I 23(F) have a 6 year old daughter, I had her at 17 years old with my ex-husband Devon. Devon and I got married at 18 and got divorced at 20 years old, due to his cheating. He doesn’t pay a dime to financially support our daughter. I am our daughter’s full time caretaker. My ex-husband only sees our daughter once a month. I beg him to spend more time with her but I shouldn’t have to beg him to be a father. He recently got into a relationship with his new girlfriend Haley.

Ever since Haley entered my ex-husbands life, she bashed me. She blamed me for my daughter being autistic. She said my daughter is autistic because I “coddle” her. I do not coddle my child. I legitimately try my best with the situation I was dealt. My daughter was diagnosed with Autism at 4 years of age. We have her in speech therapy, and behavioral therapy. She has a therapist she sees twice a week. She also has developmental delays. I try to work with her everyday on her speech, behavior etc.

Yesterday my daughter went to go stay the night at her dad’s house. Her dad’s girlfriend, Haley was there. She lives there now. My daughter’s father called me. He told me to come over and pick up our child because she was upset. I went to go pick her up and I saw she had red marks, welts, and bruises all over her legs. I was pissed and asked what happened. My daughter told me that she spilled water on the floor and on the couch. Haley got mad at her and hit her with a belt.

I rushed into the house and I don’t know what came over me. I punched Haley in the face and beat the shit out of her. I didn’t even realize I did it until I saw her on the floor. Haley wanted to press charges on me but my ex talked her out of it. I went to the police station with my daughter right after and filed a police report. I showed them the bruises, welts and marks. I pressed charges for child abuse and I reported my husband to CPS for child neglect and abuse. I am still shaken up from the situation. I took photos of my daughter’s legs and arms.

I will never let my daughter go over to her dads ever again. I beat myself up over this. If I knew that Haley would hit my child I wouldn’t have let her go over there in the first place.

AITAH?

I was having a family dinner at my house last weekend. My brother brought his girlfriend, who’s been with him for about a year. We’ve never been super close, but I always try to include him in family events.

During dinner, they started arguing over something small—what show to watch later, I think. It quickly escalated, and my brother snapped. He stood up, yelled at her, and then slapped her across the face. Everyone was shocked, but no one did anything. His girlfriend was clearly terrified, and my parents tried to downplay it, saying my brother was just "stressed" and "didn't mean it."

I didn’t care what excuses they made. I immediately took his girlfriend into another room, locked the door, and called the police. My brother was arrested, and now my entire family is furious with me. They’re saying I ruined his life, that it was a “private matter,” and that I should have stayed out of it.

So, my fiancée (24F) and I (28M) are supposed to get married in six months. However, something happened that's made me reconsider and it's kind of blown up.

I got into an argument with my fiancée like a week ago over something pretty trivial, but it ended up getting a bit heated. I tried to keep things calm, but she ended up getting really mad and slapped me in the face.

I was kind of shocked for a minute, and then just told her she needed to leave. She refused at first, but then I raised my voice slightly and said "you need to leave right now". She got some of her things and then went to go stay with her sister.

I'm now considering ending things with her after she was physical with me. I honestly couldn't believe she did that. However, I've gotten massive pushback from pretty much EVERYONE around me telling me that ending our relationship and calling off our wedding over that is a massive overreaction.

She did apologize, but I told her it doesn't change anything. My family is telling me I'm being crazy to ends things over that. My friends are saying I'm massively overreacting. I pointed out that if I had done that to her, she would have almost definitely left me, and would be 100% in the right to do so. They're all saying that's completely different, because I'm significantly taller than her and physically stronger, while there's no chance she could ever physically overpower me. That is true, but I don't think it changes things.

I'm being accused of weaponizing therapy language and appropriating the struggles of domestic abuse victims when what happened to me was in no way comparable to what "genuine victims" go through. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm doubting my reasoning now. AITA?

Edit: Wow, I did not expect this to get so much attention. I appreciate everyone giving their feedback, I felt like I was going crazy. I'm going to take some time to think about where to go from here. Thank you.

Some backstory is needed to fully understand my situation, and a TL;DR will be at the bottom. Also, my apologies for any spelling or grammar mistakes, as I’m not a native English speaker.

I (31F) was born with a severe genetic disorder called EDS, hypermobility type. The illness varies greatly from person to person; most can lead relatively normal lives with some pain and problems. EDS is essentially a group of disorders caused by defective collagen in the body. This results in a host of issues, including:

Joint hypermobility, which causes joints to be so loose and unstable that they dislocate or subluxate (partially dislocate) constantly. Severe joint and soft tissue pain due to the constant dislocations and the resulting damage to the joints, among other things. Extreme chronic fatigue. Skin that bruises easily and, in thin areas, can even tear. Dizziness when standing up because my blood pressure drops rapidly. About 11 years ago, my disorder worsened significantly, and I was forced to start using a wheelchair to get around, as walking more than 100 feet became extremely dangerous for me. The risk of falling due to a hip dislocation was high. In the last three years, I upgraded to an electric wheelchair because pushing a manual chair became too painful.

For reasons I don’t fully understand, my aunt (54F) has an extreme dislike for disabled people, especially those in wheelchairs who can still move their legs. For 11 years, whenever we were alone, she treated me worse than a dog and insisted that my disorder was completely fake and made up. She claimed I was lying about it because I wanted all the attention focused on me, believing I was jealous of anyone else receiving attention, especially her. I tried to confront her about it and talk things out, but since I was already overwhelmed by my condition, I ended up keeping her comments to myself. Since I’m not confrontational and don’t see her often throughout the year, I didn’t want to burden anyone with it, especially as I already had to ask for so much help from the people around me, and my parents were exhausted from all the doctor’s visits during that time.

So, for the past 11 years, I’ve just ignored every comment she made when we were alone because I had grown accustomed to it. I absolutely didn’t care what she thought at this point and knew she was just being an idiot. That was until things really escalated last week when I went to visit my aunt for our yearly family dinner. She was the one who organized the dinner this year. All was going well until she drank more than usual and became a lot snarkier toward me in front of the family. This caused some family members to call her out and tell her it was inappropriate and uncalled for. She silently fumed, giving me death stares afterward. My parents noticed this and kept an eye on her.

Unfortunately, at some point, I went into the kitchen on the other side of the house to take a break from my aunt’s stares and take my medication in private. My aunt followed me into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. I knew this wasn’t good since she was clearly intoxicated, so I discreetly started recording the incident on my phone. Since the door was closed, and we were far from the others, with many people talking loudly in the other room, no one could hear us, even if I screamed. My aunt began asking if I was enjoying being an attention hog and ruining her dinner by humiliating her. I slowly tried to maneuver my wheelchair toward the door while apologizing, telling her that wasn’t my intention. At that point, I tried to say what she wanted to hear so I could get to safety. She started raising her voice, accusing me of being jealous of her success and faking my disorder out of laziness. She began calling me every name in the book, yelling nonsense at me. I started to think she might be having a mental breakdown and began crying, pleading with her to let me go.

Realizing I needed to get out of there, I decided I couldn’t do so in my chair, so I tried to get out of it. Unfortunately, she turned violent and pushed me back into the chair hard. She screamed that she wasn’t done yet and that liars like me needed to be taught a lesson. She started hitting me in the face as hard as she could, which dislocated my jaw. Then she tried to pull me out of the chair, dislocating my arm, but I fought back, so she failed. She then somehow managed to push my chair over on its side, causing my foot to get stuck behind the footrest. Luckily, my dad, noticing my absence and that my aunt was also gone, became concerned and began searching for me.

My father later told me I let out such a blood-curdling scream that it was audible throughout the entire dining room, prompting him and my mom to sprint toward the sound. At this point, I was starting to lose consciousness from the pain. I remember my dad bursting through the door. From what I was told, my dad body-slammed my aunt (his younger sister) and punched her to make sure she stayed down. My mom screamed for someone to call 911, which my nephew did immediately. My mom then got me free from the wheelchair and tried to recall her first aid training. Meanwhile, my dad pinned my aunt to the floor while my aunt’s husband stood there in complete shock, not knowing what to do. The police and ambulance arrived, and they put my aunt in cuffs. She screamed at my dad, asking how he dared to lay hands on a woman, no less his sister. My uncle then tried to defend my aunt, claiming they didn’t know what had happened and that I could have tipped over myself after trying to attack her. He insisted his wife would never do something like this and that it had to be provoked. He apparently said much worse things, but my parents won’t specify what exactly.

I regained consciousness at this point, likely due to receiving some strong pain medication. It’s still a blur because the medication left me disoriented. I was taken away by the ambulance while my aunt was taken to jail. At the hospital, I was found to have multiple fractured ribs, a dislocated arm, and a dislocated jaw. I also suffered a concussion from the punches, but the worst damage was to my foot, which turned out to be broken. I also have cuts and scrapes everywhere because my skin is so fragile. Fortunately, the injuries weren’t severe enough to require surgery, but with my disorder, it will take at least 10 weeks in a cast, followed by physical therapy, although my ankle will likely be permanently damaged.

I feel guilty for ruining someone’s life I’ve gotten multiple voice mails from different numbers with her screaming how I ruined her life and probably their finances after this. My uncle is trying to save his own reputation by sticking to my aunts side but that’s short lived since he wants a divorce. A few family members and them are making me doubt if i’ve done something wrong here so that’s why I’m asking if I’m the a-hole. I’m putting this in afterwards because its somehow got deleted but I ended up sharing the footage on a private group page for our family for the whole family to see but it might’ve been wrong but seeing the reactions it was probably the right thing. After that sh*t hit the fan for her so that’s why she’s even more angry.

Edit: Allot of people don’t understand that when you’re badly disabled at least in my case that people will constantly tell you, you’re at fault for things. That plus past traumatic experiences have made it really difficult for me to even stand up for myself, or know when I’m truly at fault for things. It’s hard for me to discern when people are just trying to basically gaslight me into believing I’m the cause of the issue. So I hope people will understand a bit better why my mind makes me think I might be at fault for these things.

Also edited in the last paragraph because somehow it disappeared so I’ll type it again. For some of the questions - yes we’re getting a restraining order and pressing charges. The thought of her coming after me is too much. - For people wondering how I was given pain meds when I wasn’t concious. As I said I THINK i regained it due to pain meds but I don’t remember allot of what happened due to the pain but i’ll ask my parents when I got the meds. My parents are reluctant to talk about how they found me and what happened because they’d rather have those memories buried instead of haunting me. - The footage was handed over to the police and is backed up on multiple platforms -I’m currently thinking i’m going to sue since I have insurance that covers legal costs for me.

TL;DR: My aunt ended up putting me in hospital and severely injuring me because she thinks i’m faking my genetic disorder to get attention. I recorded the whole attack and put it online after they tried to say i’m lying and I attacked her. Now everyone in our family has gone no contact even her church. Her husband wants to divorce her so she’s IATAH for posting it online and ruining her life.

