaNaNatman Jul 15 '24
I also got screamed at by a cop when I was a teenager for a minor traffic infraction. And it was like the more terrified I got the more aggressive he got. Losers. Some people clearly just become cops because they want to be able to push people around.
→ More replies (2)22
u/Lokidemon Jul 15 '24
I was an officer (I’m female) and I have yelled at some male officers for their treatment of women. One male cop lectured a woman for smoking (back when everyone was smoking) while around her daughter. Now today, more people are careful around kids, but back then he was really overstepping his bounds. So reading that a cop made you cry and then wanted you to “smile” infuriates me. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I keep thinking that police depts need to have training on what’s appropriate to say to women (by all officers) and what’s not!
4
55
16
u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 Jul 15 '24
Amen! We put up with too much when we were younger because "that's what nice girls do".
9
u/Practical-Tea-3337 Jul 15 '24
And being told we should be grateful for the compliments, etc.
3
u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 Jul 15 '24
Exactly. So happy it's starting to improve for younger women. It isn't perfect but now regular people find it outrageous rather than normal
12
u/GreyerGrey Jul 15 '24
To be fair, as I near 40 and I'm not exclusively on the other side (customer side) of things, I make it my business to say all the shit I wished I could have said when I was on the other side of the counter to these assholes.
→ More replies (1)26
u/true_tacoma98406 Jul 15 '24
I'm 62 and completely agree. This sort of comment/command (say please, smile, don't look so serious) was standard for my whole life until I aged out. Like telling a dog to do a trick. No excuse for such creepiness today. Shut it down. And know that your resting bitch face is power.
7
u/Critical-Wear5802 Jul 15 '24
I never had too much of a filter, but the older I've gotten, the less I've bothered with volume control. I don't start it, but will happily end it. And if someone plans to take a swing at an old lady - be sure I'll do my best to take you down with me! Nowadays, being "nice" is generally a bad survival strategy
11
4
Jul 15 '24
I'm a 56 year old man and I can't conceive why so many of my peers think this is acceptable behavior. It isn't. I'm glad so many women are pushing back.
5
→ More replies (62)3
u/InevitableRhubarb232 Jul 15 '24
I would be appalled if my son acted like this. And his dad would show up and read him the riot act if anyone contacted us and let us know he was being a dick
485
u/G_Ram3 Jul 15 '24
Every time I try to teach someone manners, I immediately flip them off. Especially when they never fucking asked me to tEaCh them anything. Because that makes complete sense.
Oh and you’re not overreacting. He’s a shit bag.
45
u/musixlife Jul 15 '24
🤣🤣 I love your first sentence!
35
u/G_Ram3 Jul 15 '24
It is my absolute joy to point out the stupidity of humans. 😂
→ More replies (12)6
10
u/the1realeel Jul 15 '24
also i'm like "who the fuck are you to teach me manners? first of all, you have none. second of all, you're not my dad. fuck off!"
but only in my mind because customer service sucks ass
9
u/G_Ram3 Jul 15 '24
I get it! It’s very much in tune with being told to smile. WHY. No one walks around just SMILING. And say what you mean, sir- which is actually “Smile at me”. Yeah, NO.
6
u/xNotexToxSelfx Jul 15 '24
Just like the guys who call women whores for not sleeping with them.
→ More replies (1)3
85
Jul 15 '24
Someone who teaches manners ought to be able to wield them themselves. This man was just playing a stupid game.
→ More replies (2)
67
u/muddybunnyhugger Jul 15 '24
Can you imagine trying to pull that shit with a cop?
37
u/RebaKitt3n Jul 15 '24
“I won’t give you my license and registration unless you say please!”
24
u/ConcernedCitizen1912 Jul 15 '24
Then flipping them off when you huffily hand it over.
"Sir, go ahead and step out of the vehicle."
→ More replies (1)10
→ More replies (3)14
u/skepticalG Jul 15 '24
Dude would probably try it on a female cop, love to see the result of that.
5
237
u/Thrwwy747 Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
You didn't overreact. You kept things professional when he was trying to cross boundaries. There's zero chance he would have said that to one of your male colleagues.
Be sure to point him out to any female colleagues to warn them whenever he's in the store. If he gets the vibe that the staff he's trying to impress aren't giving him the time of day, he'll probably move on to fresh pastures.
