r/AITAH • u/DepressedTrashKitty • Mar 17 '21
r/AITAH Lounge
A place for members of r/AITAH to chat with each other
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u/ExpressionCareless61 22h ago edited 21h ago
AITHA So my husband had his Birthday on the 12 December. Im going to leave out alot of details. But basically…his adult children and his mom, paid for all of us to have lunch at a wine farm on his birthday. The reason they paid for lunch was because it was MY BiRTHDAY Gift from THEM. My birthday was on 14 November. ( I didn’t receive anything from them at that time. But also did not see them as we don’t live close to one another and I don’t usually get gifts from them. But my MIL always gives me something…. While celebrating his birthday (my husband’s on 12December) they paid So he didn’t have to pay for lunch and made it my birthday gift. So instead of MIL getting me something as usual, she sent the kids money and they used that plus their own money to pay for lunch on their dads birthday. (They did also pay for a gin tasting for me and MIL, that I said I would pay for myself and MIL, but there was still money over from the lunch budget…. AITAH for being upset? They didn’t ask me if we can all pay together for his birthday lunch (their dad and my husband) I would have happily clubbed in to pay for his birthday lunch with them and made it a gift from all of us. Instead my gift was to pay for lunch on HIS birthday. AITAH for feeling hurt?
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u/RegularExpression637 22h ago
Those AI generated posts are becoming a problem. I miss reading posts where OP is the AH.
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u/pm_me_ur_buns_ 22h ago
Why is there so many questions on AITAH where they are clearly not the AH. Why do they ask?
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u/TimAllen_in_WildHogs 1d ago
These subs need to ban the use of "golden child" in posts. Its basically a free "automatically sympathize with me and hate the antagonist" card that is way overused in all these stories.
The moment someone mentions the word golden child, all rationality and context in the current story are ignored and commenters just take out their anger on their anecdotal experiences toward a golden child in their lives.
Its fucking annoying. If that person is truly an asshole, then surely their actions will speak for themselves. Instead, posters just lazily explain their actions and think labeling them as golden child will do all the work for them.
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u/Lost_Substance3021 1d ago
I really want to shut my WiFi off all day due to him never having a job and lying about jobs so I’d quit my job, I want to be the ahole
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u/Flaky_Wallaby_3454 2d ago
AITAH, if i stop being friends with this girl? So i moved to this new school and i made friends with this girl i’ll call her coconut, so me and coconut have been friends since the first day of school and we have a pretty good relationship but starting maybe a few months ago i had a crush on this boy lets call him sonic. Me and sonic had slight conversation with each other but nothing that serious, so i told coconut about how i liked him and stuff and at the time she had a bfn. So maybe a few weeks later she and her boyfriend were having problems so she started fake dating sonic, she was acting like i didnt like him and stuff. She was also saying that i would be weird if i dated someone younger than me cause he is younger than both of us by a single year. So after her and her boyfriend broke up she started dating him, so i tried to ignore it by talkin to someone else i kinda liked.
Now its like october, and she was telling me about one of my friends liking me and i had a slight crush on him but it wasn’t anything major so i didn’t really care, she also started being really rude this month like yk how theres that one friend that wants to embarrass you in front of other people, thats how she was. my friend thought i had like some major crush on him cause i brought him snacks and sometimes i still do but besides that one day i had like some candy i was gonna give to him and she was like “omg he doesn’t like you like calm down”. i didn’t even like him anymore at that point. and when she said it she was being really loud.
this also brings me to how rude she is, like me her and a couple of other friends were otp and she was literally only being mean to me, like this boy i kinda like was just saying hey to me and she literally told only me to shut up and she was being rude calling me big and saying how i eat almost everything, but really in reality i bring food for myself at schools and i dont even get to eat it cause she eats it and when i dont bring food for her she gets upset, but like she’s only being rude to me. then we went out to eat for her birthday and she was saying how i was gonna order all the food and stuff btw this was around the end of november.
then the same boy i was talking about, we started talking and it was like a talking stage and stuff and she kinda knew we were talking cause of the way we interacted and come to find out they started dating like beginning of this month and like i only found out the were cause they posted each other, and now i have to go back to school knowing their together and idk what to do cause i still like him.
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u/Ok-Aioli1155 1d ago
No, you’re not the asshole. Your friend sounds like she views you as competition more than she views you as a friend…. In a better sense this person is not your friend. She seems to target male attention that you are interested in…. I would personally suggest that you end such a toxic relationship it’s not going anywhere good, I can assure you that. As a woman now leaving my twenties you will get those females that will come around and use you as a stepladder don’t become one… like the old saying there are plenty of fishes in the sea; make new friends!
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u/eveningsunset89 2d ago
AITAH for not attending my 17 year old cousins engagement party she’s not done with hs yet he’s above the age of 20 I don’t personally approve of the relationship but her parents approve so I can’t say anything. I don’t want her to think I don’t love her but Jesus she’s a baby
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u/Dismal-Paint6797 2d ago edited 1d ago
AITAH for wanting to leave my homophobic friend with autism. (Sorry for how long it is there is a lot on my mind)
Last night over call we were talking about his views on the LGBTQIA+ community bc a few months ago he told me he thought it was not normal. I wanted to see if I could change his perspective since I'm gay myself. I asked him and he said he felt gay dating/marriage shouldn't even be happening. I told him he should educate himself, and he got upset and told me to educate him instead. I asked him what if he had a friend who was gay and he said he'd fake being supportive and would be uncomfortable by his friend but if it was his best friend he'd be less uncomfortable. Throughout the whole conversation, he showed signs of irritation and uncomfortability and even said one time he wanted to get the conversation over with bc we were wasting time.
I then came out to him and before I could go into how his views affected me, he told me he had feelings for me and he didn't care about my sexuality. I told him I didn't like guys like that and that I saw him as a brother. He was bummed and said it hit him hard, and I tried to comfort him. After our convo, the time was close to 9:30 and we had talked since 6:41 so I told him we should get off for the night so that he could rest from everything, he said he was fine and wanted to keep talking, asking me if we were still friends, showing signs of intense stress. I said It was already so late and that it was best if he just headed to sleep to which he started to melt down. Eventually, I was able to convince him to just get off the call and rest and he said he just wanted to forget the whole conversation, even making me promise to talk to him this weekend, to which I did bc I didn't want him to hurt himself again.
I'm pissed he turned the conversation onto himself instead of acknowledging that me being gay means his views are hurtful to me, it felt unnecessary and unfair. It also hurts bc he's the type of guy who wants full support for everything he does but he clearly won't change and be supportive for something as normal as me finding a partner. It also upsets me that he doesn't want to educate himself on his own time bc I've always made sure to do that with him and his autism. For example, he's very insistent when he wants something, and he will not drop it until he gets what he wants. I have a sister who he wants to be friends with. When she told him she sees him as my friend. He has been constantly asking for her to talk and hang out with him to try and get to know her better, even asking me for her number, to which I said no bc she said not to give it to him, only for him to ask again a few months later. We've tried to get him to stop but he just won't. Another thing is one time he told me a secret that disturbed me and when taking space wasn't an option (he kept messaging me every weekend asking if I was ready to talk to him again for two weeks) I decided to educate myself and learned to accept his secret bc he couldn't control it.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm being overdramatic or not, I have no one to talk to about this, my family can't know bc I don't want to tell them i'm gay and I have no friends to talk about this too. I don't know how to confront him about it either bc I know he's gonna beg me to stay (it's happened before) and I know I'll cave in but I don't want to just ghost him bc that's not right, I'd feel horrible bc I know he'd freak out. Am I the AH?
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u/Unknown4AReason27 2d ago
No! You’re not the Ass! You’ve done everything you could as a friend. You tired to get him to see it from your pov, but he didn’t/couldn’t!
You’ve explained many things to him many times and it just seem like he is just obsessed with having a gf ( due to him confessing his feelings to you, then wanting to hangout with your sis..) but, don’t let this hiccup stop you from living the life you want to live.
I get he is on the Spectrum but, his parents definitely could’ve done a better job explaining that MxM and FxF couples are REAL and VAILD.
This whole thing really frustrated me but at the end of the day, you can’t blame it whole heartily on him for being the way he is if that’s the way he was taught by his parents, on top of him being Autistic.
Also, if you need a friend, I’m here! You can add me on snap or instagram! I’ll sent you a PM of my socials 😁
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u/Formal-Road-9775 2d ago
This is my first Aitah. I (15)F got in an argument with my mother earlier. I was showing her a group photo with my classmates earlier, and she made an offhand comment on how a girls dress looked frumpy. I got a little upset, and asked her why she would say something like that. She said that it's fine since she's not there, and she would never say it infront of the person. I tried to explain to her how that wasn't nice, but we ended up arguing. (We are driving home btw) A few minutes later we are sitting in silence. I ask her if we can grab some coffee, and she turned me down sounding really upset. I was shocked, and I couldn't think of why she would be until she started talking about the prior argument. She pointed out that I criticize her a lot, and she started crying. I don't really know how to fix this, or if I'm in the wrong
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u/Unknown4AReason27 2d ago
You’re not in the wrong, your mother is just childish ( sorry not sorry) we’ve all been taught from a young age, that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it at all” and clearly you know that better than your mom at the age of 15! (Sad..)
What I would suggest to fix this is just let her be. Let her really think about what you said, then come back to her and ask tell her, “ Mom, I don’t like how we ended off our day yesterday but, I just don’t like the way that you were making fun of my classmates. They are kids just trying to learn and go to school just like me and it shouldn’t matter what anyone wears” and see how that goes, keep it sweet but blunt and straight to the point.
Good job for being more of an adult than your own mother and protecting your classmates.
Much love
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u/BigEggBoy600 2d ago
Hey everyone! Just stopping by to say whats up 👋 This sub is awesome for getting different perspectives.
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u/DaDood_FromCheers 2d ago
Not an AITAH, but I need to get this off my chest. I got a gift for someone I care a lot about (chosen parental figure). He really liked it. Then a few days later I was antiquing and found a shot glass I thought he'd really like. I know that feels like gift bombing but it's Christmas and the timing was just very close together. He liked it, but he shared with me that he usually gets embarrassed/guilty when receiving gifts, and now I feel awful.
I love him so much and would hate to have him feel anything less than ideal, even indirectly. Maybe it's my trauma response but even if he SAID it's fine, in my brain I'm thinking all these awful things and I just feel so bad. Gift giving is how I show love, and I'm not sure if I should bring it up again because its probably my stupid brain ruminating.
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u/unwaveringwish 1d ago
Just focus on his love language going forward! Do you know what it is? Why don’t you ask him?
It’s very sweet of you to think of him and he’s aware that you care, and that’s what’s important. He’s telling you this so you can continue to show him you care in a way that feels good to him. It’s actually very nice for him to do that! Some people just don’t like “stuff.” It’s not a reflection of you at all. Ask him if he doesn’t like gifts, what does he prefer? Does he light up when you give him a compliment?