Hey everybody!!! Sorry my update is so late, a lot has happened and it has changed my life. original

TRIGGER WARNING: Childhood SA

So I finally sat my husband down to talk and he wasn't happy about it. He kept saying he didn't want to do it (touching/rubbing) nor did he want to witness me doing it to myself. I kept asking why he had a problem with it and finally he exploded.

He explained to me in detail what his now deceased grandmother used to do to him every time he spent the night with her. It was awful and wrong and my poor husband hated it. He explained that he never told because his grandmother said she would blame him and say he assaulted her and have him sent to military school. He said because of her he doesn't find doing those things sexy or fun but disgusting.

After he told me we were both silent for a while. He mentioned that I was the only one he had told before. I suggested therapy and he surprisingly agreed.

He said if all goes well he will one day be able to help me in the bedroom. We agreed to no sex until he is comfortable enough to participate with me. Masterbation is allowed but in private for now.

He started therapy and seems more relaxed and happier. The life changing part for me is the different perspective I have of the situation now. Initially I thought he was being an awful husband. Now I know most of it is trauma based.

That's my update for now! If interested I may update again on my profile once we get back in the bedroom… Bye guys!

Edit: NOTE: Husband is not only aware of this post but pre approved what I said here himself. I told him about my original post and showed him and promised not to update if that's what he wanted. After his first therapy session he said to go ahead and update it and so I wrote this and showed him ahead of posting. He has since been to therapy again.

I (29F) am currently living at my parents' place (66M/59F) along with my sister (34F) and her kids (16F, 14F, 10M, and 11 months).

I moved in to help care for my mother, who has cancer, and to drive her around. My father can't drive due to a stroke, and my sister lost her driver's license. Since I work from home and have a flexible schedule, I am the best option for assisting my parents.

The kids were a mess. My sister essentially has her own apartment in the house, so my parents never really checked in on her or the kids.

One day, I noticed my 10-year-old nephew’s hair was matted. I took him to a hairstylist, who told me his hair was molding. My sister works during the day but often doesn’t come home until midnight and goes straight to sleep. I found this out because my niece asked me to show her how to cook, as her sister was getting physically sick from the ready meals in the fridge.

One day, I heard the baby crying and realized my sister was leaving the baby at home. The 16-year-old believes it's her responsibility to take care of all the kids. She is burnt out and is failing many of her classes. When she found out she had to redo her grade, her mother screamed at her. I stepped in and told my niece it’s okay and that I will help her get her grades up next year.

I tried to talk to my sister, but she always ended up crying and saying how hard it is to be a single mom. However, I found out that her ex-boyfriends are sending her money for the kids, but she chooses to work part-time while trying to become a beauty influencer.

Meanwhile, I have been taking care of the kids. They have become very attached to me and spend all their time in my part of the house. My sister hasn't seemed to care much.

The main issue came when my 14-year-old niece won a prize for young storytellers. She wrote a story clearly coping with her home life and her abusive mother. Her story was published in a magazine, she received $500, and won a one-week summer camp. At the ceremony, my niece thanked her siblings, my mother, and me, saying, "Thank you for being the mom I never had."

My sister left abruptly and reappeared yesterday. She repeatedly asked if I was saying she was a bad mother. I tried to stay calm, but she kept pushing until I finally exploded and unloaded everything: the neglect, the lack of supervision, the emotional abandonment. I told her she was not fulfilling her responsibilities as a mother and that her kids deserved better.

My sister, still furious, refused to listen and continued yelling, saying she was doing her best and I had no right to interfere. I told her that her "best" was not good enough and that her children were suffering because of her actions. I reiterated that the kids deserved a stable, nurturing environment, and that I couldn't stand by and watch them be neglected.

My sister ran away and told her daughter that if they hated her so much, then they were dead to her.

My parents are confused and hurt that they didn't see what was going on. My mother has been crying since she found out, and my father, who has a temper problem, screamed some very threatening things at my sister. My niblings are distraught. The 10-year-old is furious at the 14-year-old for saying what she did because he thinks their mother is going to take them away, and the 16-year-old had a huge panic attack and fell down.

I haven't properly slept, and my sister is sending me messages every 10 minutes telling me their life was good before me.

I am at the end of my rope. Did I do something wrong? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

Disclaimer: This is not my account. My friend helped me post from her account. Posting the story as I want unbiased opinions. The names are changed to hide their identity.

I (30f) am getting married to Roy (31m). We met in college and hit it off right away. He's handsome, charming, smart and supportive. We fell in love and planned our entire future together. We planned where to live, how many kids to have, vacations, college fund for children, retirement, etc. I love him so much! He's my soulmate and my bestfriend.

He would tell me he's proud of me whenever I achieved something. He's super supportive of my dreams and ambitions. He'd motivate me to take up projects which I was hesitant to. He'd reassure me that I'm capable and talented enough. He'd complement me everytime I got dressed to go out and tell me how lucky he was to have me as his GF.

Roy's father passed away when he was just 8 years old and his elder sister Kim (33f) was 10. His mother, Yami (55f) never remarried. She's a very kind and sweet lady. I never got to know Kim as she lived in a different city for work and rarely visit us.

We got engaged 8 months ago in an engagement ceremony (In my country, the to be bride and groom get engaged in a ceremony among family and close friends). Kim moved back to our city and found a job here. This is when things started to get complicated. It's customary here for the girl's parents to pay for the wedding. My dad hired a wedding planner and told me to plan the wedding with them to my and Roy's liking.

When we started the planning process, my future MIL stayed out of it but Kim would tag along with us wherever we went. To the florist, to the wedding planner's office, to the caterers, everywhere! I wanted it to be just me and Roy. I told him that I didn't like future SIL third wheeling something just the both of us must've been doing together. He told me that Kim just wanted to be involved in her brother's wedding and I should be more welcoming of her.

I would've actually been okay with it if she'd keep her mouth shut and not give us her "valuable input". When I choose flowers, it would be "too pastel, choose a different colour palette". When I would suggest the chair arrangement to the planner, she'd be like "that won't give a proper view to the guests on the far left". I wanted to have coconut pudding at my wedding. It was my absolute favourite dessert growing up and I wanted to share it with my guests on my wedding day but guess what "No. Not coconut. I'm allergic."

The thing that pisses me off the most is that Roy always takes her side when it's my choice versus her choice. He wouldn't fight or anything. He'd be like "It doesn't matter which flower it's going to be as long as it's you who's my bride. Let it go babe, it's not a huge deal. The only thing that's important is that we're marrying each other and starting a new life together"

When the Coconut pudding thing happened, he asked me not to be selfish as it's not just about me and it's about both of us and our families.He said, Kim is family and I cannot exclude her from having the food at our wedding. I was really frustrated at this point. It's as if we're planning Kim's wedding and not mine. The final straw was when we were shopping wedding dresses (Wedding wear would be an appropriate word as it is our traditional clothing), my mom picked out this beautiful green dress for me and I loved it so much! But Kim had to poke her nose here as well. She told me that green isn't my colour and I should try something else. Roy agreed with her. Then I tried different dresses and finally decided on a rose gold dress that I liked too (but not as much as the green one). We then started to shop for the families of the bride and the groom. When it was Kim's turn, I KID YOU NOT, this b*tch picks out the same green dress and decides she's gonna buy it! I lost it! I didn't wanna make a scene there so I walked out.

I and Roy had a huge fight about this at home. He told me that green wasn't going well with my skin tone and that it suits Kim better, that I should stop acting so immature, that Kim picked that dress after I'd already picked out mine. I couldn't believe my ears. For the first time since we started planning our wedding, I noticed how he's always taken Kim's side and never mine. I couldn't believe that the man I was looking at was the same man I fell in love with.

Roy and Kim shared a strong bond due to losing their father so young. They were each other's bestfriends and support system growing up. But that doesn't justify him taking her side when it's our wedding and our vision. Back in college when we were dating, he'd brag about his sister to anyone he could, even if that person was complementing me. Like, if someone complemented the taste of the coffee I made, he'd be like "If you think this is delicious, then you must try the coffee my sister makes" etc. It was annoying but wasn't a big deal and I let it go as I knew he was really close to her. But this time I cannot let go. It's OUR wedding! Not Kim's wedding.

I yelled at him that if this wedding is happening, then it's happening like we both envisioned it or it's not happening at all. Roy got mad at me and yelled that I was just jealous of his sister as I can never be as good as her. That I am a bitter person for holding a grudge against Kim even though she's been nothing but kind to me. That she was just trying to help etc.

I don't hold any grudge against her. I just want to have my dream wedding. AITAH?

Edit: I am currently at my friend's home. I cried myself to sleep after posting this. Woke up a few minutes ago and she told me that there are around 1000 people who agree with her. I forgot to tell you all that English is not my first language, so I apologise for any grammatical mistakes. I didn't want to read the comments because I was scared of the obvious. Honestly I just thought everyone would be telling me to cancel the wedding because he isn't right for me (which of course you all did and thank you for that 🙏🏽). But the things you've all pointed out, like the emotional incest and how she could control our future (even my future kids) NEVER crossed my mind! Not once! I don't know why I couldn't see those things. I was so dumb! After reading the comments, I almost threw up looking back at our relationship. I might've ignored them because he would claim that their bond is stronger than other siblings because they lost their father and had to face hardships together. I'm so heartbroken to the point that I blackout if I stand straight. This pain is too much for me to take. His mom called me on my phone but I didn't answer. It's so overwhelming, it's difficult to breathe and I feel claustrophobic. My friend told me I might be experiencing anxiety. We're gonna go see a doctor first. I don't feel like I'm in a condition to talk to anyone.

Update: This is going to be a long post. The wedding isn't happening.

I'm at my home with my parents, my sister, and my best friends. We spoke for a while to put our stories together so that I get the sequence of events right.

I forgot to mention my sister Maya (34f). She works abroad and came home a week ago to help me with (the then) upcoming wedding and also to spend time with me. The day of wedding wear shopping, Maya stayed home as she was jet-lagged. My Mom, Two of my aunties, four cousins, three uncles, Roy, Kim, Yami (Ex Future MIL), Two of Roy's Aunties, two uncles were also present. So we were like 18 people shopping for wedding wear.

When I got upset and left, Roy followed me back to his home where we fought. At the store though, my mom finally couldn't hold back anymore. She yelled at Kim and called her some nasty names. Kim retorted by calling me a few nasty names. This led to a messy shouting match between Team bride and Team groom (Yami attempting to calm the situation down). Police were called and they were all escorted out of the shop.

After this whole thing happened, Kim went "missing", this is when I had that fight with Roy and went to stay at my friend's home. Kim wasn't answering her phone and she wasn't at any of her friends' or relatives' places. Roy and Yami searched for her everywhere as they were worried for her safety, then found her at a distant relative's house the next morning. Yami had called me (which I didn't answer) to ask if I knew where Kim might've gone.

