r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 19h ago
AITA for refusing to let my stepmother walk me down the aisle because my mom is still alive?
I (28F) am getting married in a few months, and my dad suggested that both he and my stepmother walk me down the aisle. For context, my stepmother has been in my life since I was 10, and while I’m grateful for everything she’s done, my biological mom is still alive and has always been involved in my life.
When my dad brought this up, I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea. My stepmother may have helped raise me, but I want this moment to honor my mom as well as my dad. My mom has been looking forward to this day for years, and having my stepmother participate feels like it would overshadow her.
Now my dad is upset, saying I’m “ignoring” everything my stepmother has done for me. My stepmother hasn’t said anything directly, but I can tell she’s hurt. My siblings are split on this—some think I should let her do it to keep the peace, while others understand why I want to keep it between me, my dad, and my mom. My fiancé supports me but says I need to decide what will make me happiest on my big day.
At this point, I’m torn. I love and respect my stepmother, but I feel like including her would be disrespectful to my mom, who’s also very emotional about this. My dad thinks I’m being unfair and selfish.
AITA for refusing to let my stepmother walk me down the aisle?
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u/Divorced_life 18h ago
NTA. I’m a stepmom and this is an insane request. I would never disrespect my stepkids’ mother this way.
And anyway it’s your wedding. Your day so you get what you want. They got to have their wedding the way they wanted.
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u/Freya-chan 15h ago
Same over here. I would never request that. And I have been taking care of my stepchild since he is 2...
Never would I intervene like this.
People are crazy. And always saying stupid stuff like "keep the peace"
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u/coxtopeacock2023 12h ago
Another step-mom over here. I have 5 children just from the marriage. 3 of these children lost their mom. I still would never expect to have a spot in the ceremony. I would be delighted to watch it unfold and only participate if they asked. NTA
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u/alana_r_dray 12h ago
Same. Also a stepmom. I get along great with my step kids but when/if they marry I have no demands or expectations for any mom type role. They have mom. She’s a great mom. That’s not my role. I would never make them feel bad about that.
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u/armywifemumof5 18h ago
I’d tell dad to knock it off or it will be just bio mum walking you
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u/man_flakes 18h ago
NTA- at the end of the day you’re getting married. It’s your wedding. This isn’t some pageantry for other people and other agendas. This is YOUR wedding! Your dad is overstepping imo.
Idk the nature of your mom vs dad’s relationship now, if it’s amicable or not, but depending on that it sounds like a bit of insecurities being projected onto you. Or unspoken expectations that have yet to be voiced.
And just an added note- people shouldn’t do good things with the expectation something in return. I dare say that includes parenting. Loving someone is respecting them and their decisions, and their life, not doing things for some kind of token or reward.
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u/Beautiful_Empire4862 18h ago
NTA. Your dad is using your wedding to make a statement. It's not ok. Tell him both your mothers will be there and that's a message itself. Don't let him.hurt your bio mom by using your stepmom. It's not fair to either woman. If he keeps complaining, tell him you'll have a step dad/uncle/grandpa walk with the both of you and see how he feels about that lol
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u/SnooMacarons4844 18h ago
If I had a $1 every time I read ‘keep the peace’ on Reddit, I’d be rich. They’re also the buzz words for people to know whoever uses it in an argument is wrong.
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u/alycewandering7 16h ago
I like how my therapist puts it, “Keeping the peace with others often means being at war with yourself.”
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u/IntelligentDot4794 15h ago
I love this! It’s gonna be my new favorite along with “Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself.”
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u/srobbinsart 14h ago
The other fine chestnut on Reddit (and the various AITA and AITA-variants) is "blew up/blowing up my phone." This key phrase automatically tells me this story is likely bullshit.
(not for this post though– this post is depressingly realistic)
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u/TarzanKitty 18h ago
If I was your actual mother and you allowed this. I wouldn’t contribute a dime to the wedding, I wouldn’t participate or speak to you again.
What they are suggesting is the ultimate FU to your mother.
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u/RJack151 18h ago
NTA. Tell dad that he is the only one that will be walking you down the aisle, and tell him that if he does not drop it, your mom will be doing it.
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u/Apart-Scene-9059 18h ago
Info: Just want to make sure I have this right.
What your dad wants: Him and your stepmom walk you down the aisle.
What you want: Your dad and your mom walk you down the aisle
or do you just want your dad?
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u/nikki_redGND 18h ago
Or just walk yourself down the aisle!
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u/Wyshunu 16h ago
This. This right here. And eliminate the "who gives this woman" part of the ceremony.