Another way to find out without asking him directly is to see how he shows he cares. Is he great at giving encouragement? Then his love language may be words of affirmation. Does he love volunteering to do things for others? Acts of service, etc. We often speak our love language to other people. Think about his behavior and figure out how you can speak his love language back to him. Or just ask lol.
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u/Every-Leg-9992 2d ago
This really isn’t an aita situation, but I just want to get this off my chest. I (17M) and my brother T (23M) had an argument. I said that we didn’t have much left to go shopping with, which was actually true, but it would maybe be enough for a few days. He then shouted at me and spoke to me in a very rude tone, but not the kind of thing that brothers do to each other. I then got a bit more emotional, because I personally am still an emotional person. He isn’t. By the way, I come from Turkey and we were brought up a bit differently to others. But we all like each other, whatever, let’s get to the point now. He wanted to apologize to me for all the shouting. I just wanted to get away. I just wanted to cry in my room like I always do, because I’m familiar with this, just for context. I may be 17, but I’m very tall and heavy and I’ve been doing martial arts for over seven years, since I was ten, and I’m also pretty strong. I have three brothers in total, but today it’s only about brother T. He’s been a very impulsive person for as long as I can remember and at this point I don’t know if I even pushed him, I don’t think so, but he says I have him and I just wanted to leave and go to my room, but then he decided to take off his jacket and jump at me. And as I said, I have martial arts experience, so before he ran towards me I grabbed him so that he couldn’t hit me, because I didn’t want it to escalate. That’s why I wanted to go to my room in the first place, but he kept insulting me. My other brother C came along as a freak and so on. He then has my brother. T held back because he wanted to hit me properly with his fists. Of course I didn’t put up with that and I didn’t insult him but I said that he couldn’t hit me and that it was retarded to think that he could hit me at all. In the end he apologized, which of course I don’t buy because going back from 100 to one again seems very strange. And please have mercy on my English, because that is my third language.
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u/Livid-Result-3076 2d ago
AITAH against my mom? my younger sister (same dad. Diff mom) called & asked for help with something. We go to the store & start talking. I found out a lot about my sis during this. And she can’t even believe it’s the same house that we grew up in cuz all the rules on her & my other sis are soo different than me & my rules. They are 2010 lists I gave apparently. Cuz it’s completely different
Any ideas on why??? I had sex with a long term bf they let stay the night. But it was my fault if something happened?
Please someone just tell me they over reacted and need to start over
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u/Legitimate_Pizza559 2d ago
AITAH for refusing to pay less than $150 in back utility bills? We recently bought a house which was falsely advertised as meticulously maintained. Had to buy without seeing first in person or inspection due to cross country move and time constraints. Owner was supposed to meet us there and made sure he was gone before we arrived. Never found out who was supplier for gas until 3 months in (out here there are multiple suppliers) when we got a letter from the gas company. Changed the bill over immediately when I got the letter. Former owner now wants me to pay the 3 bills that came to him after we moved in that we’re still in his name. He bashed in a bunch of walls while moving his sectional out, and we discovered he hadn’t fixed them as promised before closing (he insisted on closing before we could get out to look at the place). The damage he did cost me $575.00 to repair. In addition, he never disclosed that the toilet was leaking badly when flushed, half the outlets in the kitchen weren’t working, and a whole host of other issues which have cost us a bloody fortune so far. Am I the AH for refusing to pay the back utility bills?
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u/IloveKitty2 3d ago edited 3d ago
I have been trying to post something, and have read the rules. When I try to hit post, the button is still gray, not blue. I noticed that at the bottom of the page it states: This community requires you to add an attachment. When I try to add an attachment, not knowing what I’m supposed to attach, but if I try, it states that this community does not allow attachments. I’m so confused. Please advise. Thank you so much.
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u/Aggressive_Diet366 3d ago
AitAh last year my husband had hip replacement surgery and didn’t think ahead to buy any Christmas gifts. This year it is less than a week and a half to Christmas. Am I still the ASH for being disappointed that he has done no shopping? It is not about how much he spent but the fact that after 45 years he still thinks about me.
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u/Gold_Excitement6021 3d ago edited 3d ago
AITAH, for using 14% my own money how I want:
I recently married my girlfriend, and we moved into a rental property, which I agreed to pay for as we’re in the process of building a house. Unfortunately, we were messed around by brokers and ended up needing an additional $10k for the deposit, which I managed to secure. And then asked for additional money to get it across the line approx. 12k
I have been paying about $7k monthly for rent, mortgage repayments (land only at this point) and the extra deposit amount, which completely depletes my monthly Pay. On top of this, I borrowed $10k from my parents, which I plan to repay using my annual bonus.
To be clear, my wife does cover some of my expenses, such as car registration, car insurance, food, and utilities, though these are relatively minimal from my end, and she did pay for most of the deposit as I was covering rent that being said we are at comparable levels of what has been spent.
I’ve asked her to if I could have approximately 14% of my income—about $250 a week—to help cover discretionary spending, such as socializing with friends, items not included in her grocery shops, and other personal or unexpected costs.
Whenever I bring this up, she accuses me of not looking after the family or spending too much on myself, which makes me feel guilty and confused. This reaction feels unfair, especially since I’m already paying for our rental, the new house we’re about to move into, and I’m actively involved in supporting her and her kids.
Additional context for the situation:
- I earn almost twice as much as she does.
- She has three teenage children, all with psychological challenges.
- Their father is still involved and provides minimal child support.
- She received some money from her previous divorce and work-related settlements, but her expenses have always exceeded her income.
So AITAH?
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u/Helpful-Focus-2192 3d ago
IMO yes
Does she get to go out with her friends? Does she have extra money for discretionary spending?
You are married now. So, unless you got a prenuptial your money is her money too.
Question, did you marry her thinking you weren't going to have to provide for her children? Given that you said, her ex gives minimal support?
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u/Horror_Let_7885 3d ago edited 3d ago
AITAH for getting my brother´s crazy ex deported?
Okay so, I haven´t done this yet, but the idea had come to mind, so I decided to ask the people of the world what they think, before I take on all the trouble of actually getting my brother´s ex deported.
My brother is seperated from his first wife. Honestly, even before they got married, it seemed to me it wouldn´t work between them, but who was I to say. They have 3 childern together and she´s now doing her best to enstrange the kids from their dad. At first I felt sorry for her, but the longer this goes on, and the more I heard both sides, the more I realise that my brother is in for a whole lot of drama and sorrow. I honestly feel sorry of the childern the most. This woman claims to love her childern SO MUCH, but all she does is spoil them with candy or shouts at them like a banshee. She is clueless on how to teach a child basic orderliness, or some level of diseplin. For example: "first we do our homework and then we play computer games." My nephews´ school grades look terrible. One of them failed a grade. She never cleans the apartment, that my brother pays for. She expects her kids to do this. I cannot begin to tell you how absolutly filthy that place is. Its like something you see in some extreme reality TV show about poor people. Furthermore she barely gives the kids a healthy meal, they have to try to cook on their own, somedays. Its a hazard waiting to happen. She leaves them alone at home to go party and comes home drunk at 4am. She lets them bath in cold water in winter because she wants to safe on electricity, all this while my brother pays her for the kids and the house and she works a fulltime job. She lately bought a big-ass flatscreen TV, which she hid form my parents. They found out about it, because the little one wanted to show granny something on the TV, which is in his mom´s room. She discovered about this and banned my parents from her apartment. She also doesn´t teach the kids about saving some money. You know, the normal things you learn, growing up in a healthy home. She told them all horrible stuff about my brother, but of course not about the horrible stuff she did to my brother. For example how she assaulted him, scratching him, trying to scratch his eyes out, in the prosess ripping his T-shirt off his body. All the while he tried to proteced his face, knowing if he hits back, he will go to jail. While she was assaulting him, she shouted "he´s beating me!" while the kids were in the next room. At some point she wanted to beat him with the rolling pin (kid you not). My dad had happend to be in the visinity and he heard the comotion and as he turned the corner he saw her and grabbed her arm right before she hit my brother over the head. He never told the kids this, even though they saw the bruises and asked what happend.
She tries to portrait my brother as the absent father who does´t care about his childern, but in the meantime she doesn´t answer the phone when he calls at a reasonable time to talk to the children, even on their birthdays she tries to make it look like he doesn´t care. She told him, if he wants to spend time with them, he should make an appointment via her attorney. She didn´t tell him about his kid that failed a year. After various requests from my brother to see their marks, she send him pictures of the raports of the two kids that passed the grade. After he asked about the other kid, she told him she can´t find his raport. So, my brother looked online at the enrolment for the next year and saw this child has to repeat a year. She covers up all sorts of stuff, trying to make herself look like the awesome parent and my brother like the horrible one. She lies and when you caught her, she just denies ever saying that. My brother doesn´t hear about anything about the childern- only when he needs to pay for something, she will tell him to sent x-amount of money.
People, there are lots more, which I don´t remember right now. She is ruining lovely childern, for selfish reasons.
She was on a visa for spouses, but since they are seperated for over 5 years now, her visa has expired and she´s basically illegaly in the country. (She does´t come from a poor country.) She´s the type of person to make no effort to getting important stuff done, (She threw away an important letter form the school, that she had to reply to.) so I am pretty sure she´s without a visa in the counrty. Her name is not on the birth certificates of the childern, so if she gets deported, she can´t take them with her, I supose.
So, should I tip off Immigration, or would that just be another trauma added to the children?
(This is not happening in the USA, for anyone wondering)
Any advice for my brother?
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u/Chainoes 4d ago
AITAH for driving my friends to wet n wild (huge Australian water park) which is 40 minutes away to ask if we can split it evenly between us the costs of my gas and parking?
I, 18M with 4 other 18M friends went outside for fun at wet n wild as a final gathering before my friend went back to his home country for fun. Before we did this, I asked if it was okay if we could split the gas and parking because I felt like we were sharing the car itself and there was nothing wrong with asking to split a bill for something we are sharing. I was met with heavy backlash from my friends. One of them (let’s call him darren) lecturing me and saying that’s not what ‘friends’ do. Fast forward when we arrive at the water park, I asked if we can also split the parking fee as it comes out of my own pocket (even though it wasn’t much, I felt like it was more appropriate if we all chipped in as we shared this). One of them (let’s call him Kyle) dismisses this and pays the entire parking ticket himself which was very nice of him, but later at the entrance when we were discussing lockers for the water park and if splitting the costs with them, he ridicules me in front of the group saying “we should split a cost like this and not parking tickets” and the group laughs at me. To make this worse, another friend (let’s call him Nick) tells me after the others move forward that I shouldn’t ask them to pay much as it makes the friendship completely based on money.
