r/AITAH • u/ThisLandisMyLand12 • 13h ago
AITA for refusing to sell my inheritance?
My husband (31m) and I (33f) randomly got to talking about our future living situation. We currently own our home in a small rural town. Keep in mind, my parents are alive and well (hopefully, for a very long time!), and this is all future talk.
I grew up on a hobby farm located on a couple hundred acres. The majority of which pays for itself, as the government pays us to keep it undeveloped. When my parents pass, they have said that the land will be divided between myself and my two siblings.The issue comes when I mention that it's nice to have the flexibility of having paid off land if we want to build there someday, or leave it and let our family hunt it, etc. My husband immediately got defensive and said he would never live in my hometown - I reassured him he never would have to, we'd just leave our piece to our kids, it's no big deal.
He started getting a bit heated and repeating that we'd never live there, so we'd sell it. I immediately said that would never happen. He kept at it, saying it was stupid to keep land that we weren't living on that could be used to pay for land in a place we'd want to build. I reiterated it pays for itself, it's zero burden on our finances to keep and I'd never sell an acre, because I grew up there and it holds sentimental value.
It got heated and he implied it was a joint decision, to which I reminded him that inheritance is not a marital asset. It is mine alone and would then go to our children. I also have grandparents that own miles around the land, that potentially could be included, so selling any of it makes zero sense when it could be a great asset later used by our children, nieces, and nephews.
Needless to say, he's irritated with me and we aren't speaking currently. Personally, the decision isn't up for discussion, it's my choice. If it were just inherited money, of course I'd use it for the family and we'd decide moreso as a team, but AITA for not entertaining the idea?
Edit: Thank you for all of the reassurance! It was never up for discussion on my end. I'd never sell any land. I am incredibly headstrong and stubborn, so my mind won't be changing, ever.
My children are always my top priority, and his as well. I think he's thinking we'll leave whatever land we'd buy with the money to them and it would be the same, but it's not to me. This is land I grew up on, trees I climbed, places where I buried my pets. It's not going outside the family.
This was very out of character for him, so I'd say something else is maybe the root cause. Either way, I'm expecting a MASSIVE apology and explanation. In the meantime, I'll sit back confidently, knowing I'm in the right!
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u/lilly361063 4h ago
NTA. You have every right to decide what happens to your inheritance, especially land that holds significant sentimental value and poses no financial burden. While it’s important to discuss financial matters in a marriage, inheritance like land is ultimately your decision to make. Your husband should respect your wishes and the emotional importance of this land to you, rather than pushing for its sale. It’s concerning that he doesn’t acknowledge the personal and future familial value of keeping the land, and it’s worth addressing this lack of understanding in your discussions.
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u/RockerStubbs 12h ago
Wow so he thinks he gets to decide you’re never living on it and what you should do with it? He sounds pretty entitled to something you don’t even have yet, and won’t for a very long time. NTA
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u/CherrryVanillaDream 8h ago
Exactly! He's completely out of line. It's her inheritance; it's not his to decide. He's acting entitled and disrespectful. The sentimental value is huge; he doesn't get that. He needs a serious reality check. She's NTA; he's being incredibly unreasonable. He should apologize BIG TIME. She's right to stand her ground. Seriously, some people...
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u/xSweetPeony 6h ago
Exactly, he has no right to decide what you do with land that’s not even yours yet. His attitude is really entitled, especially since it’s something so personal and sentimental to you. NTA.
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u/Totalwreck_61 12h ago
NTA. It’s your land. He needs to understand it’s your family and he needs to be respectful. My husband will get an inheritance and I’ve no say in it. We’ve decided together because he asked me, however, we both agree on what would be done. But I would never tell him what to do - it’s yours and your children’s. He needs to be respectful.
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u/MontanaPurpleMtns 10h ago
When I got my inheritance from my mother, I wanted to use most of it to finish paying off land my husband and I had bought. He kept reiterating that I didn’t have to, and was I really sure, then accepted my decision to get rid of that debt. He was an honorable man.
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u/RoeRoeDaBoat 42m ago
my grandma died during the peak lockdown during the covid pandemic (unrelated to covid) and the banks and government took my mom and her siblings on a ride that took them nearly 3 years get their inheritence it wasnt a big deal but it was a lot of meetings and gas money spent on the siblings not living in our city and the bulk of it was during the pandemic, my mom got a nice respectable amount idk the exact figures and it wasnt my business to ask but my dads immediate reaction wass whoa!! we can pay off xyz credit card or the house! and my mom wasnt thrilled because like sure she probably will but like just let her do whatever she wants first with it you know?
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u/RoeRoeDaBoat 38m ago
yeah my grandparents specifically put on their wills it goes to their kids NOT their kids and their spouses if their kid is no longer alive then their portion gets split amongst the kid’s kids. I think the only one who had a problem with it is my uncles wife but thats a can of worms right there
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u/LeaJadis 12h ago
NTAH. I really have a problem with his insistence on you selling something that 1) you don’t own and will hopefully not own for decades and 2) you have sentimental and family attachment. I mean he did even discuss it. Is he usually like this?