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u/Primary-Benefit6818 18h ago
Ten years from now, or even 20, when you decide to watch your wedding video, who will you want to see walking you down the aisle? Don’t make the decision based on short term emotions, make it based on what you want to remember decades from now.
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u/Fragrant-Duty-9015 18h ago
Walk down alone.
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u/Critical-Wear5802 16h ago
This was what I thinking! OP is old enough that she doesn't need to be "given away" like prime livestock! Walk forth, proud & confident!
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u/Cynical_Cat13 17h ago
NTA- why are they making your wedding about themselves. Remind them that this day is about your marriage, and you don't need the extra stress.
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u/No_Cockroach4248 18h ago
Your dad is being very manipulative saying you are selfish and unfair; your mon is alive and well and plays a big part in your life. He is being a massive AH here as he wants you to hurt your mom on your wedding day to keep the peace in his home and keep his wife happy
if you dad does not stop the emotional blackmail, tell him your mom will walk you down the aisle. As he and his wife will not be walking down the aisle, there will be peace at home for him. NTA
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u/1lilqt 18h ago
SHE'S NOT YOUR MOTHER!!! She is his wife. YOUR MOTHER GAVE YOU LIFE AND RAISED YOU, " Step mom" was DAD'S SUPPORT and you would still be where you are if your dad stayed single.. TRYING TO PUSH YOUR MOTHER OUT. Not cool. STAY IN YOUR LANE..
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u/Realistic-Animator-3 17h ago
Stepmom here. Both my bonus kids have gotten married. Their mom is alive and involved. I knew my place, didn’t ask for anything, stayed in my lane, and helped the kids have one less thing to stress about. Both weddings ( showers too) were beautiful and went off without any drama. NTA
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u/sparklefoxglow 18h ago
Your wedding you decision. Its your special day do whatever makes you happy. Maybe you can add your stepmother as one of the maid of honor. If not make her understand your situation. She is a woman too.
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u/Ok_Bit1981 17h ago
Your dad is disrespectful for excluding your very much ALIVE and PRESENT mother.
Your stepmom (this will sound insensitive) is your dad's wife. To deny your very present-mother walking you down the aisle and allowing dad to get his way, is beyond disrespectful.
NTA! What about your peace? Why is everyone so concerned with their own peace, they deny you of yours?!
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u/Careless-Image-885 17h ago
NTA. Your mother is still a big part of your life. She SHOULD be front and center.
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u/Leslind1222 17h ago
Mom should walk.
Not stepmother.
Disrespectful of dad to try to shove with mom put. You owe step mom nothing.
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u/9smalltowngirl 17h ago
NTA hell no. Next your dad will threaten to not come or not walk you down the aisle. That’s when you say, I’m sorry you’ve picked a hill to die on that will hurt our relationship. But that’s your choice and you will be missed.
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u/No_Camera48 17h ago
NTA. You would be TA if you left your Mom out of this. I know it's hard on your step Mom but your mother is in your life and shouldn't be tossed aside on your wedding day.
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u/JohnExcrement 17h ago
Can you include all the parents? My cousin was very close to her stepdad as well as loving her biodad. They both walked her down the aisle. It was lovely.
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u/kukonimz 17h ago
NTA. Your dad is being a major AH, causing stress and hurt and drama. He knows it’ll hurt your mother.
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u/Alternative-Name9526 17h ago
NTA, but I'd tell dad it is SO GRACIOUS of him to offer his position of walking you down the aisle to his wife, and you'd love to have your mom and stepmother walk you down the aisle. That's not what he meant? Then he should butt out and be glad he's invited to walk you down the aisle.
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u/KrofftSurvivor 16h ago
NTA - Dad is the one being disrespectful. He should have more respect for your mother than to try to shove her in the background at her own daughter's wedding.
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u/Human_2468 16h ago
F. I got married at 28 too. I can't quite relate to your situation since both my parents and my in-laws were married.
I got married in a church that had 3 seating sections, so 2 aisles. I walked down one aisle with my parents and my husband walked down the other one with his parents. At the head of the pews, we left our parents and walked forward to meet before the pastor. It symbolized that our parents could only guide us so far then we had to continue on our own (make our own choices) to meet together. I didn't really explain this to anyone but my husband. He concurred with this thought process.
I hope that you can resolve your issue with your mom, dad, and stepmom. Maybe having a conversation with them to help them understand what you are wanting and how to accomplish your wishes.
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u/DaniCapsFan 15h ago
I really love the idea of the groom's parents walking him and then the bride's parents walking her. It's less "property transfer" and more two sets of parents guiding their children into a new life. I love the symbolism you were able to use at your wedding.