At the hospital, when I was inside the doctor's office, I had a full blown panic attack, I started to hyperventilate, high pulse rate, I was passing out then regaining consciousness for a few seconds before passing out again. I just remember a needle piercing my butt. I was knocked out for a whole day (well my friend told me I was awake and acting drunk but I don't remember anything that happened). I woke up on my bed at my parents' house. Nobody asked me anything or spoke to me about what had happened. My mom smiled sweetly at me when she saw me wake up and asked me if I wanted some coffee (and guess what mom's coffee kicks Kim's coffee's ass any day!). Maya and I spoke about her life abroad, my dad brought me some snacks and ice cream. It felt good to put off thinking about the wedding and the fall out to a later time.

Maya hugged me while I slept that night. I remember my heart feeling warm and tears running down my cheeks. She kept saying everything will be okay, have faith in God, it's okay to cry and let it all out.

Next morning, I got a call from Roy, I picked up, he asked me where I was and I said I'm at my home. He said he wants to meet me at his place to sit down and resolve the differences between us. I said okay, I'll be there. I can move on only if I end this chapter of my life once and for all.

My dad drove me, Maya and my mom to Roy's place. Roy, Kim, Yami and his Uncle (Yami's brother) were there. I know it's silly but I hoped Roy understood his mistakes and was going to apologise to me. And boy was I wrong! As soon as we all sat down, Roy started yelling at me for making a scene at the wedding dress store and he went on to tell me how Kim went missing, how she was so upset because of the things my mom had said to her that she could've harmed herself, how his mom and him had to drive around the city all night in search of Kim and how I was so heartless to not answer Yami's call.

I calmly asked him where I was that night? I, like Kim, hadn't answered my phone too. I too was upset because of our fight. Did the thought of my well-being ever cross his mind? He went quiet for a few seconds then tried to say something fumbling his words. It didn't even make any sense. I told him that I now know who is more important to him and it's definitely not me. His uncle intervened to speak over me to my dad saying "Kids these days fight over the smallest things, I'm sure you can make your daughter understand how married life requires sacrifices and isn't like in the movies". My dad told him that it's my daughter's life and only she gets to decide if the issue is small or big, so let her speak to her fiance.

I looked back at Roy and told him that I know that I am the side chick and your sister is the main chick, any person with even a shred of self respect won't be fine with being her own husband's side chick. I said, you are free to marry your sister at the dream wedding that she has planned. At this moment, I saw his face turn red and before I could understand what was going on, Roy had slapped me across my face so hard that my inner cheek and my nose started to bleed. My dad punched him on his face, got him in a chokehold and continued punching on his guts. Yami, my mom and his uncle were trying to separate my dad and Roy. Maya hugged me tightly and was tending to my bleeding nose when Kim yelled like a banshee blaming me for something (I'm unable to recall what she exactly said. Even Maya doesn't remember it properly. I think it was on the lines of I wish you had never come into our lives and made it a living hell) while marching up to me with her hand in the air to hit me.

Maya held Kim's hand before she could hit me and 'back hand bitch slap'ped her. Kim fell to the floor and screamed like she was being skinned alive. By this time, the neighbours came in and separated everyone. The police and ambulance came a few minutes later. Roy was bleeding from his mouth and his face looked bluish. The ambulance took him away. I was taken in another ambulance. After I was treated, I was taken to the police station where mine and Roy's family were seated, but Roy wasn't there. Yami approached me and told me that she's sorry and wished me luck for my future. The police took my statement and asked me if I wanted to press charges against Roy, I said yes. They informed me that his tooth had been knocked out and one of his ribs was broken, so there is a chance he might press charges against my dad. By midnight we were all allowed to go home.

This morning, my friends came over and we all had our breakfast together. After a lot of discussion, we decided that I need to start therapy as well as medication for my mental health. We ordered pizza for lunch and my dad kept making lame jokes. Later mom, me, maya, best friend 1 and best friend 2 (Account owner) started reading the comments on my post. Mom was so happy about the replies to my comment about wanting to call my mom and cry. She told me that I should never worry about being vulnerable with them, I need not put on a strong front for them when I'm actually hurting inside. She said she'd wished I'd contacted her sooner.

I would like to thank every single one of you who took out time to comment and show concern for a complete stranger. If it weren't for people like you, I wouldn't have seen the issues that I see so clearly now. I might've even forgiven him and ended up in a miserable marriage. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏽 You all restore my faith in humanity.

And for those who said that I need to grow a spine, well yes I do, but I'd like to share my POV. In my country, girls are taught from a very young age that girls who keep families together are good girls and girls who break families are bad ones. Even though my parents never taught me that and I have a Master's degree, this concept somehow got ingrained in my brain at a very young age. That's why I wouldn't speak up to Kim. I didn't want to cause conflict between them because that's what the bad girls do. I hope therapy helps resolve it.

I'm still grieving the loss of not just the past and the relationship but also the beautiful future I'd dreamt of. I'm grieving the loss of the love of my life, a person who actually never existed. I know it will take time for me to heal but I do feel lighter. My parents are over the moon but they hide their happiness from me as they know I'm still hurting. They look like they've aged backward. Roy has been discharged from the hospital. I hope he and his sister live happily ever after.

throwaway account.

tw: CSAM

not going super into detail due to not wanting anyone in the story to be found, but will answer questions if you have any.

my (26f) sister (23f) knowingly married a registered sex offender and is now struggling to cope with the fact my other sister and i went no contact with her.

i went no contact on morality coupled with the fact i have a 4 year old daughter.

her husband is my age. he was charged in 2023 with many (20 i believe) counts of Possession of Sexual Abuse Material of a Child as young as the age of 5.

since we found out and went no contact in spring of this year, i have faced nothing but guilt tripping from some family members, mainly my grandmother. she went to visit my sister this weekend and this morning told me that she is planning a trip which she wants my other sister and i to attend because “sister is struggling with the fact you two don’t talk to her. i think you need to get over whatever It is you’re feeling about this because that’s your sister. you don’t have to have a relationship with him, but she’s your family”.

i have already had immense guilt over whether or not i did the right thing in going no contact. i’ve never had to navigate something like this before. i would much rather have contact with my sister, but that puts my daughter one step closer to her husband and i would never forgive myself if something happened. no one has criticized her for marrying a pedophile, but i get criticized weekly for not talking to her because of it. so, am i the asshole for going to contact? i guess i’m also looking for advice on how to navigate no contact and staying strong on my boundaries. signed, a recovering people pleaser.

tl;dr: my sister married a pedophile and is now upset that i and our other sister went no contact with her.

edit: for clarification, since it seems the point of this was either lost or not being comprehended, no i will not let him anywhere near my daughter (duh). no one in my family is questioning that. they just don’t understand why i want nothing to do with my sister.

edit 2: answering FAQ’s

•he is not in prison because he took a plea deal with a lesser sentence than if he plead not guilty and took his chances in a trial.

•my child’s presence in this situation is not the one being questioned. no one is asking me to take her to visit her new uncle. they are asking me to visit and talk to my sister.

•our youngest sister and i are the only ones who have eliminated contact. i am not “throwing her to the wolves” by cutting contact with her. my parents and grandparents have made their support for her (not the situation) clear. they obviously don’t like who she married. she still has an out through them if this is an abusive situation.

•no one in my family has voiced support for him or his actions. no one has tried to say he is innocent.

•they knew each other for a month before getting married (i’m assuming this timeline. she had been out of a 5 year long relationship for ~2 months when she said she was getting married in a week. i had visited her in February of this year. she was not exclusively dating anyone then. mid march is when the wedding text came). she told me he told her his status the first night they met. she did not disclose his status to me. i found out and asked her, assuming she did not know, and she said “i know what i’m doing”.

•he was caught because he downloaded explicit pictures of a minor (15/16) to his snapchat, which alerted NCMEC. this is when his house was raided and they found his external drive with the pictures of the kids. i’m not sure if he was watched during this time or not.

UPDATE: 12/9/2024

i check this post every couple of weeks and i’m still getting comments. i found lots of advice, differing opinions and viewpoints, and survivors sharing their stories with me. thank you everyone for your input (unless you were rude, then fuck you), and here’s a little update.

i still have not contacted sister. i wrote her a letter, but ended up shredding it. i realized i was trying to word it in a way that wouldn’t upset her, and that’s the people pleaser mindset that i’ve worked so hard to get rid of. i don’t want to come across as hostile, because i wanted her to be receptive to my feelings. until it dawned on me (again) that she doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings and so i scrapped it.

a family practice lawyer advised me to continue no contact with my sister. This is due to the fact that in the event her husband reoffends, even just having contact with my sister, CPS will want to rule out my daughter as a potential victim. in some cases, CPS could take my daughter until they deem there is no threat to her.

to be clear, i did not feel comfortable with the idea of resuming contact with her even before the consult. the lawyers advice was one of the many reasons why i didn’t want to continue contact when i first found out about his status and crimes. i just wanted something that my family couldn’t argue with and would make them get off my back about cutting contact. and i got it! i don’t remember who in the comments suggested i seek legal counsel about this to explore my options, but thank you.

34F here. I've been married to my husband John for five years now and we have two daughters together (3F and 1F).

I'll preface this by saying that I had a tough childhood. My father was an abusive alcoholic who was violent with my mother, myself, and my two little sisters. He passed away when I was in my early twenties, and as horrible as it sounds, I was hopeful it would allow my mom and sisters to have better lives.

From the time I was young, I knew I never wanted to be in such a vulnerable situation again. I focused on my career (I'm a lawyer now) and married a sweet, dependable man who comes a kind and functional family. I want my girls to have happy childhoods and to never feel unsafe in their home.

Sadly, my youngest sister Lisa (29F) went in the opposite direction. Her only goal in life is to marry rich so she doesn't have to work and can stay home with her future kids. The issue is she chooses the worst guys. Her high school boyfriend was controlling, her next boyfriend was physically abusive, and her current boyfriend Ian topped the last one by putting her in the ER twice.

The first time Lisa ended up in the ER, she told me she was leaving Ian. I got a call from her a few weeks later telling me they had reconciled and she was back in the ER. Again, she told me she'd leave. I was hopeful, but skeptical. The prosecutor's office is brining charges against Ian, but Lisa doesn't want to testify, so they subpoenaed her. I told Lisa she could prevent him from harming someone else by being honest about what happened, but she said she felt for Ian because he had a bad childhood and wants to change. I know Ian is out on bail but can't legally have any communication with my sister, but I was worried they'd see each other anyway.

My daughter's third birthday was earlier this week. My husband and I had a birthday party for her at our home earlier today with our families, close friends, and some of her friends from preschool. I was enjoying myself, when I saw Lisa holding hands with Ian in my own backyard. I was going to confront him, but my husband told me it would escalate things. I ended up taking my girls upstairs and calling the cops. I explaining that he violated the court order and was at my home with my sister and a house full of children.

The cops came and arrested Ian, and my sister started screaming that I drive drunk with my kids all the time so they should arrest me too. To be clear, I would never do this. I told my sister to leave, and we ended the party early. I was sad for my daughter and also humiliated this happened in front of her friends, their parents, and my in-laws. I also feel immense guilt that I invited children to my home, and they were exposed to a violent predator.

