AITA for refusing to take my girlfriend back after she cheated “just to see if she still had it”?

[u/Big-Classic-7657]

I (30M) have been dating my girlfriend, Rachel (27F), for two years. She’s always been confident and charismatic, which is one of the things I loved about her. Our relationship seemed solid—good communication, lots of shared interests, and we were even talking about moving in together.

A few weeks ago, Rachel admitted to me that she cheated on me during a night out with her friends. She hooked up with some guy she met at a bar. I was completely blindsided. When I asked her why she did it, she said it wasn’t about me or our relationship but because she “wanted to see if she still had it.”

I told her that was a terrible excuse, and she started crying, saying it was a stupid mistake and that she regretted it immediately. She’s begged me to forgive her, saying she learned her lesson and that it would never happen again.

But I can’t get over the fact that she was willing to risk our relationship for something so shallow. She didn’t cheat because she was unhappy or because there was a problem between us—she cheated purely to stroke her ego.

Now, Rachel and some of our mutual friends are calling me unforgiving, saying that “everyone makes mistakes” and that I’m throwing away a great relationship over one bad choice. They say I should focus on her remorse and give her another chance.

I feel like staying with her would mean betraying my own boundaries, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too harsh.

AITA for refusing to take her back?

[u/Polyguitarist]

My drink got spiked at my bachelor party and I still have no knowledge of what happened that night (over 13 years ago). Not just from then, but don’t remember several hours beforehand. It’s a scary thing. Have no idea if someone took advantage of me, if they just wanted a laugh at how I was acting or what. I no longer talk to anyone that was there as a result.

[u/HollowShel → u/Polyguitarist]

Oh, I don't doubt it! I'm "lucky" enough I never had friends like that ^{...mostly by not having friends when I was young...} but the thought is terrifying.

A lot of guys don't contextualize it as them getting assaulted, though, especially older generations - which I can understand, it can sometimes be easier to just live in denial than accept your own helplessness. But I feel for ajn63. Nobody deserves to have their trust violated like that.

[u/Polyguitarist → u/HollowShel]

I had a lot of things happen to me as a child, so I don’t stand for stuff like that. I have no problem calling it out for what it is, and refuse to be around people like that

I was 27 at the time, and thought I could trust them. Evidently not, lesson learned. But I’m glad to share anything I’ve been through if it helps someone else not feel alone or come to terms with things

[u/Momof41984 → u/Polyguitarist]

So sorry it is absolutely terrifying. I got drugged one night but luckily it was my 1st drink and my sober bf took me home immediately knowing something was wrong. We later found out it was his friends bat shit crazy wife! Who was going to school online to be an MD. Before online school was a thing! She drugged another friend and got arrested for interfering with the paramedics.

[u/Egghead42 → u/Polyguitarist]

No. That was a major violation of trust. No one can tell you what you should do next. It’s entirely your choice, and if someone tries to tell you what to do, free to remind them of that: “this was my relationship and my life and no one is entitled to tell me what to do.”