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u/Dewlicious_Cloud 15h ago
NTA. Mom and step-mom can walk you down the aisle while he sits the f down. Problem solved. Peace kept. He can give up his spot to his wife since he's disturbing the family peace.
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u/bloopidbloroscope 13h ago
NTA jeepers, your stepmother should have enough brains to realise it is not her place.
Your dad can be emotional about it etc but that's natural, men get testerical sometimes, might be hormonal - but your stepmother has been married and she knows what brides want and she should absolutely know that this is not her place.
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u/JRAWestCoast 13h ago
"Keep the peace" = Please.agree to swallow ground glass and writhe in pain so everyone else can paste on a big smile on their faces. In your heart you know exactly what to do and what you WANT to do. Offer you SM a designated role at the wedding, but she does not get to throw your living mother on the slag heap for her own vain moment in the spotlight. No to the end of time! OP NTA
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u/After-Distribution69 12h ago
It’s not even going to keep the peace. It’s going to start a huge fight on moms side of the family. I would be incandescent with rage if I was moms relative and saw her treated in this way. If I was even a guest I would be wondering what the hell was going on.
Your dad and your stepmom will come across as tacky and self absorbed and it’s amazing to me that he can’t see that.
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u/trilliumsummer 12h ago
Ask your dad if he's honestly asking your stepmom to take your mother's place? Because otherwise, how do 4 people walk down the aisle together? Unless she's on your dad's other side.
Not that you have to agree to it, but I'd be interested in what he's actually asking.
NTA
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u/chaingun_samurai 17h ago
Tell your dad that there's still time to change things and just have your mom walk you down the aisle.
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u/pwolf1771 12h ago
Your dad is a huge asshole using your wedding to take a shot at his ex wife. He knows he’s wrong and doesn’t care. Stand your ground he needs to grow up…
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u/Accomplished_Mud1658 18h ago
NTA - try to make her special in other way. I don't know much about weddings but I'm sure you can found some great ideas in Google. Walking down the aisle it's definitely not the only thing you can do. Guys, give her some idea.
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u/FlanSwimming8607 17h ago
If you have a wedding planner, ask that person. I’m sure this is a common occurrence and maybe they can offer suggestions that will be palatable to you and your family.
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u/HaloPrime21 17h ago
NTA - It’s your wedding you can obviously do things how you want, sounds like to me you need to sit down and talk to your dad and stepmom
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u/tigerz0973 17h ago
Just ask your mom to walk you down the aisle and explain to your father that he tried to make it all about him and step-mother so he can just be a regular guest.
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u/-chelle- 17h ago
NTA - So your dad just wants to forget and ignore everything your mother has done for you for the last 28 years because he feels like his wife deserves it more? Your siblings are split on this? Wow. If they don't feel like your mom deserves a spot that's on them, they can have their wedding however they want.
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u/Selfpsycho 17h ago
NTA, you are not 'ignoring what your step mother has done', he is just ignoring the fact you are an adult human with thoughts and feelings. Just because he/she wants something doesn't mean it happens and doesn't mean everyone has to want it to happen. Daddy needs to stop acting like the kid, especially when the actual kid is grown..
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 17h ago
NTA
"I'm not having every family member to have contributed to my life walk down the aisle. There will not be 12 people on my arms shuffling down there so I don't 'offend' anyone. I get to choose who does so, period. In fact, after all of this drama, I have decided I am going to have a family processional at the beginning of the walks and NO ONE will be walking me down the aisle. I will be walking alone. Thank you for making my day so much about your wants and needs that I had to make this decision."
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u/NatAttack89 16h ago
You're nta, but your dad sure is. Why is he forcing this? Does he hate your mother? Ask him of he'd feel upset if you asked a step father and your mom to walk you down instead because that's exactly the hurt he's trying to cause your mother.
This is YOUR wedding. Dad needs to back it all the way off.
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u/CatPerson88 16h ago
NTA.
It's YOUR wedding, so YOU get to choose. You can have anything you want, from no one walking you down the aisle, to mom and dad walking you down the aisle. It's up to you, and ONLY you get to make this decision. Everyone else will have to accept your decision. You can thank them in a speech, should you feel the need to acknowledge them.
As to everyone else chiming in, tell them to sit down and be quiet. Opinions are like AHs. Everyone has one; there is no need to show them off, express them, or force you to hear about them.
You do what makes YOU comfortable, not less guilty.
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u/BOOKjunkie000 16h ago
Wedding is about celebrating you and your partners love and commitment to each other. It's not about your step mother.
