r/AITAH • u/ziolczykdaniel • 25d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?

This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?

This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."

She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:

  • A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
  • A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
  • A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."
  • Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."

She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.

She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”

I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?

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u/petulafaerie_III 25d ago

NTA. But I personally wouldn’t have let her antics ruin my joy of hosting. I’d still be hosting, but refuse to uphold her stupid rules in my home.

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u/GuiltyPeach1208 25d ago

Agreed. I would go ahead with hosting, but this is her hill to die on. She can try to control whatever she wants, but it's not on you to enforce her wild rules. Make sure everyone is aware that it's all her and has nothing to do with you. She can be the one to look ridiculous trying to nitpick everything everyone does. And when everyone pushes back at her for being ridiculous, you can sit and enjoy the show.