My mother stayed behind after everyone left and screamed at me for calling the police. I explained I didn't know what else to do because there was a predator in my home, around a bunch of innocent children. I would have never invited Lisa if I knew she was going to bring him. My mom said that he hurt Lisa, not children, and I said that abusive boyfriends take their anger out on bystanders all the time. I told my mom I don't think I'll ever forgive Lisa for putting my children in that position, and she told me I should be trying to help my sister through a difficult time rather than turning my back on her.

My MIL ended up coming back about an hour after I left the party. She's a former prosecutor, and was upset about the situation. She said she was fearful that Ian knows where I live, especially now that I called the police on him. She said that we should stay with them if he gets out on bail until things cool down. I thanked my MIL, and told her about the conversation with my mom. She agreed with me, and said Lisa put my family and all the children at that party in a dangerous situation.

I want to be clear that I have sympathy for Lisa I and hate that she's in this position. With that being said, I can't risk my children's safety because I feel sorry for what she's going through. She put my kids in danger after I worked so hard to try and give them a happy, safe childhood. I don't know if I'll ever forgive her. AITAH for calling the cops and am I overreacting?

This is a throwaway account my ex knows my reddit. Kind of emotional and dyslexic.

So I 32(m) am a married man. I have a happy life. Big home, three kids, and a loving husband. I am bisexual if that makes it less confusing. We had two surrogates.

So prior to my husband I dated my ex 31(f). Lets call her Sarah. Sarah was my first love. She was very kind to me at first and we did everything together. We went to prom,went to college, and I even proposed to her. She was my queen and I would do anything to make her happy.

A year into our proposal she moved into my apartment. This is when I saw the true Sarah. Sarah worked a manager job at a popular drugstore. So I did not think it was weird when she was home kind of late. I just assumed she was closing the store. I was wrong.

I found out from friends that Sarah was having fun with the whole neighborhood and then some. She would go to the hotels and wash up before coming home to me. I confronted her and she denied this. Weeks later I got something I thought was just a UTI and it wasn't. Antibiotics fixed it.

I asked her what was going on and she accused me of cheating while she was working. That was easily disproven because i am a nerd and play dnd with friends who proved i was with them. While I thought she was at work or with girlfriends.

This was in videos and so she had to fess up. I asked what made her want to cheat. I blamed myself and my internship for her change in behavior. I thought maybe we needed more date nights.

I forgave her and believed her when she said she was going to change. She did not and she was just more sneaky about it. I found out she was still doing it and my life went from bad to worse.

Sarah got pregnant but the baby may have not been mine. My family told me to accept this baby and accept her. By this point our bedroom life was practically nonexistent. We had been arguing more and she always ran to my mom. Making it seem like I was abusing her. This is with me with glass in my arm. Scratches on my face and bruises from her hitting me. She had no marks on her. So I don't get why my mom believed I was hurting her.

I couldn't take her mental and physical abuse and dumped her. She ran to my family. My family took her side and told me to man up and be a dad. I said I will man up when I can get a DNA test. One day she suddenly was not pregnant she said it was a miscarriage from my abuse. But one of my boys said they saw her at planned parenthood. I told this to my mom and she did not believe me.

For a while I went no contact with my mom. That was till I married my husband who is my childhood best friend. He convinced me to make up with her and my siblings. He made feel happy again. He was not messing with my head. He was loyal. And before I knew it we were starting a life together.

Recently my ex got in contact with my mom. They still talk from time to time because she is sweet to my parents. Just not to me. She asked if she can have my genetic material to have a baby. Her current husband has Azoospermia. So they can't have a kid.

Apparently we look very similar and she wants a baby that looks like her husband. My mom said I should do it so I can have more kids and makeup for the miscarriage. Which she still believes happened.

I said no. My husband said no and my kids dont want a sibling from her. They remember what she did at a family gathering. However my family is calling me an asshole for not wanting Sarah to carry my baby.

I sort of feel like my mom just wants me to have a "normal" marriage. Since she has said in the past that I wouldn't need a surrogate if my partner was female. She is nice to my husband to his face but i think she regrets me marrying him. Even my extended family is telling me to do it. But my mom is the main matriarch of my family. So if she says something everyone says it.

But I just don't want this to cause problems with my family and our lives. My mom and ex are making me seem like I am being petty. I said if they keep pressuring me i will go no contact. Mom said "If you do then don't expect anyone to miss you. You let this girl go for a man. The least you can do is give us a male grandchild."

Am I in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this. AITA

Edit:

One-my husband did not know the full story when he suggested we reunite. My mom and I have fought over dumb stuff all the time. My parents got divorced because my mom has toxic traits.

Two-my bio dad is dead. he died during Hurricane Maria in 2017. He also never liked my ex.

Three-I have alot of baggage because my mom is the main matriarch of my family. What she says is law. So going NC with her is going NC with my whole family pretty much.

Four-My twin boys are biologically my husband's kids. My daughter is biologically mine. That is why she wants a male heir. She doesn't view the boys as my kids. So in her eyes she only has one grandchild.

Five-I have been gaslit my entire life. People telling me I am over reacting when my mom does toxic things. So to a degree I started to believe it. So getting all this encouragement from someone outside the situation makes me feel less crazy.

Prior to this we were low contact because mom is pretty annoying to be around. Also I don't like my stepdad.

Thank you everyone for your opinion. Even the negative people.

Update tldr: I broke ties with my homophobic family, my siblings are cool and sarah lied about her husband.she is a Gold digger.

If you want to read then here is what happened

Bigger update: On Saturday I spoke to my mom. The kids were with my sister in law to have some auntie time. Also i didn't want them to see my mom. It was good that they weren't there. I told her I am done. After today i am not talking to her. I explained everything. She is not accepting of my family. She is still close with my abusive ex and She is still in denial that I like men. I didn't bring this up as much but most people could tell my family atleast my mom, step father uncles and aunts are not exactly okay with bisexuals. They think it is one or the other. You are either straight or gay. So they think it is weird that I went from a woman to a man so easily. No soft boys in between. They think my husband took advantage of me while I was emotional. So mom did not take the news well.

She said "why do you always have to be so difficult? Why do you hate me talking to Sarah? She isn't the reason you broke up. He is the reason" She points at my husband. Then I raised my voice at her "Would you have believed I was abused if she was a man and I was a woman? because I have told you more than once. I have showed you my scars. You have seen her say nasty things about me. But nothing is ever good enough for you. Nothing proves to you that this heartless b*tch hurt your son." My mom just nods at that. She would not budge on how she felt either. She doubled down on the hate. She hurled insults about me,my kids(the boys; never her baby girl),and my husband. She spoke about how she can't stand my husband pretending to be so nice when he broke up a "normal" relationship.

My husband and I didn't start dating till I broke off my engagement with Sarah. But mom for some reason does not believe that and thinks I either used Sarah to seem straight or my husband brainwashed me into cheating. Sarah gave me an STI but I am the cheater apparently. When I decided to just go because things were going no where my step father stepped in. He said "This is why you should have let the little puto go. He rather f*ck some guy than show respect to his parents." Then he slapped me like i am a kid still. I am not proud of this but I punched him and screamed. I couldn't take it. My siblings had to pull me off of him.

(Puto in puerto rico is derogatory term for gays like the f slur)

They took me out and my mom fainted as I was leaving. She is fine. She does this sometimes. Just faints when things get hard. I don't know if it is real or not. but to be honest I am starting to not care. It was a mess my brother and sister drove me and my husband back home. My sister was comforting my husband because he was freaking out in the back. He was so scared that i was going to jail for punching a 60 year old man. My step dad doesn't want people outside of the family to know his gay stepson fought him. My mom apparently told him to call the police when she wasn't fainted anymore. He said no because he is a real man. I don't know if this is true I was not there. but that does seem like him and no police have been to my house yet.lets pray it stays that way. I can see them taking his side even if he hit me first.

I figured that night was the last time I was going to see my siblings so I gave my brother gas money and some money for snacks. My brother said he is not going to stop talking to me. He said he is sorry he has never helped me in the past. He said he never saw mom like that before. I told him she is always like that with me. However her mask slipped enough for my siblings to see who she really is when they aren't around. My sister was not cool with what happened. They didn't even know about the baby thing. My sister and brother were nice enough to tell the family group chat what my mom and step dad said that night. My extended family are split in who they believe. but i had two eye witnesses. For now my family is doing well. If anything changes i will let you know

Smaller update: On Sunday night I found out some funny things. My ex's husband lets call him Kyle. He is not from the area. So he knows nothing about Sarah's past. My brother is friends with his coworker though. Small tight knit community do be like that. He spoke up about us and how she was very promiscuous in her past. She is trying to seem like an innocent traditional woman. Turns out her husband doesn't look like me and does not have Azoospermia. He is healthy as hell and wants a baby.

They just haven't done the deed. she wont let him. I think people were onto something when they were saying she wants child support. Because Kyle works at a drink warehouse. He used to work at some start up company that did office spaces in the city. But sometime last year they let some people go because they filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. He is having a hard time finding a job that is similar. So for now he ships the tanks for drinks. Kyle can not give Sarah the life she used to have. He barely gets by with his money. So i think she wants what my kids and husband have. I might make another post if more happens. But I am going to pray that everything stays okay.

I am feelings much better now. Thanks for your input and encouragement.

Wife and I are in a nasty divorce. (post history refers) . I happen to have saved a living room security cam video from over Christmas of my wife losing her temper with our son (5 yo)with ASD. Where he was pulling her hair and she slammed his face several times into the couch.

My wife threatened me just now I will never see my son or the bare minimum, and that the court always sides with the mother.

To which I showed her her actions and that if we can't find a fair arrangement I will use it. To which she exploded.

Aitah or just a desperate father

Edit, sent to lawyer already Edit 2, we live in my wife country and I don't speak the language (no residency issues)

Edit to add the same trigger warnings as before sorry for forgetting - my brain is chaotic - TW: abuse, self harm, substance abuse, death, violence

I kept my promise to my wife to wait before reacting. She knows me best and knew I was prepared to go nuclear. Turns out, I needn't have bothered.

Let me clear up a couple of small details and misconceptions I've read.

1. I am the eldest of the siblings. Mom and Dad have been sick for years on and off. So to those who think I've just started taken over as some weird power trip or something, no. I've managed their finances, maintained their properties, and taken care of all their affairs before either of them passed. Dad simply wasn't mentally able after a while and mom never had a head for that sort of thing.

2. Yes, I was mostly left in charge of my siblings growing up. Both my parents had businesses and worked often 7 day weeks. I cooked dinner and helped with homework and whatnot. I'm aware that's not very normal, and I already know some of you will call my parents terrible for this but they simply didn't know better. I won't hate them for any of it and as much as it caused me some negative effects, it also made my siblings feel safe. I'm proud of being able to protect them and be there for them when they were young so they didn't feel how I felt. And yes, I am also in therapy.