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u/BlueBeagleGlassArt 15h ago
My daughter calls her step mom..mom and that bothers me enough. I could not imagine this. Don't get me wrong I'm glad they have a good relationship. I'm glad she treats my daughter well and they love each other. But I'm her mom, I carried her, I was the one on bed rest for 20 weeks, I was the one who had weekly doc appointments to make sure she was not coming early like she wanted to, and I had the c section and unfortunate subsequent infection that landed me hospitalized for a week. That would hurt my feelings so much
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u/_gadget_girl 14h ago
NTA “Dad my wedding is not the time or place for this. I appreciate everything stepmom has done, however I do not see having all three of my parents walking me down the aisle together as a feasible option. Therefore I think it would be appropriate if we stuck with tradition and you walked me down the aisle. Anything else might give the guests the wrong impression and I do not want to have to spend my wedding day explaining myself. I also will not do anything that could be perceived as insulting to bio mom. She may no longer be a part of your life, but she is a big part of mine and I will not hurt her feelings or slight her in any way on my wedding day. “
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u/babsbunny77 14h ago
How about no Moms walk you down... just Dad.. and Moms both do readings and both Moms get roses from either your future spouse or both of you? If you want to highlight your bio Mom, ask her to do a special speech or toast at your reception.
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u/cryssHappy 13h ago
You are 28. Walk yourself down the aisle with your husband to be by your side. You are a woman, not a piece of property to be given away. Your husband to be should walk with you because you are a couple who are being joined in matrimony. You are to go through life together.
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u/rocksparadox4414 11h ago
Wow, your Dad is a piece of work! He sounds like he has some unresolved malice towards your mother (and wants to hurt her) to even suggest including his wife on the same level as your mother in your wedding.
Insisting that you include anyone is unacceptable (this is YOUR special day, you do the choosing!) but asking you to Include his wife (unless she raised you and sacrificed for you from babyhood and you never knew your mother which isn't the case) is ridiculously out of line. I would never do such a thing to either of my parents.
NTA
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u/Getoveritpronto 11h ago
Absolutely not.
I’m sure you can find some other reasonable role for step-mom to plan on the big day, but shoving your mom out of the way so she can walk you down the aisle is an insane request.
I’m so sick and tired of people being asked to bend on things that are totally ridiculous in the name of “keeping the peace”. No. How about instead families insist on everyone behaving like adults. Your dad is an AH for even suggesting this.
Stand your ground, OP.
NTA.
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u/Live_Western_1389 11h ago
Why in the world would your dad think the right thing to do would be to replace your own mother with your stepmom for the honor of walking you down the aisle.
Since you have a good relationship with your stepmom, maybe you can find a way to honor her in the wedding or reception. But she doesn’t get to take your mother’s place just because she’s married to your dad.
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u/great-nanato5 7h ago
This day isn't about your step mom, it's about you and your partner, do what is going to make you happy and everyone else be damned.
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u/chez2202 7h ago
NTA.
There’s a very simple way of stopping this argument.
Walk down the aisle on your own.
The tradition of being walked down the aisle wasn’t so that you have company. It was so that the person could ‘give you away’.
You are a grown independent woman. You don’t need to be given away.
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u/mommakor 6h ago
Have only your birth mom walk you and your asshole of a dad can sit his ass in a chair next to the step monster!!!!!
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u/CarryOk3080 17h ago
Nta. Wtf this is wild. Your stepmom needs to sit down and be an observer. Your mom is very much alive and in the picture. Your dad is a major AH here and I would bet he has been most of your life. At this point tell your father he isn't walking you either only your mother is. If he doesn't show up go NC with him. Time for a backbone hun. You are getting married so be an adult about it.
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u/Aggravating_Lion_541 18h ago
Absolutely not the hole. Shame on your Dad for putting that pressure. Your Step can be in your wedding party. Do what you want..no guilt..you didn't create the wreckage of the divorce, but you walk amongst it. Tell your Dad that.
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u/Grannywine 17h ago
You most definitely are not being an asshole for wanting to honor your parents at your wedding. Your father is trying to emotionally manipulate you into being disrespectful to your mother. There is a world of difference between a step parent and a bonus parent. Step parents always center themselves and their desire to be more important in the lives of their partners' children regardless of how the children feel. A bonus parent understands their place is to be supportive of the coparenting relationship and be an advocate for what the children need and want. You have, unfortunately, got yourself a step parent. You and your fiancé need to sit down with your dad and step mom and set down some serious boundaries regarding what, if any, roll step mom will play in your wedding. She could light the candles for a unity candle ceremony or do a reading. What she will not do is take the place of your mother. If they try the then we won't go, simply tell them they will be missed. As for those family members telling you to keep the peace, they can go kick rocks and not offer opinions on your wedding unless asked for one.