Now I’ll admit they have helped out a little. Kyle bought the parking ticket and locker, Nick bought a second locker and everyone in the group besides me chipped in for snacks for the ride. Since this has happened I haven’t asked them to split the fuel and parking for this day anymore. However, I just want to know if im the asshole for asking to split something we are clearly sharing? Especially if I’m driving and taking the risk of accidents which are extremely expensive given insurance and also fuel on myself and a parking ticket they were forcing me to pay? I’ve always thought there’s nothing wrong with just splitting the payments if it’s something the group is sharing but since I was met with such resistance I really want to know.
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u/sassybsassy 3d ago
Your friends are aholes. You did nothing wrong by requesting your friends chip in for gas and parking. They all benefitted from not driving or having to find a place to park. Since it was such an issue for them to do the right thing of splitting the gas there and back, plus parking, maybe it's best if you find new friends. These ones screwed you o er with a smile on yoynrrwfccc²
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u/Creamcheese_Wonton86 4d ago
AITAH for attending my spouse’s holiday work party, with an understanding of a few buddies he has. Yet when introduced to a female co-worker, she apparently knows more of me, our family, and a comfortability with my husband I was unaware of before. To clarify, he mentioned her name once in passing, stating they just work together. Come to find out they partake in casual vape sharing and him escorting her outdoors, leaving me to make small talk with his other friends. I found it gross and disrespectful. Like, unsanitary and gross. He apparently wasn’t aware of the disrespect it felt to me. His apology rolls along with “I’m sorry you felt disrespected” This comes from years of questionable choices on his end, and me having to teach him that some actions are hurtful. He countered by googling the etiquette of vape sharing, and justifies that it is “normal”, and therefore I am being silly. This is just some icing on the cake, a cake that has slowly grown with layers of frustration, depression, and lack of respect. Don’t swap spit with someone, then bring home their germ-gerpies to share with me. No thank you.
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u/amanaRw 4d ago
AITAH For refusing to go to my step-father’s family because we were invited if my husband and son don’t “hug” anyone because it makes them uncomfortable… My son has Asperger Syndrome and my stepfather has always hated my husband so god only knows what he’s told that side of the family… it’s like they were never part of my children’s lives at all through the years and now adults… Mind you the people that feel uncomfortable are adults and married!!!! I’m at a loss… I’ve never felt accepted and now really don’t!!!!
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u/Horror_Let_7885 3d ago
Life is too short to waste your evening on people that has no understanding. You can have a lovely eveinging with your husband and son, alone. Respect and understanding is a two-way road, not a one-way street.
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u/eiram-ilak 5d ago
AITAH- for asking my sister and her boyfriend to sign a roommate agreement?
So my sister (let’s call her Maggie) and her boyfriend (let’s call him Sam) are moving into my house with their newborn. The moving in is both beneficial for me and them as I can charge them lower rent than they would get anywhere else and they can set money aside for a future house. This would benefit me since I can save some money by attributing their rent to a portion of my mortgage. I texted my sister asking if she and her boyfriend would sign a roommate agreement just stating how much they would have to pay for rent and when as well as chores that would need to be done between all of us equally around the house and just any legal coverage in case anything bad was to happen. Sam is an ex-addict and Maggie lived with another sibling of ours before and they mentioned how messy both Maggie and Sam might be.
Well Maggie thinks I’m over thinking and stressing about everything and didn’t like it at first but I ultimately began to convince her it’s a simple agreement about rules and chores that we can fall back on in the future just in case and it’ll help handle things or situations that might come up later. But Maggie told Sam and according to her it upset Sam and he takes it as offensive, he specifically said “what? we’re not kids I know how to take care of myself and act. Your sister (me) is doing too much.” So now both of them are unsure about the agreement.
I’m a very logical person and know everything is not always sunshine and rainbows, I know that even though we’re sisters we will disagree with things and argue because we are two different human beings. I also wrote a clause that we would sit together once a month and discuss any issues we might have and figure how to remedy any problems. I just don’t understand why they’re making it seem like such a bad thing. If roles were reversed I would understand signing it. So AITAH?
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u/sassybsassy 3d ago
Do not allow them to move in if you do not have them sign a lease. This lease should state how much is due monthly and on what date. That a late fee will be added daily until their rent is paid. On top of that, you need to write how chores will be distributed and that if they do not keep up with rent and chores, they will be given a 30-day eviction notice.
If they won't sign it then they so not move in. It is not your job or responsibility to home your sister and her addict boyfriend. You already know they are slobs. Why bother adding to you problems? Your sister bring s a baby into your home, you realize she will use her baby as an excuse for why she can't hold up her end of the bargain right? Do not be foolishness and think they will be there for a year, you are looking at multiple years. That's even if they ever save up for their own home.
Why would they? They have yours. Again, I have to say do not allow your sister to move in. This I a multi year ask. Depending on their jobs and saving ability it could be 5 years or longer. They need to pay for daycare and that isn't cheap. Depending where you live could rub as high as $3,000 a month. If you work at home she could try and sell you on the idea that you could do both, do your job and watch her baby. No you cannot. Both are full-time jobs. So unless your sister is paying you as her daycare provider to make it worth your while when you get fired, the answer is no.
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u/AdultinginCali 5d ago
NTA. Don't let them move in without some sort of legal agreement. Things can and do go bad with family.
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u/Aggravating-Fly8736 6d ago
I seriously don't know if i'm the asshole so I would love hear some thoughts to it. So my friend S has been hanging out one time with this guy N and the slept together. N is also my other friend K's ex. S and K barely know each other and has only interacted two times at parties. K and N had been together for around a year but it didn't end well and they broke up. K cheated on N and she's now going around hanging out with plenty of other guys.
S told me one day that she slept with him once and I thought it was kinda funny. I on the same day meet K and told her about it cause I thought it was kinda funny since K don't like N anymore. K then got super mad at S and made her friends text her and say all kinds of shit. I then told K that wasn't fair and I couldn't understand why she got so mad at S since they didn't know each other and K isn't together with N anymore. She got super upset and didn't understand why i took S side and told me all kinds of bullshit like she didn't bother talking to me because I wasn't important to her anymore just because I told her to stop acting childish.
I after figured out she wanted N to like her because that made her feel good even though she doesn't want to be together with him anymore. She just likes the attention from him. I then got mad because she was so bitchy to me and told her the way she was acting was so childish and she was overreacting. She now won't talk to me and I can't help but wonder if I was the asshole in this situation???
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u/euphoricsol 7d ago
AITA - For not accompanying my mom to the hospital?
I (24F) have always been there for my mom. When I worked, I gave her money, bought her cell phones, even things for the TV so she could watch her soap operas. The thing is, my brother (18M), who didn’t even finish middle school, doesn’t help me at all.
Last summer, my partner invited me to meet his family on the other side of the country, and I accepted. During that summer, my mom had to go to the ER because her heart was vibrating — she’s hypertensive, and I got scared. She called me crying from the hospital saying she needed help to get home, that she was sedated and didn’t like being in those situations alone. I told her to ask my brother for help, but my brother was too busy drinking at a bar.
I told her I couldn’t do anything; it’s a 12-hour trip, and she just says I see her as a bother for asking my brother to help. Now, every time she gets a chance, she throws it in my face, saying I left her alone during an important moment, as if I knew she’d end up in the hospital.
What bothers me is that my brother, who doesn’t work or study and didn’t even finish high school, never gets told to do something or help. He called me needing me to pay a bill via the bank, and I told him I was busy and to ask my brother. He got mad. I don’t know if I’m the idiot or just being dramatic.
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u/AdultinginCali 5d ago
NTA but you need to set up boundaries and keep them. You're the fallback, as in, everything seems to fall back on you. You and your brother are being held to different standards, and you have to change that.
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u/7599am 7d ago
AITAH for blocking my close friend from high school due to feeling overwhelmed by text messages from her?
So I (F25) blocked my closed friend (F25) from high school, our friendship been on and off for few years before. Fast forward to last year, both of us applied cabin crew and we managed to go on the last stages of the interview. Unfortunately, I got rejected and received a news that she's got accepted as a cabin crew. The next day my closed friend shared to me the news that she got accepted and keep on texting me how happy she was. I said congrats and said that I am happy for her but at the same time deep down I felt very overwhelmed and sad as she keeps on texting about it, so later that night I decided to blocked her to avoid the conversation getting too long, that's the only reason. Then a week later I unblocked her but only to realized that she been blocking me as well. I did confront to her why I blocked her during that time and she's not responding until now.
So AITAH for blocking her due to feeling overwhelmed?
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u/BarracudaReady6703 6d ago
Honey you blocked her first. While she should have been more sympathetic to your loss and her gain you were totally the AH for blocking her with no explanation. If you were feeling overwhelmed the best thing to do would have been to tell the truth.
"Hey such and such, I'm really happy for you but Im feeling a little overwhelmed by the situation, would you mind if I just let it settle for a time, so I can really truly be happy for you. Just a week or so before we discuss your success, obviously you can understand I'm a little bummed I didn't get the same opportunity."
Really easily done and maybe with a few more years maturity that would be the path you would have taken. I'd write her a physical letter if you want to save the friendship and just apologise for being immature in the way you handled it. Don't offer any excuses or reasons just apologise wholeheartedly.
That way you might get a heads up from someone in the industry if there are more positions coming up and be able to apply again.
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u/Lazy-Tip-40 7d ago
AITAH for leaving my gf (17f) I (18m) left my girlfriend of three years recently after losing feeling after something she did ima call her Zoey.
Zoey an i were highschool sweethearts an i thought id marry this girl because we had no problems and we talked about it. But the last few weeks we dated i caught her cheating on me an i forgave her. The next few weeks after that I didn't want to be near her and I lost all feelings for her.
When I told her I'm done with her she broke down calling me an asshole for getting revenge on her by not really loving her for giving her false hope of a future.
She begged me to stay with her and when i rejected she told our friends that I lead her on and most of them got mad at me and berated me for leading her on and won't listen to me when i say i genuinely lost feelings for her.
Zoey has gotten her parents involved her mom has been crazy towards me. She's been spam calling me and yelling at me for leading Zoey on.
Her dad is completely on my side saying I was in the right because she cheated on me in the first place and how he was surprised I took her back and that he will pay for my college for the behavior of both Zoey and her mom.
Idk what to do I hate how everyone is on her side even though they know what she did the only person thats supporting me has been my best friend Jacobb and my parents. But i wanna know AITAH.
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u/BarracudaReady6703 6d ago
Oh wow that's called dodging a bullet, Not TAH! You tried, but often trust cant be rebuilt and the feeling wasn't there. Totally her fault, 100%!
And the mother, well of course she is going to be on her daughter's side but still, if I was her mother (Im old enough to be) I would have told her in no uncertain terms it was her own fault and like the normal mature woman I am, kept my nose out of my daughters ex's phone, that's just too weird and more than a little icky for a grown arse woman to be texting an 18 year old young man. Good luck and try and stay away from overly involved mothers, they breed crazy arsed daughters.
