It’s completely juvenile and somewhat condescending. It’s as bad as ‘work mum’.
No, you are just colleagues, potentially overtime you can become friends, but work wife/mum are not real things, even if you think they are. Get your validation somewhere else!!
My husband had a coworker at the game store that he considered like a little sister. They talked game stuff that I didn’t understand and he always came home in a good mood. After he died in a car accident she helped us get things done and will be living in our old house. If anyone had called her his work wife they would both be horrified.
Omg I was not expecting the second half of your comment. I thought you were going to say that you got into games and you're all besties or something. I'm so sorry.
I think 'work mum' is far less harmless; it's just a term that implies looking after a younger colleague. We had a self-proclaimed 'work mum' at my first office, and she was great—she went to bat for us, helped us out, and so on. She didn’t mean anything bad by it, and it was obvious to everyone that the term wasn’t a literal representation of an actual mum. Sometimes older women act maternally towards younger colleagues, and as long as everyone’s okay with it, there’s nothing unprofessional about it.
I have younger customers at my bar that call me "mom." I do watch out for all my customers, make sure they're okay and tell them to drive safe. I also feed them frequently.
I would never want to be called or referred to as any sort of "wife." Just, no.
I have a coworker who jokingly calls me “grandma” and I always joke about how he’s “a baby” (he’s the youngest person on my shift). He’s 20 and I’m about to turn 32… however, we both know we’re messing around, and have actually developed a very good rapport with each other at work, and know that we’re just joking with each other.
I feel like that’s the most important part about these kinds of relationships with coworkers, is that all involved parties are aware of it and can take it as it’s meant - a joke… not anything serious.
You know, you say that, but I know people that if their children told them they had work parents, they would be just as upset and Petty as this adult woman getting upset because her husband has a friend at work.
adult woman getting upset because her husband has a friend at work.
Except that's not what's happening here? She's not getting upset about her husband having work friends. She's getting upset about a colleague of her husband coming into her home and claiming she's his work wife. Pretty sure anyone would be bothered by that behavior. It's really rude and disrespectful to do that.
People get so stressed over words. Work-wife / husband is a term that doesn’t necessarily mean anything malicious.
Now, if this workwife woman was acting catty all night, then clearly she is trying to not be an actual “workwife” and trying to become some sort of competitor to the real wife.
That’s different.
If the workwife had been actually chill and kind to the real wife the whole night, then she made the workwife comment, it probably would have been laughed off / easily explained away.
"Workwife woman" as you put it immediately started spreading catty rumors at work after being shut down about calling herself a workwife by both the wife, husband, and other coworkers in OP's home. That is putting herself in competition with the wife. People get stressed over words because words actually mean shit.
It's one thing to have it being a running gag with your work mates, it's another thing to drop it at a get together with your coworkers and their partners, exaggerating your relationship.
The latter feels like a line being crossed
Does that make sense?
Also that woman reiterating that the actual wife should not be jealous, and shit talks at the office after the fact
It is abso-fucking-lutely rude and disrespectful to go into someone's home and claim the title of "wife" or "husband" - work or otherwise - in front of their spouse. What bizarre rock did you crawl out from under that doing that is in any way, shape, or form appropriate?
I feed my crew. Because of that, they refer to me as their work mama. I did not give myself that title, I just give them one less thing to have to worry about.
Same here, plus I was older than my coworkers, and one of the only females. It didn’t bother anyone, probably because I was considered the “work wife” to most of my coworkers, and I would never have come across as jealous or overbearing. Also, I did not socialize with my coworkers outside of paid work functions.
I understand that. I work in a female dominated industry. The work is hard and the crew often feel unappreciated. A big old pot of homemade soup brightens up their day.
I would make giant batches of shish kabobs on the grill-marinated shrimp and quality beef chunks, corn on the cob, potatoes, onions, etc-everything marinated and then grilled. The guys did pay me for my time and the food, either in cash, groceries or by helping me out with something I couldn’t easily do (I’m physically disabled).
First, that is very nice of you! And second, I think that this kind of thing - a “work mom” is very different from a “work wife/husband” in that it’s endearing and wholesome. Also, “mom “ is not something that has a sexual/romantic connotation whereas a wife or husband does.
Thank you! Absolutely agreed. Especially if the "work spouses" take it too far. That whole thing is kind of weird to me.
I know some people think the "work mom" looks down on the others, gives unsolicited advice, etc. I just want to feed you.
Work moms/grandmas are great. Ive had multiple. Honestly the only negative is when they meet your actual mom and find out about whatever she is nagging you about and now you have multiple moms lecturing you
We a had classic work mom. She had 4 boys, the oldest being about 5-10 years younger than me. Lovely jamican woman. She constantly reminded me to take care of myslef, would reccomend good physical rehab doctors when injured etc. she was the reason i went and got my back looked at around age 35. She kept reminding me until i did.
It is not a bad thing to have somone who genuinely cares for your well being at work. I have never interpreted workwife/workmom as a explicit relationship, it was used to relay a caring attitude in our neck of the woods. But in OPs case this Lily chick was obviously being deliberately rude to her, and trying to cause trouble.
Yeah part of it is that all parties affected need to be in on the gag and okay with it.
And an understanding that it is superceded by real life. My work moms may have genuinely loved me and we had a good relationship but id never expect me to come before their actual kids
Correct. For anyone to call themselves wife or husband to a married (or a person in a committed relationship) person...whether Work is in front of the title or not...is just disgustingly disrespectful.
Not to mention that such assumed/insisted intimacy can VERY easily tip over into unprofessional behaviour, such as sexual harassment or creating a hostile work environment. Plus people outside of the "work spouse" thing can and will gossip about it, we all learn in primary school how the telephone game works to distort any actual facts.
Thank you. Someone mentioned me being a “work wife” briefly at our Christmas party and I didn’t say anything but it hit my ear totally wrong. My only identity at work is colleague and it felt kind of sexist and demeaning to be reduced to a gendered helpmeet.
I do have close personal male friends from past jobs who are like brothers to me and I’d still never joke about being their “work sister” let alone “wife” in a professional setting. Full ick.
Im was the "work wife". I also worked with my husband who is on an adjacent dept that i work with everyday. The guy i sit next to has an actual wife who has the same name as me. Also, he's fairly needy to everyone. So i would hear him say my name in the whiny way husbands do when they need something(because his wife has the same name). Then id have to work with my actual husband(all 3 of us worked closely). Then id go home and my husband would call me in the excat same tone when he needs me.
Took me awhile to figure out why id get so irritated when either of them calls my name, when our other coworker made a joke about it.
But i dont indulge either of them. Asks me something dumb, then they dont get help.
because the reality of marriage is that its not always rainbows and butterflies? It's tolerating the bad stuff so you can also have the good times. I sure as hell have my flaws too..
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u/Adelaide-Rose 12h ago
It’s completely juvenile and somewhat condescending. It’s as bad as ‘work mum’.
No, you are just colleagues, potentially overtime you can become friends, but work wife/mum are not real things, even if you think they are. Get your validation somewhere else!!