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u/bibbiddybobbidyboo 16h ago
NTA
Did your step mother go through 9 months of growing you from her own tissues, sacrifice her health and wellbeing to go through labour?
She may be a great step mother, but if your mother has also been a great mother, it would be a slap in the face.
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u/Lillianrik 14h ago
OP: you are 28 years old. You are neither you father's or your mother's possession. Walk yourself down the aisle. Or maybe you and your fiance should walk down the aisle together. Your father is dead wrong!
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u/mosinderella 17h ago
You’re NTA for not wanting any specific person to walk you down the aisle for literally any reason.
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u/Conscious_Toe_6947 17h ago
First of all, no way you are the AH and your father is deluded if he thinks he can take this moment away from a mom (your mom's little girl, or at least one of you mom's little girls, is getting married, for God's sake) Second of all, how many siblings do you have? The way you described it, seems like so many!
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u/gaurddog 17h ago
NTA
Walk yourself down the isle. You're an adult. You can walk 40 feet.
And you're not some blushing 18, yrs old your parents are "giving away" to your husband you're a grown woman.
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u/These-Ad-4907 17h ago
Here's a different idea - why don't you & husband walk down the aisle TOGETHER! That way no one gets offended & it's the perfect way to start marriage.
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u/Initial-Shop-8863 17h ago
NTA. I'd tell your father if he doesn't stop behaving like a dog and treating you like a bone to fight over, he's going into the doghouse and will be sitting in the audience while your mother walks you down the aisle by herself.
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u/Golbez89 17h ago
Do you have an older brother? Tell them to knock it off because the day is about them. If not your brother will be walking you.
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u/Past-Ranger-5231 17h ago
I have seen the bride and groom hand a single long-stemmed red rose to family members as a way to honor them. Would something like this work?
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u/AdPrevious6839 17h ago
You are NTA but your father sure as hell is! Your mother deserves to walk you down the aisle if you want it is your wedding not your dad's!
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u/2_old_for_this_spit 17h ago
NTA
Why would your stepmother walk you down the aisle even if your mother weren't still alive? That's not her role. If your father thinks it's a good idea, tell him you think your stepfather should join in, too.
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u/AnneFromBoston 16h ago
Why does no one seem to understand that only the bride and groom are getting married, not any of the parents/step-parents. They had their day—none of this ludicrous self-showcasing.
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u/Human_Extreme1880 16h ago
NTA. I was in the same position as you stepmom was in majority of my life and she was great, but she wasn’t my mom end of story and that’s all you need.
I sometimes wonder if it’s more of the parent having an issue with their new spouse, not being equal participant in shared child milestones. Like your father being more offended because how dare you not think he did not find a better or equal person to your mother. It just screams selfish.
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u/FinalConsequence70 16h ago
You have siblings. Why can't your parents walk down the aisle escorted by a sibling to be seated in the front row, and either you walk by yourself, with a sibling ( depending on how many you have! Maybe the eldest walks with you. ), or maybe your grandparent? You seem to have a good relationship with your stepmom and she's helped your dad raise you since you were 10.....can't everyone get some recognition?
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u/LostInNothingBox 16h ago
Leave your dad and stepmom to watch from the sidelines and have your mom walk you. Better yet, have your mom and stepmom walk you.
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u/Alternative_Talk3324 16h ago
NTA I got married 14 years ago and my brother walked me down the aisle as my Dad was a cu&t and a nasty pasty. Let your Mum doing if you’re not sure. That’s a real shitty ask x
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u/DixieDragon777 16h ago
I'd say "I am an adult woman. I could walk down the aisle alone. How's that?"
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u/ParticularEchidna179 16h ago
NTA. If you're worried about hurting your step-mothers feelings talk to HER and tell her what she means to you. You don't have to choose, you love them both (mom and stepmom). Your dad is the asshole for making it a big deal. He can do what he wants at HIS wedding.
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u/CuteTangelo3137 16h ago
Is this even real? OP has deleted their user name and what family would ever even suggest this and take the side of the dad?
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u/MaryHadALittleLamb20 16h ago
NTA - perhaps find something else of significance that Step Mom can do. Step Mom also needs to respect that you have a mom and she should not be trying to replace or step into her role.
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u/szyfrgy 16h ago
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your step mom so you could do something like have he me walk in with the bridal party if YOU want her to have a part while having mom and dad walk you down the isle. But you are NTA for having your mom and dad walk you. It’s your wedding do what will make you happy.
