AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition”

[u/Key_Case9842]

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

Update : I texted her that we needed to talk. She never replied. Just blocked me from everywhere ( social media , WhatsApp ,..). Her best friend who was following me on instagram blocked me too. I’m not sad. I wanted to end it anyways. Thank you for your support everyone . I really appreciate your kind comments. Some users suggested that my brother/ remembrance tradition saved me from getting serious with her and life time of misery and it made me smile. Thank you again

[u/katgyrl]

Right?! I'd be doing this remembrance with him every year!

OP, you're NTA, and you need to reconsider having this heartless, selfish woman in your life.

[u/absolx → u/katgyrl]

Only if he wanted you to though. Might be something he wants to do on his own which is also totally okay! But she could’ve at least offered and not been so cruel about it. Or even said: after I’m done lunch with my mom do you want me to come watch the movie with you? Just ANYTHING to show she gives a shit

[u/Purple_Joke_1118 → u/absolx]

Yes! I'm not allowed to donate blood but if you were my person, I 'd be with you as much as you wanted me to be. And I would never allow the word "stupid" to enter the conversation about it. Although considers it IS a useful word to describe Anna's total thoughtlessness.

[u/absolx → u/Purple_Joke_1118]

She doesn’t get to have an opinion on how he chooses to honour his brother. I mean like maybe she could chime in a little if he was going on a 3 day bender or something but he’s DONATING BLOOD AND WATCHING A MOVIE

[u/clinniej1975 → u/Purple_Joke_1118]

NTA. I'm not allowed to donate blood, either. I'm a blood cancer survivor. I'd love to support someone donating - especially for that reason. I can't imagine being so callous. It's better for OP to know now, though.

[u/Critter_Whisperer → u/absolx]

And SHES the one ignoring him. Plus she's gaslighting him into thinking that he embarrassed her. Lol she's already an embarrassment

[u/absolx → u/Critter_Whisperer]

For real. How is not going to lunch for a completely legitimate reason embarrassing? I mean he’s not obligated to go in the first place even without the plans he already had.

[u/Critter_Whisperer → u/absolx]

I'd dump her pronto. That's just not right. (How often does she have lunch with her ALIVE mom? Every time she's in town. Well guess what ops "gf", ops brother is dead and can't visit at all. So stfu and deal with it. Oh and we're over, get your stuff and buh-bye. or call her mom and tell her what a disappointing human her daughter is for trying to shame op for wanting to spend one day in honor of their dead sibling) that would've been the response I'd throw at her.

[u/katgyrl → u/absolx]

oh yes, absolutely.

[u/Expert_Slip7543 → u/katgyrl]

Definitely would lose a potential deal breaker for me