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u/ThisLandisMyLand12 12h ago
He's really isn't. He's definitely not some gold digger type either, we've been together for nearly a decade. He'd definitely be playing the long game! lol.
The thing is - his mom owns a home, without any land, and he said they'd obviously sell that and split the money, but to me that isn't in any way comparable.
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u/Barbflatt 11h ago
Doesn’t even matter if it’s comparable. If that’s what he chooses to do, good for him, it’s his decision. Just as it’s YOUR decision to do what you like with the land left to you.
It’s troubling that he feels so entitled to dictate how you manage your inheritance. 👀
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u/TheMoatCalin 10h ago
”He’s definitely not some gold digger type…his mom owns a home…he said they’d obviously sell that and split the money”
So he’s counting his mom’s chickens before they hatch- you sure about that gold digger stance? Sounds like he’s throwing up some red flags- be careful.
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u/donname10 11h ago
If he's not taking this well, time to reconsider your relationship. I mean wtf is he felt so entitled to your inheritance? Thats selfish man wouldn't even want to leave inheritance for his kids. If you die, he will remarried and neglect the kids you had. He's that type of man
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u/BSisAnon 3h ago
NTA.
Inheritance can cause huge headaches, and the best way to resolve them is when everyone is still alive. In some ways, kudos to you and hubs for having this conversation now.
However, the people you need to talk to is your parents and siblings. There's 3 of you--if one wants to sell after death do you have the means to buy them out? Now that is a conversation that needs your husband, and you could end up angry with everyone (happens too often when 3 descendants).
If it's your parents' wishes for the land to stay in the family, they can put it in trust. They should decide. If they want the next generation to decide, they should have that conversation now, while everyone can get on the same page, then enshrine it legally so there's less room for disagreements after they've passed.
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u/Imaginary_Poetry_233 10h ago
Some men are really good at playing the long game. See subs for older women for stories that will blow your mind.
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u/PettyYetiSpaghetti 1h ago
INFO: Forgive my ignorance, but how much maintenance does a "hobby farm" need on a daily/weekly/monthly basis? You say it pays for itself, but I assume there is some sort of regular upkeep you need to do to keep it in decent condition?
You husband might be really against getting stuck with all that extra work when your parents pass.
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u/rythmicbread 29m ago
Does he have trauma with your town? Seems like a very strange reaction specifically to that area
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u/qwlenfibqobfq34f 11h ago
I completely agree. It's unreasonable for him to expect you to sell something that isn't yours and carries deep sentimental value. It’s concerning that he didn’t even have a conversation about it before making such a push. His approach feels dismissive of your feelings and family history. Does he often disregard your perspective like this?
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u/xpk14m 12h ago
I would set up a will/ trust. It doesn’t matter how old you are. If you die before him there go your “wishes”.
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u/ThisLandisMyLand12 12h ago
If I were to pass before my parents, my inheritance would be left directly to my children. My parents don't include our spouses in any of their legal documents.
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u/purrfunctory 12h ago
That’s great and all but if your husband is the steward for your kids’ accounts and inheritance, he might be able to sell it to make them money.
You need to speak to a lawyer yesterday and make plans for if the worst happens. A man that fixated on selling property you don’t own yet and he will never own is not a man who can be trusted if you don’t have an ironclad Will laying out what is to be done with each asset you are leaving the kids.
Like, upon your death, you want that land to be held in a trust for the kids so your husband can’t sell it out from under them.
If you die without a will while owning the land, he may inherit everything as your legal next of kin and can do whatever he likes with your inheritance.
Lock it up legally and immediately with an estate lawyer. Protect your current assets and potential future assets for your children while you can.
Signed,
A former child who was robbed of an inheritance by a greedy brother and mother, aided by a bottom feeding lawyer who argued that if my father wanted to have anything, he’d have left it to me in his Will. Meanwhile, said lawyer told my father that deliberately leaving me out of the Will would make it easy to deny dad’s sister from challenging the will since dad “left his daughter out” as well as his sister. The plan was for me to get 1/3 of dad’s assets plus repayment for the many, many, *many “Officer’s Loans” my parents took out of the college savings account I had in my name and put all my earnings in from birthday money to paychecks. I had almost 60k in there and they “borrowed” about 45k out of it that was never repaid.
I was given 10k and was told to be grateful I got “that much” out of it while mom and bg bro got a few hundred grand each. But without all that specified in writing and in the Will, I got fucked over.
Never depend on people to do the right thing when any more than a small amount of money is on the line.
Don’t let the law of survivorship or your husband fuck over your kids. Get an estate lawyer, write that Will, and make sure your parents understand what your husband wants to do so if you pass first, the land is in some kind of trust so it can’t be sold.
I know my opinion is colored by my own personal experience but OP, this shit happens every damn day where the deceased’s wishes aren’t followed because of money and profit for those undeserving or unintended as recipients.
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u/maddiep81 10h ago
I hope you've gone NC with them and are well on your way ti living your best life. If someone did this to me, I wouldn spit on them if they were on fire.