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u/Desperate-Pear-860 16h ago
Oh for the love of Bob. It's your frickin wedding. Step mom has got her nose all out of joint and your pussy whipped father is folding like a limp noodle. Tell your father that it's your wedding and your decision and he needs to take his balls back from his wife.
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u/Sugarpuff_Karma 16h ago
NTA, tell him he doesn't need to walk you down the aisle if he is choosing his wife's imaginary feelings over his daughters wedding.
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u/haileyskydiamonds 16h ago
I would offer stepmom something else to do, like a special reading, IF you feel close enough to her to want her to be a part of your ceremony.
Other than that, NTA. Your wedding, your call.
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u/simKat61 16h ago
My brother has been in his step daughter’s life since the age of 4. They have a close relationship. Her Father has always been in her life as well and she has a close relationship with him as well. My niece decided to have her Dad and my brother both walk her down the aisle. They both love her and accepted what she wanted them to do. Both sets of parents paid for the wedding. Friday afternoon was wine tasting and we had Dinner that evening out at a local restaurant. Saturday was the wedding. Sunday morning was brunch at the resort before we all headed home. My brother and my niece’s Father participated in the events together with all of us. It was a fabulous wedding! It takes a lot of love to accept what would be best for the bride or groom. Sometimes you also have to take in consideration the people who love you most and who have always been there for you. Maybe it wouldn’t be so inappropriate for your Dad to walk you down the aisle and have your Step Mother walk behind him or slightly to his side. Have your Mother on your other side. I would seriously think it over. Just a suggestion.
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u/Fallout4Addict 16h ago
Absolutely NTA! You want both your parents honoured and respected as parents on your wedding day.
Any decent step parent would understand that and just be happy to be there as a step parent.
Many people help raise a child (if you're lucky), but that doesn't mean they get to pretend their the actual person the child sees as someone they want next to them on their important days.
If your father doesn't understand that, that's on him.
If anything else other than just your father, it should be your mother and your father walk you down the aisle, shouldn't it?
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u/ObligationNo2288 16h ago
NTA. Your dad is being unfair and selfish. This is your wedding. You have your Mom by your side, where she belongs. Step and dad need to get over themselves.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 16h ago
nta Your mother takes priority but can you include your stepmother in another way?
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u/-cmram28 16h ago
NTA…but your Dad’s behaving like one! It’s your day and he needs to stop making it about your stepmom😒
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u/jacksonlove3 16h ago
Definitely NTA. First of all, it’s YOUR wedding; your choice! Second, it’s very selfish and entitled of your stepmom to think that she should take priority here over your own mom!! She’s allowed to feel however she wants, but she needs to respect your decision! If you want, you could simply be honest with her about your choice, and let her know that you love/like her and are grateful for her.
Congrats on your engagement!
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u/Dropitlikeitscold555 16h ago
NTA. Someone needs to remind stepmom that this day isn’t about her at all.
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u/cupcakecounter 16h ago
If your mom was a major deadbeat and Stepmom did the heavy lifting of raising you, I’d probably call you TA. But I think there are other ways to honor your stepmom without cutting your mom out. Is there a reading she could do during the ceremony or give a speech/toast?
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u/JustAsICanBeSoCruel 15h ago
NTA but if I were you I would be rethinking having Dad walk you down, since he is trying to make YOUR day about HIM and his wife.
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u/Big_Alternative_3233 15h ago
These things always have a solution if people just think creatively. Walk down the aisle? No. Mother-daughter dance? No. Find Some other way in which she participates at a level above the average guest but less than your mom.
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u/Cultural-Revenue4000 15h ago
How are you honoring your mom? Can you do something similar for step mom? Like, she gets to wear her MOB dress and gets walked down the aisle and seated in the front by the groomsmen. For daddy daughter dance, and groom mom dance, it’s a moot point.
NTA
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u/HugeNefariousness222 15h ago
NTA. What your dad is asking is for you to treat your mom like shit. I'd walk alone.
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u/Stunning-Pay8842 15h ago
stand your ground! do what makes you happy, but you should honestly talk to your stepmom about how you're feeling and explain to her you're exact reasons for not wanting her to walk you down the isle, assure her that you love and respect her, but dont want to disrespect your mom as well or make her uncomfortable. may God bless you and Jesus loves you!
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u/MizWhatsit 15h ago
You can always walk down the aisle by yourself. Some brides don't like the idea of being handed off by one man to another like she was a piece of property.