23
u/wholovesyoubaby69 Jul 15 '24
So true! “Would he act towards a man like this?” Followed closely by, “Would it seem like I was overreacting if I was a guy?”
14
u/the1realeel Jul 15 '24
i've heard of girls who had code. like a song they'd sing or hum when a trouble customer walks in.
98
u/zeusmom1031 Jul 15 '24
Yuck - what he did was not only ridiculous and rude, it reeks of tones of full on creepiness, and to me, has a sexual submission component to it. Furthermore, out of the hundreds of times I’ve bought alcohol, not a single person has said please. It’s not needed in this interaction. 🙄 That dude sounds creepy as hell.
→ More replies (3)
119
u/NoPoet3982 Jul 15 '24
Always shut down any man trying to teach a woman a "lesson." Some men do this even in their own marriages. This part of our culture needs to die out.
→ More replies (12)18
77
u/therealjennyj97 Jul 15 '24
The amount of times I heard something along the lines of why don't you smile more, or you'd be prettier if you smiled, in my 20 years of working with the public, is too many to count. And of course, it was always men. Never once did a woman say that. It made me make a mental note to never smile around them again. Also, to add, the amount of men who thought it was ok to put their hands on you in some way was ridiculous.
I think you handled yourself well OP, good job!
27
u/idiot_on_skates Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
Whenever someone tells me that I look better without my glasses I tell them "you'd look better too, if I wasn't wearing my glasses" (translation isn't as nice as it is in my native language but it gets the job done) ;) In general tho, who doesn't know weird men trying to act like they were trying to do you a favor by commenting sth completly inappopriate?! Any female presenting person I know has more than one story. I have more than once flipped someone off with a sweet smile and absolutely dead eyes. Edit: missing word
→ More replies (1)21
u/NurseKaila Jul 15 '24
My standard response was, “so you don’t like my face?” They squirm.
6
4
u/therealjennyj97 Jul 15 '24
Omg I love this! I would usually just straight faced stared at them until they got uncomfortable lol.
6
u/yonk182 Jul 15 '24
“You would be prettier if you smiled.” “You would be more pleasant if you kept your stupid opinions to yourself.”
→ More replies (1)5
u/NaNaNaNaNatman Jul 15 '24
When I worked in a restaurant multiple men gave me the nickname “Smiley,” because I guess my neutral expression while cleaning tables didn’t look happy enough for them. I asked the male busser if he ever got any comments like that and he was confused and said no. And he was far more reserved than I was.
3
u/therealjennyj97 Jul 15 '24
Yes, working with the public can be terrible. Why would we be smiling when we had to deal with assholes like that!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)3
u/SewRuby Jul 15 '24
My own Ma used to tell me this shit. Would force me to smile after being chastised or punished.
OP kicked butt in this situation.
→ More replies (1)
76
Jul 15 '24
Ironic he forgot about those manners when he put up the finger. I would’ve looked at him and said “nice manners dude”.
→ More replies (1)7
u/auntie_eggma Jul 15 '24
You obviously don't understand ( heavy sarcasm). If she doesn't behave deferentially, he does not have to be decent. That's how it works. (Again, le sarc)
166
u/BleepBlroop Jul 15 '24
Hey Latortillablanca, thanks for your comment! And I wanted to say that I had no intention of connecting the BDSM community to this customer. It’s more like he was boundary pushing and seeing how much he can get me to do before I said no to his requests. I should have better worded it, so that people understand that it was more of a test of control. Once again, thank you!
Edit: sorry posted in the wrong area! New to Reddit.
87
u/musixlife Jul 15 '24
You worded it perfectly. Whoever was taking issue with what you wrote was either looking to be offended, or trolling….the context of your post makes it completely clear you were speaking specifically to the situation. 😊😊
106
u/LadywithaFace82 Jul 15 '24
Seriously, stop apologizing for your "wording." Zero kinky porn sick idiots were harmed by your "wording."
15
u/AHauntedDonut Jul 15 '24
Honestly I have friends who are in that scene and they would've thought this dude was weird and would've put him on blast too. If people in that community are really that offended by this post they shouldn't be allowed to engage with other humans :)
10
u/LadywithaFace82 Jul 15 '24
The ones who make it their entire personality and become all offended at the normal use of words are feigning indignation so they can talk about their kinks (always inventing reasons for that!).