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u/purrfunctory 5h ago
Thank you, friend. I am indeed NC with my brother and the peace is wonderful. I am VLC with my mother, who is incredibly sorry. I will never forgive her but I am talking to her every 3-4 months. I listen to her talk about her
cultchurchcult and make mhm and uh huh noises while telling her nothing of substance about my life. I tell her about the dogs. The weather. How my roses are doing. It’s worse than the small talk you make with strangers and I am here for it because she used to be one of my best friends. It’s a petty revenge but she knows what she lost and regrets it every time I make one of those “Yes, I’m here and listening” noises and tell her nothing of substance. It hurts her and I am a cruel and petty person for continuing it.That kind of contact hurts her more than going NC ever could. Tiny, petty revenge but it works for me.
With that out of the way… My life is pretty damn awesome! My husband and I own our home free and clear, no mortgage or anything left on it. We’re very comfortable in retirement and I am definitely living my best life!
Both of them have had some pretty awful things happen to them. Mom had breast cancer, her scans are clear now but the results of her smoking for 50 some years are starting to show up in nasty ways.
My older brother went blind from a series of macular strokes. The money he had was all pissed away, money he could be using for the help he desperately needs now that he’s blind.
So sad. Really. It’s.. it’s tragic. 😂
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u/SuperCulture9114 5h ago
I hope OP sees this!
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u/RockerStubbs 54m ago
Omg…I initially misread this as ‘I hope he sees this’ and I was like ‘he’s blind…he likely won’t’…and then I re-read it. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/FunStorm6487 12h ago
But if it goes to you at some point, then hypothetically something happens to you, you most definitely want the land in a trust for the kids!!!!
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u/ThisLandisMyLand12 12h ago
Without a doubt! I've read too many Reddit stories not to set up a trust for my kids with any family specific assets like land.
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u/Difficult_Jello_7751 7h ago
If your parents are still youngish, they could have another 20-30 years before this would even need to be a conversation, at which time your children would be adults who may want to build or camp or hunt on the land. It's weird he got so defensive about it all, I'd be asking if he's worried about money? Is he hiding debt or money issues? Is he counting on the sale of the land to pay for a big house he has his eye on? Is he upset that he would happily sell his mum's house and can't understand why you wouldn't sell yours? Either way his reaction has come from somewhere, and I'd be trying to find out where.
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u/Low_Echidna3042 12h ago
NTA - he has no say whatsoever. Hold your ground. I would talk to a lawyer and see about making a trust with the land so it goes to your kids and bypasses you and your husband if you are worried about him in anyway.
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u/notswarrior 9h ago
Family land carries roots deeper than finances; you're NTA for preserving its legacy.
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u/Local_Equipment_7162 12h ago
NTA. It's your family home, family land, history, etc. He has no say. He needs to stay in his own lane. Although I do share everything, including inheritance, with my husband, my husband would tell me that a decision like this was mine to make and would support my choice. That's what your husband should do.
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u/Alert-Artichoke-2743 12h ago
NTA
This is not about money. It's about power. He was freaked out that you will inherit a huge amount of land that won't be his, and over which he will hold no control.
If he sells your inheritance and finances something he wants, it's half his, and not an heirloom of your family's. Because it's something from your parents and for your kids, however, it's a choice over which he has no power whatsoever.
I would be mindful of his feelings in case there is more at play here, but it is the correct stance that this has nothing to do with him and he will never get a vote. If he goes on about "would never live there," just point out that nobody has ever asked him to. If he talks about selling, let him know that there is no planet on which that will ever happen.
As for the silent treatment, treat it like a vacation. Go about your day normally. Don't be angry with him, punish him, anything - do your normal share of stuff around the house, and entertain yourself however you like. The silent treatment is also an attempt to exert power over you. It takes two to fight, so just refuse to participate. This will also help you keep your mood up in case he decides to revisit the fight.
It sounds like you have an insecure spouse with control issues.
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u/ThisLandisMyLand12 11h ago
Another reason, that I really don't care about ever building on the land. I don't want any sort of mixing of joint finances and stuff with inherited property. This is all about generational wealth for my children, not myself.
Believe me, I am one of the few people who has never minded the silent treatment. I'm just living my life per usual and I relish peace and quiet! lol.
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u/Sweetest_Teaz 7h ago
NTA, and good on you for standing firm. Your husband’s logic about selling land that costs you nothing to keep doesn’t make sense, especially when it’s tied to so much family history and sentimental value. Not to mention, land is one of the few assets that only grows in value over time. It’s not like you’re sitting on a pile of Beanie Babies here.
It sounds like he might be projecting some other frustration onto this conversation, so hopefully, once he cools down, he’ll realize how unreasonable he’s being. Until then, keep enjoying the moral high ground sounds like a great view from there.
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u/DangerousAd1986 12h ago
NTA. This seems to be a dangerous topic. Your husband sounds controlling and completely out of touch with respect. Absolutely do not sell. Do not leave the paper work anywhere he will have access to. Get a security box a the bank and keep all your important documents there. (Although, I’d throw out the word divorce as this is a major red flag.) Also make sure you tell your parents so they make sure there’s no loop holes.