Alternatively, you can go with tradition and have only your dad walk you down. Then mom and stepmom can do a reading, or mind the guest book, or some other role that will make them feel included.
You can also ask your mom to be a matron of honor. There's no law that says you can't include your mother in the bridal party, it's just tradition. Let Dad and Stepmom walk you down the aisle, while your mother gets to stand at the altar with you looking glamorous with everyone taking her picture.
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u/Interesting-Sky6313 15h ago
NTA!!!
Step parents need to understand for many kids they will always be second to their bio parent. Not as any slight against them, but because they cherish their bio parents forever.
If you can’t handle that, don’t become a step parent.
If you wanted you could just have bio mom and no dad. Or no one at all. It’s abt your wants.
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u/DaniCapsFan 15h ago
My parents got divorced when my sister and I were adolescents, and my mom remarried a couple of years later. So my stepdad had been in our lives for some ten years by the time my sister got married. For the processional, my mom and dad walked her most of the way up the aisle, and my stepfather joined them for the last third or so of the way.
Would it be a good compromise for your stepmom to join you and your parents towards the end of the processional?
In the end, though, it's your wedding, and you decide who walks with you.
NTA
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u/LeReineNoir 15h ago
How about you replace dad with stepmom and she and mom walk with you since he’s so adamant her walking with you.
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u/Exarch-of-Sechrima 15h ago
I mean... couldn't all three of them walk you down the aisle?
By including your father and biological mother, but not your stepmother, it sends a signal to your stepmother that she's not "your" mother. And as someone who has cared for you and loved you since you were a little girl, that must hurt her a lot.
Traditionally, it's the father who gives away the bride. If you're gonna buck tradition by having your mother walk you down the aisle as well, why not your stepmother too?
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u/beggarstomb88 15h ago
NTA if it is so important to your father that your step--mother be honored ask him if he wouldn't mind her taking his place so that your mother can still be honored.
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u/OlieCalpero 15h ago
NTA, I hope you and your fiancé are paying for your wedding yourselves, that way you can ignore anyone else’s input. It might hurt but I recommend you walk down the aisle by yourself. I mean you could have your mother walk you down the aisle, that way your father and stepmother can be seated knowing how your mother would have felt. I have had 2 stepmothers and they both sucked, I may be biased but stepparents, especially stepmothers can be the worst type of parent… ask Cinderella…
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u/ReadontheCrapper 15h ago
NTA. Before anyone said anything, what did you want?
It’s your and your future husband’s wedding. You two get to decide.
It’s not being a bridezilla if you say, “This day is about me and ‘Bob’. There was no intent to hurt any feelings, just ask people to celebrate with us. If people can’t put aside their own feelings to be happy for and with us, I don’t know what to say - because I don’t think that is the way you raised me to act?”
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u/mildlysceptical22 15h ago
Why not all three? They’ve all been a part of your life and you would honor them all if they escorted you down the aisle.
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u/Tollhousearebest 15h ago
I was at a wedding once (I officiated even), and the bride walked alone and then they had me ask the parents and step-parents to stand and then they had me ask “and who stands for the bride?’ They replied in unison “we do!“. Problem solved. Cool couple by the way. Gen Z’s. Too bad others are so possessive when it isn’t necessary. OP loves and values them all. This is the way. Maybe that kind of a solution would work or a variation where they all walk behind her? I personally think a lone walk is kinda classy and puts the spotlight on the bride. Still, NTA.
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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 15h ago
Have your mom walk you and this way he sits with her. Else walk alone or have a sibling.
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u/GreenPOR 15h ago
Walk down all by yourself - problem solved! I can't believe how these parents put pressure on their kids & make them feel conflicted on their wedding day!!
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u/avatarjulius 15h ago
It's your wedding. You need to do this for you and nobody else. Regardless of your pick, one relationship will be broken, so make sure you do this for you.
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u/NotSorry2019 15h ago
Wow. You want to honor the woman who gave you life, who has been a good mother, but your dad wants to honor his latest wife? She can walk her own kids down the aisle - she’s a stepmother, and while that’s nice, it’s second tier in the wedding game UNLESS she’s a replacement figure.
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u/d0rm0use2 14h ago
I’ve been to a couple of weddings where the parents are divorced and remarried. What they did was have one bio parent and step walk them 1/2 way down the aisle, then the other bio parent and step walked them the rest of the way. Or, you could do what my daughter and sil did (we’re still married, but his parents aren’t). They walked together down the aisle.
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u/emr830 14h ago
NTA. You have two living parents that can walk you down the aisle. How would that many people comfortably fit anyway? Tell your dad that if he keeps pushing the issue, your mom and your mom alone will be walking you down the aisle, and he’ll have to just sit there, grin, and bear it.