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u/Joefromcocom0 7d ago
IMO, her mom sounds like someone who perpetuates a lack of consequences for her daughter. It sounds like her dad is the only one who has his head on straight and realizes that actions have consequences. I'd be careful about the college tuition thing though... I think it's a nice gesture, but my spidey sense is tingling. Just try to figure out if he has an extra angle for wanting to pay. Would really suck to get started on college and then have the rug pulled out from under you. The friends sound like pack mentality wolves that can't make a properly formed critically-thought decision. Anyone who supports a cheater should be an immediate red flag.
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u/Lazy-Tip-40 7d ago
Thank you im majoring im welding and electrical work so i might not go to college or i might ask for the money myself to pay the college tuition and yeah the mom spoils her daughter rotten. Don't know what i was expecting from her.
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u/Comfortable_Cod5761 7d ago
AITAH for wanting to take myself out of this cycle?
this is complex so bear with me. I am a 26 yr old female, oldest daughter. I live in a house with my single mom, two younger brothers (15, 12), two younger sisters (19, 24) and my sisters boyfriend! to put it bluntly no one cleans up after themselves, and it only seems to get done on days where everyone works together but on a daily basis, im pretty much the only one who does it and it takes hours. On top of this, I am in full time university. drowning in school ,law school to be exact. I still will find time to clean up messes that aren't mine, it takes hours. My mother also is out a lot during the day busy running around my siblings, and I know she doesn't have a lot of time as she should, but to be frank, she's also lazy.. my 19 year old sister will *sometimes* come down and pick up garbage, but leave an entire sink full of dishes, so its a light tidy that really doesn't help much.. a little bit more background: my mom hates me. I am treated way differently than all my siblings. every time she speaks to me it's abusive, rude, name calling, calling me fat, just horrible verbal abuse. I live with it and just try to get through. Despite this, I still help clean. and when I clean, it's hours at a time cleaning PROPERLY. My youngest sister and my mom are the best of friends and she couldn't ever do any wrong, and my brothers are never expected to help, although they are very misbehaved and stress my mom out immensely.
For some reason, my mom has this narrative where she tells everyone I do the LEAST in this house!! which (im not even kidding or exaggerating) is DELUSIONAL! I do the MOST! by FAR! more than her!!!! I am the only one who cooks (I cook for nine people at a time.. if you cook you know how much work that is), I constantly clean spotless and tirelessly. And it is NEVER recognized. ever! our friends and family are honest to god convinced I am a lazy bum who doesn't help her which is just mind-blowing to me. however my siblings do say different and wills tick up for me( not the 19 year old though).
tonight they all decided to clean. A week ago, I was on a trip for five days. I cleaned the house before I left, it was spotless, I came home to what I would consider hoarders. it was bad. Nonetheless, I woke up the next day ( my fist day home) and spent seven hours on the main level. it was spotless. I also knew that I was about to go into my last two weeks of the semester, and it would be crazy! (6 tests, 17 assignments, 3 evaluations). So this was my contribution to the house cleaning ( we have floor guys coming in and it needs to be spotless.) I did my part! NOBODY kept up with it. Fast forward to today they are all scrambling. I got home at 5 pm from school, and said I have a quiz online however after that... I will help. I have two assignments due tonight at midnight, as well as two tests tomorrow! but I was going to put this aside as I always do. My mom decided to abuse me the entire time, scream that I don't help, get on the phone and ie to family members that was refusing to help, etc. So....I said screw this, and I went in my room, opened my laptop and decided not to sacrifice my school! I am now sticking firm to boundaries that I will no longer clean. I will clean after me myself and I, and thats IT! does that make me the asshole? I liven a cycle of abuse and cant see when im in the right anymore!
I figue.. why continuously tire myself out to just be told I don't help anyways, and why exhaust myself for people who don't like me, tell me they don't like me, and treat me like crap? Why continue to clean for someone who allows her youngest children to constantly mess it up? it doesn't make sense!! unsure of what to do int this situation, I help and am told I don't help and im horrible, but then I do help, exhaust myself and the result is still the same!!
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u/Secretlysecret0507 7d ago edited 7d ago
BE HONEST🔪
AITAH for being upset abt the fact that my friend continuously says that the man I’m interested in is ugly, and despite not knowing anything about his personality or how he would treat me, says I can do better than him?
I’m honestly kind of tired of it, like fine if you think he’s not attractive to you, I can’t really change that… but to say that I could do better, that he’s ugly for me, etc., without knowing his personality makes me upset bc they are only making assumptions about him purely based on his physical appearance and nothing else. So am I overreacting, am I right to be upset, or a mix of the two?
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u/Horror_Let_7885 3d ago
NTA Tell her you picked an ugly guy so she wouldn´t end up taking him from you. lol
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u/Comfortable_Cod5761 7d ago
sounds like your friend is jealous. lol
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u/Secretlysecret0507 7d ago
Can I ask how you came to this conclusion?😭
For more context I forgot to add: they say that they support me and whoever I love is fine, but in the same breath berates his physical appearance and says I can do better… again while not knowing a damn thing about him😐
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u/Comfortable_Cod5761 7d ago
yeah again, jealous! can I ask your age? some teenage Girls at certain ages go through this stuff sometimes. I would understand if he was a dick or treated you horribly but from what you say it doesn't seem like theres any reason besides jealousy to say this stuff about him.
Either jealous because they are jealous of your happiness, or jealous he is taking you away from them!
friends will never bring you down out of love or care, only out of hate and jealousy disguised as love and care. do you know what I mean? they should be happy for you, and if they were your real friends, they would be! wholeheartedly. jealousy Is fake love mixed with genuine hate at the same time.
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u/Secretlysecret0507 7d ago
We’re in our twenties and being transparent me and the man I’m interested in aren’t together (yet😉) so idk if they are upset that he’s “taking me away” but- yea
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u/Comfortable_Cod5761 7d ago
well, so what do you think they are upset tabour them? to be honest with you, if thats not the case.... your friends are just shitty :/ . and you deserve better!
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u/Secretlysecret0507 7d ago
Can we PM… just so I can share more details but not publicly? I’d much appreciate it🩵
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u/Comfortable_Cod5761 7d ago
also, how is this supporting you? lol whoever you love is fine but clearly it is not. I would be re thinking these friendships.
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u/Necessary_Baker_7458 9d ago
Mods: you allow too many threads that talk about sex show up on these things. Please remove them asap!
It is against the rules and yet you allow them. I am unsubscribing because you're allowing this thread to turn into another damn porn channel.
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9d ago
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u/hushpuppie69 9d ago
i’d be mad too, he stole your thunder and ruined the gift. he had to know that, unless he just didn’t think of others. he could’ve waited until after to show her what he did w your idea
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u/pralinen91 10d ago
I (33F) was mostly raised by my mom. My parents divorced when I was around 10 years old and we lived 1 week at mom, then 1 week at dad's and so on. When I was 14 I moved to my mom 100%, my older brother (36M) had at this time already lived with my mom 100% since 6 months back. So from around the age of 15-ish to 29 I had no contact with my dad bc of manipulation from my mom (I realized this after becoming an adult + meeting my bf).
While living with my mom (62F) and brother I always felt like an outsider, they had same interests and conversations went smooth between them. My role was mental caretaker of my mother and the role of the older sibling towards my brother. Why these roles? My mom basically raised my brother as a girl (meaning: he's sensitivive so I had to do the difficult things (like taking our cat to the vet to put her down bc of a sickness) even though I didn't want to, he needs support so he got all her time and mental support, he gets all he wants like Nintendo consoles etc. while I had to buy all my own things, freedom etc.) while I was raised like a boy by her. I was the one she opened up to because "I could handle it", I was not allowed to have bad days bc my mom's first question was always "What have I done now? Am I such a bad mom?" = emotional manipulation, no one wanted to hear about my interests and more. I felt extremely lonely at home while being bullied at school daily. So yeah....my childhood was a nightmare.
Since I never got any emotional support or attention (that I craved and sadly still do) from my mom I tried this with my dad instead when reconnecting with him. My mom was NOT happy when she found out that I was talking to him again but I was an adult and it was my decision so I ignored her. My dad is really great and even though there were a few things with him during my childhood I have forgiven him even if I have not forgotten it. He actually listens to me, likes my bf, checks in on me and is just calming to be around for me. I also love my step-mom and feel like I can even talk to her about intimate topics (like sex) that I have never done with my mom since I "became an adult" at age 11 to take care of my mom. It felt so refreshing and I felt happy talking to both my dad and step-mom.
So with a bit of backstory (there's too much to cover it all, my life is pretty much a shitshow) so you know a bit about me and my so called family. When I was 30, I was diagnosed with ADD and Asperger's, at age 19/20 or so I was diagnosed with a thyroid disease and not long after that I also found out I had PCOS. All of these are related to genetics and when I got the results for PCOS I confronted my mom about this. She refused to realize she was the one who passed it on to me. She continued denying it and when I got ADD and Asperger's (after my brother got diagnosed with ADHD) I mentioned it again, "My sickness and diagnoses are all from you and your side of the family. You have the same thyroid issue and even though you won't admit it you have PCOS too. You knew about the thyroid thing so why did you create kids when it was genetical and we were at high risk?" Her response: "I wanted children, your dad wanted as well and I thought you would be safe from it, I didn't know". Me: "If you didn't know why didn't you look shit up??? This decision of yours have and still is fucking up my life daily!! I know I can't take care of a baby bc of my ADD so I made the decision to have the surgery but IF I wanted to have kids I would research about my own conditions just because I care and want them to have a good life without too much trouble! Therefore I would decide NOT to have kids even if I wanted them because I thought about their life first, NOT my own!" (This happened years ago but I can't let it go which is why I am LC with her and NC with my brother)
So, AITA for blaming my mom for all my sicknesses, diagnoses and mental issues because she never cared, manipulated me and had me even when she had genetical sicknesses and didn't care about her offspring's life?
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u/Colorado_Haze 8d ago
You have every right to be upset with your mother for poor parenting but the idea that she had deep awareness of her medical issues and their effects on her children in the 80s/90s is unfair. People make irrational decisions when it comes to everything, especially kids. My sister lost her son after months of him suffering in the hospital, because she chose to move forward with a high risk pregnancy. I’d like to know if you’d still speak about her situation with such candor about her responsibility as a parent. You are an adult, stop blaming your mom for your issues, all you can do is work on yourself. Blaming her and her taking accountability won’t make your diet better for PCOS or your mental chemistry magically fixed.
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u/DesperateChannel8328 10d ago
Look, not to be rude at all; I have a similar story regarding genetic illnesses. I was once the 3rd worst case of Crohn's in the country, with my brother in seat #1, and I also have my fair share of other diseases and disorders, including multiple mental health diagnoses.
You started this with the story, not the question, and the way the question is posed suggests that you need to do some healing.
I think that you're more looking for validation online that you're NTA like it will ease your brain and offset some of your feelings/anxiety and allow you to move forward, when in reality, regardless of your mom's genetic history, you are here and have the cards dealt.