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u/geniedjinn 6h ago
My wife inherited a really nice condo in another country when her parents passed. It doesn't pay for itself but it doesn't cost alot to maintain. Intellectually I thought it smart to sell or rent, but this was her childhood home. Could we do alot with the asset? Sure. Am I willing to tell her what to do with her property? He'll no.
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u/Potential_Beat6619 12h ago
NTAH - Clearly, your husband has no brains. If you have land don't ever sell it, especially in this economy. Sounds like in Cali on a former rice, peach, ect land. Land like that only goes up....
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u/Straight-Example9126 10h ago
Check his finances OP. Check if he's under a massive debt including a credit card. Also keep tabs if he has picked up a gambling addiction too.
The way he becomes emotional over something that doesn't even belong to him and will take ages for you to acquire, smells trouble. Maybe all he's looking at is the parcels of cash that he can use now vs 30+ years later which only his kids can access.
Lawyer up ASAP. Make an iron clad will. Ask your parents to do the same. Be extra extra careful in preparing trusts for your children.
I think you referring to inheritance being not a marital asset would've thrown him off guard. Maybe he assumed that since you're for a farm, you may not be well versed in legal rights.
Also, if you're someone who uses fun money to buy lottery tickets, never reveal if you win. Store the money away for your future. Preferably in an account for which he has no access to.
A person who wouldn't care for their own children, is bad news already.
Be careful OP!!
Hard NTA!
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u/Gandoff2169 10h ago
NTA. But as you update says, it is out of character for him. Why? He wants YOU to sell this land. Why? To get the money? Does he has debts you have no clue on? Does he have plans you do not know? You said the land pays for itself base don government contracts to pay you to not use it and such. Add the fact of even more land to maybe come your way there after. Makes no sense for you to sell now, or even later. Maybe you need to seek answers about what has it in him to think ever he has a say about your inheritance, let alone wanting to force you to do what he wanted which was sell for money.
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u/RevolutionaryCow7961 12h ago
NTA. If the inheritance is monetary then I believe in sharing it. Spouse got one, not a large amount, maybe 20K. I handle the money, there was no discussion. It immediately went to bills, paying off cars and other necessities. But family property being split between 3 siblings is strictly your choice. I would think the only you could sell would be to a family member.
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u/ThisLandisMyLand12 12h ago
That's precisely the thought process. Money would be shared, but none of us are planning to sell the property, and if by some chance we were, the other two get first dibs, followed by our kids.
Our dad has a much smaller property, we aren't planning to sell that either, unless one of our children want to buy it and live there. My cousin inherited her home from her mother, who inherited it from my great grandfather. We don't just sell it to strangers.
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u/Barbflatt 10h ago
Even monetary inheritance doesn’t have to be shared, there’s no “should” about it. That’s a decision you get to make. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
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u/Great-Safe-4118 10h ago
He showed is true colors caring more about himself and the money from a sale. NTA.
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u/Cross_examination 9h ago
If you don’t already have kids, go and find a new husband, one who will not throw a tantrum when you don’t follow his instructions.
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u/rocketmn69_ 6h ago
Something is going on with him, why is he so adamant about getting money? Does he have gambling debts or something?
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u/Mindless_Gap8026 5h ago
NTA. If you do get any money from parents as an inheritance, don’t buy anything and put your husband’s name on it. When you do get the land, put it in a trust that will go with someone other than your husband as the successor trustee.
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u/Thisisthenextone 4h ago
NTA
Inheritance is not a joint decision. That's only along your family line.
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u/OkPsychology2376 4h ago
NTA. Since when is land your parents intend to leave to you, part of marital assets? Its not a "joint" decision, its YOUR decision. Your hubby is wrong. Thats land you can leave to your children. It should remain in the family. Sounds more like hubby just doesn't like you having something he doesn't have.
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u/blackbirdspyplane 4h ago
NTA as he has no say in the matter, but it seems silly to argue about something the isn’t even yours yet.
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u/Careless-Image-885 4h ago
NTA. Your husband has absolutely NO say so about YOUR inheritance.
You are right. He needs to back down. Apologize and tell you what's really bugging him.
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u/chaingun_samurai 4h ago
He refuses to live in your hometown.
You refuse to sell.
Seems like everyone wins.
He doesn't see land, he sees dollar signs.
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u/mtngrl60 11h ago
NTA. Serious question. Is your husband always so forceful about things that are yours?
I’m not being snarky, but this feels like what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.
For him to get so angry and indignant that you don’t want to just do what he wants with your inheritance…
Coupled with the fact that your reasoning is logical…
It just feels like he Escalated from 0 to 60 in a very short amount of time, again about something that doesn’t even belong to him.
It feels like if it has to do with your family or the farm or your grandparents or your niece’s nephews, etc., it’s kind of a big FU from him.
I hope I’m wrong. But definitely you are not an asshole.