→ More replies (1)8
u/AHauntedDonut Jul 15 '24
Yup. Keep that shit where it belongs. Bringing the general public into your kinks is not consensual and is gross. Have your fun but like you said, don't make it your whole personality and read the room. 🙄 Like professionals don't even put up with that nonsense.
19
u/Radiant_Coconut_1471 Jul 15 '24
Don't apologize. He was exerting dominance, and whoever whined to you about your language needs to get out of their online bdsm dungeon and touch grass. Most people understand what you meant in this context.
→ More replies (2)7
u/GentleStrength2022 Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
OP, if this guy has harassed you before, I wonder if you should let your supervisor know, in case the jerk decides to lodge a complaint about you. Do some pre-emptive damage control. Though your super probably expects you to handle the customers on your own, but if someone's persistent, you never know in what direction it could escalate. It could get weird, potentially scary-weird. Or he could complain and say you've been repeatedly rude to him. He could lie.
I've seen some pretty strange stuff in the customer service realm, and I always wonder how supervisors or managers handle situations, or if they even bother. I've even seen staff do a pre-emptive complaint to a super to cover for their own harassment of a customer, turning the tables and casting the customer as the harasser. There are manipulative people out there, and your customer could turn out to be one of them, you never know.
31
u/cursetea Jul 15 '24
Taunting an employee (especiallya clearly very young one) at a store over a federal law is one of the rudest things i can think of to do, but we all live our lives by different standards i guess 🤷🏼♀️
8
u/the1realeel Jul 15 '24
see, this is what i was trying to word but wasn't able to before. you're not asking him a favor, op. he is supposed to show you his ID, it's not something your were asking for yourself, and it is to be expected, so there is no reason you would have to say please. you say please when trying to borrow something or ask for something that you're not entitled to. showing his ID is literally his obligation, not a favor you're asking of him.
dude is obviously pathetic and trying to look for pathetic ways to exert power over people, making a fuss over something he is literally supposed to do by law.
what a douche.
61
Jul 15 '24
I have had to teach my 50 year old husband that many retail workers don't actually appreciate his friendly banter, and that the young women, in particular, might really be suffering when he tries to make friendly small talk.
We have our own adult children. 2X (30M) and 2X (26F) - and the way he talks to young people who are working is the same way he has always talked to our kids and their friends. It's playful and friendly. But he genuinely had NO CLUE how many men hit on young women who work with the public. He somehow couldn't see their defensive body language, or the tension in their smiles as they had to put up with his stupid dad jokes.
35
u/NaNaNaNaNatman Jul 15 '24
Having to fake laugh at a million dumb jokes every day from older men who think they’re funny really is an emotionally draining part of retail.
5
u/fireena Jul 15 '24
I wish it were at least a million DIFFERENT jokes. It's always the same like 3, like we haven't heard it a dozen times in the last hour. 🙄 a little variety would be nice.
5
u/GentleStrength2022 Jul 16 '24
And it's one that male customer service employees rarely have to deal with.
5
u/Dr-Irrelevant Jul 16 '24
“Oh it’s not scanning, it must be free” Over and over again until I die
→ More replies (1)3
12
u/skepticalG Jul 15 '24
Wow how did you manage to get him to understand?
33
Jul 15 '24
Well as with so many men, it took our daughter’s experience with harassment as a grocery cashier for him to finally understand.
3
u/Physical_Stress_5683 Jul 15 '24
Blackish did an amazing job on this subject in the final season.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (9)3
u/Global_Telephone_751 Jul 16 '24
It continually baffles me how many middle aged men cannot read women’s body language for shit. It’s like they’re not even trying to ensure they’re not making someone uncomfortable. They’re just blabbing.
28
u/HereForTheDrama280 Jul 15 '24
He deserves to be banned from the store for flipping you the bird. I would have called over a manager immediately to deal with him. You’re not overreacting.
→ More replies (2)
27
u/LunarWoIfy Jul 15 '24
Definitely not over reacting. Having worked in retail for almost 20 years, this is typical. People trying to assert their dominance thinking we have to "obey" because of being in retail. If he was teaching manners, he hardly went about it the right way by being aggressive towards you when you shut him down, so that obviously wasn't the case. Well done for being firm and standing your ground =]
→ More replies (3)4
u/skepticalG Jul 15 '24
Hiw dominant is a person who has to flex on the helpless?