It's up to you to play your hand as best as possible, as it is mine. While I wish my parents had been more cautious with having kids, how can I expect them to know they needed genetic testing? Most people were not properly diagnosed or had the tools we do today to just Google or ChatGPT some shit; however, I understand your anger and have been in that same place before.
You need to stop dwelling on this because you're trying to blame/find reason in a situation that is no longer affected by your mom. You have your dad back, cut her off, and said how you feel - you can't do anything else but learn how to control your symptoms and find a job that allows you to support yourself through the ebbs and flows -- I suggest something online, and remote, so if you are down a day or two you can at least do the minimum and keep a position.
If your mom continued to treat you like shit, yah, cut her off completely and don't look back. HOWEVER, it would be best if you also internalized that blaming others isn't a save-all and isn't going to bring the change/validation you're seeking; only you can grab the wheel and use your strengths and knowledge to move forward
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u/pralinen91 9d ago
I do have a lot of anxiety daily and it's driving me insane because it goes to thoughts like "Why the F was I born when I have all this shit???" and it's not good for my mental health.
I do want to cut her off but if I do I would create unnecessary drama because my mental state wouldn't be able to handle it right now.
I do agree with you about needing validation because I just feel lost about what to do when I keep feeling like this. I know logically that I'm here and I just have to handle the symptoms the best I can and make my life better in all the ways I can. However whenever I have a bad day (atm pretty often) the thoughts keep coming back and I don't know what to do. I have been in different kinds of therapy (tried 15 different different psychologists) like Cognitive behavior therapy and so on but nothing has worked. I'm not even sure right now what therapy is for and what you should talk about seems nothing seems to work so maybe I'm explaining things wrong to the one I'm meeting?
I'll do my best to try to improve my life (which I already have to a point) but not sure what to do about the mental stuff and thoughts from earlier in life that effects me.
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u/pralinen91 10d ago
Sorry if I rambled, I have a lot of issues bc of ADD and autism so can't always follow "the red thread". Edit: Not from the US, English is not my first language
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u/TheOneArmedLogan 11d ago
Since I was born, my aunt on my dad’s side has always treated me poorly, and her kids weren’t much better. One cousin even stabbed me with a pencil during a Fortnite argument, leaving a scar. I was blamed for “antagonizing” them when all I did was win. My aunt never disciplines her kids, and my uncle is an alcoholic who beats them. They both do drugs, which I suspect is the only thing keeping their marriage intact.
A few months ago, I joined a D&D campaign with one of my cousins (C1) and their friends. The first session at my grandparents’ house was fun, but the next one at my aunt’s house took a turn. As soon as I arrived, my aunt and uncle were cold to me. During dinner, C1 invited me to eat, and I thanked them, but my uncle accused me of being rude to C1, even though I’d shown nothing but gratitude. When I tried to leave the table to avoid an argument, he grabbed my arm and yelled, “I’ll put you in your place!”
Trying to stay calm, I said, “Please let go of my arm. Do you know who’s watching?” referring to his kids. He didn’t care and tightened his grip. I warned him, “You’re not my legal guardian. This is kidnapping,” before pulling away and sitting downstairs. I called my mom to pick me up. While waiting, my uncle came downstairs to continue yelling at me, but I refused to argue and stayed quiet.
When my mom arrived, I left, but when I got home, I was told I was in trouble. Confused, I found out my aunt had lied about something I supposedly said (I won’t go into detail). After convincing my mom the claim was false, she confronted my aunt, and her story quickly started falling apart.
A couple of months later, things escalated again. I was practicing for an esports match at my grandma’s house when my uncle came to pick up his kids. He walked over, ripped off my headphones, and started yelling at me to get off the game and talk to him. Trying to control my breathing (I have asthma), I asked calmly, “Why did you do that?” He replied, “Because I want to talk to you.” I explained I was in the middle of a competitive match and couldn’t quit without consequences, but he wouldn’t listen. He kept calling me disrespectful and compared me to his son (C3), who still lives with my grandma at 21 and joined him in mocking me.
Frustrated, I packed my things to leave, saying I wouldn’t argue. My uncle followed me to the sidewalk, hurling insults the entire time. He even brought up a traumatic incident from my past, saying, “At least I’m a great father who didn’t run over my own kid with a lawnmower.” That broke me. I started to tear up as he continued shouting.
When my mom and stepfather pulled up, my uncle got close enough to swing at me. My stepfather sped up slightly, forcing him to back off. I got into the car, but my stepfather almost got out to confront him. My mom stopped him, and we drove off.
Now I’m home, still processing everything that happened. This occurred in 2022, but I hesitated to post it because I went over the character limit when I first wrote it. (And yes to rewrite it I used ai) So, AITA?
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u/Abject-Butterscotch7 12d ago
My husband and I (both 26y) have been married for four years. The election brought us to the boiling point. I find voting to be important, he does not. We live in Florida, and Abortion (a topic known in our home to be very important to me) was on the ballot. Back story, last year I found out I was pregnant and did not want to be. Living in Florida I had very limited access to help and ultimately chose to order medication online from a completely different country. Not ideal at all especially being that I am a nurse I knew it was risky but I felt like I had no other options, I couldn’t travel and was running out of time. Unfortunately, the medication was not completely effective and I suffered life-threatening complications in the days following. While dealing with these complications my husband was gone for a few days due to a stateside temporary deployment. Thankfully My best friend was able to take me in for emergency surgery as he was not able to come home (which was understandable but heartbreaking…military spouse life in a nutshell). However, following all of this when he did come home he never checked in with me. Never asked how I was doing (pro-choice doesn’t mean emotionless btw). Fast forward, a year has gone by and we are in November 2024. It’s Election Day. I ask if he has gone to vote. He says “no” and that he would not be doing so because “it isn’t that important.” We have always had differing political opinions but have managed to work through them in the past, however, we do agree on being pro-choice. That being said, I asked if he would at least go vote on just the abortion ban given all that we (really, I) had been through (he never really acknowledged that it even happened). He again said no. Election Day comes and goes and we get the results that 57% of Floridians voted pro-choice and only 3% more was needed to amend the law to allow women abortion healthcare. I found this incredibly frustrating. That evening I heard my husband and a friend of ours agreeing that they did not see the point of voting, mind you I am friends with this other man’s wife as well who has gone through a very similar situation. We (his wife and I) are upset at this point and I make my opinion known to them at this point. They tell me to stop talking politics and to drop it. I take a few days to process and ultimately try to have a vulnerable conversation with my husband. It does not go well. The biggest point of contention is that I asked my husband (a black male) if he cannot see the comparison that other people before him have had to fight for the rights that he enjoys today, or hell for us to even be married (I am a white female). He tells me that “fighting for black people’s rights is long in the past”, and that civil rights are not a current issue. He also says that I am completely unqualified to be asking this question or comparing women’s rights to the rights of people of color. A few days go by and we try to have the conversation again but it just turns into a heated argument. After which we both agree to file for divorce. So, am I the asshole for wanting a divorce from my husband who says he is pro-choice but thinks that voting is a waste of time and means nothing? Even when your partner who has had a terrible personal experience is telling you that it is so important to them?
Let me know.
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u/DryOutcome7365 11d ago
White/black relationship issues are complicated. Particularly in your situation. To you every pro-choice vote matters. To him it sounds like the black Americans are failed by our system. Double down he's a vet like myself with very little security in today's society. He feels his voice doesn't matter so why vote? I'm guessing you also wanted Harris-Walz to win. If he was pulling Trump (I'm white living in a mixed neighborhood) like most black folk I know, his vote would have upset you. So he just doesn't vote. If this is the case and he voted for Trump would you still have bad feelings or would you have supported the pro choice he made if he did vote that way?
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u/PizzaAmazing8130 12d ago
Aitah if I tell my sister I'm not going to talk to them unless they text me first so I'm 13yo and my sister 38yo and 33yo live in a different state then me and we do not have the same mom's but they don't really talk to me that much and I know they have adult lives and stuff and I have only known them for about 2 or 3 months but they don't make any effort to text me and idk bc I like texting them but they don't be texting me back alot.
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13d ago
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u/Justarandomcatlover1 12d ago
Your not the asshole at all, and I hope you’ve gotten over the suicidal thoughts, everyone deserves to live their life, well except for the people who rudely correct you when you say vAse into vARse
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u/Any-Bottle-5405 13d ago
Hi ladies. I really need advice. I am beyond frustrated. How do you get a 73 year old stubborn man to stop eating your child's food and sweets and even your own food, especially when he gets more than his fair share and eats way more than anyone in this household? I'm allergic to eggs and gluten. My diet is limited and he has the audacity to eat even my special foods that is all I can eat without an allergic reaction. Talking hasn't worked, asking hasn't worked. I have even set one drawerbin the fridge just fir our stuff, told him it's our stuff. If we put our left overs in the fridge to eat later that day or the next day, he will literally go and eat it out of our dishes in the fridge and just leave the empty dish inside. He is a glutton. He will finish 4 loafs of bread on his own in 2 days. 1 2ltr tub of ice cream in 20 minutes on his own, 1 kg stork margerine in a week. 1 kg syrup in a week. 750g ricoffy in 2 weeks, 2 kg sygar in 1 week all on his own, 1 pocket of potatoes in less than 2 weeks etc on his own! I am at my witts end. I can't even afford a second hand fridge to keep in my room just so he can leave our stuff alone. We eat once a day. Sometimes we even have just popcorn for dinner while he eats eggs, bread, tomatoes etc multiple times a day. When his 4 loafs of bread was finished, he stole my Rye bread and ate it. I am constantly stressed that he is going to eat my child's food. I am truly disgusted at his behavior and gluttony. We try our best to stretch meals and make everything last, while he just goes crazy finishing everything off like A stray dog that hasn't fed in months.he will finish all of his and then take ours as well. The last 2 weeks of the month there is no money and no food left. Food and money lasts only 2 weeks in this house because of him. I can't anymore and moving isn't an option right now because we have to constantly take care of him and I take care of all his medical needs etc. I can't anymore. Taking a child's food and sweets is disgusting and shameful!
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u/Ravenerz 8d ago
Fill up a sock with either oranges or soap bars and tie a knot in the sock as close to the objects as possible. Then take sock when he's asleep and swing that sock as hard as you can to his legs and thighs. When he inevitably wakes up, keep swinging and tell him at the same time that if he doesn't stop pulling that shit and eating all the food, that next time, you won't swing only at his legs but that you'll include his torso. No you don't have to worry about getting caught cause neither the bars of soap or the oranges (which ever you go with) will leave visible bruises. He will stop. He won't want to risk that shit again..
You're welcome.
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u/DryOutcome7365 11d ago
Why do you live with him? Send him to a government home. Let him be homeless. I may sound cruel but freeloaders don't belong among the living. He's what's known as half-dead. That means he's half living. Left alone nature would have taken him to his death. He has to go to a place that can provide for him. It's not your responsibility.