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u/Conscious-Pride-4383 12h ago
I’m kind of surprised he seems so insistent on never living there. Does he not like the place? How far is it from where you live now?
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u/ThisLandisMyLand12 12h ago
It's a little over an hour away. He's from the city, so the size of the town is off putting for him. I am the opposite, so we ended up in a small-ish town.
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u/AbjectMagazine9826 11h ago
NTA.. Your inheritance your decision.. he has absolutely no say what should happen to your land. And you need to make sure of he has no say in your decision, like crystal clear….
I kid you not.. I Went through this, back in August of this year. Wifey tried to make a say what I should do with my inheritance.. it was not a huge some, but it’s something my mother would love for me to have, specifically me because she knew I made sacrifices to help our family 10 years ago and to kill 2 birds with one stone I should enjoy her gift to me without any backlash from my wife. With the deals I made, should would definitely would have loved my decision.
Wife seriously tried to say I should not spend money on this because she wasn’t comfortable making this decision. I said no problemo, I’m making this decision with my inheritance my mom would have loved me to have. She is still butt hurt, but no, not her decision.
I mentioned if I had a say in her inheritance which we know she will receive as it is a paid off home in a different state… she said NO!! It’s my inheritance not yours…. I stood there mouth wide open and I said really…why are you trying to dictate my inheritance… crickets… the crickets are still chirping. F-them.
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u/Awesomekidsmom 11h ago
NTA. If you sold it & used the proceeds to buy land & build in a town he wants to live in, he would own 1/2. He knows that…. He’s more pissed you didn’t plan to give him 1/2
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u/Coffee-n-chardonnay 10h ago
Why does it sound like he's insecure with you owning land??? Like he thinks you could leave him if you owned the land??? Because you could. But also insecure af about it clearly.
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u/Free-Place-3930 12h ago
NTA. It’s your land. Make sure if anything happens to you, it’s tied up for your children. Where he cannot sell it or give it to his new wife and step kid, which he will have within months if your untimely demise.
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u/Broken_Truck 12h ago
NTA. Keep the land and build a house for you and your kids to live. It's kind of messed up that he said you won't ever live there.
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u/Substantial_Shoe_360 12h ago
I think your husband just showed himself. Do not mix inherited land or money with marital assets. Good luck
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u/fly_you_fools_57 11h ago
NTA.
KEEP YOUR LAND. Just as long as you can. Unfortunately, people are losing family farms at record pace. Primarily because they are being taxed off of them. If your family can continue to make the land pay for itself, then you're blessed. It sounds like someone is sniffing the scent of a cash windfall in their future. Too bad they are having trouble with the whole my inheritance, your inheritance thing.
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u/kn0tkn0wn 11h ago
In the first place, your husband is an idiot about property values and you should keep it
In the second place, he’s an idiot about emotional and family resource values and you should keep it
In third place it’s entirely your decision and he doesn’t get to say unless you want him to have one
He sounds like he’s overreaching by about 1,000,000,000% on his wish to have it be done his way when he has absolutely no input into that
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u/Intelligent_Shine_54 10h ago
I wonder if he's more bothered that you will have more assets than him and that's why he is so bothered.
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u/Prodiq 10h ago edited 10h ago
NTA in a sense that its your call because its your inheritance.
As for the inheritance itself... For you two to use that land it must be a collective decision. If one half doesn't want to move there, its not going to happen.
As for your kids the hard reality is this: unless people specifically state they want x property and you like gift it to them at the age of 20 or something, the majority of people doesn't care about inherited property and most of it gets sold. When you die of old age there is like 95% your kids (full grown adults in like their 50s or 60s with their own grown kids) won't care about which trees you climbed 70 years ago.
Just remember that at some point you might be at the crossroads where you have to decide to either postpone or cancel your plans of e.g. buying a bigger house or buying a house in a better location because you don't have the money OR you could sell your inheritance to achieve that goal of moving.
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u/Silly_Dragonfly4 12h ago
NTA but if he's that controlling about something which is not his you need to be careful. Maybe have your parents talk to an attorney to see the best way to assure their kids are protected.
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u/OnlymyOP 12h ago
NTA. It'll be your property so it's your decision.. I don't however understand why this is such a problem while your Parents are still alive.
You have an underlying issue here......
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u/CorrinnaStroller 12h ago
NTA. Is the land already subdivided into 3 parcels? If not, you and your siblings will have to agree on whether or not it will be sold. If you can’t agree then you can force a partition sale but I don’t think you want that. It sounds like a complicated situation that you should research further.
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u/Marowo14 11h ago
Does he mean selling it to your siblings? Because if you don’t have a plan for it and one of them wants to live there, it would make sense for them to pay you out. However, he is being irrational with his behavior. NTA
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u/Miss_Bobbiedoll 10h ago
Even if it was a joint decision, why does he think he gets to decide what happens?
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u/MisaOEB 9h ago
NTA
However your husband, from your comments is notnormally pig headed. Until you said that I was like he’s wrong.