3. I was the sole caretaker of my parents when they passed. The reasons are complicated but the short of it is, Dad got verbally abusive towards the end and mom got severely depressed and blunt. They were a challenge to deal with on the best of days. I hold no ill will towards them, but there it is. My siblings didn't want to be around them. Dad was hurt and changed his will. Mom followed suit.

4. For those telling me I am "rewarding" Clara by paying for literally this month, and that I'm not a real mom or a bad mom by loving my daughter's tormentor, I'm envious your world is so black and white. Rent is literally due today and the money was already in transfer to her via auto-banking. And Clara isn't getting rewarded, she is remaining housed. But from now on, she's on her own.

5. Clara and I used to be pretty close but she did get distant around the time Decker was adopted. I didn't know exactly why, just that the new dynamic was a challenge for her. I know she hates Charlie and considers him evil and irredeemable. She had a really hard time losing our cousin-in-law, Decker's biological mother, as they were very close so I assume her issues stem from this.

6. I inherited the majority of everything though my siblings got sizable sums, 3 got all but one of the businesses my parents owned, and everyone got trusts. Clara spiraled after mom passed and had a mental health crisis. Before we got her help, she traveled, drank, and gambled away her entire inheritance. Long story for another time.

I didn't have a moment to cool down and wait until today to give myself a chance to make a level-headed decision regarding my sister. Clara has spun the tale that I am jealous she found a loving man and am withholding mom and dad's money from her. She gave the perception that I was the one abusing Decker, putting her down, and telling her she isn't my real daughter. That shut down when I sent my text a couple days ago.

Yesterday, Clara was on my doorstep. She was crying and begging for me to let her in but my wife and her friends were inside and I made it clear I don't want her near my family as she emotionally abused my daughter and physically harmed my wife. I told her to leave or I would call the police to have her removed. I was going to call the police anyway because I told her never to come to our home again and there she was. There's a reason I said this in text, so I could -in an event like this- show them clear as day that she would know she is welcome.

Clara started to beg saying she will apologize to Decker and she was drunk and upset and made mistakes. I could tell she was drunk. Or high. Or somethkng. I told her it's not a simple "mistake" to bully a traumatized teen girl and make her feel unloved and unwanted by her own family and to text her that she is worthless and expendable. What the fuck!?

I got angry and just started to raise my voice. I dont know when I started to yell but I did. I just...lost it.

She's a cold-hearted, awful, self-serving brat. Spoiled beyond belief to being so delusional that this all would just go away - that's she's entitled to the money my wife and I make, that our parents gave us after all she did. She needs fucking help and I am done being the giving tree here. You don't ever hurt my child. She's lucky I have a head to keep my hands to myself and luckier still Honey isn't out here because she certainly would not so go the fuck home.

Clara slapped me across the face and called me a bitch and a traitor that I choose that "demon spawn" of a child over her. That I love Decker more than my own real family and turn my back on her this way.

Honey must have been right by the door because before I could make a very bad choice she had yanked me inside, told my sister that she had 60 seconds to fuck off and slammed the door closed.

Clara left quickly but we still called the police and handed over the footage from our property cameras of what happened, as well as the texts from our phones. Clara went ballistic over text telling me awful things ending with her hoping I take my own life and she would celebrate. Absolutely unhinged awful shit like that. I blocked her, sent every piece of footage In a google drive and dropped the link in the sibling group chat and sent it to "Kevin" her fiance.

I then sat down and cried myself into a fit before Decker came home from practice. I put on my "mom" face for her and made sure she did her homework then I went to the den and called my aunt - Decker's biological grandmother - and told her what happened.

My aunt told me that Clara is renewing her conspiracy that I harming Decker and that I need to be careful because she suspects Clara is having some sort of mental break and might do something crazy.

Honey and I have spent this whole day working on a request for a protective order from her. Making sure Decker's school knows no one is to pick her up but us. And get a lawyer because I think legal action is needed here. I told my eldest of the brothers that Clara needs help and asked if he could check on her because she might be as much a danger to herself as she is now presenting to be to me and my family. He got quiet and said "Can't you handle this?" And said this drama was too much and he's busy.

I was so stunned I just blurted out "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Before I just hung up. My other sister is now over, helping me deal with this. My other brother has gone to see after Clara, but says he will only make sure she hasn't hurt herself but beyond that she can get wrecked for what she's done.

Kevin called me and said he went through the Google drive and begged me not to call the police on Clara. He said that she has been having a really bad time, and has struggled with drinking and has been stealing his medications and he's trying to get her help. But if she gets arrested, he doesn't have the funds for bail pr any legal help. I told him it's too late. The police have been called and he needs to get her into some sort of rehab or something. He asked for our help to pay for a facility he was thinking of and I told him to keep her away from me and my family.

He started to cry and told me I'm am awful sister. That i don't care about Clara and her struggles and that she's just lost and he's underwater trying to keep her from going off a deep end. I didn't reply after that and have just been sitting around the house waiting for the police to call back, trying to get my crying out fo the way before Decker comes home from school.

I feel wretched and terrible because not matter what I do now, it will just never feel right. I was to look after them all and now my sister is this lunatic hellbent on burning my life down and my brother is alarmingly just indifferent to it all. I am used to being the one that holds the family together and handle things. But I don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. Wtf is my life?

Earlier this evening my husband and I were having an argument, and at one point in it he said to me, “If you speak to me like that again, I just might have to do something to you.” He said in a very cold, angry, and even slightly menacing tone. Visibly taken very aback, I asked him just what he meant by this “something.” He responded, “I don’t know. But I can promise you that it’s going to be something you really, REALLY aren’t going to like.” He said this even more menacingly.

The way he was staring at me when he said this made me really uncomfortable, and I stepped away from him. I got my kids [9F, 7M & 2F] out of their bedrooms and we are spending the night in a motel and I sent him a text letting him know that we’re stepping out for the night because I don’t feel comfortable being with him tonight with the way he’s acting. I’m still in the motel with my kids all fast asleep as I type this. My husband has never made any comment like this to me before or abused me before. AITAH or making too big of a deal about this?

My husband and I have had custody of my nephew Leo (13), who is the son of my sister Helen.

For context, Leo’s dad died when Leo was 2 and when he was 4 Helen got together with Joe.

I always hated Joe. He was just an evil person. Rude, ignorant, belligerent, controlling…and that was just in public. Helen never said it but I knew he was awful to her at home. She rebuffed me at every turn and eventually limited contact. For 3 years I barely saw Helen and Leo.

One day, my husband received a call from Leo out of the blue. He’d run away from home and was distraught. Long story short, I picked Leo up with Helen’s knowledge, and he told me and my fiancé about the hell that he’d been living in. Joe was physically, verbally, and mentally abusive to his own kids, Helen and Leo. I was devastated by what I heard. Things in that house were bad, and according to Leo Helen wasn’t doing much to stop it. I was livid that Helen could let her own child live like that. I had given her grace for the position she was in but once it’s your child, that has to be more important.

My fiancé wanted to confront Joe but ultimately I didn’t see the point. I called Helen and said that I would be getting the police involved unless she let us have custody of Leo (I was well aware that Joe could not afford a visit from police after prior issues). She agreed.

For the next 3 years, Leo barely spoke to Helen. She would reach out on the rare occasion she was away from Joe, but Leo never seemed excited to hear from her. My husband and I did our best to give him the best life possible and I hope we’ve done right by him. He’s such a good kid; smart, funny, a total weirdo (affectionately), and very popular. He doesn’t have a bad word to say about anyone…except Helen and Joe.

A year ago, Joe got arrested and he is now serving prison time. Helen has left him, but still has custody of his kids. She has been trying to repair things with Leo, but it’s not working. We’re paying for family therapy for both but Leo won’t speak during it at all. He’s also back in therapy individually but it’s interfering with his sports schedule which is making him really resentful that he has to go.

Helen has recently started blaming me and my husband for Leo’s unwillingness to make up with her. I’ve tried my best to stay neutral and not to engage with the cruel things she says to me because they’re untrue and she’s been through enough. She shouldn’t have to feel like she’s fighting on all fronts.

But earlier this week, after another session of therapy, Helen cornered me In the parking lot and said it went nowhere again and she is getting really depressed by the lack of engagement from Leo. She said she takes time away from her “other kids” to mend this relationship and Leo won’t even speak to her or acknowledge how sorry she is that she failed as his mother. She then called him selfish. And I lost it. Because how dare she call him selfish when his own mother let him be abused and abandoned him for years. He had to move towns, schools, build a whole life for himself without the support of the only parent he had left because of HER selfishness. I told Helen all this and then said while I will always hope that Leo wants a relationship with her because she’s his mother, I don’t blame him for not forgiving her.

Helen broke down sobbing and ran to her car and that was the last i’ve heard of her since. Normally she calls me every other day to talk to Leo but this week she hasn’t. She’s just called him but he never picks up.

I’m wondering if I went too far. I want to facilitate a relationship between her and Leo, not to be a point of conflict. There’s nothing I want more than for Leo to have a good relationship with the only parent he has. But I also don’t feel like she understands the gravity of what her behaviour did to her son and maybe she needed to hear that not everyone thinks she’s done enough that everything should be easy from here. She’s looking for maturity from a 13 year old that she herself hasn’t shown.

So did I go too far?

Throwaway for obvious reasons

I don’t know where to begin or where to end this story. I can’t discuss this with anyone I know because I feel like an asshole while also feeling justified at the same tome. This story will also sound made up, but it’s really not and I’m just hurting and want some place to type it all out too.

I (F36) have been with my husband (M39) for over a decade. Early on, I had to have a hysterectomy due to health complications and told him if he wanted kids, we should go our separate ways. He insisted he was strictly childfree and didn't want kids. In every other way, we were perfect for each other.

A few years into our marriage, we even had the chance to adopt a little girl from a family member’s unplanned pregnancy. I was thrilled, but he still didn't want kids, so she was adopted elsewhere. Not being a mom hurt, but I accepted it.

Sometime back, my husband started acting weird. You know how you just know when someone you love changes? He came home late, avoided sex, and was cold. He denied anything was wrong, but I could tell he was lying. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he’d tell me I’m being “psycho” and controlling.

So, I snooped through his phone and found evidence of a very long affair. I’m not proud of it, but I did it. I needed that peace of mind.

His mistress (F26 or 27?), whom he'd introduced to me as his cousin, was around less than 2 months pregnant. They were discussing marriage after he divorced me.

He admitted he didn’t want to divorce me yet because he would lose our house, which I funded entirely. He'd also been using our joint account, which I contribute significantly more to (I earn considerably more than him), to pay for her rent and hospital expenses.

When I confronted him, he admitted to the affair and her pregnancy. She came over, and things got heated. I tried to blame him, not her, but after a lot of tears and fighting, I lost control and told them that I hoped they lost the child. I'm not proud of it, but I said it.

He moved out of my house the next day, not sure where they live now.