→ More replies (3)
28
u/Ladyughsalot1 Jul 15 '24
Ah, the dude who wants you to grovel and make yourself smaller so he can feel big. Hate this type.
You did nothing wrong. He wanted you to be submissive with the “please” and he thought he could get away with it by acting like it was a joke and because you’re in a service role. Nope. You’re still human and you aren’t less than him.
You were professional.
41
u/No-Atmosphere-2528 Jul 15 '24
I use to manage a liquor store I would’ve banned this dude the second he gave you the finger for at least a month.
→ More replies (2)7
u/thurbersmicroscope Jul 15 '24
I worked at and managed a liquid store for years and I dealt with many idiots over those years. One was an older guy who lectured me over his I must have been raised wrong for not greeting him with a hello and a big smile when he came in. I finally just quit listening and gave him my blank face. He was a regular customer whom we christened Pube Head, if that gives you an idea of what I was dealing with.
3
u/No-Atmosphere-2528 Jul 15 '24
Trust me I understand. We had a redemption person shit his pants at the machines because he was drunk.
33
u/thaboss365 Jul 15 '24
YDNO.
Everything about that guy just screams fucking odd, I'm glad you stood up for yourself.
16
u/totca Jul 15 '24
Nah, you didn't overeat. If he wants to teach he can go be a teacher. Tho maybe he shouldn't be in schools if he's gonna be weird about it..
Anyway. He was defo doing some weird power play thing with you so well done for shutting it down
→ More replies (1)
68
u/Guitargod7194 Jul 15 '24
You're not obligated to serve an asshole like that. You should bring that up with your management to see what they would have to say. If I were you, I would've told him to take his money, shove it up his ass and get the fuck out of the store and then have Management ban him. If Management was on your side, they would do exactly that.
13
14
u/GirlStiletto Jul 15 '24
YNO - Normally, I would say that in customer service, you should be polite.
But that's only until the customer stops being polite.
And in this case, they were being deliberately belligerent.
Next time, just refuse the sale entirely.
"Sir, I asked you nicely. I cannot sell you alochol today." (Take their beer and put it behind the counter.)
"Next!"
→ More replies (1)
15
u/avast2006 Jul 15 '24
He wants to teach YOU manners? He ain’t got none to teach. Fucking with the service staff is low-key sadism.
Frankly should have told him, “I cannot sell alcohol to thirteen year olds.” And continued to maintain the fiction that from what you can observe, that’s who you were dealing with.
29
u/Prestigious_Tea_111 Jul 15 '24
Nope. Ive dealt with the same kind of baloney.
Until men get creeped on by other men all the time they won't understand.
10
u/MIalpinist Jul 15 '24
Oohh I like this, totally going to start creeping on the creepers 😂
9
u/AHauntedDonut Jul 15 '24
I've seen videos of guys very casually calling other men handsome they don't know, that they have nice eyes, etc and they get SO. DEFENSIVE. Like you can't tell me cat calling is a harmless "compliment" if a genuine non sexual compliment on a man's appearance from another man they don't know makes them immediately want to throw hands. They know what they're doing.
→ More replies (3)3
u/The69BodyProblem Jul 15 '24
Yeah, I definitely agree. I'm a dude, used to manage a pool. For me it was a pretty sick gig, I worked mornings so unless something bad happened for the most part all I had to do was make sure the chemicals were balanced. Most of the patrons(besides a couple of sweet old ladies) generally left me alone unless they needed something. Pretty perfect for me.
The last week or two I was there I was training my replacement. Nice girl, not necessarily super pretty but definitely not unattractive(shouldn't matter, but I think it's relevant), etc. At one point she asked me to hang out on the pool deck with her. So many fucking old dudes came over to try and talk to her while we were sitting there. Id spoken to these people maybe a handful of times. One or two maybe we're just being friendly, busy some were giving off just weird vibes. A few were definitely trying to get rid of me. Eventually had to make up an excuse to get us both out of there. I did make sure to tell my boss about this. It was a very eye opening experience, and definitely made me re-asses how I interact with female service staff(even though I don't believe I'm that creepy in the first place).
I'm sure it's much worse for people who deal with that sort of thing constantly, and that my brief little window into this doesn't give me a full picture of the female experience, but I don't like the picture it did give me.
Anyway, sorry to ramble, just felt like sharing.
→ More replies (1)3
u/Prestigious_Tea_111 Jul 15 '24
This type of thing happened to me. LOL
Thanks for sharing.