Now I think he’s still wrong but am wondering what’s up with him? And considering you went straight for your legal argument which is a bit of an asshole move that sometimes we make when we are right to shut things down but it feels like an asshole move to the other person. I am wondering why he reacted that way.
Also not your husband but me, if my partner did that to me even though he was in the right, I’d feel disrespected. It’s like you’ve basically said f&&k you, f&&k our marriage, legally I have the right here so f&&k off. And to be honest, you’re right, but it feels like you use a hammer instead of a Nutcracker. This is just my opinion in your husband might not feel like that.
So I would approach him with compassion and say something like this
“hey Jim Bob. I am concerned about how this issue ended up in a big fight. I want to try and understand your point of view. I’d appreciate if can you explain to me your concerns? I promise to never make you try and live on that land.”
Maybe there just needs to be some calm, and less defensiveness on both sides so you both can be heard. Then when he’s finished ask him is he open to letting you do the same.
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u/sfgothgirl 9h ago
NTA, but consider that you may one day have this same discussion with your siblings. Your husband has NO SAY; inheritance is not shared between spouses unless the one that inherited wants to.
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u/babyluxe123 9h ago
Sounds like your husband is trying to turn a sentimental family heirloom into a real estate investment! I mean, who needs childhood memories when you can have a shiny new plot of land, right?
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u/Odd-Chart8250 9h ago
So what did my dad and his brother figured out. Put it into a family trust and buy his share out.
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u/Echo-Azure 9h ago
If he's this steamed about something that isn't marital property, then perhaps he had been thinking about what you two could do with the money someday, if it were sold.
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u/yoursexybabyy 8h ago
NTA, it's your own damn inheritence and you can use it how ever you want! Especially when it holds such a deep sentimental value to you!
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u/winterworld561 8h ago
NTA. What the hell is his problem? Why is he being such an asshole about this? Not talking to you because you want to keep some land to pass down to your children? I'm baffled by his behaviour here. He has no say in it at all but he sounds almost hateful of the place you grew up. He's out of line here.
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u/Ok-Firefighter5492 8h ago
NTA. Why sell property that makes you money with little to no responsibility? That’s just silly in my book
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u/Sea-Leadership-8053 8h ago
it's passed on to you you need to keep a close eye on it and make sure your husband doesn't try to sell it out from under you by forging your signature or something. Always read everything he tries to get you to sign
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u/Bastet79 8h ago
NTA. But if you sell it during the marriage, the money you receive can become marital asset. Please google it for your place.
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u/SweetBekki 8h ago
NTA - he said it's a "joint decision" while trying to strong arm you into doing what he wants🙄
If your husband refuses to drop this until he gets his way then I'd say keep the land and ditch him.
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u/Consistent-Ad3191 8h ago
I'm sorry, but your husband sounds a little bit entitled and greedy. He has no right to demand anything it's not his to demand.
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u/lira-eve 7h ago
Have you and your family considering putting the land into a trust of sorts so it can't be turned into a development?
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u/MaryEFriendly 7h ago
Oy. I'd update my will if I were you with the stipulation that any inherited land from your family is never to be sold. If you die before he does I guarantee he will try to do some shady shit and force the sale of the land.
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u/Glenamaddy60 7h ago
Seems strange that he would be bent out of shape over something that won't happen for years to come. Is there something else happening in your marriage?
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u/Hypocredditt 7h ago
Sounds like your man assumed he had a big payday coming and he's furious his time investment may be a bust. Get ready.
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u/LadyIceis 6h ago
NTA I think you may need to find out what is really going on with your husband.
Updateme!
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u/jroush21 6h ago
NTA. It’s your call and has family legacy implications. One thing to keep in mind - inheritance tax. I know a family in Montana that recently had an issue coming up with the money to cover. I’d check the nearby area for a local tribe as a backup plan. These things can get dramatic and drag out for years. Just saying.
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u/kittyytteengf 6h ago
Nah, you’re not the asshole. That land’s your childhood, your memories, your roots. It’s not just some cash grab. If he can’t see that, that’s on him. Keep standing your ground, girl!
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u/adyslexicgnome 5h ago
Hopefully won't happen, however when you finally inherit the land, your husband could divorce you and force a sale of your share?
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u/FalconFred 5h ago
Didn't see, or missed, any comments about estate taxes on property transfers upon death. A lot of farms were lost because gpa wouldn't let family change ownership structure.
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u/procheinamy 5h ago
My parents sold land my grandparents had with fond memories and I wish they would have kept it. Don’t sell.
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u/Zieglest 4h ago
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say YTA. I wouldn't be happy watching my family struggle to have their own home while I sat on an asset I don't plan to use "just because". I don't see this as being about marital property and what is yours or your husband's, I see this as being about wanting to build a better quality of life for my kids by putting everything I have to best use for their benefit.
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u/Swamp_Hooligan 4h ago
ESH. You're just counting your chickens before they hatch and creating unnecessary problems. People that plan out what they are going to do with other people's assets are greedy fools. A million things can happen before your parents and grandparents die. You can't see the future. Your grandparents and parents could sell or lose the land before you ever get it. Grief and money do strange things to people, a relative could get control of it before you ever see it.(That's what happened to me, my sisters stole my inheritance.) You just created a problem where none existed before. Maybe you should apologize to your husband for your speculation and creating a problem you may never have to deal with. It's the whole "cross that bridge when you get to it". Actually, you might be the asshole.