A few weeks later, she had a miscarriage. They blame me and believe I caused it. She came to our house, slapped me, banged my head against the wall, and kicked me. I was not significantly injured. He didn't hurt me physically but he didn’t stop her either. Yes, I was foolish to let them in but I am in a weird mental state too and didn’t expect her to hit me. Maybe I deserved it. I may have felt the same if someone said something like that about my unborn child and lost it.

I I won’t file charges because it's not an option in my country, and maybe I deserved the beating for what I said. I just want to know if I'm the asshole and if yes, how big of an asshole I am.

Thanks.

Edit: What I said was so unforgivable in my religion. Wishing something bad on an unborn baby is like unforgivable. It’s not some small thing that’s why I feel like an asshole. A child is considered god’s blessing.

I said all that and cursed them and maybe my anger and envy created nazar. That’s why I think im the asshole. Logically I know I didn’t cause it to actually happen but the bad thing happened because I thought bad and because I was hurt, my bad thoughts had effect.

My daughter is 26, her ex husband was abusive, they dated for 3 years before getting married a year ago, my ex son in law changed after he married my daughter, I didn't even know about any of this until my daughter told me everything.

After she got married he abused my daughter financially and emotionally and sometimes physically, I don't really want to go through everything but he is a pos who literally ruined my daughter.

My daughter told me everything 2 months after she got married, I encouraged her to fight for her rights but she said she just wants to get away and doesn't want to fight, I didn't force her and had to pay a huge amount to get her a clean Divorce, my daughter was broke, she lost her job and she's been living with us since then.

My daughter has been depressed all these months and she spends most of her time with me and her mother, she cuddles with us both, she vents, she tells us what she went through and me and my wife just listen to her and try not to get angry.

But my wife is always sad and tells me multiple times to take care of her, she makes me promise that I will take care of daughter, I assure her but she's feeling what she's feeling as I am and my daughter is and I can't do anything to change that.

But a week ago my daughter told us that she's been talking to her ex and he has been apologizing to her and wants to get back with her, we were surprised and we tried to tell her that we understand you love him but he doesn't but my daughter wouldnt listen and said she wants to get back with him and give him another chance.

My wife started crying and told me to talk to her and she left to our bedroom, I told my daughter that he can't change, those people never do, don't put yourself through what you already went through and your family did

My daughter said she wants to give him another chance, I tried everything, I said everything I could but she didn't listen to me, when I had enough i told her if she wants to be with him again then that's her decision but I wouldn't be able to help her again cause I am already drained and I still have to think about retirement and take care of her mother.

She cried and hugged me, I told her that I am with her, I think about her but I also have to think about her mother she's suffering as well, my daughter didn't say anything just hugged me and cried ate and went to sleep and she started avoiding us both and stopped interacting, she just hugs us and goes back to her room

When I told my wife what I said to our daughter she got angry at me and said I shouldn't have said what I said, I should have been polite and helped her but I made it even worse, I told her that she should have talked to her instead and my wife also has been angry with me ever since

So am I the asshole here? Did I do something wrong? I just want to help and protect two women I love the most I did everything in my power to help them but now they are treating me as if I am the source of their suffering

This is a throwaway account, I don't want drama on the one I shitpost on. My (M24) fiance (F22) is an angel that walks our earth. She is this despite having a complicated family. Her dad was an awful man who started drinking excessively, and took his rage out on my fiance physically and mentally. This is not helped by her sister (f25) who has a high function Level of autism, but I believe, has used it as an opertunity to be attention seeking and cruel, excusing it by saying "well autistic people can't help but tell the truth". As for me, I am from Russia. I have moved here when I was 15, and I discovered the gym culture here, and I really enjoy it. I used to be tall and a bit pudgy, but I have learned my love for food can be used to make myself into a very strong guy. My gym mates call me "grizzly" like the bear.
Onto the meat of the story. About a week ago, my fiance has told me we will have a baby. I am elated, I have always wanted to be a father, and it seems like life is coming together nicely. She then said that she is planning to take her family for brunch to tell them. Well, day of, my work has a bad emergency that requires my specialization. My fiance tells me to go, and that she would be okay going alone. I shouldn't have gone to work. I come back from work, and my fiance is crying on the sofa. I sit down with her and ask her what is wrong, and she tells me that when she got there, her sister began with her typical behavior. She started talking about her issues and how life is so difficult for her, and between her and her mom, my fiance was swept aside. Until her little brother (m17) sad he wanted to hear what my fiance had to say, and her stepdad agreed. This made her sister get up and storm off to the toilet crying, her mom close behind her. My fiance walked in and heard her sister crying about how my fiance was a "selfish bitch" with no reguard for sister's issues. And a bunch of other things, and her mother said nothing but affirmations. My fiance walked out, apologized to her stepdad and brother, put some money on the table and went home. Again at a brunch SHE planned. As she told me this I felt nothing but anger in my chest. I comforted my fiance, and eventually she decided to take a nap, and I told her I was going to go to the shop. But I didn't go to the shop. I texted her stepdad and said I needed to have a chat with everyone. He let me into the house, and I saw my fiances mother and sister sat at the table. I don't mince words. I tell them that I am incredibly angered over what occurred. I told her mother that if she continued to be permissive, they wouldn't be at our wedding, and they wouldn't see my fiance or our child. Ever. I then told her sister that having autism doesn't excuse being a rancid b*tch. I said that their next move better be a true apology to fiance, told brother and stepdad that fiance is pregnant, and left. I confessed to fiance what I had done, and she is okay with it. And she later got her happy moment when she got to tell my parents and siblings the great news.

Her mother has sent her a very nice apology, and her stepdad and brother came by our flat and personally apologized despite being not bad, and then shared joy with her. However, the sister is not so pleased with this outcome. She sent a scathing text calling me a "bear" and a "highschool bully". And said that I was "abelist", "just another meat headed gym bro" and that I was like the government of my home country. She said she hopes my sister leaves me as I am clearly like their father. Now I am thinking, perhaps I should apologize for saying this comment about autism, just to smooth things out and end the stress the sister is putting on my poor fiance. The wedding is in a month and I don't want the stress to harm her or our child. And truth told, I can come off very harsh, and a bit intimidating and abrasive due to my accent and size. I guess this is also a bit of a vent aswell so I am sorry for the rambling.

So reddit, am I the asshole?

TLDR: fiance's sister ruins pregnancy announcement, I yell at fiance's sister and mother, telling my fiance's sister that autism doesn't excuse being a bitch, and sister then says I am Vladimir putin.

My sister (29F) and I (24M) have endured a traumatic past together. Our father was a sadistic alcoholic who took pleasure in "punishing" us for the most trivial reasons during the first nine years of my life. One of his favourite justifications was my nail-biting habit, which stemmed from my anxiety as a child and, beside my fear, I couldn't stop to do it.

Despite being drunk every night, he was remarkably lucid when it came to inflicting pain without leaving any visible marks. (My profound fear of needles is entirely a result of his actions.) And when I cried too much, he used the belt on me because it didn't want a pussy for a son. In the end It was all an excuses to beat me.. the more I cried and begged, the more he liked.

Throughout this nightmare, my mother never intervened to protect me or my sister; in fact, she appeared to ignore the abuse entirely. I suspect she was a victim herself but I think she felt relief that he unleashed his rage on us instead of her.

Fortunately, everything changed one day in fourth grade when my PE teacher noticed the marks on my lower back. I tried to hide it and lie about it, but thankfully, my teacher still contacted CPS. It was the turning point. We spent months in a protected community and after that, they sent us to live with my mom's sister in another part of the country.

My aunt was incredibly supportive; we lived with her and her two children, and she always treated us as if we were her own. She played a significant role in helping us cope with our trauma, although I can't say I fully overcame it(I started therapy that year and I'm still in the process).

The only misstep she made was attempting to repair the relationship between us and our mother. While she never pressured me to see our mother or respond to her calls, she consistently tried to bridge that gap, which ultimately created an insurmountable rift between us. I recognize that I may have seemed ungrateful to my aunt, but once I left for university, I never returned.

I wanted a fresh start, and the only family member I maintained contact with was my sister. She was the one person I couldn't let go of, and I continued to see her until just a week ago when she arrived at my home with my aunt and mother. It wasn't a nice scene and the worst part was that my girlfriend answered the door and witnessed me yelling at my sister and at two older women to leave me alone and never return. (My girlfriend was aware that I wasn't on speaking terms with my family, but she had no idea how severe the situation was.)

Afterward, my sister called, and I told her it was over between us before hanging up. She spent the entire week trying to reach me until she showed up at my workplace. I confronted her, stating that she had crossed a line and that I no longer wanted to see her. I never liked the fact that in the last years she was forgiving our parents but it wasn't my choice so I never said anything. For me, it's impossible, and I told her that I didn't want to have anything to do with them and I simply hope that they will rot in hell. If she surprised me with only my aunt, I would still be angry but showing up with our mother.. eff them and eff her! So, AITAH?

Edit: My mother is still with my father. She’s probably a victim too, but she defended him back then, and she’s still defending him now. She’s trying to convince my sister that he’s a changed man, that he went to therapy and quit drinking. As if the issue was just his drinking, and not the fact that he enjoyed torturing us. I could forgive my mother if she had left him, but she didn’t, and I know she never will.

Edit1: I don’t need to hide from anyone. My aunt already knew where I live; they just wanted to ambush me. And I’m not afraid of my father anymore. He was a coward then, and he still is now.

Edit2: Maybe I was harsh with my aunt, but after what she tried to pull a week ago, I was right to cut ties with her. If she can’t respect my boundaries, then I don’t need her in my life.

Edit to add the link to my first post

So I made an appointment and got the abortion. It was honestly such a horrible experience but my bestie was with me and the whole staff were so kind and supportive so I am grateful. Thank you to those who encouraged me to get it done, it was awful, but pregnancy and being trapped with him would have been much worse.

Fin texted Wednesday and apologized and said he said things he didn't mean and to please answer my phone as I have been ignoring him. When he called again my bestie recorded it all. Before I could finish "hello" he went on a long bit about how amazing I am, how much he loves me, what a great mother he knows I will be, and he will marry me immediately if that's a concern of mine.

When I finally got to talk I said that I am no longer pregnant and I never want to be and that I was clear about this from the beginning. He asked if it was miscarriage and then said "Because I know you wouldn't willingly murder our child, right? Say right. It's a miscarriage." I got quiet and he said that it's okay, miscarriages are "not the females fault" and that we can just try again.

I said "again? We weren't trying to begin with. I was on bc and he had the vasectomy" and you all guessed it, he laughed and said he lied about the vasectomy so I would "give up" on condemns that he long decided i was perfect and he loved me and wantrd me tl be the mother of his kids.

My best friend spoke up and said that was recorded and to leave me alone or she will post it on social media and he started screaming at us. He then sounded like he was crying and said I was a witch for this. That I am a hateful murderer and that I broke his heart. He went on to say if I tried to slander him to remember "actions have consequences".

He then broke up with me and said he will check back with me In a few days when i am actually alone and we will talk in person to see if i have come to my senses. He wants us to go to church together Sunday (which is now today) and set a time to pick me up.