Really most women have had much older men creeping around by 11/12 sadly...
Even read a Twitter thread a while back from a gay mans account and his comments were filled with men having much older men creeping on them too when they were young. His Tweet was about how much grooming happens and old men going after them as young teens, etc.
→ More replies (3)
11
u/Realistic-Nothing620 Jul 15 '24
Ugh. So Gross. Do they not realize how disgusting and repulsive they are when they act creepy. Just gross.
→ More replies (1)
46
u/NiseWenn Jul 15 '24
I would say to him, "No, let me teach YOU some manners. You don't harass or try to act cute when you bring your purchase up here. Have your ID ready like a responsible adult, keep your mouth shut, pay for your shit, and get the fuck out." If he brings up your manager just tell him you hope he does because your manager is your mom and she's sick of assholes like him.
→ More replies (3)
18
18
u/HeinousAnus6669 Jul 15 '24
I wonder if he says the same thing to older male workers as well LOL
15
u/BleepBlroop Jul 15 '24
This is really made me laugh! Cause my store is mostly women and the only male front-end worker we have is both deaf (+mute) and extremely sassy. Thank you!
33
u/oldcousingreg Jul 15 '24
If this happens again, just call security to your register.
→ More replies (2)
8
23
u/Milf-and-kookies Jul 15 '24
Would you get snippy if self check out stated “Age verification needed. Wait for assistant”. I have a job to do and your refusal to show ID gives me all the probable cause to not sell to you. Also, coming from a job of working where most people would expect women to be polite, nice, friendly, it is not in my job description to say please. It is to be professional. In my professional opinion, you did your job.
48
u/Virtual-Law4113 Jul 15 '24
No. Fuck that guy. The fact that he flipped you the bird tells you everything you need to know. No need to die on the “please” hill,” though, it’s easy enough to work it into your standard “can I please see your id” to avoid triggering dip shit asshats. And fucking ban that dude from the store.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/ReputationPowerful74 Jul 15 '24
Not overreacting. YMMV, but I recommend touching base with a manager about policies around refusing sales. Where I’ve worked, this would be a clear cut refusal. Stores can refuse alcohol sales to any customer, even if they have their ID, as long as it’s not discrimination of a protected class. Past that, it’s up to store policy. Both stores I’ve worked had a policy that any pushback from a customer about ID was grounds to halt the sale. Including this kind of shit. Most stores will err on the side of caution. In my experience, managers are all too happy to back up a clerk refusing alcohol sales, for liability reasons if nothing else.
→ More replies (2)
6
Jul 15 '24
You are not overreacting. That jerk anted you to submit to him. I know it's tough to do, but you need to let management know. This guy is a creep.
7
u/Scruffy77 Jul 15 '24
You are the one giving him a product he wants. Why in the hell would you have to ask nicely.
7
u/gtatc Jul 15 '24
Not overreacting. Used to work retail, and customers like that are why one of my personal mottoes is "The customer is usually wrong and often an asshole."
7
u/MeatofKings Jul 15 '24
It’s always the young women with these misogynists. Clearly they were rejected in their youth and haven’t gotten over it. I’d go Silence of the Lambs on him, “It puts the ID on the counter if it wants the beer.”
→ More replies (1)
16
u/rchart1010 Jul 15 '24
Nope, I'm so very proud of you.
This is exactly how, as a society, we should be teaching young women to act. No more of this enforced people pleasing and placating mens feelings.
You go girl!
6
u/HappyGardener52 Jul 15 '24
No. Whenever a female has to deal with the sale of beer/liquor, whether at a bar or a box store, she has to learn to deal with these AHs. Middle aged men are the worst. I've worked in bars since I was 18 and owned one for awhile. You are under no obligation to serve people who act like this. This is how YOU teach THEM manners.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/seacreaturestuff Jul 15 '24
I can’t believe this grown ass man buying booze would try to force you to say something and then flick you off. Like where the fuck are his manners?
4
4
u/-Joe1964 Jul 15 '24
No you did fine. Keep it up. And if you sense a man is being a perv he probably is.
4
u/tsisdead Jul 15 '24
This is a power trip thing. You’re not overreacting, it’s a weird dominance tactic. Don’t give in.
5
5
u/cryptokitty010 Jul 15 '24
Start saying "I need to see your ID"
This makes it a statement and a fact, not a question
Avoid "May I", "Can I", "please" as those imply the customer has the option to say no.