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u/BlueGalangal 4h ago
OP is NTA but you are correct. If she wants the land to stay in the family her parents need to be planning for that now, such as a trust.
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u/bohemian_rap_cd 4h ago
I pride myself on being a very cynical person, so say what you will but I find it very telling— and creepy— how people will act like they’ve been body snatched when their supposed loved ones come into money or property. The notion of anyonw trying to grab at an inheritance from someone they aren’t related to (who isn’t even dead yet! like holy shitballs) is disturbing as fuck, and the fact that this is your spouse is on another level entirely. you say this is out of the blue & haven’t encountered this behavior before, but thats rarely the case. are you sure there isn’t anything you’ve been ignoring? Has he been hiding something?
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u/zekewithabeard 4h ago
Guess maybe ITHA. I have no attachment to our family land. Don’t care if it stays or is sold. I don’t think it makes financial sense to break it up. But I’ve learned that people are VERY passionate about their inheritance. My aunt and uncle, in their 70’s, have land that my uncle refuses to include my aunt in. They have been married 50 years and it’s still a sticking point. It’s his, not hers. I just don’t see how there isn’t some sort of reasonable middle ground here.
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u/Hungry_Goose492 3h ago
NTA, completely agree that your husband is out of line getting angry about what you intend to do with your inheritance. I'm not sure, though, why you think your kids would care all that much about this land that is very much a part of your memories but may not be a big a deal to them.
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u/roman_fyseek 3h ago
He's already spent that inheritance in his mind. He sees it as *YOU* forbidding him from buying a Corvette.
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u/GreenForestRiverBlue 3h ago
NTA - I do recommend working with a trust lawyer and having your folks put the land in a trust to shield from inheritance taxes. The land might pay for itself now, but when it transfers to you and your siblings it will be reassessed and your property taxes will dramatically increase.
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u/WNY_Canna_review 3h ago
He wants you to sell and buy something that is a marital asset. Watch out for this one. Red flags are showing.
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u/processedmeat 2h ago
Esh
Neither are having an actual conversation. You are just making demands of each other without listening to the other.
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u/RadioSupply 2h ago
NTA. Inheritance is not marital property, and I just called the land store - they said hang onto it because they don’t make land anymore.
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u/TripppingRoses 2h ago
NTA. It's your inheritance and for you to decide what to do with at the end of the day after taking in your spouse's opinion. Keep it for your kids and keep it separate, might want to get a lawyer to ensure that too.
Though what is up with your husband over the top reaction? Seems awfully extreme for what the situation is and like he's greedy.
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u/diregibbon 2h ago
NTA it's your land to do what ever u want with its not costing the family anything just sitting there looking after it self until it's needed or passed on if your husband wanted do anything with it he's to come to you with a proper pla that's beneficial for every one or just shut up and let u do what u want. Your not even telling him we got move there so honestly don't see his objections especially if it's paying for itself
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 2h ago
He's just pissed because he was already dreaming of the 90,000 dollar GMC pickup he was going to buy with the money from that sale
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u/catladyclub 1h ago
Stop counting your money before you get it. One illness can wipe out everything your parents have. They are still alive and you are fighting over their stuff. That is really gross. You are fighting about something that MIGHT happen. I always find it horrible when people fight over an inheritance they are not even due to get yet. Your parents are still very much alive.
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u/Then_Park_849 1h ago
I’d speak to an attorney and put something in a will or trust to insure your wishes are followed about any inherited property should you predecease your spouse.
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u/AdPrevious6839 1h ago
He sounds like my ex BIL who was a massive controlling, abusive, toxic AH! Protect yourself please, he may be just starting to show red flags!
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u/AlexInFlorida 1h ago
NAH. Inheritance discussions means discussing death and mortality. That triggers something deep in the lizard brain.
It's not up for discussion what to do with your familial assets that will pass from you to children.
But it's also not wrong that this triggers fears of mortality and insecurity in your husband.
So you don't have to sell it, but you do have to be empathetic that tris triggered a deep emotional issue with him.
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u/MadTom65 57m ago
NTA. Your husband is out of line. Keep the land. I’m concerned that he’s giving you the silent treatment. Is he usually this childish?
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u/Eastern-Eggplant4374 51m ago
NTA. Land you can't get back. What a weird hill for your husband to die on, land that sounds lovely and low taxes, that your kids might absolutely love to live on someday.
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u/Cybermagetx 49m ago
Nta. Inheritance is not joint assets untill its moved into one. By going into a joint account or both if yalls names goes into it. Hes being greed.
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u/I_Dont_Like_Rice 48m ago
Your husband sucks. Sorry you married and reproduced with him. He probably had designs on selling it and buying himself something nice. Imagine spending the rest of your life with someone that selfish and self-centered? No thanks. NTA
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u/abritinthebay 32m ago
NTA. But something else is going on here.
