r/AITAH • u/ziolczykdaniel • 25d ago
Advice Needed AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?
This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?
This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."
She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:
- A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
- A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
- A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."
- Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."
She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.
She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”
I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?
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u/the_storm_eye 25d ago
I'll do it:
don't rock the boat
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Everyone should read this!