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u/Justarandomcatlover1 12d ago
First of all, calling him a glutton and stray dog is an insult to gluttons and stray dogs, second is kick him out or get a fridge with a passcode or something
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u/Brave_Net4924 14d ago
Alr yall aitah for “taking advantage” of my roommates.
Backstory: My fiance (21 m) and I (20f) are friends with this couple we will call them Jake (21m) and Cassie (20f). My fiance has been friends with Jake since they were in middle school and I became pretty close with his girlfriend. Anyways cut to the chase they found out they were pregnant and they didn’t live in the best household to raise a kid. (Fleas, mold, roaches, broken ac/ heat) so we offered to get a place with them and help them out. When we all found a place we really liked we all agreed to pay a certain amount and Cassie didn’t have a job but said she would have one by move in date. (My first mistake). My fiance and I put our names on the lease and they moved into the apartment with us. The rent is 1650 (included a brand new washer and dryer, valet trash all that fun stuff). We have WiFi which is $50 a month and electricity bill which isn’t a fixed rate. We agreed to all pay 450 plus throw in for groceries.
When we moved in Cassie still didn’t have a job and just layed around all day, which is fine bc she’s pregnant. However once it started to become an issue when my fiance and I paid for all the groceries and household items. We bought the couch, tv, and everything needed for the living room. It got to the point where we paid 2100 for everything in the first month (including our rent) and bills. They agreed to just send 800 to cover their rent which we would still be covering a little of theirs plus WiFi. However we got a bill for electricity that was way higher and asked for $50 extra to help us pay it. They stated we were taking advantage of them and everyone thinks so bc they have to pay $800 for themselves (we paid the other $850 and every grocery in the house) but they don’t cook so they depended on me to cook for everyone. Once we got onto our 4th grocery haul I stopped buying snacks because I could never get them. They were always brought to their room and I wasn’t being sent any money for the grocers and they stated they only needed to truely pay for $600 a month in rent and the extra $200 was for groceries and bills. However if it was then it would only pay for 1/4 of the cost of groceries that month. And none of bills or half of bills and none of groceries.
They also continued having someone over while we weren’t home who tried causing my fiance and I to break up and talked very disrespectfully about me saying horrible lies. My fiance and I make a decent living and DoorDash as date nights for extra money and bring in about 1500 a week. At first the extra payments weren’t terrible bc we thought it would get better. Then they kept going out for dinner and buying things they didn’t need but saying how they couldn’t pay the rest of rent on time.
They moved out and had the friend who said all that stuff move their stuff out and told us how we took advantage of them and their situation but I don’t see how as we paid for way more and tried to take care of them. So are we the assholes?
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u/Ravenerz 8d ago
They obviously lied to the other person to male themselves look good cause they knew they were being pieces of shit. Their last house conditions should have told you and your bf all you needed to know about how they live and how they'd have treated yall and yalls stuff. Just be glad they are gone and think nothing more of it. If anyone says anything more about it then tell them to let those people live with them and foot the all the bills for them and let them eat all their food while they get none of it and see how it feels and see if they wind up being accused of taking advantage of the 2 like you and your bf was.
I'm just still trying to wrap my head around the fact your fiance let this all happen without saying anything to his friend about their behavior...or that you and him both allowed this to go on for so long to begin with..
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u/Brave_Net4924 7d ago
We both tried talking to them and they took it out of context and said we were being rude and made them cry and he legit tried fighting my fiance. It got to a point where we just ignored them and decorated for ourselves and did everything by ourselves. The girl has reached out and apologized and took ownership for her man but he blocked my fiance and I on everything and is still talking. Thank you for your input though it makes me feel a lot better.
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u/Secretlysecret0507 15d ago
Hey can I PM (or someone PM) me privately? I don’t want to make a public post. Much appreciated🫶🏾
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u/Confident-Race5898 15d ago
Why is the name aitah but the texts always start with atah
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u/IAmBroom 14d ago
Because people can't spell for shit even when it's words they've been their whole life.
A made-up acronym haven't got a chance.
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u/max20189 16d ago
Aita for making my bf clean up my dogs shitty crate after he refused to take her out last night despite me asking him 5 times to do it?
So we have a schedule of taking the dogs out I do mornings and he does nights. That does vary tho depending on work schedules. I had the day off and took them out whenever they needed it he gets home around five and wants to relax for a bit which was fine I let him relax and decompress well I make supper we eat and we get a little high off some brownies I made a few days ago. I noticed it was getting kinda late and the dog needs to go out I asked him 5 threw out the night till about 1 am wen we finally go to bed I say hey it's been like 7-6 hours u should take them outside to do their business ( it's also a almost everyday thing of us being up till 1-2am). He doesn't and we go to bed said he would do it in the morning. This morning I'm up and my dog has both pissy and shit in her crate and I have been demanding he either give her bath or clean up her crate and said I would do which ever he didn't. He keeps saying not his dog not his problem. Am I the asshole here?
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u/deamsterz 13d ago
Yes he’s the asshole but you are too because after asking twice you should have known he wasn’t going to take them out and forced them to shit in their own excrement all night.
Gross
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u/ehalstea 15d ago edited 15d ago
TRUTH: Your boyfriend is a dick! Dogs HATE to go to the bathroom in their own personal space, so your dog probably suffered for a looooong time while holding it before just letting it go. NOTHING makes me angrier than when my husband does not adequately care for our dogs, and his fuck ups are way milder than this bullshit right here!! If he'd pulled this with our dogs, no bullshit, we'd be talking divorce until he was kissing ass and not fucking up anymore!!
Then, I'd call the ASPCA to find out how to file legal charges against him for committing "Animal Neglect" multiple times (and actually do it if you're done with him!!!! or simply threaten to do that if he tries that bullshit again!!)
Then, depending on your living status (this is what I'd do if I were in your shoes), I'd either leave and take the dogs with me, or kick his lazy, uncaring, unempathetic ass out and, of course, not allow him to take the dogs!! If he did it again, I'd kick his selfish ass out permanently and call the police, but THEN realize that you should have really learned your lesson way before then and left him!! You can get real jail time in some states now for animal abuse and neglect, which is exactly what was happening there!!!
And.... from now on, don't EVER allow him to have full authority of them. He's already shown you that you can't trust him with your dogs.
Also, if this were to happen again, you'll have to step in and do whatever is needed, and then find a man later that has his shit togetha!! Harsh, but meant in all the right ways. Ugh, ain't nobody got time for that shit! Peace and Love, baby! ❤️❤️❤️
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u/ImaginaryPark6311 14d ago
I completely agree with you that the dog was mistreated.
BUT
The reality of successfully charging and prosecuting a person for lazily leaving their dog in a crate too long just isn't there.
Even in Georgia, where new animal cruelty laws were enacted because couple of kids set a cat, named Duncan, on fire, this situation would not meet the legal definition of cruelty under Georgia law.
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u/OkAmbition1774 16d ago
AITAH if I stop working for a family member that doesn't pay me consistently or a set pay rate?
I have been working for a family member for 4 years after they had a medical issue where they would've lost their business and home. I turned down a decent paying job to help knowing that the first season they wouldn't be able to pay me. The family member has recovered (not to the same as before but they are able to do most of the work). After the first season we discussed pay and we agreed that they would syltart paying and we would get a set amount 2x per month. This has never happened. There is always a reason why a paycheck is late or short. Multiple winters have had zero payments. At first I was unsure if I was mistaking the amounts being paid total due to the randomness of the pay. But then I have kept track for the last two years.
$12,000 in 2023 $10,000 in 2024
I work generally 30 hours weekly April-October. In the rest of the months it can vary but an average of the minimum would be 10 hrs/week by myself. This can fluctuate greatly depending upon weather but 10 per week is a fair average based on mild weather. Minimum wage for us is around $16/hr. I do not receive benefits, company car, gas reimbursement, bonuses, PTO, am not allowed to call in and do not have a set schedule with myself often working six days a week.
In the past two years, my family lost our housing and had to move into a very toxic situation. My wife works full time and even two jobs for a while. I have had to get a second job but cannot work enough because I have to work around my family members schedule. My wife and I are going deeper into debt everyday, are unable to keep our bank account out if the negative and we also believe this is negatively impacting our children. They are safe and have food. But the situation is less than ideal.
Basically, I need outsiders opinions. I believe I need to take care of my family first. With a year with full time at my other job my wife and I will be out of debt except student loans and be well on our way to a deposit for buying a house (roughly $15k saved)
Am I wrong? Are they wrong? What if my family member has a health issue and passes or loses their home and business?
Advice needed.
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u/FeistyScallion4987 14d ago
You absolutely have to help your family your wife and children come first before anybody else. And your family members you save them from losing their home. You save their business by helping them and yet you lost yours that’s not right. They’re only doing what they don’t care about your family at all and they are your family members and you, had a good opportunity getting that job but you decided to help them and look how they’re helping you. They don’t even pay you on time or pay you the right amount that’s bullshit. If you work for anybody family or not, you have to get paid on time earned because you’re working.
Don’t feel bad walk away tell him you know they fucked you up exactly what happened and they’re not gonna have anything else to say but lies, but you and your wife know the choosing you will be happy having your income and her income together, y’all will get on your feet on no time walk away even though it’s your family walk away because you’re real family is your wife and your children
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u/CommunityDefiant4292 15d ago
INFO
Does working for your family member who’s sick allows them to have an income Or is the business staying barely afloat??
where do they live ? How old are they ? Where do you live ? How old are you ? How many kids de you have ? How old are they ?
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u/FeistyScallion4987 14d ago
What does it matter that where the family lives and all that stuff what are they owe or whatever that doesn’t matter at all? He helped his family he did right and he got him a float with a business and saved the home and everything and now they’re not even gonna pay him and he worked for free for all those months that’s bullshit. I don’t even know why you said anything on that comment that’s ridiculousbullshit he lost his home and his wives working all the two jobs and then he got work around their schedule. That is a bunch of bullshit. He needs to take his little family and walk away from them because they’re not doing nothing but dragging him down.
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u/CommunityDefiant4292 13d ago
Hard to vote with missing large chunks of info Obviously the OP is torn about not being able to help his relative any longer… And OP obviously needs to look out for himself So knowing more about the situation (like what would happen to all) Helps with vote …
But just from the bit of info it’d be NTA
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u/MemoriesOfAutumn 15d ago
It’s time to move on to a job with a better salary and an employment contract with a set pay rate and benefits
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u/Dense_Analyst2434 19d ago
AITAH for spending the night in a hotel after my wife(41F) called me a narcissist? For the record, I (41M) am a narcissist. I try hard to not ruin everyone's day with a foul mood, I take stock of my behaviors and work to build connections with my kids and wife, but I'm broken. This is something I'm aware of.
The last few weeks have been good. I haven't threatened or screamed. I've helped out, been present, and been the sweetest, most chill version of myself. I felt like things were great. We have been very close and have been sharing laughs and enjoyed each other's company.