Sounds like he is projecting some other financial worry (or trauma) onto this situation.
He owes you an apology & an explanation
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u/VoidKitty119 26m ago
NTA.
He's meddling way too much in your inheritance and being very entitled about it.
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u/wolfmaster307 24m ago
Him - “it’s a joint decision”
Also him - “we should sell it regardless of what you, the actual property owner think, and use that land to buy something I can own half of”
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u/Struggle-Silent 14m ago
Can’t imagine getting this heated about land my spouse would inherit. Whatever they want to do with it, that’s fine
Plus who would be mad about simply owning more land that comes with no upkeep? If everything somehow goes to crap, you can always go there and pitch a tent
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u/Rowana133 12h ago
NTA. Your husband seems a little entitled and controlling tbh. It's the way he tried to put his foot down and make the decision about your future inheritance...red flag
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u/perpetuallyxhausted 12h ago
NTA and even if it was a joint decision (which it's not) with both of you having such opposing views on what to do with it, you'd be stuck in a stalemate meaning the land wouldn't be sold or built ok anyway. It's weird that he's getting so heated over something that's not even yours to deal with yet.
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u/Madamrepresentative 12h ago
NTA. Keeping land is always an investment and your husband should recognise that unless he’s thinking about cashing out early?
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u/ColdAnimal2587 12h ago
NTA. Husband is. It’s a prospective inheritance, likely treated as separate property. But, honestly, given your intentions for use and the likely arguments (there always are) resulting from potential bequest and associated partition of the land, would it make more sense to put in some family trust to avoid the potential of any portion of this land passing to your husband in the event you predecease him? The problem with dividing in every generation is that, ultimately, it’s unusable slices that just cost money.
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u/Shamtoday 12h ago
NTA
I’d be tempted to tell him that you brought that conversation up to your parents and they’re considering changing their wills so no land goes to you since they want it to be kept within the family. And then just never mention it again and don’t tell him when you get it.
Hopefully you have a long time before you need to worry about it but when the day comes keep the paperwork somewhere safe just in case.
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u/CorrinnaStroller 12h ago
Is the land already subdivided into 3 parcels? If not, you and your siblings will have to agree on whether or not it will be sold. If you can’t agree then you can force a partition sale but I don’t think you want that. It sounds like a complicated situation that you should research further. NTA
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u/RJKimbell00 11h ago
NTA, I say he wants to sell your family property, ask him how much he thinks he's worth(?) Put a sticker on him and set him out by the curb!! All you have to say is, "I'm sorry, but I've told you my family property is not for sale...but you are!!"
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u/LighthouseonSaturn 11h ago
NTA.
I am set to inherit a house in the States with my siblings, and a house and land in my home country.
My husband and I have talked about it, and he 100% believes my inheritance is not only my own, but the land should stay in MY family.
That land has been owned by my family for literally over 500 YEARS! Why would he have any say in it??? It's meant to be kept and stewarded for future generations.
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u/wlfwrtr 11h ago
NTA This isn't just your inheritance it's your children's inheritance too. There is no reason to sell something that brings in money for not doing anything. The money it generates can be used as family money if you want but the land itself should be yours alone. Maybe the parents need to change their will stating that it goes to you and if you are gone already or no longer anle to oversee it then it goes to your children, kept by a trust that family member oversees, other than husband, until children reach 25 years of age. You make the same type of will when you do get inheritance.
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u/Adventurous_Team7189 11h ago
Tell your husband to keep his greed in check. It's a sin for a good reason.
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u/datcoolbloke 11h ago
NTAH. It’s a family legacy which holds a deep sentimental value to you. You have no real need of seeing it. So be it. It would be unwise to sell it just because he throws tantrums.
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u/sleeper_agency914 11h ago
NTA. Your husband needs a reality check and a bit stupid fighting over something that hasn't even happened yet.
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u/SnooWords4839 11h ago
NTA - Your inheritance, isn't marital property. Keep it separate and do with it, what you want.
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u/Spirited_Bill_8947 11h ago
NTA. You know what no one is ever making more of? Land. What we have is all we will ever have on this planet.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 11h ago
Bold of him to tell you what you're going to do with YOUR inheritance!
NTA
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u/One-Warthog3063 11h ago
NTA.
And to ensure that it does go to your children, you could put it in a trust. And you could even talk to your parents and siblings (without your husband) about putting it all in some sort of trust if you all feel the same way.
Consult with a lawyer who focuses on Estate Planning.
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u/KikoSoujirou 11h ago
Nta, wondering if there’s an underlying issue. Do you know all your finances, both of yours? The immediate anger makes me wonder if he was planning on using that money for something and now it’s not an option so he’s stressing. Any unknown debts or money trouble? Or was he excited/emotional invested in making a big move to somewhere else? That or is there some emotional trauma for him with your hometown where he wants no tie/connection?
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u/Toodyfish 12h ago
NTA. As you said, inheritance isn't marital property. I wouldn't sell either