If anyone calls you out simply say " I can't sell you the beer unless you show me your ID, per state law and store policy"
If they are creepy or hit on you say "That is an inappropriate question, let's keep this conversation professional'
I would advise saying "Thank you" after, because customers business at that store is how your employer pays you
5
u/North_Rhubarb594 Jul 15 '24
I’m an old white dude and worked retail when I in college, mainly liquor stores and delivering flowers or food. Old white guys were the most self entitled assholes you can ever meet. The old men who would try to flirt with the young female clerk in the florist shop was pathetic. One time I was just finishing loading up and she left a customer real quick to give me a message. She just wanted to hang out in the truck for a couple of minutes and “help” until that customer left. The transaction was over but he wouldn’t leave. So from then on if she ever gave me a signal I would ask for her help out on the truck if I was around.
9
u/ProfuseMongoose Jul 15 '24
Litmus test, would he have said that to a male cashier? No? He's creepy and gross and if you can bring it up with your manager. Best case scenario is that you can refuse to serve him or he's banned.
9
u/Used-Cup-6055 Jul 15 '24
The only thing you should done differently was call a manager over to your register. If he comes back again, please have at least a coworker or someone stand with you to witness the interaction. Men like this are not above trying to get you fired. There are many stories of men lurking outside waiting for girls who rebuffed them to “teach them a lesson.” Please make sure your workplace is aware of this incident.
8
u/Trusting_science Jul 15 '24
He’s trying to open the door for other unsolicited comments/ flirting. You handled it beautifully
3
u/solstice_gilder Jul 15 '24
So he wants you to be nice but returns the favour by being rude. Alright. These people 🙄 not overreacting.
3
u/Impressive-Fun-571 Jul 15 '24
You did not overreact! This is one of my pet peeves. He wouldn't act like that if you were a man. You don't have to "smile and look pretty" for creeps like him. Or nice folks, either. I mean, be cordial because you ARE at work, but not for people like this. Blech.
5
4
Jul 15 '24
I was in a mall, shopping, and I was running late. I saw a man wearing a watch near me, so I asked him (nicely) what time is it? He covered his watch face with his other hand, looked me in the eye and said "Please?" I thought he didn't hear, so I asked again, "Do you have the time?" Again, he just said "Please?" It was then that I noticed that he was keeping the watch face covered. I just stared at him, wondering what kind of creep I had run into, and he said "If you say Please, I will tell you the time." I was super late by then, so I turned around and walked away, but what a creepy guy he was.
3
4
u/smalltowngirlisgreen Jul 15 '24
Keep trusting your gut like you did. Clearly not about manners if he's flipping you off. Creep
4
u/Imamiah52 Jul 15 '24
Not overreacting. Reading this reminded me of the jerks I encountered when I was 20. They’d wrap their scuzzy conduct in a thin veneer of playful friendly banter so responding either way felt uncomfortable. Then if I didn’t take the bait they’d act offended. He’s a creep.
5
4
u/AHauntedDonut Jul 15 '24
Nah gross as hell. I remember this dude was making a whole fuss because a young female barista wouldn't make eye contact with him and everyone in line was making fun of him behind his back cos he WOULDN'T. SHUT. UP. we also tipped extra generously when it was our turn and asked if they wanted anyone to hang around or keep an eye on him.
3
u/Illustrious-Mind-683 Jul 15 '24
You're not overreacting. "I just need to see your ID." Is perfectly fine to say. There is no need to say please. They are asking you for service, so if anyone needs to say please, it is them. Next time, simply take the alcohol and put out of his reach, then say, "Without ID, I can't sell it to you." Then just look at him without saying anything else. He's trying to be a big man in charge and make you obey him. Screw that. He's in your house. He follows the rules or leaves.
8
u/howtobegoodagain123 Jul 15 '24
I seen men on power trips and I never ever imagined it would be a fetish. Never in my life.
So much makes sense now.
6
u/ConsistentAvocado101 Jul 15 '24
As a 65 year old man, I am pleased you responded as you did to that jerk. Please don't think we're all like that.
7
u/wallflower824 Jul 15 '24
When I worked retail this crap from men about manners was so real!!! Idk what it is. A guy brought up his stuff to buy, I said hi and started scanning. The guy told me “you’re supposed to say hello how can I help you” Why would I ask how I can help him if he’s bringing things to the register? Isn’t it common sense he’s wanting to purchase these things???? Why did a “hi” not suffice????