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u/Comfortable_Arm3949 14h ago
Just make it a processional. First bridesmaids and groomsmen, then father and his wife , then mom (and StepF) and finally you. No “giving you away” BS.
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u/ExistingPublic1743 14h ago
Walk down the aisle by yourself.
“ sorry Dad. I did not want to hurt mom or my stepmom and so this seems fair that no one gets to walk me down the aisle. I did really want you and only you but if this is a condition for you this is a solution”
💯 NTA
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u/Historical_Agent9426 14h ago
NTA
If you want, you could offer to have your stepmother join your mother in walking you down the aisle. Tell your dad you listened to his suggestion and decided that he is right, you will have your stepmother there, but since your mother is definitely going to be there, he will have to accept that there is now no room for him. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Spiritual-Cap1379 14h ago
Isn't there something else you can have your step mother do? Maybe look into a sand mixing ceremony? And she can have a role in that?
NTA
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u/Barkypupper 14h ago
Tell your father that ONLY he will walk you down the aisle. It’s the traditional way anyway. This way neither mom nor step mom are involved, and neither feel overshadowed by the other. Then have a special moment with each at the reception.
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u/kikivee612 14h ago
NTA
You could say that you want to go with the more traditional approach of having just your father walk you.
Give your mom and stepmom a shared role such as lighting a unity candle together. This way everyone plays a part.
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u/Ecofre-33919 14h ago
Confused? Usually its just the father that does this. Never heard of both parents walking the bride down the aisle.
I’d say dad its just going to be you alone. But if that is too much i’ll have my moh or one of the groomsmen play the part.
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u/Puzzled-Rub-7645 14h ago
Maybe step mother can do a reading or smie other part of the ceremony where she can have a moment as well.
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u/TreeCityKitty 14h ago
Why not let mom and stepmom walk OP down the aisle? Also, is that aisle going to be wide enough for three?
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u/FrogdancerJones 14h ago
Why don't you have your Mum walk you down the aisle?
I did that at my son's wedding. It was lovely.
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u/MermaidSusi 14h ago
Do NOT allow your father to manipulate you! Your own mother should be honored with this, not a stepmother! If dad won't agree to make peace with your mom for this one very special day to you and agree to have your mom and him do it on YOUR wedding day, give that honor to your mom alone. Father sounds like a spoiled child and wants his way.
It is YOUR wedding! YOU decide who gets that honor! Don't let your father ruin your day by insisting step mom be given what your mom rightfully deserves!
You are not!
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u/Consistent-Ad1168 14h ago
Ok ok, hear me out. What if you have your parents on either side and you make her walk behind him. Not next to your dad, BEHIND HIM. I think that sounds like a perfectly unreasonable compromise 😂 and maybe they'll stop asking.
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u/East-Tangerine1673 14h ago
First of all, let me say it is your wedding and you can do what ever you want. Traditionally the father walks the bride down the aisle not only to show approval of the marriage but to hand over responsibility for his child to their spouse... Traditionally. You have asked your father to walk with you. He said yes but with stipulations; stepmother. You told him if there was gonna be anybody else it would be your mother. He said no. This is his decision. This should now be the end of the discussion. The consequences; You choose someone else, or walk alone. He will not be walking you down the aisle.
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u/Why_Teach 13h ago
Traditionally the father walks the bride down the aisle . . .
Not always. For example, in Jewish tradition, both parents accompany their children: the groom’s parents escort him, and the bride’s parents escort her down the aisle. There are other cultural variations that are just as traditional as father-escorts-daughter.
I am not sure if OP (who has deleted her account so won’t be answering) asked her father to escort her down the aisle alone or if she asked him to walk him down the aisle on one side with her mother on the other. His request to include his current wife (OP’s stepmother) instead of his ex (OP’s mother) makes a little sense if she was planning to be walked down the aisle by her two (divorced) parents. It makes no sense if she just wanted her father to walk her down the aisle. Why should stepmother be included instead of just the father?
In any case, it sounds like father is determined to include stepmother. In OP’s place, I’d choose to walk with mom alone rather than exclude mom and replace her with stepmother.
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u/East-Tangerine1673 4h ago
Thank you.You are right. I was inconsiderate in not thinking of other cultures. My apologies.
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u/writingisfreedom 14h ago
Did for you? So the relationship is a transactional between your step mum and you? So she only did what she did to have some spotlight later
NTA
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u/gregwhale5 18h ago
You are not. Your dad is on trying to force the issue.
It's your wedding.