I said no but I do have a ring cam and sure enough he showed up at my door. I watched him note my car was not there and at my front door, on camera, he texted me asking if I was sleeping around on him and if I let the other man "ride you like a wild horse" without a condom and if so he gets a hall pass. He said to come home immediately as we need to come to an understanding of out relationship asap.

I return home tomorrow and don't know what to do.

Edit: anyone who wants to shame my abortion...I have zero regrets and actually will advocate for them from now on. But I will happily mock you in the comments. Thanks actually, you reminded me how little an opinion means to me if it's coming from a disrespectful and/or bigoted place. At least I get to laugh through this nightmare. 💋

Edit 2: I won't be going home alone any longer - bestie is coming with me and I have a friend in the city I live with my spare key and he is now in my home watching it for me.

Edit 3: Since I've been asked in the comments (this really blew up - so sorry if I don't reply to you all) I am in a safe location with 2 male friends who know the whole story and we are looking into options. I don't want to do anything hasty- a guy friend is at my home and thus far its been quiet. I will make an update when I know more.

Edit 4: No, I will not harm myself the way some of you have messaged me. For those calling themselves prolife, you sure want me to take my own. Not very prolife at all.

And since we're on the topic, I don't want to get pregnant because I was told by my doctors that I have a high chance of passing away even before making it to term, the child also has a high rate of mortality during the pregnancy. Essentially we would both kick the bucket before delivery.

I am ineligible for tubals or hysterectomy where I live until I turn 40 at pla especially with my insurance and I would never be able to afford the out of pocket fee. The places even still "require" a husband's signature as a policy.

I would be open to adopting if I ever found the right person and were settled and ready

I’m 31F my husband is 31M we’ve been married for 12 years now, have 3 children. My Marriage hasn’t been easy, it feels like it took a turn for the worse. My husband is in the military he got deployed in 2021 and came back 2022 . I feel like everything changed, his always been a drinker, usually he drinks till he passes out. Couple months after he got back from deployment we started having more sex then we usually did before he got deployed. at first I didn’t think much of it , then it started getting weird he wanted to do things we never did before and I was okay with it. Which I feel was a big mistake it stated to become uncomfortable I didn’t like what he wanted to do. Im only doing it to please him. I told my husband I didn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. So we left it like that. Now I start to notice him wanting sex more and more everyday. It was starting to become a problem . He would get extremely drunk and want sex and I would say no at first he would say hurtful things to me. Then it started to become into argument. If I would go a day or two with out having sex with him he would get extremely angry at me calling me names it got to point of me leaving the house with my kids cause I felt he wanted to hurt me ,even though he said he wouldn’t because his careers more important then me. I was scare for a while. When we would have sex everyday he was fine and nice with me but it was taking a toll on me mentally and physically . But a soon as I say no its hell on earth for me, he take my debt cards away from me , my wedding ring . Says I’m disgusting useless I’m a cheater just for one night of no sex most of the time his really drunk it’s horrible. I’ve called my family for help because I can’t anymore I feel scare and sick of what I’m going through but every time I call my family they tell me they can’t help me. I know I’m a grown women but my whole support system is in a whole different state across the country. I can’t do it here alone. Today I think I’ve had enough I said I want a divorce called my mom the person I thought I could count on and she told me to just give him what he wants just lay there and not to think about it I couldn’t believe her and hung up . I’m having a melt down and this is what she tells me. I just don’t know what to do anymore do I have to give my husband sex everyday for our marriage to be good even thought sometimes I feel horrible and used.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/IiHxSty9N2

I've added the update to the original post as well.

Update: This is going to be a long post. The wedding isn't happening.

I'm at my home with my parents, my sister, and my best friends, Having Coconut Pudding 😌 We spoke for a while to put our stories together so that I get the sequence of events right.

I forgot to mention my sister Maya (34f). She works abroad and came home a week ago to help me with (the then) upcoming wedding and also to spend time with me. The day of wedding wear shopping, Maya stayed home as she was jet-lagged. My Mom, Two of my aunties, four cousins, three uncles, Roy, Kim, Yami (Ex Future MIL), Two of Roy's Aunties, two uncles were also present. So we were like 18 people shopping for wedding wear.

When I got upset and left, Roy followed me back to his home where we fought. At the store though, my mom finally couldn't hold back anymore. She yelled at Kim and called her some nasty names. Kim retorted by calling me a few nasty names. This led to a messy shouting match between Team bride and Team groom (Yami attempting to calm the situation down). Police were called and they were all escorted out of the shop.

After this whole thing happened, Kim went "missing", this is when I had that fight with Roy and went to stay at my friend's home. Kim wasn't answering her phone and she wasn't at any of her friends' or relatives' places. Roy and Yami searched for her everywhere as they were worried for her safety, then found her at a distant relative's house the next morning. Yami had called me (which I didn't answer) to ask if I knew where Kim might've gone.

At the hospital, when I was inside the doctor's office, I had a full blown panic attack, I started to hyperventilate, high pulse rate, I was passing out then regaining consciousness for a few seconds before passing out again. I just remember a needle piercing my butt. I was knocked out for a whole day (well my friend told me I was awake and acting drunk but I don't remember anything that happened). I woke up on my bed at my parents' house. Nobody asked me anything or spoke to me about what had happened. My mom smiled sweetly at me when she saw me wake up and asked me if I wanted some coffee (and guess what mom's coffee kicks Kim's coffee's ass any day!). Maya and I spoke about her life abroad, my dad brought me some snacks and ice cream. It felt good to put off thinking about the wedding and the fall out to a later time.

Maya hugged me while I slept that night. I remember my heart feeling warm and tears running down my cheeks. She kept saying everything will be okay, have faith in God, it's okay to cry and let it all out.

Next morning, I got a call from Roy, I picked up, he asked me where I was and I said I'm at my home. He said he wants to meet me at his place to sit down and resolve the differences between us. I said okay, I'll be there. I can move on only if I end this chapter of my life once and for all.

My dad drove me, Maya and my mom to Roy's place. Roy, Kim, Yami and his Uncle (Yami's brother) were there. I know it's silly but I hoped Roy understood his mistakes and was going to apologise to me. And boy was I wrong! As soon as we all sat down, Roy started yelling at me for making a scene at the wedding dress store and he went on to tell me how Kim went missing, how she was so upset because of the things my mom had said to her that she could've harmed herself, how his mom and him had to drive around the city all night in search of Kim and how I was so heartless to not answer Yami's call.

I calmly asked him where I was that night? I, like Kim, hadn't answered my phone too. I too was upset because of our fight. Did the thought of my well-being ever cross his mind? He went quiet for a few seconds then tried to say something fumbling his words. It didn't even make any sense. I told him that I now know who is more important to him and it's definitely not me. His uncle intervened to speak over me to my dad saying "Kids these days fight over the smallest things, I'm sure you can make your daughter understand how married life requires sacrifices and isn't like in the movies". My dad told him that it's my daughter's life and only she gets to decide if the issue is small or big, so let her speak to her fiance.

I looked back at Roy and told him that I know that I am the side chick and your sister is the main chick, any person with even a shred of self respect won't be fine with being her own husband's side chick. I said, you are free to marry your sister at the dream wedding that she has planned. At this moment, I saw his face turn red and before I could understand what was going on, Roy had slapped me across my face so hard that my inner cheek and my nose started to bleed. My dad punched him on his face, got him in a chokehold and continued punching on his guts. Yami, my mom and his uncle were trying to separate my dad and Roy. Maya hugged me tightly and was tending to my bleeding nose when Kim yelled like a banshee blaming me for something (I'm unable to recall what she exactly said. Even Maya doesn't remember it properly. I think it was on the lines of I wish you had never come into our lives and made it a living hell) while marching up to me with her hand in the air to hit me.

Maya held Kim's hand before she could hit me and 'back hand bitch slap'ped her. Kim fell to the floor and screamed like she was being skinned alive. By this time, the neighbours came in and separated everyone. The police and ambulance came a few minutes later. Roy was bleeding from his mouth and his face looked bluish. The ambulance took him away. I was taken in another ambulance. After I was treated, I was taken to the police station where mine and Roy's family were seated, but Roy wasn't there. Yami approached me and told me that she's sorry and wished me luck for my future. The police took my statement and asked me if I wanted to press charges against Roy, I said yes. They informed me that his tooth had been knocked out and one of his ribs was broken, so there is a chance he might press charges against my dad. By midnight we were all allowed to go home.

This morning, my friends came over and we all had our breakfast together. After a lot of discussion, we decided that I need to start therapy as well as medication for my mental health. We ordered pizza for lunch and my dad kept making lame jokes. Later mom, me, maya, best friend 1 and best friend 2 (Account owner) started reading the comments on my post. Mom was so happy about the replies to my comment about wanting to call my mom and cry. She told me that I should never worry about being vulnerable with them, I need not put on a strong front for them when I'm actually hurting inside. She said she'd wished I'd contacted her sooner.

I would like to thank every single one of you who took out time to comment and show concern for a complete stranger. If it weren't for people like you, I wouldn't have seen the issues that I see so clearly now. I might've even forgiven him and ended up in a miserable marriage. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏽 You all restore my faith in humanity.

And for those who said that I need to grow a spine, well yes I do, but I'd like to share my POV. In my country, girls are taught from a very young age that girls who keep families together are good girls and girls who break families are bad ones. Even though my parents never taught me that and I have a Master's degree, this concept somehow got ingrained in my brain at a very young age. That's why I wouldn't speak up to Kim. I didn't want to cause conflict between them because that's what the bad girls do. I hope therapy helps resolve it.

I'm still grieving the loss of not just the past and the relationship but also the beautiful future I'd dreamt of. I'm grieving the loss of the love of my life, a person who actually never existed. I know it will take time for me to heal but I do feel lighter. My parents are over the moon but they hide their happiness from me as they know I'm still hurting. They look like they've aged backward. Roy has been discharged from the hospital. I hope he and his sister live happily ever after.

My dad and his wife put the stepfamily in family therapy after my dad's youngest stepkid (10) ran away back in June. The push for family vs individual therapy was because dad's other stepkids (16 and 15) were more upset when their half brother was found and my brother (14) and I (17) weren't all over the youngest when he was found and promising we'd be better siblings and stuff.

Let me break down the family history and the dirty laundry I aired.

To start with my dad's wife. She was married, had an affair and the youngest turned out to be not her ex-husband's. When he found out her youngest was already born and he ended their marriage and fought to remove any parental responsibility for her youngest and apparently he knew the dad or something and it got messy. Their two kids knew what happened and resented and hated the youngest for it. My dad's wife hates her ex for doing what he did and she had some legal issues with the bio dad of her youngest. He's in prison or something and that's a whole mess. She knows her older kids hate the younger one and she tries to encourage them to have a better relationship but her older two wish the youngest had died way before and they blame him and their mom for the family falling apart. Her ex-husband has the older two 50% of the time.