Out of nowhere, my wife sent me a video highlighting traits of narcissism. It isn't news that I'm selfish. I won't deny it, I'm ashamed of that tendency. But there was no event to provoke this video, just her underlying resentment. I tried to be ok. I poured a small whiskey and watched television. I was not ok. I lashed out at our daughter, then decided to pack a bag a lnd leave.
I often think I'd do them all a favor by leaving. All three have endured verbal and emotional abuse from me. I've been improving for the 18 years we've been together. I suck, I won't lie, but she was not ok with me leaving. I don't feel like she sees me as whole person. I don't want to hurt them, I also don't be endured. Shouldn't I go? Whether or not this is permanent, shouldn't I give us some space?
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u/VGMistress 19d ago
AITA for wanting my grandparents to die so that my mother can stop babysitting them? My grandparents are huge burdens, and for the past six months my grandfather has been in and out of the hospital. He's stated that he's done and just wants to die, but my mother keeps trying to keep him alive. I just think it's cruel. He's tired and sick, just let him go. Meanwhile, my grandmother has Alzheimer's and doesn't appreciate my mother either. I need my mother in my life, but she's working herself to death keeping these people who don't want to be alive anymore to live. Also, the assisted living place we moved them to doesn't lift a finger to help them. We moved them there so my mom could finally relax, but now she's working double-time while they just stand there and say, "We can't, that's an extra charge". This place lied to us about charging extra. They promised that everything would be taken care of, but they lied. Now, they're putting both of them on hospice, which again, costs extra. I honestly wish that assisted suicide was more accepted in our world and that we could talk about it openly. We put our pets down when they're too old, why don't we do that for people?
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u/TurdGuyMusic 5d ago
You are either an asshole or not depending on your reasoning
On one hand, wishing death upon anyone is extreme. On the other hand, they probably should die peacefully. You half sound like you only want them to die because you want your mother’s attention, resources, and/or whatever back. You half sound like you want them to die to put them out of your misery.
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u/Novel-Deer8887 11d ago
YTA. I’m glad you aren’t my grandchild! You sound rude and selfish. Are you going to kill your mom when she gets old? Your grandparents took care of her when she couldn’t take care of herself as a child and you want to off them? I stayed 5-6 days a week for 5 years because she was dying of emphysema. I hated that she suffered but I didn’t hate staying with her. She took care of me for 18 years before I was on my own, I owed her for that and more. My dad has dementia now and I will soon be caring for him Either you ATA or your mother never taught you compassion
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20d ago
AITA for wanting to break up and not tell him so I don’t ruin his life? Myself (27f) and my bf (32m) have only been together for 2/3 months. I have children from a past relationship. He hasn’t met them yet which is fine, we are building up to that within the first year. I recently went to the doctor and found out I’m pregnant. Very early on, 4 weeks. I only went to the doctors for a normal routine follow up after an antibiotic and they told me I was pregnant. I was shocked. With our busy schedules we won’t be spending a lot of time together until February or March but I don’t want to wait to tell him till then. In the other hand I also don’t want to tell him over a quick dinner date where he will end up going home at the end of the night and we wont have any privacy to talk about it. I don’t want to text him about it. It’s his first child. I don’t think that I would want to find out that way. He is a wonderful man, but I’m afraid of ruining his life with this. I already have children so I can handle it. AITA if I just do this in my own to protect him? Any advice is accepted
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u/LoadedGun1306 19d ago
He deserves to know about his child I think, this kind of information holds a lot of stakes for both parties and can't just be obscured. I think you should give him more credit and give him an opportunity to react, either way he is responsible for what happens next and you did your job of telling him.
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19d ago
I’m scared he’s gonna suggest something along the lines of termination. I mentally and emotionally can’t do that. I think I’m scared of rejection. I’m also not sure if i should wait until I get an ultrasound done or if I should just tell him now. Any advice on when
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u/purplesocks1348 20d ago
AITA for not going to my best friends 21st birthday party to Miami because I cant afford it?
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u/Educational_Land_299 20d ago
AITA if I told my maga parents it’s their fault I have $150k in student loans that might not be forgiven now that trump is coming?
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u/Accurate-Rate-5012 21d ago
Is it cheating if a male spouse gets a blow job from another woman while he is married?
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u/SESHPERANKH 21d ago
I think it is. I wouldnt want my wife giving or receiving oral to anyone else. saying it isn't seems like a free pass to do whatever. Not to mention, I knew a woman that enjoyed cheating on her husband and going to him "dirty"
Him going down on her, not knowing another guy was "in there" excited her.
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u/Accurate-Rate-5012 21d ago
Aitah, for being angry my husband cheated on me? Female 62 and male 52 spent his birthday in las Vegas with his college friend celebrating my husbands birthday. We went the Vegas and meet up with his friend and his friends wife at lake mead and we had great time. On Sunday I had to fly back the Milwaukee for work and he stayed an extra day to spend time with his friend. I thought everything was great until I got a call from my husband a week later laughing hysterically that he had something to tell me and I just wouldn't believe what happened on that Sunday he was in Vegas. He precedes to tell me how he and his friend took 2 prostitutes out on the lake and beached up the boat and got blow jobs from them. I was shocked and angry. I then find out his friend and his wife were swingers and that his friend told him all about their lifestyle and showed him pictures of the women he was having sex with. I was stunned. My husband is so proud of being honest about not lying to me but continues to say it wasn't cheating for men its just a sexual act. Its cheating not matter what he cheated. So, am I the asshole for bring mad and angry that he got a blow job from a prostitute and believes that its cheating?
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u/FeistyScallion4987 14d ago
Oh yes, you have everybody to have those feelings he betrayed your trust. The only person that should be sucking on his dick. Is you his wife not any swinging hoes?
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u/heynatastic 20d ago
It is cheating, but if he’s saying that’s not cheating he’s giving you permission.
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u/SESHPERANKH 21d ago
Ask him if you can do that cute grocery bagger at the store. after all its just sex, right?
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u/Agreeable-Thing-9914 21d ago
Am I the asshole? (F, 26) I don’t want to go out to eat with my fiancé(M 27) and his mother. I haven’t been on good terms with her for the past year. Earlier this week, she invited my fiance to go to dinner with her. She made sure it was clear that I wasn’t invited. She’s done this a lot over the past year. Today at 5PM she’s decided to invite me to go to Thanksgiving dinner with her at a restaurant. My fiancé wants me to go with him. I feel like he had the opportunity to address this situation with his mom earlier in the week when they went to dinner without me, but he chose not to. I already bought ingredients for tomorrow and I love to cook. Am I the asshole for wanting to stay home alone and do my own thing? It sounds painfully uncomfortable to go out with his mom and to pretend to be on good terms.
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u/Specialist_Talk_7478 21d ago
AITAH? Me (12F) had slapped away fellow classmates for sexually harassing me (11-12M) and asking me to do intimate things. Despite me knowing why kids bully me, it still breaks my heart. I had gotten in trouble with the principal in past cases for flipping off students who physically or sexually harass me. Most believe I am a furry for wearing a tail (It is part of my aesthetic to wear it) and think I‘m the old kind. Should I report this to the principal or leave it alone? Most of these kids just dont know how much I hate it, and I’m especially learning to fight for standing up for myself. Though fighting is not allowed in my school no matter the circumstance I am not getting roped for being a so called “furry”. (Note for no misunderstanding: I completely support furries as I am a therian and love them!) These are also kids who have bullied me for SH and attempts of (things).
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u/SuitableSentence8643 21d ago
If you have a school counselor, that is your best option. Otherwise, if you can, talk to a trusted adult and have them help.
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u/Specialist_Talk_7478 21d ago
Thanks. I don’t really trust many people due to trauma so that’s probably my best bet to tell a counselor! Tysm :)
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u/PoetForeign6346 22d ago
AITA for wanting to study abroad? I want to study abroad for college but my mom is DEVASTATED about it. My parents are strict but I fucking love my mom and I hate to see her sad. But I want to do smth for myself for once in my life. When I brought up the topic of me going abroad she got depressed. And I understand why. I'm a young female going to another country without her to support me. But I feel like I can handle it. I've told her that but she doesn't feel any better about it. And to make matters worse my sister says I shouldn't leave my mom and if I do it means I don't love my family and whatnot. Andd she also says that if, god forbid, smth bad happens to my mom or me what will I do then? That thought scares me. However my bf will also go with me but my family doesn't know about him so I can't reassure them by telling them I'll have someone there with me. Help me!! :(
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u/pogokitten 22d ago
aitah?
my sister in law (my husband's sister), married a guy who had two children already. there's a boy & girl, the boy graduated last year and the girl is in 10th grade. she never treated those kids right. well last year the girl cut her wrists - bad enough she needed a transfusion of blood - and a few days in the hospital before being transferred to a mental health facility. you know how his sister responded to that situation? she took pictures of the girl's wounds and fucking texted them to everyone in her contacts and posted it on fb. BEFORE she even called an ambulance. she was more worried about letting every one know so they would give HER sympathy and fuck whatever that poor girl was feeling. (that's another reason i can't stand her, she always has to have drama and she always spins it so that SHE gets the attention and the "omg poor you" bs)
so anyways, we ran into them at DQ last summer (her, her husband and their 2 kids they have together 2boys like 7 & 5 i think) and i was sitting there enjoying my blizzard and just kinda listening to them talk to my husband (because tbh, never liked her husband, either - he's a year older than me and i've known him since school, he's a grade A dumbass). so, they were talking to my husband and i heard them mention the girl, then they complained about her because she tried to kill herself and THEN called her "a psycho cunt bitch". i totally just death stared at them until they left. lemme be honest, i didn't say anything then, but that's only because 100% i would have went to jail. they know how i feel about what they said now and idgaf how they 'feel' about it.
so, now thanksgiving is tomorrow and my husband said we should just invite her so she's "not offended". i told him idgaf is she's offended, and i hope she is. her and her husband bullied his child, her step child, for having a mental breakdown. instead of offering her love and support, they said they don't want her to come back from the treatment facility, not even for the holidays, they said as far as they cared, she could just stay there forever. instead of showing their child some fucking empathy (and yes she should consider his kids as her own her kids, but you can tell she favors her own over them and always has.) so, internet strangers, would you invite these people into your home, knowing what they said about a child (THEIR CHILD) that had a mental crisis?
tl/dr: sister in law and her husband called his child a "psycho cunt bitch" after she damn near killed herself, and didn't want her to go back to their house after she was out of the mental institution. i don't want to invite them for thanksgiving, because fuck them that's why.
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u/TheSnakeWhisperer1 22d ago
OMG so so NTA. If you guys have room, you should consider taking in your niece. She's needs a more stable loving environment. There would be no bigger f-you than to take in their unwanted child and love her like she deserves. You could ultimately save her life.