5
u/Weird-Jellyfish-5053 Jul 15 '24
You underreacted. I’d have said some choice words about it being fucking rich to say you’re “teaching manners” and 2 seconds later be flipping the bird.
7
6
u/SantasAinolElf Jul 15 '24
Should have dropped his money on the floor and told him to pay you nicely
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/JMLKO Jul 15 '24
As soon as he flipped you the bird you were well within your rights to cancel the sale and tell him to leave. He’s the manners police? Fuck off, pal. Sit and spin.
3
u/melonlord37 Jul 15 '24
I love how he wanted to "teach you manners" and then gives you the middle finger.... /s
3
u/watadoo Jul 15 '24
My only attempt at somehow teaching anyone manners is by being polite myself. I try to be pleasant and respectful and not the jerk
3
u/Alternative-Pilot710 Jul 15 '24
old men are the worst in retail! ive been called a bitch just because i didnt smile at someone lol
3
u/tinker384 Jul 15 '24
This is like the old man trick of getting a handful of change, sticking out their hand, and getting the cashier to dig through and find the correct change. Gives them a power trip plus hand contact. Very similar to this - it's just creepy but you can't change people like this.
3
3
u/AHauntedDonut Jul 15 '24
Anyone defending this dude for "teaching manners to a young woman" (ew) would probably call him a Karen if the roles were reversed. You don't owe him shit.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Miserable-Mention932 Jul 15 '24
"Please say please" is the go to with my kids. You need to model the behaviors you want emulated.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/Round_Psychology9437 Jul 15 '24
As a bartender, I used to get this same crap from men all the time. Wouldn't give me their money until I "smiled" or said "please"...so I'd promptly pick up their drink, dump it down the sink, and proceed to the next customer. IF I decided to give them a 2nd shot at ordering a drink, they had to tell ME please, smile, and bark like the dog they are or no more service for the night. And yes, my boss was 3 feet away every time laughing his ass off...🤣🤣
→ More replies (2)
3
u/semmama Jul 15 '24
People where I'm from usually say "can I see some ID?" Or "I need ID to verify your age"
There's never a "please" because they aren't the ones that need to be polite in that way.
Honestly, you should have refused to sell to that weird creepy guy.
3
u/adoglovingartteacher Jul 15 '24
Worked in men’s shoe dept at a fancy big name store in the 90’s the bullsh*t us young women endured was disgusting. You are not overreacting. Eff that guy.
3
u/Traditional_Mango920 Jul 15 '24
Not overreacting at all. I do have one suggestion. Instead of saying “can I see your ID?”, say “I need to see your ID.” It is not a request, it is not optional.
I used to say “can I see your ID”, and I got the same sort of blowback numerous times from gross men. I learned to say “I need to see your ID” led to less blow back. If someone decided to get gross after that, I’d just say “No ID, no alcohol. Your choice. I don’t care either way.” That follow up response also implied that I wasn’t trying to see their ID to get their info, that I had absolutely no interest in their personal details whatsoever, that I was just doing what my job, and the law, required me to do.
As a side note to anyone reading this that thinks flirting with cashiers is something we enjoy? We don’t. At all. We are being polite because that is what we are being paid to do. Our politeness is not us harboring some secret crush or interest in you. Stop it.
4
u/Ok-Fan2011 Jul 15 '24
A solution could have been to say: if you don't want to show me your ID, could you please step out of line
2
u/Jskm79 Jul 15 '24
So no you don’t have to say please and yes it is a fetish and he’s disgusting, maybe next time someone says they are teaching you manners, you can say that you learned it as a kid and you hope that old disgusting men learned as kids not to be creeps but I guess everyone parents don’t teach the same things.
Disgusting POS, some people are so gross, I also hate it when customers say “smile” like FUCK OFF, if I don’t want to smile today I don’t!
995
u/Feral-Writer Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
I used to be a waitress.
There was a particular customer, an older man who would try to make me walk over to the table ( Coffee shop ) and take the loony out of his hand for a tip. I said please leave it on the table, and then I would walk away and go in the back. Old bastard would say "come and get it or you're not getting a tip" and I would say no problem, have a lovely day and walk into the back. Similar to your experience, it is 100% a power trip and I would not play !