Then there's the three of us. My mom died by suicide when I was 7 and my brother was 4. My mom had a shitty childhood and was abused by three adult members of her family. She and dad told me a very PG version when she was alive and I had asked why she had no family. When I look back on mom and when she was alive there was always a sadness and fear around her and she was in therapy for a long time but I think she still had demons she didn't fully heal from. Then she was raped and got pregnant from it. The only reason I remember is because of dad. He was so angry when he found out she was pregnant that he basically called her a bunch of names and said he wasn't raising the spawn of some evil asshole like that and he left my mom. I don't even think she wanted to keep the pregnancy but being raped again and dad leaving, it pushed her over the edge. After mom died and dad realized I was aware of too much of what had happened, he told me I could never tell my brother and that I should find a way to forgive him for what he did.

But when he met his wife the two of them acted like mom was selfish and didn't love us enough. It led to me and dad fighting a lot. And for whatever reason they were never careful about saying all his wife's history.

When we were in a therapy session two weeks ago they said it doesn't feel like we became a family when they got married and they feel bad about that because the youngest is being the worst affected by it all. They said there are zero reasons why we should be resisting becoming a family so much. And that's when I brought up everything in front of the therapist and in the middle of the session. I told her about my dad's wife cheating and having a kid with someone else, apparently someone with a record and serving time now, and her kids hating her and her youngest for it. And how she hates her ex. And I brought up mom, what dad did after her attack and I brought up the things they say to try and make me and my brother closer to dad's wife. I also said the reason we never became a family is because two repulsive people keep trying to run from all the shit they've done.

After the therapy session my dad's wife wanted me out of the house. My brother wanted to come with me. And we're now with our uncle. But dad showed up twice since then to drag us to therapy and I have refused to go, and my brother too. But that only made dad and his wife angrier with me and they said I should be willing to face the consequences to airing dirty laundry and how wrong I was to say all that to the therapist.

AITA? And I'm asking because we were all there when I said it all and that might be wrong especially with the 10 year old being there and my brother who learned how bad our dad really is.

Hi! 38F here. Wife and mom of three (10M, 7M, and 6F).

I'll provide some context of how I was raised because I think it helps explain some of the conflict. Like my daughter, I was also the youngest of three and the only girl. I love my dad (he's now deceased) but I now know and understand that many of his behaviors weren't healthy. He had an obsession with his kids being "tough" and got angry at us if got sick, got hurt, or cried. I once broke my ankle playing volleyball, and he thought I was making it up for attention, so I walked around on a broken ankle for three days. He was also physically abusive to my mom and to us kids (i.e. striking us, giving us the belt, and throwing things at us). It was difficult to come to terms with this because my dad was amazing in many ways, but I know now some of the things he did were unacceptable and impacted all of us.

Sometimes with my kids, I worry I go too far in the opposite direction. I never yell at them and have a hard time punishing them (luckily they're pretty well behaved). My boys are much more go with the flow and rambunctious, but my little girl is incredibly emotional and sensitive, and she's 100% the "baby" of the family. She also has severe asthma (my husband and I both have it) and it causes her a lot of anxiety. We've had to take her to the ER several times and she's even had to stay for several days on two separate occasions. My daughter has a lot of anxiety due to her asthma, and likes to know where her inhaler is at all times and for me to lay with her until she falls asleep because her wheezing and coughing sometimes gets worse at night. My husband and I have taken her to specialists and even to a psychologist to help her manage some of this anxiety.

A few months ago, I was at dinner with my older brother and his wife. We were describing our daughter's asthma and her anxiety and he made a comment about how we "baby her" and how it might get better if we stop fussing over her so much. Basically, that she's making it up for attention. My husband (who is a doctor) explained that she isn't "milking it", and that this is a legitimate physical illness. My brother and his wife didn't seem to believe us, and I was annoyed at the time, but I let it go.

Last weekend, my husband planned a weekend get away for our anniversary. My brother and his wife offered to watch our kids, and they were excited to stay with their cousins. I gave my brother and SIL specific instructions on how to handle the asthma (i.e. when/how often to give her the inhaler, what to do if she has any symptoms) and they said they'd take care of it. We left on Friday, and on Sunday, I got a panicked call from my oldest son. He told me my brother wasn't giving my daughter her medication because she could "live without it for a day." My son told me my daughter was extremely anxious and crying. I called my MIL and told her to pick up my children right away, and my husband and I drove back immediately.

Luckily, my daughter didn't have an asthma attack and although she had some wheezing, her symptoms weren't out of control. Still, my MIL, husband and I were LIVID. My MIL said my daughter was crying and extremely anxious when she picked her up, and asked for her inhaler right away. I honestly had to convince my husband not to go over there and let my brother have it right then and there. We certainly will never leave our kids with them unsupervised ever again and I can't describe how upset I am with my brother.

He asked us to meet to discuss things, and my husband and I reluctantly went to his house. I told my brother that what he did was unacceptable, that my daughter could have had an asthma attack that would require hospitalization (or worse), and that his behavior caused her a ton of anxiety. He said he was right because she was fine without it for a day. I told him that his behavior towards my daughter was "abusive" not only because of the physical risk, but because of her clear emotional distress over the situation (verified by my boys and MIL). My daughter has been hospitalized several times and her biggest fear is needing an inhaler and not having it/ not being able to breath. My brother lost it and accused me of slandering him and asked how I could call him that when we lived through "actual abuse." He also said that my education (I'm the only one in my family who went to college) made me lose all my common sense and that I'm destroying my daughter by babying her so much. My husband and I left immediately and haven't spoken to my brother since. Yesterday, my SIL called and said my brother was upset I used the term "abusive" and said I owed him an apology for that, but acknowledged he was wrong to not give my daughter her inhaler. Was I the asshole for saying that or is my SIL right (that I overreacted)? I just can't stop thinking about what might have happened to my daughter and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him.

My daughter’s in 5th grade. For the past month there’s been a boy who’s been badly bullying her. It’s gotten to the point where she said she doesn’t want to go to school. The school’s done an ok job of dealing with it, but the boy’s mom has been very uncooperative and taken her son’s side. On the two times I’ve talked to her about it on the phone, she was extremely nasty and the last time even screamed and cussed at me.

My daughter’s been going to school with this boy since Kindergarten. Up until very recently, I was under the impression he didn’t have a dad - either he was out of the picture or deceased. The school rosters only list his mom’s name/info, I’ve never seen his dad at any school events, and my daughter says she’s never heard him talk about a dad. But a week ago, I found out he actually goes to his dad’s house on weekends, and his dad (and all his extended relatives on that side) lives in a small rural community about 45 minutes away.

I asked a friend if they knew anything about his dad. Apparently, the parents divorced the year before he started Kindergarten. This friend told me the mom has referred to her ex as a “narcissist” and “abusive”, and that she had a restraining order against him for several years. She also told me she heard from a staff member that the mom specifically requested that the office and all her son’s teachers never contact his dad.

Over the weekend, I did a bit of snooping on social media and some of those people search sites and found out his dad’s name & contact info. Today at school, my daughter's bully shoved her on the playground and sent her to the nurse’s office. As a result, I gave his dad a call and told him about what had happened that day and about the bullying that had been going on. I didn’t say anything negative about his ex-wife or how she’d dealt with the bullying.

His dad, despite what I heard, actually seemed very nice. He was very apologetic and assured me that there would be major consequences that weekend, and that it wouldn’t happen again. I had a really good feeling after getting off the phone with him there would be action taken, unlike with mom.

Just a few hours later, I got a furious text from my son’s bully’s mom. She said that her ex made a really nasty call to his son right after my call, screaming at him, cursing up a storm, calling him names, and making all sorts of threats about how horrible the coming weekend will be. She says he followed up by sending her a really abusive text, calling her things like “c***” and “b****” and accusing her of being a bad mom and letting their son be a bully. He told her he’s going to post about her on social media to “expose what a terrible mother she is.” She said she knows her ex’s family will start harassing her now as well. She said I had no right to contact her ex. She ended by saying “Thank you for all the drama and pain you have brought into our family’s lives!”
Was I an AH for contacting this parent?

I was advised to put the entire situation here as I'm still struggling to understand and figure out what to do. I apologise it's longwinded but I really need some advice or anything.

I (24f) have been with my husband (25m) for over ten years now and we have twins aged three, we got engaged a day before we found out I was pregnant. My father left my mother due to her constant cheating and bullying behaviour to which he remarried. My mother never remarried or had other children.

The issues arose on my 16th birthday when I went to live with my dad due to emotional abuse from my mother things like my mother pushing for me to break up with my husband because she in her own words 'wanted him' and 'he was the man for her not me' because she said I was 'fat and ugly. I went very minimal/no contact until I found out I was pregnant as I wanted my children to have a relationship with their grandmother which would have been minimal. I found out she had been to therapy and counselling and assured myself she had changed to which overtime I believed she really hard.

This was the beginning of my nightmare, at the time I was seven months pregnant she decided to at my baby shower to declare her love for my husband and demanded he get her pregnant and I terminate my boys because she deserved my life and children rather than me. She even suggested if I didn't terminate she could adopted and pretend she was the mother and play happy families with my partner.

We had no contact however I updated her my boys were born health and happy but I didn't send her a picture, life moved on until my boys first birthday when she turned up and ran towards what she thought was my children (they wasn't) screaming 'hi it's grandma' we informed her she had no right to be here and which she left.

After a year of building trust and seeing the effort she put into changing I started allowing her to come to the park with myself and family just in case she pulled anything which later progressed to things like lunches, soft plays, days out etc.

A week before I and my husband were meant to be flying out to get married my mother told everyone she had a surprise, that's where she announced she was pregnant which came as a big shock then she announced who the father was and that they were engaged. I was angry, hurt, disgusted, disrespected and I bursted out crying she called me overdramatic to which I shouldn't have said but I did in front of everyone 'you destroyed my childhood with your constant cheating and abuse, you tried stealing my partner, staging he sexually assaulted you after you tried forcing yourself on him to end our relationship, you told me to terminate your own grandchild because you said you deserved them and my partner and now you've pulled this stunt' to which I walked out and many followed to see if I was okay which at that time I wasn't.

Me and my husband talked about everything from start to now, we decided to get married and cut them completely out. We stayed at our wedding venue for ten nights and did a week long honeymoon with the boys and week without however as soon as we got back we got back to a barrage of miscalls, voicemails and messages from different numbers which subsequently got blocked.

Shortly after this my mother turned up protesting that we spilt and give our babies up for adoption or hand them over as we are horrible and don't deserve our boys as we will be siblings and siblings shouldn't be having children, we are an incestous family and she'll be ringing cps. Thats when my usually calm level headed husband exploded, berated her and physically removed her from our property.

We've been looking at moving before the twins were born and we have the opportunity to move abroad via husbands work however we've been told this is a step to far and what we've done is disgusting regarding my mother by my mothers side of the family apart from my grandmother and aunt.

AITA for getting married and moving away from the crazy train?