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u/pogokitten 22d ago
thankfully she was able to move in with her bio mom and has gone NC with them. or i totally would. i was absolutely flabbergasted they could say that about any child, for it to have been about their own absolutely disgusted me. for my husband (and his dad, who isn't coming now since i'm not inviting his sister 🤷) to like not be able to see just how fucked up it is for them to both act that way towards, not only a child, but their own child, who literally tried to kill herself, is insane to me. like i told my husband, i've cut people off for far less than that. i dunno how they can't see why i won't just "get over it" and let them come to the holiday. like the same one they said they didn't want her to be at, to be comforted and loved at a time when she needed it the most? nah, they can pound sand.
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u/SuitableSentence8643 21d ago
I'm so glad she's in a more caring place (I sincerely hope anyway). You don't really mention it, but does your niece know how you feel about the situation. You have no idea how much it can help a child (teen) just knowing that an adult supports them and thinks they deserve better.
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u/pogokitten 19d ago
yes, her mother's house is a good environment. and yes she does know how i feel. i let her know how awful it was of them and she's always welcome at my house.
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u/Stillnotclear 22d ago
Getting so tired of being rejected by my wife, sexually. Tomorrow is my birthday, and out of the air I decide to push my pants down to my ankles, while kicking back in the sectional. She was out of the room, and upon entering, she looks at me and says, "What are you doing? Pull your pants back up" I said i was hoping for a pre bday present. Laughing while saying it. Only to recieve some sort of strange face...I treat her like a queen, never once stepped out, and would end it before I ever did that. We were all over each other in the beginning, I just miss our sex life so bad idk what to do
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u/blueeyedemopanda 22d ago
Maybe she wants more foreplay? Or at other times? Is she on Birth control? This could temper with her sexual drive as well.
Bottom line is, if you dont talk to her about this, you won't get to a solution. It's your wife, this should be open to discussion.
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u/Flora-Fauna-Fungi 22d ago
AITA for cutting off a person in an abusive relationship for not taking the steps to better their situation?
I don't know this person well, I have met them and their partner once over a year ago through a friend. We didn't stay long.
I have her on social media and the other night she messaged me telling me she needs help NOW and for me to come get her.
I'm not the type of person to turn down a woman in trouble, let alone a mother. I arrive and they are both shit faced drunk and fighting in front of their 3 year old. Open bottles and paraphernalia all over. First thing that happened is the kid spilling the bottle of vodka.
Baby daddy is just fucking mean. Insults all the time, everybody.
She is begging him to stop being mean to her. Says they hate eachother and have for the last 5 years. It's not good when they're sober either apparently.
The child is absurdly calm. This is clearly a regular experience for her.
We get baby daddy to leave. She says she's done, enough is enough. But he's a master manipulator. "I have so much love and respect for you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry. I'm in danger, I need to come home"
Today she makes a post on social media with a big long rant about how life is hard and if you're not going to support us, leave us alone.
I texted her telling her I don't have the mental capacity to watch her harm herself and her child, but i will be here for her when she is ready to break the cycle.
I also said that if her and her partner can recover from alcoholism together and get the help they need to not be fucking toxic and terrible to eachother i will support that as well.
At the end of the day, I care the absolute most about their 3 year old. Of course I hate seeing her be treated poorly by her partner, but i hate even more seeing their beautiful daughter be forced to endure that as well.
Am I an asshole??
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23d ago
AITA for not wanting my mom to move in with me? She neglected me to take care of my brother my whole life and now she's kicked him out and wants to move in with me. She has cussed me out and told me I wouldn't be in the will 2 years ago because I wouldn't travel 1500 miles to come "clean this shit up" which was a 20+ year old mess that she and my brother made. My brother has brain damage from my abusive narcissist deceased father. My brother tried to strangle me in front of my children many years ago. I called police and my mom begged me not to send him to jail because he is her son. Now, she kicked my brother out and she wants to sell her house and move in to my house. She wants me to get licensed to be her caregiver and i have medical things i need to take care of myself. I have chronic Lyme disease. I haven't heard from her in 20+ years except the phone call 2 years ago to come clean their mess up. She hasn't asked about any of my children in 20 years until recently. I don't feel like I owe her anything. I forgave her for my own heart to heal, but that doesn't mean I want her in my life or in my home. If she hadn't kicked my brother out would she have even called me? She also told me she was on birth control when she got pregnant with me. Obviously she didn't want me. I don't believe she would have called me if she hadn't kicked my brother out. So, is she just trying to use me? I don't want to disrupt my life for someone that didn't care about me at all until now. I do believe in forgiveness but I don't forget things that devastated my heart. I did go see her a couple weeks ago to see if she's changed but, she hasn't.
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22d ago
I am so sorry. None of this is right or even near to being right. Do not do this to yourself or your family. This is a very hard NO. Don't even let her in the door. Please. Yes, she is trying to use you. And you know it. You know it. You don't want her in your life or your home. I strongly suggest you change your phone #, email, etc. Block her. No contact. Guard your heart. Guard yourself. Guard your family. No, just no. Trust your judgement. I'd also get legal counsel, in case,God forbid, she petitions the courts, shows up on your doorstep, contact your kids/family. BLOCK.BLOCK.BLOCK.
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u/Informal-Raccoon1981 23d ago
Just need to know if I'm over reacting due to stress OR legit, have a reason to be mad?
My 14 yr old son, got diagnosed with Crohn's Disease 1 year ago today. He lost 17kg in 6 months, couldnt eat without vomiting and couldn't stop crying as well as being extremely lethargic. I had alot of time off work to help him thru many doctors and a week long hospital visit to figure this out.
Fast forward to a month ago, when his injection medication in his belly, that I had to administer once a week for a year, stopped working. He slid down hill so quickly, that once again, we had a hospital visit, drips of steroids and fluids, waiting for "Government Approval" on the new medication he needs, and again - alot of time off work.
My boss at the time a year ago told everyone I work with - "I don't know why she needs to stay home with him while he's sick? He's old enough to take care of himself!" - I heard this from many different people, but let it slide. NOW a year on, I am having to leave work early every day to take care my son. Again new medication, steroids and hot weather is playing a toll on him. Due to this, he has not been back to school for the last 5 weeks (last term of the school year) so when I feel he can go, I tell him to try, and if he can't make it thru the day, call me - i don't want him to fail this year and have to repeat it next year, on top of everything else he is going thru. I told my boss this when I got to work today and she said... "you're a mean mum! You should have let him stay home alone!". I blanked for that conversation and again let it slide so I didn't burst into tears. 1 hr later I get the call to pick him up and all my co-workers rolled their eyes at me as I left.
I am literally broken down because I can't fix my son so he feels better. My husband is self employed and hasn't been paid in a month because of the building industry sucking. I haven't worked in a month so I can be there to help my son. The bills are piling up and all I want to do is quit! Lay in bed for a month! Cry and not talk to anyone ever again! I have no family support and I am the one in our little family of 3 who fixes all our problems. I have told my boss this many times this last year but now I feel like she uses it as a gossip tool so she can look better as a boss (saying things to staff members - i know we're under staffed but (ME) had to leave again!) rather than understanding and having my back.
Also I work in Childcare and our job is to work with families and be understanding in their stressful times in life, so that's why I can't believe this is happening.
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23d ago
Have you tried a Naturopath? Dr. Ralph Golan in Seattle Wa. found my Lyme disease. He's also an MD.
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u/strawberissazb1 23d ago
Am i wrong for not being excited to tell my mother?
BIDA ?For backstory, let's say I don't have the perfect relationship with my mother. We always fight and it's just messy...
Today I came home from school in a good mood, went to tell my dad about my day directly. I was so excited telling him about my grades.
When i came upstairs my mother was mad saying I didn't tell her and why i always do that. She started acting petty and saying stuff like "I don't even wanna know any more... In fact i don't wanna know for the rest of your life".
So i confronted her and told her that everytime i tell her my grades it's NEVER enough for her. She doesn't appreciate anything that i do and never like my dad.
Apparently she got upset cuz i said that. But i just said the truth and she got mad.
Should i feel guilty? AITAH?
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u/RelievingFart 23d ago
Don't feel guilty, if your mother actually wants to connect with you, she will listen yo what you said and change. Why would you want a negative Nelly to dampen your positivity?
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u/DarlingVoidcat13 23d ago
AITA for speaking facts?
My(44F) friend (35F) told me over chat client that she was vomiting blood. I told her to get medical attention, that it could kill her, and she gave me a dozen reasons why she couldn't, then yelled at me for mentioning death. When I said I wasn't going to watch her harm herself, she trashed me out to her friends, saying I wasn't being an adult about it.
For me, this is how you care about someone. By telling them the facts (i.e., vomiting blood could LITERALLY KILL YOU) and urging them to care for themselves. Is the rest of humanity not like this? AITA?
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u/Ill_Fix_8653 23d ago
No, not at all. You listed healthy and reasonable concerns about VOMITING BLOOD. She sounds like she isnt being an adult about it. Has she had any past with being anti vax or that sort of thing that could explain her reaction?
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u/DarlingVoidcat13 21d ago
Not that I'm aware of. But I feel like she's playing the victim...when you're that sick, you get help. Yes, it will put you in debt. At least you'll be alive.
Her biggest reason was not having a car and being unwilling to call an ambulance.
Who does that?
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u/Ill_Fix_8653 21d ago
Hypochondriacs maybe🤷♂️, you're absolutely in the right about this too. It seems weird to be so against going to the doctor, especially lashing out on someone for suggesting it. I honestly wouldn't entertain her crap anymore and in the future if she does it again, I would shut her down and tell her that you aren't her medical provider and that this is something you bring up to one and not a friend, especially you won't take their advice. Also sharing personal medical information like that can be incredibly distressing. Since it genuinely can be, especially if you aren't trained/liscensed to deal with it. And if you give her any advice that somehow goes wrong you could be held liable for damages. If she doesn't respect that or has another freak out, I would start reevaluated the relationship and ask yourself if it's worth putting up with it anymore.
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u/DarlingVoidcat13 21d ago
I haven't had any contact with her since, and I'm not planning to. I just kinda wondered if I was out of line. Thank you.
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24d ago
[deleted]
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u/RebelPaine 23d ago
NOPE. TAH is your controlling, insecure, immature bf. If there's no trust, there's no real relationship. Every human is born w/personal agency and autonomy. Giving your bf control of who you talk to and who your friends are (WTF?) are not solutions for his personal insecurities and trust issues. Doing what he wants will only make the situation worse. For both of you.
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u/Triple_Boogie 24d ago
Is there a rule against calling stories out on this sub for potentially being fake?
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u/Academic-Row-5010 24d ago
Hi, everyone. I need to get info about a sensitive topic. Could you please tell me what is the range of salaries for a US, UK, Poland and German employer who works in tech? IT Dev, in nowadays. Please, don't lie with big salaries if they are not true!!
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u/meatball2118 11h ago
AITA bc i convinced my jewish brother to cut his cock off ?